#touristsconned

[bountyman]

"You've not met me officially yet, but I've found you blindfolded, and I drew a dick on your face. It's hilarious. I might rob your shit." - blindfold meme

my muse is blindfolded and listening. go on anon and whisper something in their ear; a confession, a secret, a memory–there are no limits. || x || selectively accepting

          The statement comes from so far left field that Josh doesn’t even have the wits to make a snappy comeback. His head is still pounding from whoever had knocked him out and all he can manage is a befuddled “Huh?”

         ( JOKE’S ON YOU! HE’S DEAD BROKE!!                                …unless hardtack and beans have become luxurious since 1877. ) 

[triangularus]

touristsconned replied to your post: Bill Cipher has appeared! What do you do? Worship ...

PUNCH. Again. AHAHAHA.

    HEY FUCK YOU!

[devindicta]

@touristsconned

If you want a woman to notice you exist you've gotta follow her around wherever she goes. Then she'll HAVE to notice you.

“I’m gonna take a fat guess and say you’ve never felt a woman’s touch.”

[heedingcalls-archive]

Ⓐ for Duke. For reasons. THIS DARN IMPOSTOR.

        ❛  You must know that even if you bare the same face as Stanford, it does not mean I’ll LIKE you. Right? You know that’s not how this works. Especially since you’ve been MASQUERADING as him for years. How I’d rate you is NOT the same as I would Stanford. ... Okay? Good? We’re in agreement here? We understand each other? Good. ❜

Attractiveness:

repulsive || hideous || ugly || not attractive || unappealing || not unattractive || meh || no preference || ok || mildly attractive || nice looking || cute but IT’S ONLY BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE HIS HUMAN, STANLEY || adorable || attractive || pleasant on the eyes || good looking || hot || beautiful || gorgeous || hot damn || perfect || godlike || holy fuck there are no words || HOW IS THIS A FAIR QUESTION WHEN HE’S DATING HIS TWIN BROTHER?????

Personality:

grating || irritating || frustrating || boring || confusing at best || awkward || unreasonable || psychotic || disturbing || interesting || engaging || affectionate || aggressive || ambitious || anxious || artistic || bad tempered || bossy || charismatic || appealing || unappealing || creative || courageous || dependable || unreliable || unpredictable || predictable || devious || dim || extroverted || introverted ||  egotistical || gregarious || fabulous || impulsive || intelligent || sympathetic || talkative || up beat || peaceful || calming || badass || flexible

Level of Friendship:

never in a million years || worst of enemies || enemies || rivals || indifferent || neutral || acquaintance || friendly toward each other .... kind of || casual friends || friends || good friends || best friends || practically the same person || would die for them || true friends || my only friend ||

First impression of them:

I hate them so much || I don’t like them || I don’t trust them || they annoy me || they’re weird || I’m indifferent || meh || they seem alright || they’re growing on me || truce || I think I like them || I like them || I’m not sure if I trust them || I trust them || they’re cool || they’re genuine || I think we’re going to get along || I really like them || I think I’m in love || oh fuck they’re hot || I love them || hOW DARE THIS HUMAN PRETEND TO BE MY STANFORD-- THE HUMAN THAT I LOVE AND ADORE AND WOULD DIE FOR

Current impression of them:

I hate them so much || I don’t like them || I don’t trust them || they annoy me || they’re weird || I’m indifferent || meh || they seem alright || they’re growing on me || truce....? || I think I like them || I like them || I’m not sure if I trust them || I trust them || they’re cool || they’re genuine || I think we’re going to get along || I really like them || I think I’m in love || oh fuck they’re hot || I love them

How good of a kisser:

worst kisser ever || terrible || bad || awkward || just okay || alright || pretty good || good || excellent || exciting || oh god they’re good || I dream about it || fucking amazing || absolute perfection || we haven’t kissed -- and I’m keeping it that way.

[bountyman]

LOOK INTO HIS BEAUTIFUL EYES. YOU CANNOT RESIST. THERE IS NO ESCAPE. JUST STANLEY. JUST STANLEY. JUST STANLEY. JUST STANLEY. JUST STANLEY.

          “…”

          “…Mister, you funny in the head or somethin’?”

[plaidcool]

"Hey-- did you get that inventory done or did you just toss everything behind that rack of t-shirts that never sell?"

           “Uhhhhhhmmmmmm– uh-hmm, yep, mmhm. Totally did that.” 

          She didn’t. She one-hundred and twenty percent dumped them behind the t-shirt rack. It wasn’t like anyone was going to buy the weird overpriced junk Stan put in the gift shop anyway, right? Wendy’s eyes darted away.

          “…Say, Mr. Pines, can I get a Wednesday bonus?”

[sonxflight-a]

“I assume fighting a snake isn’t as hard as you make it out to be. It’s not like they have the hands to throw punches.”

☯ “Retelling Greek Myths” Sentence Starters ║ @touristsconned ☯

“There is the difference between a snake and the demon in form of a giant serpent, Stanley…”

“Though I assume you fight with pterodactyl was no less tough, hmm?…”

[yonblu]

"YOU SIR, have EXCELLENT taste."

“OH, I already like you.”