#topic: trauma

[krikeymate]

We're post 6 - Tara is trying therapy. She would have chickened out even before her first session if it wasn't for Sam and how proud she is that Tara is finally trying. The first few sessions go ok-ish. The guy lets her talk about whatever. She mainly focuses on retelling the events of 6. Only retelling, tho, never diving into her feelings about stuff. He eventually starts asking about Woodsboro. She deflects. She talks about her mom. A bit about her dad. Maybe even about Sam leaving her. It makes her tear up just enough. Therapists love childhood trauma, right? She can give him that. But he keeps pushing. He wants her to talk about THE attack. But she cannot do that. She cannot go anywhere near that night with her thoughts... she just can't. She can't think about it. She definitely can't talk about it. She would have to relive it; she would have to relive it knowing who was behind the attack. Tara erased the night from her memories. And the following weeks, no, months, are a blur, too. But she knows they'll come back to her if she so much as thinks about thinking about that night. She can't do it. But he keeps asking about it. And then he mentions Amber and Tara is out of the office. She doesn't come back. But she also doesn't tell Sam because Sam is still so proud of her! So she lets Sam drop her off at the building once a week, waves at her with a smile, and watchs her drive away. Then she bolts. If Sam insists on picking her up, she'll actually go into the building a few minutes before her time is up, lingering in the entryway. She doesn't want to disappoint Sam. She can't. Cause Sam might leave if she realizes Tara isn't even trying anymore. So Tara will play this game for the rest of her life if she has to. As long as she doesn't have to talk about, you know...

I've been trying to find a response to this for days. I just love what you've said so much, I'm struggling to find a way to add to it, to build on it. I think I'm just going to have to share it instead.

Tara can't confess the truth about Amber, about what they were to each other. She keeps it to herself. She can't confess that there were moments where she saw a glint in her eye, when she was a little too rough, when Amber had made a joke a little too morbid. How can she admit that she could have seen it coming, if she had just put it all together. How could anyone look at her with pride and affection and love ever again, if they know she could have stopped it, prevented it.

Sometimes she thinks if she'd just died that first night, then maybe nobody else would have been killed. Maybe Sam would have been fine. She would never have come back to Woodsboro, she only came back because Tara was still alive, she would never have put herself in danger. She would be living her life back in Modesto, not stuck here in New York babysitting Tara and being hated by the public. Tara will stare at the mirror and take in her scars, rub her thumb against her palm, stand on her weak leg, and wish she hadn't fought back quite so hard. The days she wakes up in pain feel deserved, like a punishment, for letting Amber do this to her, to them, to Sam.

So Tara can't talk about Amber. She continues to pretend to go to therapy, continues to pretend she's fine. She smiles and doesn't drink too much and gets nervous when someone brings up a party, knowing Sam won't like it. She does everything she can to make Sam think she's fine. She doesn't want to lose her. She can't lose her. She has to be fine.

One day, months later, Sam walks her to the building but doesn't leave. Tara fiddles with the door, not wanting to go through with actually entering. Not wanting to face the receptionist who always gives her a sad, knowing smile.

"Tara..." Sam sounds a little sad herself, her name sounds uncertain on her lips, like they've been forced out. "Where do you go?"

The question makes her turn around, confused, a pit forming in her stomach. "What?"

"Where do you go when I drop you off here?"

Sam knows.

She knows sheknowssheknows. Tara can feel herself spiralling and starts to giggle nervously. "What- what do you mean?"

"Tara."

She doesn't even realise she's started crying until Sam steps forward and wipes the tears from her face.

"Sam," she cries, and it feels so pathetic. She's been lying to Sam, to the others, for so long, and here Sam is, wrapping her arms around her and telling her it's ok.

But it's not ok, it's never going to be ok again.

[just-positivity-stuff]

[krikeymate]

Just tryna sleep but my brain has me thinking about Sam not coming home one night. It’s not intentional, she’s staying over at Danny’s and they fall asleep watching a late night movie together.

Usually she sends a text, letting Tara know she’s on her way back or going to be late or just a general update on her whereabouts. Danny falls asleep first, Sam wasn’t planning on it at all but its after a double shift and she’s just so damn exhausted that she doesn’t get the chance to text before she’s asleep. They sleep through the night, Sam waking up in a blur confused about where she is before looking at her phone and seeing all the messages and phone calls.

Meanwhile Tara is full on losing her mind. It’s okay at first, she’s sure Sam is fine and will message any second. But with each passing hour her worry only intensifies. She phones the twins, local hospitals, Kirby, hell she even phones Gale. Full fledged panicking about if she was okay, if something had happened. They all tell her that Sam will be okay, to keep them updated.

But as she’s pacing their living room the thought hits her that maybe Sam has just left. The thought is enough to floor Tara, dropping down onto the couch as her hands shake and she tries Sam’s phone one more time. She had done it again. She was too much again. Pushing too hard, not making enough progress in therapy, having outbursts, endless nightmares. She has made Sam leave, again.

It breaks her. She cries and cries and cries until Sam comes home the next morning and finds her. And Tara clings to her like her life depends on it, apologising again and again and again in pure desperation for Sam to understand, for her to love her, for her to stay.

It's ok when I make sad things, they make me feel good. When others make sad things it just makes me sad ☹️

Sam is gonna HATE herself for doing this to Tara. All that time she spent demanding she know where Tara is all the time, that she always pick up, to respond to her. Then she turns around and does this? She gets complacent, she got too comfortable, she let her guard down. And it hurt her sister.

She hurt her sister again. Tara's a mess. The incident triggered her sister in a way Sam didn't expect, wasn't prepared for. She's never seen Tara like this before.

It's like her little sister is, well, little again. Small and clinging to her side and begging Sam not to leave her. She has to call off work. It takes days for Tara to calm down, to be more like the girl she's come to know than the child she used to be. When she does, Tara becomes quiet, embarrassed by her breakdown. She tries to hide away in her room. Sam won't let her. The incident has shown her just how much her sister needs her. And to think she was worried Tara didn't need her, didn't want her.

She'll never let this happen again. She changes Tara's ringtone, she sets alarms. She'll never sleep through Tara's messages again.

[krikeymate]

Now we need something where they're all gathered together for a we survived party or something and its a bad day for Tara and she tries to hide it by kinda avoiding everyone. When Sam corners her and asks if she's okay Tara plays it off. Sam lets it slide cause she's trying not to be so overbearing. So Sidney decides to try cause she knows its a lie. Then Tara says something along the lines of 'but you're Sam's support system' to her so Sidney drags her to Gale and Kirby.

Tara's been quiet and tired a lot these days. Sam's worried, but she's trying not to be overbearing and she knows how exhausting therapy can be, so she tries to quietly support her sister in whatever way she can. Without constantly digging for more information. She's constantly on the lookout for that sigh and the look Tara gets when she's getting frustrated. She's been getting the others involved in Operation cheer-up-Tara, but she always manages to slip out of their plans, or to escape them entirely. Sam's beginning to think that she just doesn't want to spend time with her specifically... except she's usually fine when it's the two of them. Even Gale's patented snark flies over Tara's head these days, and that's what really makes Sam think something might be seriously wrong. Sniping with Gale quickly became one of Sam's favourite activities, and she knows her sister loves it too. So to pass that up... Sam's worried.

Sidney's having a weekend get-together, she's invited everyone, even Danny. Danny, however, can't make it, stuck with a work commitment he can't get out of. And the twins aren't even in the country, off with their mom visiting distant relatives up in Canada. Sam's hoping the weekend will be good for Tara, being around their sort-of-family, and she's looking forward to seeing Sidney again. Even if she's disappointed the twins, Martha, and Danny can't make it.

Sidney's dog, Riley, latches onto Tara pretty much the moment they sit down, and just doesn't leave her alone. If Sidney didn't already know something was up with Tara from her conversations with Sam, this would have given it away. Riley lays their head in Tara's lap, and nudges her occasionally. Whenever she gets up, Riley follows, staying behind her and yipping every time someone comes near.

"Does your dog like children", Sam jokes, watching her sister smile, relaxed for once, as she pets the dog nuzzling into her lap. "Yes," Sidney replies, "Riley likes kids. But he's not playing right now, he's working." Seeing Sam's visible confusion, Sidney continues. "He's a service dog, trained for helping those with PTSD." Sam's eyes widen as understanding kicks in, a frown forming as sadness kicks in. "He's very sensitive to moods," Sidney says, patting Sam on the arm, "sometimes he knows before I do when I'm feeling bad."

"I don't know how to help her," Sam confesses, "she won't talk to me... or anyone. She's in therapy, but I don't know whether it's helping her or making it worse." Sam tells her that everyone has tried to get her to open up, to no avail. Sidney says she hasn't tried yet, she'll give it a shot at some point over the weekend.

Sidney gets a chance sooner than she thought. Later that evening, Tara retires to the spare room provided for her and Sam early, Riley on her heels. She watches her stall in the doorway, unsure whether she's allowed to take the dog with her, before Mark gives her a nudge and lets her know it's ok.

Sidney gives her 15 minutes before she leaves the others watching the movie, and follows after her. Tara takes a minute to respond to her knock on the door, but when she enters, she can see why. Tara's been crying and Riley's on the bed, clearly providing comfort. She pushes for Tara to talk, "we're all worried for you," she says. That seems to break something in the girl, because she starts crying again and apologising. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make anyone worry, it's fine, I'm fine, really-" Sidney takes her into her arms and hushes her as if she were her own.

She tells her her own story, of how she dealt - or didn't deal - with what happened, how she hid away from the world, alone. By the time Sidney's finished, Tara reveals her own secrets. Sidney's heart breaks as Tara explains she didn't want to take away focus from Sam, that she knows how much Sam has sacrificed for her and she didn't want them all to be just another thing she took from her. Sidney reassures her, reminds her that no one is taking anyone from anything, that they're all family and we're all here for each other, that it would hurt Sam deeply to know that Tara is hurting herself for her sake.

"Please don't tell Sam." "You know I can't do that kiddo."

Tara spends the rest of the weekend bounced around between Sidney, Mark, Gale, and Kirby. Sam gets her own session with Riley as being kept from her sister makes her anxious. The four of them don't explain to Sam what's happening, trusting that Tara will do so herself once they get back to New York. And she does. Sam holds her tight and makes her promise to never hide anything from her ever again, no matter how much you think it will hurt me.

[krikeymate]

I think Tara is the type of person who is fine and feels good and happy when she's around other people and with her loved ones, but then when they leave it quickly fades and she's left empty inside. She perks up at every notification on her phone, desperate for any connection she can grab onto, urgently needing to be spoken to, to be reminded that she exists.

Because when she's alone it's so hard to remember she's a person. She drowns in the past and the intrusive thoughts, telling her that she shouldn't be here, that she's only a burden dragging other people down. That everything that's happened in her life is all her fault.

[krikeymate]

Do you think that there was a time between scream 5 & 6 where Tara wasn’t upset or irritated or had strong feelings towards Sam and her overprotectiveness? Like where the sisters had a real strong bond before it crumbled down and they picked it up again?

I think immediately after 5, Tara was so caught up in healing and the euphoria of having her sister back, that things didn't really kick in. Give it a couple months of people constantly asking if she's ok, of constantly being hovered over, of being unable to do things for herself, only stuck with her thoughts and the memories... it all began to sour a little bit. I think there's a time with any significant changes to your life where you miss how things used to be, how simple they were then, as you readjust, and she definitely had that moment.

Now, Tara definitely should have been in therapy right from the beginning, so why wasn't she? Well at first she was too injured, they just focussed on letting her heal. And then after? Well she doesn't need it, does she, she has her sister. That's all Tara ever needed, her sister back. And things are okay for a while. The way people talk to Sam and praise her, call her the Hero of Woodsboro, well it stings a little - the reminder of who Sam is, why she left, why Tara got hurt - but she's so happy that people can finally see Sam for who Tara has always known her to be, her hero.

As Tara gets better, she begins to chafe a little under Sam's constant attention and hovering. Sam keeps trying to do things for her, to make up for lost time, but Tara just wants to be able to shower without help and make breakfast for herself for once. She needs a little big of agency back, and Sam says she gets that but she's always there. Tara's used to spending a lot of time alone, but now she's never alone. It's a hard adjustment.

Things only get harders when the rumours start, when people start accusing Sam of everything. It doesn't make sense to Tara, Sam would never hurt her, why would they think she did this? Then Gale's book drops, and everything gets worse. Suddenly the rumours gain new food to feed the fire. Tara's stuck worrying over her sister, and trying to ignore the people harassing her for 'the truth'. And Sam, Sam becomes more protective, she hovers more, crowds her. She's worried to let her out of her sight. She doesn't like Tara going out alone. It's frustrating. Why can't everyone just leave them alone, leave her alone?

It builds and it builds over time.

[krikeymate]

This is the tangent I mentioned here. Warning, this a very long post as I go through basically all the Sam & Tara scenes.

I don't think Tara was ever actually upset with Sam at all, she was upset with herself and lashing out in frustration. She was trying to ignore what happened and pretending to be normal, but Sam's worrying and hovering wouldn't let her forget, and she just doesn't know how to process what she’s dealing with so she shoves it down and down and down until it bursts open.

The leaving the party scene SCREAMS I'm mad at myself but you're a convenient target to redirect my anger at. Especially when combined with the conversation with Chad where she thanks him for not letting her go upstairs  and says "I guess I was more messed up than I realised" - which is a great use of a double entendre: messed up by the alcohol but also messed up by the trauma. Truth is that in that scene, she realised she had put herself in a shitty situation in her attempt to ignore her trauma, so when Sam calls her out on it, she gets defensive and snaps back at her.

Also, I just want to say that I called Tara being the subject of ‘A man attempts to coerce a clearly drunk woman to a bedroom to take advantage of her’ a week before the movie came out and I’m super smug about it.

ALSO: when Tara goes “If I wanna hook up with an asshole, that’s my decision. It’s my decision.” Sam, looks up and away and goes “oh-kay” and the expression on her face just makes me laugh on rewatches. I wonder if she’s having flashbacks to her own past behaviour, of if she’s had to deal with a drunk and upset Tara before. I definitely feel it’s an ‘oh boy here we go again’ kind of ok, especially given the twins reaction. 

THEN we get the “What are you doing here, Sam. In New York.” which is SO painful to watch. I don’t even know what I can say about that, it’s such a beautiful and emotional piece of dialogue and it HURTS. “I’m just trying to look out for you.” “I-... I know. I know you are. …But you can’t do it for the rest of my life though. You have to let me go.” – This part is Tara acknowledging that Sam has uprooted her life for Tara, and Tara telling her that she has to live her own life too. Ultimately, Tara’s journey in 6 is about deciding whether she wants her sister in her life, and in a meta sense, whether she wants to be ‘a final girl.’

Slight deviation here to talk about Chad/Tara – I’m sorry, I just don’t see it. It feels like Chad is the one with feelings for Tara, and in that bedroom conversation Tara is realising that. To be honest, I kinda feel like Tara wanted to use him in that scene, we’ve already seen that she was going to use a guy to ignore her problems; Chad is a safe option for her. I’m not saying she doesn’t have any feelings for Chad, I’m just saying I feel like… well, everyone wants to say they’re the new Gale & Dewey, except the thing is that Gale & Dewey weren’t some epic love story, they were two very different people who bonded through traumatic experiences but ultimately were never in compatible places and trying to be together made them miserable. I don’t have many feelings about Danny but I do think he’s hilarious in an accidental way and would love to keep him around. I get malewife vibes from him.

We get the scene where Sam wants to flee, this is just a classic Tara is in denial of everything happening all over again. We get the wonderful “before you make the unilateral decision to abandon my college education and flee the fucking state!” It’s there to build the does she want her sister in her life situation: this part is a reminder that Sam is the reason Tara got hurt in the first place.

Despite just being ‘mad’ at her and in denial, she still wants to go with Sam to the police station. Sam, knowing by now that her sister is so goddamn stubborn, doesn’t even try to argue. I wish this scene had actually been longer, and that we got to see them cross a few more streets, and for their chase into the bodega too. There’s a cute tiny moment where Tara bumps her face into Sam’s shoulder as she tries to listen to the phone call. The police station: the girls closing their eyes and looking tired while at the table lmao. This time when Sam says “we’re getting out of town.” Tara does not object in any way and goes “are you serious?” when Bailey reveals neither of them can leave town as they’re both suspect. This all just emphasises the fact that being around Sam puts Tara in danger.

I don’t really need to talk about the Gale scene, but I will say that on rewatches the Sidney comment actually feels really shoe-horned in for the audience. Campus meta scene. Sam’s cute “I had a feeling” as Mindy starts to ramble about rules. I didn’t care much for this scene at first, but rewatching it I actually love it, Mindy’s enthusiasm is so lovely. Her “it’s not looking too good for Gale and Kirby” makes me laugh so hard. Ethan and Quinn both saying why can’t it be a survivor 👀. We get Tara’s “don’t you fucking dare” when Ethan brings up the theories online about Sam. Baby shuts that down so quick.

Apartment scenes: Tara acknowledging that she’s been making life hard for Sam, and acknowledging Sam’s pain. “And I’m really really sorry that you have to do that alone.” OUCH. Sam blurting out that she’s been sleeping with Danny because she doesn’t want to hide things from them and then them being like I knew it had her SHOOK. Tara grabbing the phone and pretending to pick up with a “hey so what are your intentions” genuinely has me crying because it’s so cute. I’m seriously not over Tara’s first instinct being to run TOWARDS the Ghostface. I speak about the apartment scene here.

The shrine. So, first up, firm believer that the only reason Sam hallucinates Billy again is because she’s on day 3 of zero sleep and hasn’t taken her meds in that time either. We’re at just over the half way mark into the movie. I think they should have had Tara’s reflection appear over Billy’s before panning to her in the “what are you doing?” bit. I think it’s really interesting that BOTH Sam and Tara are shown to be overwhelmed by the situation – Sam squeezes her eyes shut, then we see Tara flee the room… to use her inhaler.

On Sam’s side of the story, it shows Tara pulling her out of her head and her fear of losing her to Gale; on Tara’s side of the story, we get the ‘does she want to be a final girl’ situation that I mentioned earlier. We get the fantastic Kirby conversation with Tara that my followers know I love.

Next, we move onto the park scene. Tara’s attitude has changed entirely. She took Kirby’s words to heart; she’s realised there’s a way to keep Sam in her life without being a victim: by getting mad and fighting back. “There’s no point in both of us putting ourselves at risk.” “I’m not, I’m your backup” and her little grin is cute but they do then continue walking together which completely negates that. Tara doesn’t want to stray away from Sam - not because she’s scared, but because she wants to be there for her.

Tara absolutely failing to be able to pull Sam back lives rent free in my brain, Sam is so big and strong and Tara cannot move her unless she wants to be moved. “You went back to Woodborough to protect me. Every single day you make the decision to protect me. None of us would even be alive if it weren’t for you. You have to let us protect you this time.” Tara volunteering the ‘us’ there is so fucking funny. There’s something so special to me about how Tara is the one who begins the plan to capture Ghostface and say “we execute him.” I would love to hear what people think of the pan to Mindy and then Sam when she says this, and what you all think is going through their minds.

Finally, we reach The Final Act. First up, Tara copying Sam in removing her jacket is adorable. Sam calling for Tara and then them running off without even waiting for Chad, amazing. Sam holding Tara back and shoving her through the door while Tara cries, love the manhandling. Them standing back-to-back, Tara crying for Sam, Ready/I’m ready, it’s all so so beautiful. I just love the simplicity of Tara being scared and calling for her big sister to help her.

Sam pushing Tara behind her when Ethan and Quinn split off to wrap around behind them. Tara’s “you stay the fuck away from her!” Tara moves her arm up to cover Sam when Quinn approaches with the knife. Ethan stabs Sam in the shoulder and Tara grabs Sam and pulls her away from them. Sam looks down and sees that Tara still has the brick, they make eye contact. Sam insults Richie and Tara bashes Quinn when she goes for Sam. Tara tries to get Sam to run with her, Kirby be damned I guess. Sam takes the knife out of Kirby (who tells her to “fuck him up”) and she stabs Ethan 5 times. Tara calls for her again, so she leaves it at that and runs after her. Bailey shoots at Tara, and a bullet grazes her arm, causing her to fall. Once again, Tara is the one with a plan, she and Sam continue their silent eye contact and we get the “you have to let me go” scene.

You all know that I think Tara is the one making the call. Given that Tara has shown a propensity for making plans already in the movie, I even dare suggest she says “he wanted you to put on the mask… maybe you should.” Then of course we get the moment where Tara comes up behind Sam, who stops from delivering a final blow. We get the head tilt, and a call back to Bailey’s “you fuck with my family, you die.”

We get the final part of Tara’s story, where she decides she does want Sam in her life, and accepts that she’s going to need therapy to deal with what happened to her, in order to let Sam in. Tara being the one to say “we’re gonna get through this, together” is SO important, because you would think that would be a line that Sam would say. This is Tara saying I can give back what you’re giving to me. Then of course the final scene is the final part of Sam’s story, where we see one again, Tara acts as an anchor and calls her away from the darkness.

[krikeymate]

Adding to the idea of Tara snapping when she loses Sam and that little 'Oh baby girl what have you done' (which is heartbreaking by the way!) Imagine if it was like a Dewey or Kirby situation or something (More likely Kirby considering we thought she was gone for 11 years) where everyone thinks Sam is gone but she's not, she's just badly injured, in a coma or something (or Tara just didn't stick around to hear anything else, all she heard was no pulse and bolted) but Tara hasn't shown up to the hospital to see her and has shut everyone out because if it's not Sam, she doesn't want to speak to anyone.

All of these people are trying to contact her to let her know that Sam is okay but she's practically disappeared into her own little corner of the world away from anyone and anything that could remind her of Sam.

She snaps and thinks that if she turns around, it will be just like Amber. Someone who she wishes was there but is really just there to torment her on what she's lost.

But it's actually Sam. She's recovered (hardly, she just wouldn't listen to anyone who tries to stop her. No one has heard from her sister who thinks she's dead, she's finding her no matter how much pain she's in), and the first time she's able to see her sister after going through all of this, Tara has become everything that Sam was trying to protect her from.

I mean, I left that so ambiguous for a reason my friend, you beautiful person you, giving me exactly what I want. Everyone knows by now that my ideal Scream 7 is one where Tara thinks Sam is dead and loses it, right? Part 1.

The last time Tara saw Sam, someone was pulling her away from her sister, unknown arms wrapped around her waist as she fought back. She remembers the look Kirby gave her, kneeling by Sam's unmoving body, fingers to her neck. She'd pulled her hand away and done nothing and that was the last thing Tara would remember before she came back to herself, sitting alone in the dark, curled up in some alleyway, shivering from the cold. (She'd missed the paramedics rushing past her, missed Chad's attempt to comfort her as he led her out the building, missed the voices calling after her as she began to walk away.) There was a phone in her aching hand and it won't stop buzzing.

~

Chad sighed, dropping down into a seat beside his sister and running a hand through his hair. They shared a tired look, one that said 'have they found her?' 'no.' Tara's been missing for five days now, and everyone is getting desperate. She shouldn't be on her own right now, not with Sam in a hospital bed. Sam needs Tara, and Tara needs them. Not to mention there's still someone who wants to kill them on the loose.

"Shit, Chad, what are we gonna do?" Mindy asks. In Tara's absence, she's taken up residence at Sam's bedside, holding her hand so she knows she isn't alone, that there are people who need her to wake up. "What if... what if something's happened to her?" Mindy whispers. "Don't say that!" Chad replies, standing up from his chair to pace the room. He clenches his teeth, the pain of his bruised jaw a reminder of his failure. Tara's punch had taken him by surprise. It was his fault she got away. If he'd just... he should have held on tighter, he should never have let her go. "Tara will turn up," he eventually responds.

"Chad."

"She didn't disappear into thin air, she just needs some space, and when she's ready-" he turns around, freezing.

Sam is awake and glaring at him. "Where is my sister?"

~

"Oh babygirl, what have you done."

"Shut up," Tara cries, a bloody hand rising to grab at her hair. The pain helps, the sharp sting against her roots as she pulls helps ground her, helps her to stay in the moment and resist the grey buzzing in her head. She keeps losing time to it, she wakes up so confused. It's getting harder and harder to remember- to remember-.

Amber's dark eyes watch her and Tara feels like nothing more than prey to her hunter instinct. She smiles so sweetly at her, the way she does- did when she wants Tara to agree, to behave.

"You should let go," she coos, "it's ok, I'll protect you. It won't hurt anymore, you just have to let go now, sweetheart."

Tara's hand drops, slapping at the body between her knees. Maybe she should give in. She's so tired, and everything hurts.

A hand presses between her shoulder blades and it feels so real, Tara can't help but press back into it. Another cups her cheek, turning her head. In the distance she can hear Amber calling her name, demanding her attention. She sounds angry, but all Tara can focus on is this warmth on her face and the soft brown eyes looking down at her. They look sad. Amber never looks sad.

"Tara," this figure calls, and she sounds so familiar. Her voice cuts through the static in her brain, awareness creeping in. "I need you to come back to me babygirl, can you do that for me?" Tara feels the numbness in her skin, the way she's shivering from the cold. She feels the stickiness coating her hands. It's splattered across her face, her neck, her arms. The smell begins to sink in and her stomach begins to roil. She falls back, the realisation there's a body between her legs and what she's done strikes out at her like the arms that wrap around her from behind, pulling her away from it.

"There we go, I've got you, I've got you."

"This isn't- this isn't real, it can't be real, you're not- you're not- you're dead, you died, I saw you!" It can't be real, none of this can be real, but it feels so real. She's so warm.

"I'm real Tara, I'm here. I'm so sorry I scared you, but I'm here."

Understanding settles into her bones and it has her twisting in the grip holding her, spinning around to face- to face- "Sam?"

"I'm here. I'm here."

Tara falls into her arms and Sam holds her back tight. The pain from her wounds and pulling stitches is nothing compared to the knowledge of what Tara's done, of the way she looked through her, unseeing, of hearing her talking to someone Sam couldn't see.