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It was a long few minutes after the doors shut behind their friends before either of them spoke. Lance spent the time staring at his hands, trying to swallow the fact that he had attacked Allura.
He didn't actually remember doing it. But the first thing Hunk told him was that he had attacked her mid- demonstration. To Lance, it was all just a black, empty space in his memory. Last thing he remembered was the flash of light against Allura’s nails when she stumbled, and then all of a sudden he was staring into Hunk’s eyes as they crouched on the floor.
"We can all tell that things have been hard on you since your return." Hunk started. Lance shifted his eyes to look at Hunk, but the man wouldn't look him in the eye. Hunk opted to stare at the far wall instead.
"You need to talk to someone Lance. About what's happened. Otherwise it'll keep eating you up from the inside out, and days like today will only get worse." Hunk said, his voice filled with a sorrow so deeply set, one would think he was talking about himself.
It's not like Lance was blind. He knew that something happened on the ship to change him, to make Hunk act different. It was subtle of course, little things that changed. However, when the only people you really are around only take up seven fingers on the daily, you're bound to learn things about one another.
Like Pidge. Believe it or not, but she sings to herself when others aren't around. And her voice goes from that sort of boyish deepness she talks in, into a sweet, lilting, high pitched voice.
Allura, she likes to tuck herself away in a small space, tight and seemingly uncomfortable, just to take naps. Lance suspects she likes the small places, and sometimes she'll use her shifting ability to become about the size of the mice.
Keith is artistic. Lance once found one of his little sketches of a planet they saved, and had hunted down the artist in question. Keith had clammed up when confronted, so Lance just made him promise to leave some more pieces out on accident so Lance could see.
Now, every once in a while, Lance wakes up to find a new sketch slipped onto his nightstand. How Keith gets in and out without Lance hearing is still an unsolved mystery.
Neither of them speak of the drawings though.
And Shiro, he loves to talk to himself in the mirror. Lance once caught him in the shower room, which was communal and separated only by curtains. Shiro tackled him when Lance tried to run and tell Pidge.
So yeah, they all know things about each other like a real family does. They threaten each other not to tell the rest of the castle, they barter and negotiate as well. A real familiar type of interaction.
Which means, Lance noticed when Hunk leaves the room when he enters. And when Hunk refuses to make eye contact. And when Hunk borderline flinches when Lance tries to talk to him.
"You should take your own advice." Lance said after a moment of thinking. Hunk jumped again, which was his version of flinching. Lance cut him off when Hunk opened his mouth, his face creased in protestation.
"We've noticed how off you've been acting too you know." Lance started. He was unable to drain the hurt from his voice. "You can't look me in the eye, run out of the room when I enter, you flinch at me." Each action was punctuated by Lance's counting fingers, each making Hunk shy away a little more.
"What happened on that ship?" Lance whispered loudly. Unbidden, a slew of horrific images began filtering through his mind. Memories, except instead of Lance, it was Hunk. Chains, pain, the glint of blue liquid spreading and spreading. Hunk’s headband bloody, his eyes crying.
Fear and anger began rising up into his chest and throat, and probably his voice too. "What did they do to you?" He said. Something must have leaked into his voice enough, because the two of them finally locked eyes, dark blue against dark brown.
"Did he hurt you? Did they touch you?" Lance's voice slowly raised in pitch in volume, a slight growl rumbling in his throat behind his words.
Hunk shook his head quickly. "No, they didn't lay a finger on me. They did nothing to me, I swear Lance." Pure honesty was in Hunk’s expression. And pain filled the void the retreating anger left behind.
"Then why are you acting like this towards me?" Lance said. Hunk looked away, and a terrible thought came to mind. "Are you ashamed of me?"
Lance had tried to sound accusing and angry, but all that came out was broken and meek.
Hunk shook his head no again, harsh and sharp.
"I'm ashamed of myself Lance." Hunk said, moments before Lance could speak again. He didn't answer, just letting Hunk get what he needs to say off his chest.
Hunk took a moment to steady himself, a deep breath shaky even to Lance's ears. "I heard," was all he said. It took a minute or two for Lance to get the hint that he was supposed to know what that meant. Problem was, he had no clue what that meant.
"Heard what?" Lance said. He desperately wanted to reach out and touch Hunk, just a hand on the shoulder would be fine. He's been so starved of touch before he met Voltron, not trusting those he shared a ship with enough to allow it. Hunk was always hugging Lance though, so he became dependent.
He needed a gentle touch every now and then.
"Heard what?" Lance asked again instead, his fingers twitching in his lap. Hunk took another shuddering breath.
"I heard everything Lance." Hunk said, turning to look Lance in the eyes again. Pain and anger in his eyes, as well as unshed tears. "Everything they did to you, I heard it." Lance let that sink in, wondering why it would cause such problems with Hunk.
Yeah, Lance was tortured. Yeah, he was vocal at points. But why would that cause such reactions in Hunk?
"How much did you hear?" Lance asked slowly.
Hunk shook his head again, curling himself to make a giant Hunk ball. Despite the guy's size, he seemed pretty small in that moment. When he spoke again, it wasn't to answer the question.
"The others, Pidge and Keith and the rest of them. They only heard Keith's side of the story. Not mine. Not yours." Hunk said. Lance hesitated, but slowly lifted a hand to Hunk’s shoulder. The contact practically made Hunk melt out of the ball he had formed himself into.
They scooted closer, only an inch, but enough to allow their legs to touch. And Lance waited. Eventually Hunk got the hint and kept talking.
"My cell was right down the hall from where they kept you. I heard everything they did to you. I heard your screams, and taunts and sobs. I heard the men and the whip and the laughter." Hunk gasped in a breath. "And I heard when they changed tactics against you. It was when whatever they drugged you with broke you. Because I know you were drugged, or you wouldn't have said the things you did."
"Hunk-" Lance said, a small swell of panic rising. He didn't want to talk any more, but Hunk wasn't listening.
"I sort of blacked out. Went on a rampage, but watched myself do it all. Ripping my cuffs to shreds. Taking down the guards when they investigated all the noise. Stealing a large set of armor to fit over my own. Finding Keith's cell and body slamming his guard. Breaking him free." Hunk said in a rush. His words were getting faster and more blurred together. So much so that Lance had make that click to change to enhanced vision and hearing.
"It's like watching a screen engulfed in water. Blurred, and wobbly. Hard to understand. And my chest- Oh my god- my chest. It was burning, like I was melting inside out." Hunk pressed a hand to his chest and Lance knew what he meant. Almost instinctively.
"I couldn't breath, and I couldn't think. I had never felt such things in my life. And it didn't leave until we had you in the pod. It was awful." Hunk finished, his voice dropping to a whisper.
Lance took pity on both of them and leaned into Hunk’s side. "It's called anger. That's what pure anger feels like. When it's so bad that your chest burns and it's like someone is yanking the air out of your chest." Hunk shuddered.
"I never want to feel like that again." Hunk said. Lance hummed his reply, and they sat in quiet some more. As if breaking the silence was forbidden.
Hunk broke it anyways. "I'm ashamed of myself for not getting you back sooner, for just abandoning you to fend for yourself against Shemale."
Lance stopped short. Shemale? "Who the hell is Shemale?" Lance asked, shocked at the name. He knows no one on that awful ship who called themselves Shemale. Hunk barked out a short, hoarse laugh.
"That's what Keith and I called the Commander. We couldn't decide if they were male or female. Keith is adamant they were female, but I'm partial to male. We've been meaning to ask you, even have a bet on it."
Lance snorted as he shook his head slowly. He could see it, honestly. Pagg was not the handsomest of aliens.
"Male." Lance said. "Definitely male." He heard Hunk mutter under his breath that Keith owed him a thousand Gak. Which was funny, since literally no one but Coran and Allura actually have any Gak. Lance had some, but he hasn't needed to use his stash yet.
Of course when Pidge and him went Gak fishing in the fountain at the mall, that was just for fun. And Pidge wouldn't take his money anyways. They let the mood sink back into a serious air.
"You don't have to talk to me about it. There are plenty of people on this ship if I'm not the one you want to talk to." Hunk said, his voice soft. Lance went to interrupt but Hunk just kept talking.
"Talk to Shiro, he's been in similar situations. Or Pidge, she'll throw logic at you until you understand that whatever is bothering you is not true or your fault or whatever it is." Hunk said, a small smile curling on his lips. Lance snorted in response.
"She would wouldn't she?" Lance said fondly.
"Or Allura. Despite being," Hunk paused to find the right words, before saying slowly. "Rough around the edges, she's really kind and empathetic. It's how she saved the Balmera."
Lance pouted. "You guys still haven't told me what you did. I mean come on. I've seen the details of it's condition, saving it should have been impossible with a thousand years to do it let alone one day." Hunk only laughed, his large body trembling under the force, shaking Lance a little where he leaned.
"Maybe later." Hunk said. Like he always did. They all found it funny how pretty much all of the Galra believe it was Lance to save a Balmera. Given Lance still had a price on his head for it, he didn't find it funny. To be fair, without the tracker in his eye, they have been able to lay low and try to fix the ship.
"You could talk to Keith. Believe it or not, he understands emotions quite well." Hunk said. Lance scoffed and sat up to look at Hunk with a deadpan expression.
"Keith." Lance said, obviously disbelieving.
Hunk only smirked, seeming much more like himself, even if he still wouldn't look him in the eyes. "Think about it." That was all Hunk said. And Lance did think about it.
It made sense. Keith was always putting himself as a punching bag for Lance's frustration, and keeping Pidge company at night sometimes. When Lance didn't get her in bed at least. Which wasn't often but still.
Ever since Lance found out about her insomniac ways, he's gotten pretty good at convincing her to go to sleep. Usually she only went when Lance sung to her. It was their little thing, the singing. It was the only way her thoughts could quiet enough to sleep.
The first time Shiro saw him carrying her to bed, he had called Lance a witch. That was an entertaining night. Usually she'll go happily to bed when Lance offered to sing, but when she didn't, he sung to her anyways. Bit by bit she would fall slowly to sleep. It was only after the third time when Lance learned the moment she would drop her head on her keyboard, so that he could move it out of the way.
But Keith was always there when he or Hunk weren't. Shiro's pacing the halls, countered with Keith's offer to spar. Allura’s snapping, countered with Keith's steady voice when they were in tense situations.
"Oh my god." Lance breathed. Hunk nodded in smugness. "You're absolutely right." The thought blew his mind. Hot head Keith was actually good with emotions, or other people's anyways. He wasn't good with human interaction and his own emotions, but other people's he was great.
"And if not Keith, go to Coran. He's older and wiser, and will probably be a great listener for you." Hunk paused and scoffed. "Besides, we all know he has the hugest soft spot for you."
Lance chuckled, not denying it. They were pretty close for knowing each other only a short time. But still, Lance couldn't talk about it, it hurt too much. He told Hunk as much.
"I can't relive the memory Hunk. It's too painful." Then Lance said something that was bothering him quite a bit. "Shiro's lucky not to remember what the Galra put him through. He has time to accept it before he knows, I see it all in my dreams. Every time I close my eyes, or see my own body, or even breath. It haunts me." He felt guilty saying Shiro was lucky, because he really wasn't, but that didn't mean Lance felt any different.
"I think that's something you should talk to him about, but if you don't talk to anyone it will kill you slowly." Hunk said, deadly serious.
He wanted to say something awful, like Good riddance, but that was just his trauma talking. He shook his head, leaning against Hunk again. He felt so tired, felt like he was sinking to the bottom of Earth's oceans and unable to swim to freedom.
"I can't." He said again. Hunk sort of blew up at him after that, raising his voice into a yell.
"You have to talk to someone! The team, a recorder, Blue. Hell just talk to a wall if you must! You can't keep bottling things up in your chest. Because they will explode when packed too tightly." Hunk finished, standing up and pacing away from Lance. He turned back to Lance before he stormed out of the room.
"And when it happens, the ones affected will be your friends. I can't promise the damage to be repairable either." Hunk locked eyes with Lance. They stared at each other a moment before Hunk sighed and went to open the door.
He didn't look back when he spoke next, his voice nearly a whisper. "I'm going to get changed. Meet you at dinner. If you decide to show up at least." Lance watched how his shoulders hunched inwards, his view cut off by the closing of the training room door. When the silence settled over him, he just curled into himself and closed his eyes.
He couldn't talk about it. Not yet.
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