notes: so i litterly sent this as a request to someone but also got inspired lol :0
a chaotic night in tokyo leads to a diary mix-up between you and michael jackson—what he finds inside yours changes everything.
you didn’t even see him coming.
one second you were weaving through the Shibuya scramble, clutching your journal to your chest as the crowd surged, and the next...
crash.
screams.
flashbulbs.
the sound of shoes pounding pavement. people were stomping on each other to get closer to something or someone.
someone important.
you were shoved sideways, barely catching yourself before your journal flew from your grip.
another body slammed into yours at full force. for a split second, a pair of eyes, dark, wide, startled, met yours.
a scarf slipped. a hood was tugged lower. He was gone as quickly as he’d appeared.
neither of you noticed the books on the ground.
not until you were blocks away, safe in your hotel room, settling in to write.
you opened it.
froze.
this wasn’t your handwriting.
Michael’s POV
it had been his second-to-last night in Tokyo. the show was electric! sweat and velvet, screaming fans, lights like stars exploding.
but something didn’t feel right.
he got offstage, hands still shaking from adrenaline, and reached for his journal.
it wasn’t there.
he checked the floor. the dressing table. his bag.
instead, he found a smaller notebook. soft, worn edges. a doodle of a blue heart in the corner.
his heartbeat kicked up.
he flipped it open.
the handwriting was small and curved and alive. It spoke in hopes. messy emotions. half-thoughts. travel observations. a soft kind of loneliness.
-----
"i don’t think I’ve ever felt this many people in one place before. It’s like I’m invisible and seen at the same time. Mizuki Hotel’s kind of pretty though…"
-> y/n
10/3/1987
----
he read it once.
twice.
a memory hit him. skin brushed his in a rush, a scent like warm sugar and sunlight, eyes that lingered even when the moment was gone.
his scarf felt too tight all of a sudden.
he stood.
no security. no entourage.
just the scarf tugged up, shades on, and your journal pressed to his chest like it could lead him home.
back in your room, your chest was tight. you couldn’t stop reading.
every line in his journal felt like a secret you weren’t supposed to know. some were short, like poetry scribbled between soundchecks.
some were heartbreakingly honest.
----
"i think people love the version of me that doesn’t exist. The version that’s always smiling."
-> applehead
08/15/1987
----
your stomach twisted.
it didn’t feel like you were reading about a pop star. it felt like you were reading about a boy who just wanted to be.
and then… a knock.
you blinked.
another knock,softer this time.
you cracked the door open.
a guy stood there, scarf up, shades on. you knew exactly who it was.
your throat dried.
“I think we… swapped,” he said, voice low, kind of unsure.
you held up his journal like a peace offering. “I didn’t mean to read it.”
he shook his head. “neither did I. But I’m glad I did.”
there was a beat.
then: “can I come in?”
you nodded, stepping back.
you sat by the window. He stood by the table, fingers trailing the edge of the journal like it held something holy.
“i started writing in yours,” he said suddenly, half a laugh under his breath. “not because i meant to… i just couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
he looked up, voice softer now.
“felt like i knew you already. like your words found me first.”
you looked up.
he opened it. found the folded page he’d written.
you saw me. not the lights. not the mask. just… me. thank you.
And in the corner, scrawled like a secret:
P.S. I think I’d still be looking for you even if we hadn’t switched books.
you looked at him. at the boy under the Burberry scarf. at the moonlight brushing his cheek through the balcony glass.
your hand found his before you could think.
he didn’t let go.
~ fin
tokischaaaa hablas: hellur, im back bc im mad at the estate, i hope yall enjoy im so mad at the estate ok bye, live laugh love apple head :))
synopsis: reader and Isaac had a 3-month talking stage — hanging out, smoking, mutual feelings there, but nothing happened because they were both too pussy.
Before anything could flourish, reader ghosted him, not for no reason, but because her avoidant attachment and fear made her push him away to protect him (and herself).
2months and 30+ missed texts later, at 3 a.m., she can’t hide how she feels anymore.
recurring night terrors, a shitty job, and life falling apart leave her with nothing to control except her own accountability for her actions. so she finally replies, knowing she sabotaged something real, and that pushing Isaac away hurt her more than it seemed it would have helped.
ring ... ring.... ring!
”what” Isaac responded coldly,
“isaac, just give me a minute of your time.” yn pleaded.
“it’s 3 in the fucking morning yn, plus you went ghost on me for months, why should i give you any time.”
“i understand that I just wanna explain myself, that’s all. you can block me after or wtv I just need to get this out to you.”
silence filled the call, yn decided to take the initiative to resume her reasoning behind her silence treatment towards him.
isaac had undone something in yn.
usually, she made her emotional walls impossibly high, ensuring no man could ever break through or get close to her.
but Isaac, with his shitty jokes and charm, had gotten through her.
in a perfect world, those things would produce results of a flattered yn, but unfortunately, all of that charm scared the shit out of her.
because (at least to yn’s troubled mind) the idea of anyone able to really make her feel so loved, cherished, and actually important meant they were bound to betray her one in the end.
futhermore, yn couldn’t let that happen, especially being an adult, who paid her own bills, provided for herself and her old black cat, Coco.
she couldn’t afford mentally or physically falling and losing her freedom or self for anyone.
“But I didn’t even overstep or suggest I’d do that for you.” Isaac paused, “I mean, I wouldn’t mind to, but I would never want to put you in a possible dilemma like that,” he admitted.
yn took a deep breath, “I know… I knew that the whole time, but my head always replayed these thoughts no matter how many times I'd try to rebuke them w memories of our hangouts.”
she could hear issac scoff, his disbelief loud and clear.
she continued, “like when my car broke down on the way back from hanging at your place w the guys all day. Oh my god, and you had on those fuck ass ray bands .. and, I swear I felt your eyes on me the whole time. like a hawk, but like one that’s always high.”
isaac interrupted, “ahem , you’re point was to critique my outfits at 3am??”
“my bad, after that meet up, when my car broke down. i don’t exactly remember what made me call you when that happened, but it felt right. i knew i made the right decision when you immediately asked if i was okay, and not scolding me on my lack of awareness of gas in my tank.”
isaac stayed silent, yn gulped and continued her recollection of the spontaneous call,
“i think it was also the fact that you stayed on the call even though you were having to edit a group chat vlog and still editing ltlvc5. The fact you stayed on, checked in with me, and made me laugh in such a dumb situation all on me. made me feel like me, still. not little, not big, just made me still feel like me.”
yn cringed at isaac’s silence, regretting her decision to dial his number.
issac sighed, “i don’t get what happened then, with us, with you… i mean i do but like i don’t.”
“bruh did you hear anything i said.”
isaac responded mocking yn’s tone, holding his nose, “bruh did you hear anything I said?”
he continued, “Of course I did yn, but I just don’t understand— I think I'm just trying to process it.”
“yeah, I hear you.”
the two pondered on what to say next,
“isaac,”
“mhm”
“i’m sorry… im sorry for pushing you away, you never deserved that, you deserved nothing but the best because you’re so fucking generous, funny, charming, amazing and I just treated you like shit. you never at any time deserved that and i’m so fuckin sorry.” she said, swallowing hard against the sharp tension in her throat.
silence filled the call once again, each second passing hurting yn’s remaining pride more and more.
an ac turning on the other line could be heard faintly.
yn decided that since she said everything she had to, and Isaac was... silent, it was time to end the call.
Accidentally letting out a sniff, she hovered her finger over the red end call button, pressing it, but as she was about to let it end, Isaac said sternly, “Where are you right now?”
yn slowly and carefully slid her finger away from the beaming red button. still stunned by Isaac’s question.
“..outside of an abandoned Sonic,” she said sheepishly.
“Why aren’t you inside your apartment?”
“I don’t wanna talk abt it,” she said, copying his stern voice.
“You can call me at night after months of no contact and admit to me you self-sabotaged, but now you can’t tell me why you’re not home??”
yn bit her lip before answering his demanding question.
“Night terrors isaac, no nightmare shit, I’m saying terrors. scary shit, all the gore shit you get in your DMs, all of that in my head. I can’t stay in my room after that happens; it’s impossible to go back to sleep.”
“How long?”
“months.”
“3 months?”
“something like that”
silence once again. yn could hear car keys jingle,
“There’s something you’re not telling me, feels like you’re hiding something else, you’re scaring me,” he said in anger.
“Isaac.”
The only thing she was hiding was how much she missed him. how the words “come back to me" flooded her head, all she missed was his presence, his voice, his loud laugh, his genuine kindness.
“No, it’s night. this is weird shit, are you at the Sonic next to the walmart?”
yn didn’t want to respond to the obvious question.
“yn...” he warned,
“Yes.” yn sighed.
isaac’s ended the call abruptly after her confirmation.
He’d need silence to leave the house without disturbing the others.
As soon as he slid out the front and turned on the ignition, the feeling in his gut he’d felt when with yn reignited, but now with a deeper feeling making his chest feel tighter than ever.
he opened his phone and sent stay put, to yn.
He wanted to see her. he needed to.
It broke him to hear yn admit these thoughts that prevented her from responding to his check-ins, game pigeons, missed calls, all of it.
though her explanation of the sudden ghost was slightly surprising, he wasn’t a stranger to having these same thoughts too.
He was just shocked that her thoughts got the best of her. They took her completely away from him, from what they could’ve been.
“I should’ve asked her to be mine that last time, fuck.” Isaac said under his breath whilst his engine revved up.
yn, now blinded by the tears streaming down her face, was completely shattered...
Guilt filled her mind; she wanted to push it away, but it was no use.
Her brain was so exhausted, whilst her heart was so anxious that Isaac’s order to stay put would be the best decision for her overall well-being.
yns legs were to her chest with her head in between, she lay as silent sobs poured out.
As she moved her dominant hand to turn the music dial, an attempt to steer her mind away from more self-ridicule, 'Come Back to Me' by Janet Jackson started playing.
The initial second of the song, revealing the vocal harmony of the underrated 80s ballad, immediately made yn start crying harder.
The harmony, so nostalgic and beautiful, and somehow relatable, made her drop her head back down to her chest.
She heard a tapping on her window. Much to her relief, it wasn't a dangerous stranger, but rather a shabbily dressed Isaac standing outside her car.
“fuck” she sighed and weakly pressed the unlock key on her side.
Isaac immediately opened the door and attacked her in a hug, having her head in his chest and his big arms around her.
her sobs were harder than before, “i’m so sorry.” she managed to get out after a few rough inhales.
Isaac reached his hand over to unbuckle her seatbelt and placed his hand in hers.
She automatically held his hand tight, wanting to memorize the veins and calluses she once remembered hearing him complain about to her over the phone long ago.
an odd detail, but one she’d sworn never to forget.
he led her to stand outside the car, but her face was still in his chest, looking down, too ashamed to look up at him.
“yn..”
“No,” she said flatly, muffled.
He sucked his teeth in response to the girl's stubbornness, which he did in fact miss more than he’d admit.
He placed his free hand in her hair, careful not to mess up her curls, but placed it where he’d be able to wrap his finger around the curls without hurting her.
“Please, look at me,” he asked once more, patient, not obliging.
She slowly lifted her head up, chin resting on his chest. her eyes shut tight, her face reddening by the second.
Isaac couldn’t help but smirk at yn’s persistence to keep avoiding him. “silly ol’ yn”. Isaac said in a high-pitched voice.
This earned him a scoff from yn, momentarily stopping the tears from pouring down her cheeks.
“You’re not funny, Isaac,” yn said, clenching her jaw to suppress a smile from spreading on her face and cracking under pressure from Isaac’s embrace.
“ok party pooper,” Isaac said, taking a hand momentarily off of yn's waist to boop her on the nose, “tell me what’s actually been going on.”
yn sniffed and let it all go to Isaac. She told him how a new higher up at work had recently taken a liking to yn so much that he shoved all his duties in her hands.
And due to that higher ups position and according to her ego, she couldn’t have asked anyone for assistance with the issue and would have to just manage these new tasks as she would her own.
“That got you stressed bad, huh?” Isaac asked, never once leaving her face, even tho she still kept her eyes closed shut.
“mhm,” yn responded, her voice cracking.
Isaac’s embrace tightened around her. he placed his head in the crook of her neck, staying silent, giving yn the cue to take her time and continue when she’s ready.
yn swallowed, “and that’s where less sleep came in to play, more stress, less calm, and the night terrors came along with that not so healthy mixture.”
“And Isaac, these night terrors weren’t just once a night. They’d come at multiple times at night, and they’d be full of horrible shit,” yn admitted, her fist instinctively clenching behind Isaac’s back.
isaac waited a moment to ask, what kind of horrible shit she was seeing in her dreams at night.
“gore; violence, all the stuff.” yn held back for a moment before admitting what the most recent one contained.
“and the most recent one had you in it,” isaac’s eyes widened, he lifted his head quickly from yns shoulder.
Before he could ask what happened, she beat him to the chase. her eyelids clinching harder,
she recounted the horrific dream. Isaac was in a vulnerable state, crying out to her, “Why’d you leave?” and he was all wounded from either an accident or something else.
The face that she saw in that dream broke her. His eyes looked so real in this dream, it scared her to her core.
not just because isaac was so seriously wounded, but because she felt the dreams’ plot was fueled by her internal guilt of cutting Isaac off.
“Is that what made you call me tonight?”
“not entirely,” yn said, slowly opening her eyes to meet isaac’s.
“I’ve lost control of a lot of things the past few months, I keep losing battles every day, and I realized that I have no control over a lot of things as much as I once thought I could. But I knew, and know that one thing I could control was my accountability and acceptance that I fucked up.”
She continued, “I fucked up so bad isaac, and my own mind wouldn’t let me be without feeling such guilt for doing that to you.”
yn had to close her eyes again and put her head back on his chest. The confession too much for her brain, already in pain from lack of sleep.
Isaac lifted her chin, making her look up and open her eyes to meet his.
“You know that you’re not the first to have those thoughts, like deciding to stay on the grind not to lose yourself.”
The tall man continued, “I’ve had that several times, I've pushed the guys out. shut them out, not on purpose but because I didn’t want to let them down.”
“But you live with them, of course, you’ll have to speak to them then,” yn said, wondering how Isaac would be able to hide from his friends/roommates.
“Yeah, but I managed to sneak around and have minimal interaction with them. But one day they sat me all down, I had been smoking a little too much, trying to block out the lack of sleep, and constant pondering thoughts. They noticed and let me know that they were there for a reason. to support, not to abandon me in my thoughts.”
“I see,” she said, steadying her breathing with Isaac’s heartbeat in her ear.
“yn let me give you support, like actually. let me help you.”
“You’ve been doing that, though.”
“i know, but i think if I say it verbally this time, it’ll help you.”
“why’d you do this?”
“Because I care about you.”
“still? even after my dick behavior?”
“Yes, especially after your dick behavior.”
yn scoffed, not wanting to believe Isaac’s words.
“yn, you're admitting this to me. owning up to your own shortcomings takes balls. big balls. something I couldn’t even do, and you’re doing all this on your own, that’s big.”
He continued, “And I understand why you pushed me away. But you’re not in this alone. I'm here to help, not hurt.”
yn melted in his words, his sincerity. These are all the words yn needed to hear during this rough patch, he said.
“Thank you isaac.”
“No, thank you…and I’m sorry.”
“sorry for what?”
“for not showing you how much you mean to me.”
“You did, though!” yn quipped instantly, remembering all the times Isaac listened to her rants, made her laugh when things were cloudy, even when he had her favorite drink in the passenger cup holder whenever he picked her up.
“did I?” Isaac said in a false, dumbfounded voice.
“bruh—!” yn scoffed, quickly hushed by Isaac's lips on hers.
her lips immediately connected with his, the contact serving as evidence of their unbreakable bond. Their lips fit together perfectly.
a small, broken sound escaped the back of Isaac’s throat, a sound of surrender and relief; finally feeling the solace of being connected to yn in the way he had dreamed about for longer than he’d care to admit.
meanwhile, yn didn't want to break away from Isaac’s soft lips, craving a few more moments to savor the feeling she had craved for so long.
His hands slipped up her back, forcing them together until there was no space left. Isaac swung her legs over his hips, dragging her onto his lap in the driver's seat.
He needed this, needed her. The agony of her being emotionally unreachable for so long had taken a toll on him (and his manhood).
he had spent countless nights imagining how he’d remind her of what she meant to him if given the chance.
As they pulled apart, yn caressed his face, tracing the features she had missed so deeply. She brushed a finger over his lips, lingering.
when their eyes met, a flush rose in both their cheeks, making them glance away shyly, like teenagers.
while she was straddling him, his gaze followed the line of his own hands, which were tightly anchored around her waist, his thumbs moving in slow, worshipping motions.
yn melted under his touch, ambushing his neck with warm kisses, arching closer, and anchoring herself to him. The movement earned a sharp moan from them both.
Isaac let out a sigh against her chest. "I hope I did now, though," he whispered.
She paused, her lips leaving his neck. “Huh?"
"Show you how much you mean to me," he said, blushing deeply.
yn smirked, “I think I’ll be the judge of that.” and gave isaac a deep kiss on his lips.
bonus: pillow talk
(still in yn's car. btw.. + on their way to her apt.. )
"I’ll stay outside your apartment if it’s moving too fast,” Isaac said suddenly.
yn raised her head from Isaac’s shoulder, and looked across to him in the driver's seat, “What are you talking about, baby?”
“I want to be there if you get those night terrors again. I wanna help you, only if you’ll allow me," Isaac admitted while his head was turned from looking at the road, to meeting yn’s gaze.
“I can’t have you stay outside my apartment, that's not safe. I’ll just call you if anything happens,” yn claimed.
“No.” He said sternly, “I can't let there be another chance I lose you again. I’m staying right here,” he declared.
“Inside, outside, doesn't matter. I survived in the wilderness before,” he quipped, giving yn a quick peck on her nose.
It took a few moments before she budged. "Fine. But you’re coming inside. Last time I checked, you’re not a rabid dog."
Isaac smiled.
"Even though you kiss like one," yn snarled, and Isaac’s smile faltered instantly.
“Hey!” I thought I did pretty well,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck.
“I’m fucking with you, baby,” she said, taking his free hand in hers and connecting their fingers one by one.
Isaac squeezed their conjoined hands and raised the back of her hand to his lips, placing a gentle kiss on the smooth skin.
He then started their descent to her apartment.
While yn looked out the window to see the start of the sun showing in the early hours of the morning, Isaac took it as a cue to give her arm a little nibble out of spite.
“you rabid bitch!” yn cried, bursting out laughing at Isaac’s shenanigans.
Isaac’s signature laugh and yn’s laughter overlapped and soon died down. Once it did, Isaac seemed to have something to say.
"I don’t want to overstep, but I want to say it."
“Say what?”
“I love you.”
yn couldn’t help but feel her heart turn when those three words left his mouth.
she couldn’t exactly describe in one sitting why that phrase made her heart pierce with discomfort, but that didn’t stop her from finding another phrase Isaac could use with her.
"I see you, Isy baby," she said. "And I thank you for letting me back in your trust."
he waited a moment to think of how to meet her where she was at.
Isaac squeezed her hand in response. "I see you, yn. thank you for coming back."
