Izuku Midoriya – Getting "The Talk" from Toshinori Yagi (All Might)
Toshinori Yagi sat across from Izuku Midoriya, looking extremely uncomfortable as he clasped his hands together. Sweat dripped down his face as he tried to find the right words.
"Y-Young Midoriya," he coughed. "I… uh… I feel that, as your mentor, it's my duty to, er, educate you on… certain aspects of life."
Izuku blinked. "Oh! Like hero strategy? The importance of recovery time after a big battle?"
"YES, EXACTLY!" Toshinori shouted, dramatically pointing at him. "GOD HELP US BOTH!"
There was an awkward silence.
Toshinori cleared his throat. "Ahem. So. When two people care for each other very much—"
"PLEASE STOP."
Toshinori held up a shaky finger. "No, no, listen, Young Midoriya. I must do this! It is my responsibility!" He inhaled deeply. "It is much like a United States of Smash—except instead of destroying an enemy, you are—"
"OH MY GOD, PLEASE NO!" Izuku covered his ears, mortified. "DON’T RUIN SMASH ATTACKS FOR ME, SENSEI!"
Toshinori’s gaunt cheeks turned red. "S-sorry."
They sat in silence for a moment.
"...Do you have any questions?" Toshinori finally asked.
Izuku stood up. "I HAVE TO GO STUDY FOR A TEST!"
"But there’s no test!"
"THERE IS NOW!"
And with that, Midoriya ran.
Outcome: All Might is traumatized. Izuku never looks at him the same way again.
Katsuki Bakugo – Getting "The Talk" from Best Jeanist
Best Jeanist sat elegantly in his chair, hands clasped, posture impeccable. Across from him, Katsuki Bakugo slumped aggressively, arms crossed, looking seconds away from combusting.
"Katsuki," Best Jeanist said, his voice smooth. "It is my duty as your mentor to educate you on a matter most delicate."
Bakugo scowled. "If this is about ‘being a proper gentleman,’ I’m out."
Jeanist exhaled through his nose. "No, my unruly pupil. This is about intimacy."
Bakugo's eye twitched.
Jeanist continued. "Love is a fabric that must be woven carefully. Each strand—trust, respect, communication—is vital. And much like a fine pair of denim—"
"NO." Bakugo stood up. "NO DENIM ANALOGIES, YOU WEIRD STRING BEAN!"
Jeanist ignored him. "A strong foundation is crucial, lest one suffer a wardrobe malfunction, if you understand my meaning."
Bakugo’s hands literally sparked.
Jeanist smiled, unfazed. "And of course, protection is important. Just as one would not step into battle without proper armor, one must also ensure—"
"STOP TALKING!" Bakugo turned completely red. "I’M OUT! I’M DONE! I’M NOT LISTENING TO A GUY IN A DENIM TURTLENECK TALK ABOUT CONDOMS!"
And with that, he exploded through the nearest window.
Outcome: Best Jeanist remains unbothered. Bakugo needs therapy.
Fumikage Tokoyami – Getting "The Talk" from Hawks
Hawks leaned back in his chair, casually tossing popcorn into his mouth. "Alright, kid. So. Birds and bees talk. Let’s go."
Fumikage Tokoyami stared at him. "...I already know about birds."
Hawks grinned. "Not like this, you don’t."
Tokoyami sighed. "This is unnecessary. My path is one of solitude and darkness. I have no need for such knowledge."
Hawks waggled his eyebrows. "Yeah? Well, when your Dark Shadow isn’t the only thing rising at night, you might wanna reconsider."
Tokoyami froze.
Dark Shadow: "BRO, WHAT THE HELL?!"
"HAWKS." Tokoyami gripped the edge of the table, visibly trembling. "DO NOT SPEAK OF SUCH MATTERS!"
Hawks chuckled. "Relax, Bird Boy. I got your back." He tossed a condom at him. "Use that if you ever wanna fly south for the winter, yeah?"
Tokoyami practically flew out of the room.
Outcome: Tokoyami becomes celibate. Dark Shadow is scarred for life.
Tamaki Amajiki – Getting "The Talk" from Fatgum
Fatgum grinned as he placed a giant plate of takoyaki in front of Tamaki.
"Alright, bud! Let’s talk about the big stuff!"
Tamaki, already nervous, started sweating. "B-big… s-stuff?"
"Yup!" Fatgum nodded. "The ol' horizontal tango! The whoopee cushion shuffle! The bibbity boppity boink!"
Tamaki looked like he wanted to disintegrate.
Fatgum laughed. "Aww, c’mon, kiddo! Ain’t nothing to be scared of! Everybody’s gotta learn how to get down to business eventually!"
Tamaki: "I don’t."
Fatgum patted his shoulder. "Ah, it ain’t so bad! You just gotta be confident, communicate with your partner, and—"
Tamaki teleported out of his chair.
Outcome: Fatgum laughs it off. Tamaki moves to another city.
Tomura Shigaraki – Getting "The Talk" from Dabi
Dabi leaned against the wall, arms crossed, smirking.
"So, you and relationships. That’s a funny thought."
Shigaraki scowled. "Tch. Whatever. I don’t care."
Dabi chuckled. "Alright, well, let’s say you do care. You meet someone, they actually like you—miracle, by the way—so what then?"
Shigaraki crossed his arms. "Then I’d… tell them they’re mine?"
Dabi sighed. "Alright, well, if you don’t wanna accidentally dust your date mid-kiss, you should probably learn some control, champ."
Shigaraki looked away. "...Tch. Whatever. I have control."
"Yeah? What about when your emotions get wild?" Dabi grinned. "Or if they kiss your neck?"
Shigaraki turned bright red. "SHUT UP."
Outcome: Shigaraki refuses to speak to Dabi for a week.
Hitoshi Shinso – Getting "The Talk" from Aizawa
Aizawa sighed, rubbing his temples. "Okay, Shinso. We need to talk."
Shinso sipped his coffee. "About what?"
Aizawa: "...Sex."
Shinso immediately choked.
Aizawa sighed again. "Look, it’s nothing complicated. Just be respectful, communicate, use protection, and for the love of god, don’t use your Quirk in bed."
Shinso: "WHY WOULD I—WHAT—NO! WHY WOULD YOU EVEN THINK THAT?!"
Aizawa shrugged. "I don’t know. Gotta cover all the bases."
Shinso buried his face in his hands. "I hate it here."
Outcome: Aizawa doesn’t care. Shinso wants to disappear.
Shoto Todoroki – Getting "The Talk" from Endeavor
Endeavor sat across from Shoto, arms crossed, his face burning slightly brighter than usual.
"Shoto. We need to talk."
Shoto blinked. "About?"
"...Procreation."
Shoto immediately stood up. "I’m leaving."
Endeavor grabbed his wrist. "SIT."
Outcome: Shoto literally escapes through a window.
I cannot stop thinking about this extra, the little feathery face, the fact that his parents obv treated «Shadow» as another son, them holding hands, the little snowsuit, I’m going CRAZY
#the amazing digital circus
#coquette
#photography
#love and deepspace
#iron lung
