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“Gosh! It was just a joke. Why are you getting so angry?” We often get to hear such things when we try to call out someone for their offensive statements or actions. This is tone policing or tone trolling, and here’s all you need to know about it.
http://lifetimeoftired.tumblr.com/post/180621269992/this-is-what-i-mean-when-i-say-that-anti-antis-are
Oh, joy, another "fandom mom" who thinks she gets to police what I say. And an asexy. Your ~sexuality is homophobic, misogynist, slut-shaming garbage, so yes, it's bullshit. As for "qweer," I have literally never seen the term used except sarcastically. , so fuck off with the ~racism accusations, eh?
https://grumpy-old-fandommom.tumblr.com/post/180622161711/this-is-what-i-mean-when-i-say-that-anti-antis-are
"Waaaaah, why aren't you being nicer to these demanding little shits?!" Kiss my ass. If you want to be a ~fandom mom~, you go right ahead. Not interested. Even with so-called "civil" little Tumblr spawn whose assumptions are garbage.
New rule: do you want to whine that > "SJWs" are being too disrespectful or aggressive towards injustice; > Hating your oppressors makes you just as bad as them? > You cannot be against hate speech because it's "free speech"? Then you must go to the oppressors and tell THEM to stop being disrespectful and aggressive, stop hating people for existing, and stop silencing oppressed groups. Only after you do that, I will consider your complaints. Until then, you get mockery and a side-eye at best.
Tone Trolling, As Described in 1980
Female: You are assuming that the patriarchal world view is the only world view. I am assuming that it is not. I assume an alternative. I do not think either of us is more or less biased than the other.
Male: But I suggest you lose credibility when you take up such a position... Look, please don't mistake me. I'm all for women's rights. I think you have a very good case. Equal pay for equal work, etc. But I cannot take you seriously when you go on in this biased and... emotional way.
Female: The emotion is your contribution, and not my behaviour. I am perfectly calm. I am suggesting the possibility of an alternative world view, which is based, quite unapologetically, on rethinking what is valuable and useful.
Male: But your hatred of males is so... so venomous. You are being so... so agressive, so unfeminie... might I even suggest, so bitchy? You would do so much better if you presented your arguments in a different way. More low key, more persuasive... less biased. Your attitude won't get you very far at the moment.
Female: You mean I should talk sweetly, ask nicely, flatter and cajole?
Male: That's it! That's exactly what I mean! I'm tryiing to help, making a perfectly reasonable suggestion and you - you just fly back at me like that!
Tone trolling, as in actively refusing to engage with what a person is actually saying because they didn't say it nicely, is bad and annoying and people should not do it. But the idea that being unnecessarily hostile and vitriolic about everything is not even a little bit counterproductive to intelligent discourse because saying so is tone trolling also needs to go away. It's fine if you're angry and just want to rant and could not give less of a shit about people who might find your hostility offputting or be unconsciously swayed to dislike you and be less likely to consider your points, but then you should also accept and realize that you're choosing to make a less productive contribution. Also note that being visibly furious can be a productive part of making your point. Anger is not inherently unproductive. Petty insults and ad hominems are, though. It's like, ideally every person in a discussion should be able to ignore any level of vitriol (or rather, take away from it only the fact that the person is very pissed off), look at the actual arguments being presented, consider them neutrally on their actual merits, and reply addressing their actual points, without taking it personally and escalating a flame war. No matter how much petty insulting and ad homineming you do, I'm on your side if your opponent uses that as a basis for not engaging with your points. But debates that could have been productive but turn into flame wars because humans naturally get upset at people who are shouting at them just make me sigh. And all too often, extremely vitriolic posts get so caught up in screaming fury that they actually fail to honestly engage with most of the opponent's points, in which case it shouldn't be swaying anybody to your side, no matter how right you actually are.
I may not be very smart, so thank you for saying that. I never said he was "peachy keen" in fact I've never talked to him before in my life until now. I'm just saying that I think you're being a hypocrite. What you say is true, about the oppressions of women in the world, being a woman I understand that. However, the way you are going about it I think is wrong. Has nothing to do with him. I read what you wrote, it seems much more violent and egotistical in tone. Was that "smart" enough for you?
No..it was pretty dumb.
It’s also ‘tone trolling’ and I really am not sure why it is you think I should care about how you think I am going about things? I mean I didn’t get the vagina memo where we all had to agree on how to handle our activism? And if I’m -RIGHT- then..why are you over there patting his head and petting his little ego?
I never get this part. ‘Oh hey..someone said something I don’t like, outloud, in public, and I should not just call them on their shit out loud, in public because THAT is rude and totally uncalled for. Because that being polite to these people shit has TOTALLY gotten us all kinds of benefits and made this stuff go away..so we’ll keep up with that.’
And egotistical? once again, you were over there patting him on the back and ‘poor babying’ him about what was going on, but when someone does it back to him -and specifically- a woman you call them out for ‘ego’? Have you unpacked that shit in your head yet? thought about why it is the GUY isn’t being an egotistic but the GIRL is? since both of them are doing the -same- thing?
How about this.
I think YOU are handling this the wrong way. I think what you’re doing is subversive, and undermining, and absolutely enabling to someone who has been ridiculous, rude, privileged and completely blind to his own bullshit.
I think what YOU’RE doing is trying to shame me and diminish me as a person in tone.
Do you get it now darlin?
