#tmht3

[whoamiandy]

When one alter fronts and starts talking to SO many people all at once and actively posting and commenting on things~

😜🤪🥳

The severely socially anxious and cptsd riddled main host watching what’s going on and what the body is doing that she’ll have to deal with fix later~

👁👄👁

[whoamiandy]

Finding out an alter is blonde when there’s kinda always been an aversion internally to blondes—

And then realizing the alter holds trauma emotions and then I t all

Hits

[whoamiandy]

I think the hardest part of applying for disability is the part where as soon as someone hears about it,

They instantly feel the need to devalue my worth as a person:

Either by asking me whats ‘wrong’ with me and why I need to apply,

Or by saying only ‘lazy’ people apply

Or by shutting me down and saying I need to suck it up and work, that I must not be trying hard enough.

This leads me to debate my own health and safety, about if I’m maybe just too lazy or too much of a wimp to do anything.

A debate with myself- about my own health, and my own personal safety- about if maybe I’m just over exaggerating.

Why are you understanding only when I tell you what’s wrong, what’s happened, what fills my nightmares and days with anxiety, pain, and fear?

Why is it not enough to need help?

Why is it not enough to ask for support?

Why do you need to judge me for things I cannot control, for things I cannot help, and for things that you have already deemed as bad or lazy?

I shouldn’t have to be someone you pity or feel ashamed of knowing in order to ask for help or support.

[whoamiandy]

Feeling a little good about the body at the moment I suppose?

[whoamiandy]

Wow, so...

Not only am I in therapy to deal with my mental health problems, PTSD, and other shit,

But I'm actively in recovery for substance use, and just got a mentor, and I'm possibly going to be an AltGSR (Vice President type thing of the group)

And now I'm feeling like I may start to be liking myself? And the way I look?

Miracles DO happen

[whoamiandy]

Why did I ever come back to Iowa? Why did I ever decide to even try anything new.

Why do I keep finding myself so damn alone and there's nothing I can do about it, even when I try my best. It's like I'm just a damn failure not worth anything more than hurting people and being left alone. I'm so fucking tired.

[whoamiandy]

Finally doing something about my life, and how unhappy I’ve been the last year of my life.

I’m almost three months sober now, I’m making plans for college, and also making plans for getting out of the abusive and toxic relationship I’ve found myself in for the last year of my life.

I’m terrified, but I know I want better for myself, and I want to see reflected in the people who love me, the same amount of love for myself.

Fucking here we go 2021

[whoamiandy]

I’m going to be deleting all of/most of my social media accounts in the next week.

If someone would like to get ahold of me who knows me irl or would like to stay in touch, feel free to shoot me a message 👍🏻

Otherwise- it was nice knowing everyone, and I’ll still keep my tumblr account active, just deleting the apps and will use my computer when I need to.