Even though gender and sexual orientation don’t necessarily influence each other, for some people they’re somehow related. How do you experience your gender in relation to your bisexuality? Has figuring one of them out prompted you to question the other?
When I was a kid I was always into math and science as well as art and gaming, even domestic pursuits like baking. I was also physically large and strong. I was under the impression that a lot of these traits were for boys, yet was proud of being myself. Proud of being like a boy. Proud of being a girl who could be like a boy. This, in retrospect, was predominantly internalized misogyny.
When I was a teenager I would look at my friends and think "I wish I could be a guy so I could date my friend and make them feel better about themselves." Of course now I realize that part of that was mistakenly thinking that my friends having a boyfriend would help with their self-esteem. The other part was probably some gender questioning, but I never really wanted to be a boy, not really. I thought it would have been interesting to wake up as a boy one day, though.
I never identified with women in movies and tv. Rarely now do I identify with female characters, especially if they're part of an ensemble of female characters or in a movie targeted towards women's empowerment. Even the actually well-written strong female characters seemed unable to be identified with.
I did always like gender-bending stories, though.
I never identified strongly with gender as a concept. It always seemed unnecessary to me. Of course now I see there are people for whom gender is a major stress in their lives. Even though I'm more educated on the subject of gender I still feel the same about mine. Like it doesn't matter. For all intents and purposes I use female pronouns and consider myself cisgendered. It's easier to go through life that way, frankly, and I'm not really bothered by being misgendered. I've never had any dysphoria or anxiety about my gender. I've never wanted to quit gender and go by neutral pronouns. I just don't feel strongly about it at all. It's not important to my overall identity.
My preferred gender presentation, though, is more feminine with the occasional gender-bending outfit. I do feel comfortable in a dress and heels more-so than a button-up shirt.
The only thing about gender that gets to me is societal expectations. I want to be myself, with whatever gender I am, and not have to worry about being discriminated against on something that I don't really identify with in the first place. I didn't choose this mental state that presents itself as a nebulous gender identity, so why should I be subject to judgments for it?
As far as bisexuality is concerned, my gender, or really my sex, was what held me back from coming out. Women are not taught about their bodies or how to use them sexually. The day I came out was the day I had my first real orgasm at age 20. I figured once I could give myself an orgasm, I could give one to another female person. And that was really it.
In conclusion, gender isn't super important to me, and only the societal conditioning from my presumed gender held me back from coming out. Otherwise I'm quite content with my sex, gender, gender presentation, and sexuality.
