Since #1 said that she’d like to read this, I decided to post it. <3
If you haven’t read about my initial string of Train Dreams, you might want to do that first to avoid confusion: Click Here
Again, I stopped having the dreams the night after Seung Hyun enlisted & they only picked back up the night of June 1st (after the ‘scandal’ broke). This was the one I had on the morning of the 7th, I had already suffered through my panic attack the night before, set an alarm so I could wake up for the press conference at 3am (my time), then I just decided to stay awake and get the kids ready for school. Once they were gone, I laid back down to try and make up for only getting 2-3 hours of fitful sleep. That’s when this happened.
I was staring down at a well-worn, wooden table. The rich, brown wood still had a polish on it, but it was pockmarked from obvious years of use. Somehow, between the color & the fact that it had withstood the test of time, it was comforting to me.
Then I noticed that in my right hand, I held a cup of coffee. The mug wasn't anything familiar, just a standard white color. But the coffee was made just the way I like it & I could feel the warmth of it in my hand... see the steam curling up off of it.
I looked over to my left & was surprised to see another hand firmly gripping mine. Not painfully tight, but not light either. I knew that hand...
My gaze snapped up to see Seung Hyun seated across from me, casually taking a sip from his own coffee mug.
“I was beginning to wonder how long it would take you to notice me.” he said with a smile as he put the mug back down on the table.
It was only then that I heard the familiar click-clack of the rails, the slight swaying motion of the train.
“I... I wasn't expecting you to be here.” I told him truthfully, lifting the coffee to my lips & taking a hesitant sip. It was perfect.
After that, we said nothing... just sipped our coffee while holding hands. Oddly enough, the cup never seemed to run out and it stayed the exact perfect temperature. Not too hot, not too cold.
It took a while, but I finally realized that the train was slowing down. It wasn't long before it had come to a complete stop.
“We're here.” he said, letting go of my hand so he could stand up.
“What?” I asked, looking up so I could see him towering over me, the confusion obvious in my voice. “Where is here?”
“Come with me and find out.” he answered with a smirk.
He held a hand out to me to help me up out of the seat. I looked back down at the coffee cups, still curling steam even though we had been sipping at them for a while now. I noticed mine had a light pink lipstick stain on the side where my lips had been. It was oddly intimate, the sight of those two mugs of coffee just sitting on that little wooden table.
“They're not going anywhere.” he said, voice impatient as he tugged on my hand in order to get me to follow him. “Now come on!”
He pulled me all the way to the end of the empty train car until we reached the exit. Once we stepped off the train we were in a station of some sort. It was huge and incredibly Art Deco. All white stone walls, polished granite floors, and huge, floor to ceiling windows that let in the late afternoon sun.
To my surprise there were other people in the station, even though I had never seen any on the train. But, they didn't seem quite right to me. On further inspection, I realized that they were all wispy... translucent, even though they walked through the space as if they were solid.
Seung Hyun sensed that I was startled. “They aren't really here.” he said, giving my hand a reassuring squeeze. “Well... they are here, obviously. But they don't realize it.”
He continued pulling me through the station, all the way to the front doors. He opened the door, leading me outside. At first, I had to shield my eyes because it was so bright and the sun was in my face. But as my eyes adjusted, I could see that we were alone now, surrounded by beautiful, lush scenery. There were mountains far off in the distance, but there were plenty of hills where we were. The grass & the plants were all a super intense shade of green & the flowers were well beyond vivid.
Briefly, I wondered why there was such a huge, modern train station in the middle of nowhere. But my brain kicked in, reminding me that this was a dream... it didn't have to make sense.
We walked down the steps that led out of the train station and across a huge green field, still hand in hand. Eventually, he led me up to the top of a very steep hill, with a single, huge oak tree. He let go of my hand again & sat down, his back against the thick tree trunk.
“Sit down.” he said softly, patting the grass in front of him.
There wasn't much else for me to do, so I sat down. The instant my butt touched the grass, his arms wrapped around me and pulled me back into him. I couldn't help but laugh & could feel the rumble of his chuckle against my back. After a few moments of just sitting there together, he awkwardly cleared his throat.
“So... um, I... I just realized that I've never even asked you what your name is.” he said, sheepishly.
“It's _________.” I told him. “But most people call me Sin.”
“Sin?” he asked, sounding surprised. I just nodded. “Hmmm... I think I like that.”
We sat there for a while, silently watching the sun set behind the mountains. The sun was gone, but there was still daylight left when he nudged me.
“Look.” he said, turning me so that I could see the bit of tree trunk beside him.
Carved into the bark of the oak tree was the cliche heart symbol, complete with the letters TOP + SIN on the inside. But on the outside, where there was usually a “4 Ever”, instead it was just the letters UW.
I reached out and slid shaking fingers over those two little letters, feeling the rough bark under my fingertips. I couldn't understand how it had gotten there... he obviously hadn't done it, he had been holding me the entire time. But again, my brain supplied, dreams don't have to make sense.
“Until Whenever.” Seung Hyun whispered in my ear.
“Until Whenever.” I tearfully whispered back.
He turned me back around, settling his arms around me once more. “You have to admit, it's beautiful here.” he said with a contented sigh.
“It is.” I agreed, looking out over the quickly darkening hills and valleys... out to the mountains where the last colors of pink and purple were slowly fading from the sky. “It's beautiful, Seung Hyun. But it's not real.”
He sighed again, a more defeated sound this time. “I know. I know it's not real... but it's calm here. Peaceful. There's no pain, no judgment, and no people.”
“I'm here.” I said with a huff. “I'm people.”
“Yes, but you're... different.” he leaned forward and placed a kiss to my left temple.
“We can't stay here.”
“I don't want to go back.” he said with absolute certainty.
“Why not?”
“I don't like it.” he grumbled, like a toddler. “What's worth the pain of going back?”
I turned sideways again so I could look him in the eye. I reached up and cupped his cheeks in my hands, forcing him to look at me.
“Sweetheart... there's so many things worth going back for. The taste of a really good meal. The feel of fresh sheets on a warm summer's night. The sound of children's laughter. The...”
He held a finger up to my lips to shush me, a knowing smile on his face. “I get the idea.”
“Plus the warm feeling of drinking coffee with a really good friend.” I mumbled against him.
He laughed, and settled me back against him. “Are you a really good friend?”
“Well, I'd like to think so. That would at least explain the tree.” I mused. “Look at it this way... right now we're leaning up against something that symbolizes us... our relationship. The oak tree is a symbol of courage and power. Legend has it that it is the most powerful of all trees, it stands strong through all things.”
“Wow...” he teased. “You are really into this dream symbolism stuff, aren't you?”
I smacked his arm playfully. “I had hippie parents. Now hush.” I told him, smiling at his joke. “Just like you're leaning on us now, you can continue to do so even if we go back. I'll always be there. Our roots run deep, strong enough to weather any storm... as long as we're together. I've leaned on you enough for the past year, Tabi. Now it's time for you to lean on me.”
“Thank you, Sin.” his voice rumbled, kissing my temple again. “I appreciate it. But, at the end of the day, I'm still alone.”
I sighed heavily, he still didn't get it. “Oh, Seung Hyun... you're never alone. Look...”
I pointed upwards to the night sky where a few stars were beginning to flicker into existence. It started with a handful, maybe a dozen. Then more joined... and more... and as they grew in number, it was clear that they weren't white, like stars. They were yellow. Yellow against a black night sky. It didn't take long until it was obvious that there were millions of “stars” up there.
“Holy shit...” he breathed. “There's so many.”
I nodded. “We are very many. Not just in Korea, Seung Hyun. We cover the entire globe. No matter when it is, what time of day where you are... there is always someone, somewhere thinking of you, loving you and supporting you. You might not always be able to see us against the bright light of day... but I assure you, we're always there.”
He took a deep breath and then let it out slowly. “Okay...”
“Okay?”
“I'll go back.”
“Good.” I smiled.
“But can we stay here for a little bit longer?” he sounded pitiful.
“Sure... we can stay here as long as you need.”
“Thanks, Sin.”
“No problem.” I squeezed his arm where he still held me tightly. “Just don't take too long. I want to get back to that coffee.”
His rich laughter vibrated against my back as the world around me faded and I slowly woke up.
And there it is, my weird Train Dream variation. I felt so much better after I woke up. I spent a lot of the rest of that day dredging up the details from my memory so that I could type it out & keep it forever.
Now that I’ve shared it with you guys, I only have one request... Please Do Not Reblog This Post!!!
I don’t mind at all if you like it, or comment, or even ask me about it. Just, please don’t reblog it. It’s not one of my fics. It’s kinda personal. And although, I trust you guys with it, I don’t want someone else out there to make fun of it/me.
Oh, and if you’d like a good cry, here’s a song that reminds me of my train dreams. <3
a shopping mall was built between the train stations on my way to work and it is now the only possible way through.
To get in the mall you have to install an app that will charge you 10 euros any time you walk through a "speed bump" which is an elevated tile floor. The speed bumps are unavoidable and they're everywhere in the mall.
