#toby about.

[denisehq]

[denisehq]

I’ve broken my nose twice. Would have been three times, but someone has soft baby hands and couldn’t get the job done correctly. Still a pretty epic story though. I’ll save that for another video maybe.

I play a lot of instruments. Piano. Drums. Ukulele. Kazoo. I mostly stick to my acoustic guitar though. You know, for the street cred and the opportunity to play Wonderwall ad nauseam.

I went to IHOP four times in one day. 

I’ve liked unicorns forever. They’re my favorite animal. 

I know the entire dance to Lip Gloss by Lil Mama. 

I almost exclusively wear Converse, but I do have some dope ass Docs that I’ll rock for special occasions.

I have six denim jackets. All themed slightly different. I may or may not have a pin/patch problem. I mean, a bigger problem is how often my jackets are “borrowed” but it is what it is. 

You know that scene in Cabin in the Woods where that dude gets impaled by a unicorn’s horn? That’s how I wanna go. That, or like… suffocating between a really nice pair of boobs.

I am, in fact, six feet tall, but I have the worst fucking posture ever so it probably looks like less. Tall boy problems, am I right? 

My cat, Mercutio, was 100% named after the character in Romeo and Juliet. 

I was in Drama Club, Choir, and Band in high school. Triple nerd threat. 

I graduated with high honors in high school and am currently living that “C’s make degrees” life in college. Just kidding. 

I have already met my soulmate and her name is Aliyah and she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Leggo.

I feel like I tend to fall into relationships with people that either a.) cheat on me or b.) aren’t entirely emotionally available. 

I skateboard sometimes. One of my boards has a girl with a bikini on it, but her head is a cat. It’s pretty awesome. 

I love violent, campy movies. The gorier the better. 

I’ve seen Hoobastank live about 11 times. 

I’ve never met my birth mom, and I low-key don’t care to. 

I never get just one flavor of Slurpee at 7/11. I gotta have a mix. 

The word “breakfast” gets me hard. Also “free.”

I’ve never dyed my hair. Au natural, baby. Plus, bleach is not really a thing I wanna fuck with.

I have two piercings on each ear, and a piercing on my right eyebrow. Opposite of the side of my face where my mole is because we gotta think about symmetry. 

My metabolism is fast as fuck. I’m eternally hungry, I swear. 

One of my favorite movie scenes is from the movie, Legend, where Tom Cruise’s character takes this princess he’s trying to bang to see a unicorn. It’s actually really beautifully shot. Movie’s fucking weird though. But I’m weird, so it’s fine. 

I have probably a total of 10 selfies on my phone, if that. But Aliyah is constantly taking pictures of my ass, so I kinda don’t need to. Which is a good thing, I don’t need to see my face in my camera roll.

I have the biggest crush on Paloma Mami. She’s super hot. I would definitely learn Spanish for her. Soy un gringo enamorado. 

I am still not sure what kind of lawyer I want to be. I just know I want to feel like I make a difference somehow? I dunno. 

I am very into British alt rock. I feel like I always kind of get into phases with my music, but right now, that’s where it’s at. Such a vibe. 

I haven’t recorded a video of me singing for YouTube in a hot ass minute because I kind of fell off the music thing for a while, but I’m on the come up. Keep an eye out for that shit. 

I have a very convincing “I’m sick. I can’t come into work” voice. 

My socks almost never match. Could be because I get dressed in the dark, but who knows. 

I use WAY too much scent-booster when I do laundry, but I can’t help it. I like smelling clean. Besides, smelling like laundry is better than smelling like sweaty balls. Take note, fellas. 

I bounce my leg when I’m anxious. Mess with my hair. Bite at my lip. Hard for me to stay still unless I’m listening to or playing music. 

I’ll talk to anyone. I don’t give a fuck. Strangers don’t intimidate me. 

I LOVE parties. No matter what kind. I’m there. I love being invited to shit and someone’s plus-one. 

I’m still waiting on someone to genetically engineer weed so it smells and tastes like fruit punch.

I know how to swim but, like, really badly. I can swim to shore but I’m gonna look real stupid doing it. Doggie paddle for life. 

I’m really near-sighted. And before you roast me, I do have glasses, but I really hate wearing them. I’ll only bring those jokers out if it’s a last resort. Meanwhile, catch me squinting like it’s going out of style.

There was a conversation I had with Brady where I said I’d fuck the Grinch, and he’s never let me live that down. In my defense, The Grinch has a big heart, and that’s sexy as hell. 

I can grow a mean beard. Just wait until No-Shave November.

I am not very flexible. You’d think with my long ass arms, I’d be able to touch my toes, but nope. 

I have this phrase I use a lot? “Can’t wait to nut.” And ’m trying my fucking hardest to get my sister, Rachel, to say it. Just because it would be funny as fuck. 

I am very ticklish. Stevie and Aliyah use that shit against me all the time. 

One time, I straight up rubbed a dryer sheet through my hair to smell as fresh as possible for my morning class, because I was a dumbass and fell asleep in my clothes when I was studying and was already late as hell. I like to think it worked. 

A lot of my bongs are from Etsy. It’s not exactly common to find unicorn-inspired shit in-store. Support your local artists.

I look up to my sisters and my dads a lot more than they probably realize. 

I don’t wear socks when I sleep.

My favorite kind of cake is the Funfetti kind. 

I don’t have a middle name, but if I did. I’d probably want something cool. Edgy. Like… Ace. I used to name all my action figures that when I was younger. Not sure why. 

I really want the band I started to be something big. Kind of embarrassing to say, but I’d really fucking love that. Surrounded by my friends, making music? I really can’t think of anything better. 

[denisehq]

What was it like, growing up with two dads?

I’m not saying I had the most conventional upbringing, but it felt normal to me, you know? I didn’t feel weird on Mother’s Day and I didn’t care when I couldn’t go to mother-son dances in elementary school. I dunno. My dads love me and my sisters. I never felt I was missing out, even after they got divorced and I had to split my time between them. 

[denisehq]

[denisehq]

New Message To [email protected], [email protected] Subject Yoooooooo daddios

Hey Dad and Pops,

Just thought I’d check in and tell you I love you and miss you. School’s been alright. I’m not flunking out or anything crazy. Don’t worry. That’s not why I’m writing. And I’m not asking for money or anything either. Chill. Just wanted to give you guys a check-in. Formally. In writing. Even though I know you guys love “The FaceTime.” Anyway, the internship’s going pretty well, I think. It’s a lot of busywork. Running around. Getting coffee. Which I expected, but at least there’s a lot of dope people around. 

Yes, I’m making friends. No, I don’t have a girlfriend or boyfriend. And no, you aren’t going to be grandparents again anytime soon. At least not from me. Nope. Tobias Berry is keeping his nose in the books and going full speed into Lonerville. Just kidding. Lucky’s been trying to set me up with the entire California population, so I’m sure I’ll go on a date or something soon. Who knows. 

Oh! Thanks for sending over my old jacket by the way, Pops. My main one got kind of stolen. Well. Not stolen per se. Just... borrowed indefinitely. Also, If any of you happen to find my notebook. The one with the Lisa Frank stickers all over it? I can’t remember which house I left it in--but whoever finds it, could you could pretty please send it to me? It has some lyrics and stuff I think I can use, because I may or may not be starting up a band!!! I’ll keep you posted! So if you see a Facebook page about lubed vegetables that’s me, okay? Don’t be alarmed. 

Okay, I gotta leave for class. I will talk to you both very soon. And I promise not to run into any more telephone poles with my face. 

Love your favorite son, Toby

[denisehq]

[denisehq]

[denisehq]