I’m not sure what has happened but something is wrong in my heart and in my soul; almost as if something dark has found its way in.
I feel off balance more than usual.
I feel, to put it simply, wrong.
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I don’t know if it will do anything, but two years ago around this time, this book was my saving grace. It brought so much peace into my soul, but my mental illness ripped that away from me, so I’m here again, hoping to find that feeling I once felt. That quiet, gentle peace. There was a delicate light inside me that made things like kindness, understanding, and generosity come naturally, and actually feel good. I was on a path to beauty. In the last two years my illness has convinced me that I don’t want those qualities; that they’re weak and laughable. But I know my truth, and that is, I want to feel joy. I want to enjoy the sun on my face. I want to be friendly and pleasant to be around. I’m so tired of being angry. I’m so tired of being sad. And most of all, I’m so tired of feeling submerged in this heavy darkness. So I begin. With the help of some dark chocolate, I will continue on the journey I was never able to finish; the journey to my personal heaven on earth.