#tm.

[transmacks]

and when macklin gets on his knees in front of ostapchuk then whattttt. in the middle of the locker room theres still people milling about but nobody’s gonna question macklin and osty gets kinda flustered like heyy whatre you doing down there but macklin just stares at him and then stares at his crotch like hes asking osty to get on with it even though hes the one that initiated

[transmacks]

macklin who doesn’t like seeing himself as small and dainty (due to repressed urges and toxic masculinity and always being the youngest and the one looked at most) noticing his on-ice chemistry with cherny (taller, bigger, russian*) going… maybe i can indulge maybe i can have it just once. seeing as this is temporary and thus isnt truly real. and then having to painfully realize that nobody has direct telepathic access to his brain and he can’t just go to cherny and say “please 🥺” and have all his fantasies fulfilled at once. cherny patiently having to draw every desire out of macklin’s mouth one word at a time cause he wants to understand what the fuck is going on and it makes macklin regret this idea more and more but cherny has his arms on macklin’s sides asking him whats up and he cant run cant leave his lightning speed pulse is about to consume his entire being but if theres one thing he knows he cant do its back down.

[mspmonroe]

*

[kralovna-ne-stesti]

Nemám tušení, kde budeme v zimě.

...bože, já nemám ani tušení, kde budeme, až skončí srpen...

[kralovna-ne-stesti]

Včera za úplňku jsem viděla obličejík v mracích a v noci se mi zdálo, ze už tam jsme.

[the-six-realms]

1,500 words on chapter 18 so far. 350 written today.

Fastnacht day is tomorrow. Work is going to suck today. Debating going by bus or foot. I have ten minutes to decide.

[ffffffffffffffffffffyuksid]

time heals everything and i’m already feeling better.

it was nice to spend some time with yeji. i worried the most about getting to see her when me and hongjoong officially made the mutual decision to avoid one another. he threatened the idea of cutting me out of her life to prioritise her mum quite a few times, and so the fact that we got to spend some time together has reassured me that yeji gets to stay in my life. that has given me a lot of calm and kept my head firmly strapped on. 

i still feel hurt about losing him. i can’t exactly work out why because it’s not as if we just broke up, but i think that the pain of all this drama and bad blood has reminded me of how horrible our break up was. i think that subconsciously i was getting my hopes up for us to sort our shit out and eventually end up back together. i have since cut my hopes and packed them away. i don’t want to wish for anything for a long while.

i am sleeping with taeyong frequently, and i’m deep in the shit. i kinda thought that post hj that i would maybe wait at least a week or so before i started to develop feelings for somebody new, but as i said. i am done trying to hope for anything.. and my brain is a backstabbing little fucker. taeyong is soft and beautiful and he says i’m smart and he calls me nice names. we talk all day every day and the sex is incredible. i feel very attached to him and at this stage i think it’s definitely too late to reject the feelings of attachment i have towards him. 

nor do i want to, actually.

me and taemin aren’t sleeping together any longer, which i think is for the best. me and him don’t understand each other at all, and i don’t think we’re the most compatible people in the world. i still love and care for him regardless and i want nothing but the best for him - superm tour is coming up soon and i’m really excited to irritate him nonstop the entire time. he is still my hyung and i still adore him and i wish nothing but the best for him and his new partner. 

ten is my best friend and i would simply cease to feel any sort of joy without him. i know that sounds dramatic but i need him. i’m so happy with him in my life. things are looking up because i have him.