#tmtf

[mediumtires]

final part of seven years coming today 🥲

[drchenquill]

The Memories of The Future

~Wip intro~

German and English cover

[Genre: Fantasy/Adventure/Comedy]

Synopsis

Sophie is an easily excitable, cheerful young girl. She lives with her aunt after her parents tragically passed away. Unfortunately, she doesn't remember much about them since she was just a baby. Her aunt and her Border Collie, Pepper, are the only ones Sophie has in her heart, and she'll spend the rest of her life with them. The only problem with her idyllic life is that little old Sophie has the attention span of a squirrel and its hyperactivity. She misplaces, forgets, runs around, misplaces again, and those silly dreams and sudden flashes don't help. Also, who is this tall man who suddenly appears and claims that Sophie has visions? No, those are not visions, she just has a very vivid imagination, right?

Characters

Sophie

Can't Stop The Feeling!

I got this feeling inside my bones It goes electric, wavy when I turn it on All through my city, all through my home We're flying up, no ceiling, when we're in our zone

I got that sunshine in my pocket Got that good soul in my feet I feel that hot blood in my body when it drops I can't take my eyes up off it Moving so phenomenally Room on lock the way we rock it So don't stop

BANG!

Man, I'm up to something (up to something) Ooh de la de do, thank you all for coming (all for coming) I hope you like the show 'Cause it's on a budget (on a budget) So ooh de la de do Yeah, come on, here we go Yeah, come on (Here we go)

So put your best face on everybody Pretend you know this song Everybody come hang (come hang) Let's go out with a bang Bang! Bang! Bang!

Azul

Wasabi

Stick like toffee, sip like coffee Wake up, change your mind and drop me Love to hate me, crazy, shady Spit me out like hot wasabi Lick me up, I'm sweet and salty Mix it up and down my body Love to hate me, praise me, shame me Either way you talk about me

Gasoline

Are you high enough without the Mary Jane like me? Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me? Do the people whisper 'bout you on the train like me? Saying that you shouldn't waste your pretty face like me? And all the people say You can't wake up, this is not a dream You're part of a machine, you are not a human being With your face all made up, living on a screen Low on self-esteem, so you run on gasoline

[All pictures taken from Pinterest]

[teachmetofreedive]

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[aquadonia]

Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths, Enwrought with golden and silver light, The blue and the dim and the dark cloths Of night and light and the half light, I would spread the cloths under your feet: But I, being poor, have only my dreams; I have spread my dreams under your feet; Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.

William Butler Yeats , ‘Aedh Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven’, first published in 1899

[mediumtires]

Through Me (The Flood) - Seven

Here we are - the final chapter before the epilogue. It is quite possibly my most dearest chapter ever ever ever. Take it as a little Christmas treat (or, if you don't celebrate, a holiday treat, or simply... a treat).

I can't believe we're this close to the end now. What a ride. Need to get my bearings for the epilogue in a little while.

I love these old men so much and all of you beyond belief. I'm forever indebted to you all; these fics saved me in so many ways. but for now all i will say is merry christmas, all my love forever <3

[mediumtires]

Through Me (The Flood) - Six

“Hey.” Christian doesn’t nudge him, doesn’t press the tip of his foot to Toto’s, but he wants to. “You alright?”

Toto is too quiet. Hasn’t said a word since they boarded, was quiet all through dinner, and now he’s sitting with his head turned to the window, one arm across his chest, one hand on his chin, too serious to just be watching the sun slowly set on the horizon. Christian can’t quite place his mood, but it looks like something along the lines of regret, maybe.

[mediumtires]

Through Me (The Flood) - Five

The walls don’t swallow Christian whole. He wishes they would, but they don’t.

Instead, December passes, and Christmas comes and goes, and Christian is forced to go back to something that was before Toto.

Short nights and late mornings, no sleep, take out, if he remembers to eat at all. He tries to go for a run once, tries to get himself up and moving, has Flav leashed up already, before he finds himself shaky in the hallway, breath coming short and sharp, and he doesn’t even manage to open the door, just goes back to bed.

[mediumtires]

Ok Ok...Ok, I'll try to explain. Toto’s reactions, for example in the first chapters, like asking if Christian got aroused with the other person... then in this chapter being afraid to kiss him because he doesn’t know if it will feel the same, or showing his obvious anger because he doesn’t understand, “how could Christian think someone else could give him something better than this?” That’s not just sadness or anger... it’s the fear of losing the exclusivity he believes he has with Christian. It’s a deep jealousy, mixed with that possessive and dominant side that can’t accept that someone else might have been as close to Christian as he is.

It’s as if Toto’s jealousy isn’t just about losing Christian, but about losing that exclusivity, that intimate bond that, to him, should belong only to him. His jealousy is a mix of fear, insecurity, and possessiveness... a desire to control and protect what he feels is his, and to keep Christian just for himself, both emotionally and physically.

And I don’t honestly think Toto is using sex as a weapon — like some people say.

What I think is that it’s his jealousy speaking for him. Because after the ecstasy, when everything seems calm, that thought hits him like a stab:

someone else was here.

someone else touched this.

someone else made him feel good.

And that idea eats away at him. It breaks him again.

I’m not saying the betrayal doesn’t hurt... of course it does... but what screams the loudest in him isn’t the pain… it’s the jealousy. The very idea that someone touched something he still feels is his completely unravels him.

Sorry if I'm being very redundant🥲

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh brother. oh you’ve gone and done it anon. i thank you for your service, i can log off now.

i’m actually so glad you expanded on your previous ask because i’ve got a lot to say about this and i need my toto defenders in my corner for this one cause there’s a lot more to come. like. A Lot. so let me try to comment without giving too much away. jesus.

toto is one stubborn possessive motherfucker but he’s godawful at voicing his feelings, especially when he already feels betrayed. looking back, he’s never really been mature about handling big overwhelming emotions and this often translates into behaviours that are. not so great. think smashing headphones etc but also people have commented on the way he sometimes uses emotional and sexual intimacy as a weapon against christian.

i’ve actually been meaning to make a post about this since a lot of people commented on the way the last chapter ended and some of you mentioned the parallel to the scene in Growing Pains where toto essentially leaves christian hanging with no warning (“that’s what losing the championship felt like”). so here goes!

would i say he deliberately targets moments of intimacy to hurt christian? no, not on purpose. i don’t believe he enters these situations with the intention of causing harm. but he IS catastrophically bad at having feelings. especially now.

personally i think there are important distinctions between the two scenes. yes he does say some harsh things and leaves right after they had sex BUT bear in mind this was also the first time they’d been intimate again after slowly rebuilding trust and emotional closeness in the chapters leading up to it. the ship was very much steering (and being steered) in this direction by choice, by both of them. and it accumulated in toto coming to seek comfort from the one person who - as you said anon - is both his safe haven AND the root cause of his pain. that’s the difficult thing to navigate and that’s where toto’s conflict lies - the lines are blurring together for him, his wants and needs, his anger, his confusion, and he has no idea how to get out of it anymore, he doesn’t know how to get to what he wants.

the vulnerability he’d established with christian - and ONLY with christian - now feels too raw and too dangerous. to toto, christian has lost the privilege of seeing that side of him. so he keeps him at a distance - doesn’t talk about his feelings, hides behind anger, pretends he doesn’t care. every now and then we get to see inside, like in the hotel room when he cries or indirectly, like with the Bernie situation. but he can’t look christian in the eye and say anything real to him anymore (…that he’s hurt or in pain or that he misses him).

that said. he obviously knows this and he does try. there are moments, like before and during the kiss in bed, when he lets christian see him again, even though it’s not very long lasting which shows how much work there is yet to be done. cause the next time he really sees christian again is when he walks in on him because he’s convinced he’s cheating again. so there’s clearly zero trust, he’s absolutely terrified of being hurt again, he’s unwilling to give christian even an inch of trust and to him all of his pretences feel justified.

the real point is that neither of them knows how to navigate this mess, because their relationship has never been in this position before. there’s no trust to fall back on, no exclusivity anymore, no guarantees, and it’s debilitating, especially when their whole connection used to be built on exactly that. and i think toto forgets sometimes. he wants closeness with christian so badly that he gives in to what feels good in the moment, only for his brain to switch back on mid-way to go “no no no actually. this isn't what we practiced. this isn't what we said we would do, this isn't the mask we wanted to wear, we don’t want him this close remember.” and that’s when everything blows up. he convinces himself that he can handle it because he so desperately wants it to be true but he can’t sustain it because he’s just not ready.