That OC musing with Blacknet is just kinda creepy...
Well. honestly, his obsession (and it is a bit of an obsession) with her IS kinda creepy. I mean, Blacknet has very little of his own self-worth and thinks that he owes his every waking moment to Trajectory because she saved him. And while his gratitude and dedication and affection toward her is very real, it’s way more than what’s reasonable, and she absolutely takes advantage of that. And then poor Blacknet thinks that, by taking advantage of that, she’s accepting his affection for her. Which he only has because he thinks way, way too highly of her in the first place. He doesn’t believe he’s being manipulated, because he serves her willingly. He doesn’t get that it was never really his choice to be that dedicated to her. She orchestrated it. That’s why Stillwatch and Blacknet were both basically at the end of the road when she took them in. Don’t think for a second that the first time they met was the first time she heard of them. Trajectory was waiting. She chose people with nothing left to loose, in the moments when they needed help the most, because she knew how vulnerable they were. How easy to manipulate they would be if she took on the role of a kind and gracious savior.
It’s not a healthy dynamic for any kind of relationship, honestly. Everyone Trajectory “helps” genuinely needs even more help just to recover from being under her influence. She’s not afraid to manipulate people, even if deep down she does genuinely care for them. it’s just in her nature to take advantage of every situation (or person) that she can. Her pretty severe lack of a moral compass means she doesn’t have an issue with it, as long as it’s not getting her in trouble. And though a lot of the consequences of her actions are unintentional and considered terribly unfortunate, they’re still there and they don’t stop her. At most she’ll feel a bit of regret about it and then write it off as “it had to be done.”
And, see, Blacknet has all of his self-worth tied up in what Trajectory thinks of him. She’s pretty much all he ever thinks about, so of course he believes he’s just deeply in love with her. He’s never had any other experience that would make him question whether or not that’s what love is supposed to be like. And even if he did, he doesn’t want to question it. He just wants Trajectory to be his, and for himself to be hers, forever. That’s all. He doesn’t really have any other goals or aspirations. Anywhere with Trajectory is where he wants to be. That’s part of why he does so poorly after the war without her, because there’s nothing left for him. There’s just nothing to keep him going if Trajectory isn’t part of his future.
So yeah. It is kinda creepy. Everything about it is kinda creepy. Occasionally it can be sweet and gentle and charming though, which is why it’s so complicated and so hard for Blacknet to see that it’s not as great as he thinks it is. Whatever Trajectory and Blacknet have between them, it’s not quite love. It’s something else, something more insidious, that does a good job of pretending to be love. But that doesn’t keep Blacknet from believing it’s the deepest, truest love in the universe, which is a huge part of his problem. He doesn’t know the difference, and Trajectory makes sure to keep it that way. She has her good moments, her vulnerable moments, and sometimes the genuine affection and care she holds in her spark for her team shines through. But that’s not the norm. Trajectory genuinely showing that she cares is the exception, not the rule. She’s overwhelmingly a selfish and self-serving person, with rare moments of selflessness. And Blacknet just doesn’t get it. She’s got him wrapped around her finger, and he thinks that’s the best place he could possibly be.