#trans kallus

[sunrae08]

literally screamingggg look at this absolutely STUNNING piece of art that @cameoliob made for mee

it fits my vision for trans Kallus PERFECTLYYYY

(Zeb come get your MAN)

[anarcoqueer1994]

Was definitely in a weird headspace when I first started writing this (Thank you everyone for their super kind words) but decided to continue this piece because I love the angst and its a good outlet. Also I did a little revising of the piece I already shared. Tagging but feel free not to read because I know it has some hard topics. @fulcrum-021 @lacyberpatate @mymblesbuir

TW: Transphobia, use of a dead name to hurt someone, use of the f-slur, emotional abuse, implied sexual abuse within a relationship, pushing of some physical boundaries(nothing explicit)

Jovan defected, and now he's here on Yavin 4, with him, with his new friends, new family, and Kallus feels like he can't breathe. He was told some other ex-imps had defected, asked if he knew any of them. When he heard his ex-lover's name, it took everything in him to keep a straight face, to remove any trembling from his voice, as he lied. Said he met Jovan once or twice, doesn't know much about him. He didn't want to bring that part of his past up. Didn't want it to impact him now...didn't want to burden his friends and colleagues with his fucked up trauma. He has done enough of that.

But trauma had a way of catching up with you, no matter how much you buried it down, convinced yourself you moved on. The first few days the new defectors were there, he managed to avoid him, managed to go on with life like Jovan wasn't sharing the same space with him, the space that he didn't think he had a right to be in. (Though if he was honest, he knows he doesn't deserve to be here either). But that all changed on the last day of debriefing. He let himself forget, just for a moment that he could run into Jovan. But then he saw him, walking down the corridor, away from the room where he was being debriefed and on-boarded. His mouth went dry, and it felt like he was choking on air, it felt like his heart dropped to his stomach, twisting into knot, all the hurt and dejection came flooding back, and he would do anything if he could shrink back into himself, disappear completely.

But he can't, so instead he is left frozen as Jovan walks by, turning his head to smirk and shoot him a wink, knowing his presence got to him and then leaving him there alone. The memories of that last night they were together, nearly 20 years ago, play vividly in his head.

~~~

"Van, I really want to do this. I think it will make me feel better. And I finally saved up the credits to do it." Kallus gives a weak smile as he sits on the bed, staring up as his pacing partner.

"Anya, don't yo..." Jovan starts.

"Please, babe, I told you... its Alexsandr...or Alex...or Lex..." Kallus interrupts, voice sounding meek, like he is afraid he is overstepping merely for correcting his own name, like it was too much to ask to get that right.

Jovan glares, making Kallus shrink in on himself, knowing he messed up; upset Jovan. When Jovan continues, he pointedly doesn't use any name at all. "Don't you think this has gone on long enough? I supported you when you started wearing that stupid binder, when you cut that pretty blonde hair of yours. Then it was those shots, and now you are talking about surgery?"

"I um just think that I would feel better about my body, and I really...."

"Sweetheart there's nothing wrong with your body. Why do you want to get rid of those pretty little tits?" he says cooly, masterfully changing the tone of his voice to something sweeter.

Something like bile pools in the back of his throat, Jovan's words doing little to make him feel better. He replies in barely more than a whisper, "I didn't say anything was wrong with my body. I'll just feel better...more comfortable with what I want."

Jovan's expression changes again, anger returning. "Why do you have to be so difficult? This trans thing" he says with venom in his mouth, "is ridiculous. It was cute and all when you were playing dress up and pretending to be a man, but Anya, you are a woman. I'm not some fag dating a dude!"

Kallus squeezes his eyes shut, forcing back any tears. In a steady voice he chokes out "Its Alexsandr, and I am not pretending. And I thought you knew that." He did, Kallus truly believed that Jovan really saw him for him, despite the evidence to the contrary. He let himself believe that Jovan did love him, did support him, saw him as a man. But turns out, he is like every other cadet at the academy who would throw transphobic slurs his way, mis-gender and try to humiliate him. But they didn't bother him because he thought he had Jovan's support. He can't believe how stupid he is for believing that. He opens his eyes to stare up up at his lover, who returns nothing but disgust.

"You can say whatever the fuck you want. It won't change who you are. And the sooner you realize that the faster you can stop humiliating the two of us." Jovan spits.

"Get out." Kallus whimpers, voice muted by months of little comments here and there, reminders that he was lucky to even have someone, words that let him know he was nothing, and defective, all disguised as support, have torn him down. Jovan had pushed his mental and physical boundaries, and Kallus had let him do whatever he want because he was afraid of Jovan...and of being alone. he let him take whatever he wanted, use him as he willed.

"What?" Jovan asks, smirking at how little he has managed to make Kallus. But a small part of Kallus was still there to fight for himself, and it took over, so he repeats "Get out!" Louder this time.

It’s obvious this takes Jovan by surprise, not used to the blonde he had broken down being able to defend himself. His voice gets softer, but the cockiness remains. "Oh, come now sweetheart, you don't mean that. You need me."

Kallus is shaking at this point, with anger, with heartbreak, with determination. "I am not your sweetheart....and I don't need you, so get out!"

Jovan goes to step closer, to reach down and stroke Kallus' chin, feigning love in his face, despite the coldness in eyes. but the freckled man scoots back on the bed, pushing him away from him. Jovan stumbles as Kallus yells again, "Get out! Get Out! Get Out!'

"Whatever, you crazy bitch." Jovan says in a monotoned voice, obviously flipping Kallus' emotions against him, one more dig before walking out the door, leaving Kallus alone in his quarters, where he would cry himself to sleep, emotions crashing down on him.

But the next morning, he gets up, licks his wounds, and does 3 things; 1) Asks for a reassignment elsewhere, 2) schedules his operation, 3) Decides to prove to Jovan, to everyone he is a man.

He throws himself into his work, convinces himself he has to be the best, to prove that he is worth being a man. He moves up, gains recognition. No one ever dare question Agent Kallus' manhood. But though Jovan's voice gests quieter in his head overtime, it’s still there, reminding him that no matter how far he goes, he is just a pathetic little creature on the inside.

~~

Now, despite years of growing, of becoming more comfortable with himself, even letting his guard down when it came to proving himself as a man, feeling loved and accepted by his new friends, the sight of Jovan made all those emotions come back. That single smirk and a wink makes him feel about 2 inches tall, like he is the worthless thing Jovan convinced him he was. The confidence he usually held, all crumbling apart because of one man.

When he finally dragged himself to his room, he hid there the rest of the day. He feels terrible, blowing off duties, hiding like some scared child. He even missed his check in call with Zeb, who was currently off world. They try to talk every night. (Something was developing between them but neither pushed past friendship as of yet) He'll explain it away, say he was busy that day and fell asleep. In reality, he can't face him, can't let him know how pitiful of a man he really was. No, he can handle this on his own, no need to get Zeb involved, no need to worry him.

And he tries, over the next few months, he tries to ignore Jovan, politely nodding his head as a greeting when the other man would acknowledge him, tried to remind himself that Jovan doesn't matter, what he did to him was in the past and that didn't really matter, never brought it up to Zeb or the Specters, or anyone. He tried so hard to move on.

But Jovan seemed to lavish in making him uncomfortable, stepping too close into his space in shared meetings, simpering when he would hear Kallus' breath hitch, looking like a caged animal. Kallus would dig his nails into his palms as he made fists, using the pain to ground himself, leaving little cuts and scars in his wake.

Of course, Zeb noticed how tense Kallus had been; he noticed everything about Kallus; it’s kind of hard not to when he was the first thing Zeb saw whenever they were in the same room. He asks about it one day after they were all in an intel meeting together, when he saw Kallus glare as Jovan left the room.

"Hey freckles," Zeb says as he comes up to Kallus so they can walk together.

"Oh, hello Garazeb." He smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes like it usually does when he sees the Lasat.

"Everything okay in there?" Zeb asking, getting to the point.

Kallus gives him a confused look, tries to pretend like it can't have anything to do with Jovan. "Yea, why?"

"I don't know, just if looks could kill, that Jovan guy would have been dead in the middle of that conference room." Zeb tries to laugh it off, lighten the mood. "You said you met 'em a couple times before, right? Was he that much of a muttonhead?"

Kallus feels his chest tighten; he doesn't want to lie to Zeb, but doesn't want to dump all his emotional baggage on him too. So, he chooses the former, plays it down. "Oh yeah, I met him here and there. I just find him annoying; you know how it is."

Zeb lets out a little laugh, wrapping his arm around Kallus' shoulder. "Ah Sasha, don't let him get to you. Annoying people are a dime a dozen."

The warmth swelling through Kallus' body as Zeb's arm wrapped around him was contradicted by the guilt he felt, not telling the whole truth, and by the anxiety, hatred...and fear he had of Jovan. These emotions were overwhelming, and he felt so stupid.

But did what he does best, stuffs the bad feelings down, puts on a confident smile, and lets Zeb lead him to the cafeteria to have lunch together.

But things continue to get worse for Kallus. While early on, Kallus could convince himself he was over thinking, after all Jovan was just standing close by, people stand next to each other all the time, but now he is sure it is purposeful, and what's worse is he feels too weak to fight back.

First, he noticed at intel meetings, Jovan would “accidentally” say “she and her” when referring to him every now again, then make a big show of correcting himself.  “Commander Kallus, her job is…Oh I’m sooo sorry slip of the tongue. I meant he.” Kallus wasn’t out to anyone but a few of the medical staff, being privileged enough to “pass” as cisgender, so most people would stare confused when this happened. But every time, the blonde could feel his skin crawl. He knows Jovan was doing it on purpose.

He knows he should confront him when he does this, but fear overtakes him. What if Jovan outs him? What if everyone will think he is a freak? Or what if he’s wrong and it is an accident…and he would just be overreacting again? He did say sorry. So he always just looks away when this happens, to afraid to face him.

Then Jovan started to invade his personal space. It wasn’t just at meetings he would have to see him anymore, but out and about; and Jovan had the nerve to interact with him.

At lunch one day, when he was just eating by himself, going over some holos, Jovan comes over saying. “Mind if I sit, sweetheart?” Kallus should tell him to go fuck himself, but he can’t. The sweet epithet brings him back to the horrors of their relationship and he feels like he is going to throw up. So instead, he quickly says “Um, I got work I got to get to.” Before hurriedly scooping up his stuff and running past him. Jovan goes to grab his wrist as he goes by.

“Come on, Anya…I mean Alex.” He smirks, “I just wanna talk, baby.”

Kallus pulls away without a word, leaving the cafeteria as fast as he can. The word "baby" made him feel dirty, wanting suddenly to run to the sonic and turn up the heat of the water until his skinned burned, removing whatever this feeling was.

It keeps happening, whenever Kallus is eating alone, Jovan would show up, patronize him, touch him, make him feel invaded. It got to the point where Kallus will only go to the cafeteria to eat if he is with someone. He feels like he is trapped on this base, unable to flee his tormenter, he was cornered, only able to find solace in his locked quarters, or on the Ghost with his friends.

But then it happened one day when he wasn't alone, while grabbing dinner with Hera, Zeb, and Kanan. Jovan sat down, squeezing himself between Kallus and Zeb. Zeb looks confused but doesn't say anything right away.

"Hey, Alexsandr. You going to introduce me to your friends?" He says casually.

Kallus feels himself stiffen up but tries to remain cool, not wanting to drag his friends into this. "Um, yea. This is Hera, Kanan, and Zeb." he says softly, like he speaks any louder he will break.

Zeb notices the way Kallus' demeanor changes when Jovan sits down. Kallus isn't just annoyed like he had told him a while back. He knows when Kallus is annoyed. The blonde could be positively catty when he just thought someone was obnoxious, when a person just got on his nerves.

No, this was something different. Kallus seems withdrawn, uncomfortable...scared? He wishes the other man hadn't wedged himself between them. Because now Zeb has to anxiously wait until later to figure out what is happening, and why his favorite person- the person who usually exuded confidence, who could quip and banter with the best of them, who was competitive and cocky to a fault(affectionately)- was looking so subdued, so degraded-tiny.

Jovan puts on his most charming smile, talking comfortably to those at the table, the Specters making polite conversation. But he keeps moving closer into the blonde's space, brushing his shoulder against Kallus' own. Kallus squeezes his fork tight in his fist, willing himself not to shake. He finally breaks when he feels a hand brush over his thigh under the table. He hurriedly stands up, "I, um, forgot I had some work I...I need to get done. Excuse me." Before anyone could say anything, he was up and heading out the exit.

Hera, Kanan and Zeb look incredulously at the ex-imp remaining at the table. He just shrugs his shoulders, acting like this whole interaction didn't feel off. Then he abruptly stands up saying, "I forgot, I had work too." Before casually strolling away.

Zeb looks at the other two. "I don't like that guy." His face is in a scowl.

"He is a little weird..." Kanan agrees. Hera nodding too.

"No, its not just that." Zeb starts, Its just..." he looks off.

"What is it Zeb?" Hera asks, concern in her eyes.

"It's Alex...he changes around him. I mean I noticed it fer a few months now, but Alex just said he was annoying. But then there was that weird interaction he just saw...why did Jovan act so friendly towards him, when Alex was clear they weren't friends? And did you see how...how little Alex looked?" Zeb's ears go down, worry covering his face.

Hera reaches her hand across the table, grabbing Zeb's, "How about you go check on him? Sounds like, maybe he needs a friend right now?"

"Yeah, I guess yer right..."Zeb agrees, but he is afraid Kallus will keep hiding from him, he doesn't want to push but also doesn't want to see Kallus shutting down like this. So he decides to go after him.

~~~

He needed to get away, he felt like his head was spinning, and he was going to throw up. The way Jovan's hand felt on his thigh, stirring up memories of the other man pushing himself of Kallus because he could, saying horrible things to Kallus because he could, destroying him and building him up haphazardly, just so he can year him down again, all because he could.

He has to stop, lean against a wall so he doesn't pass out. He finds a little hidden crevice. He presses his hands against his eyes, causing little dots to dance across his vision, when he pulls them a way, he feels a tear stream down his face, this is all too much. How can one man, one insignificant, horrible man, have such control over him. doing

He's broken out of his head from a voice behind him. "Kallus?" It feels like his lungs are tightening up, refusing to let him breathe; its Jovan.

Kallus' voice breaks as he forces himself to talk. "Why are you doing this to me? Why can't you leave me alone?"

Jovan steps closer, as Kallus wraps his arms against himself. Jovan is right in front of him now; he is trapped between the man and the wall. He's physically shorter than Kallus, but in the blonde's eyes, he might as well be 10 feet tall. "I'm not doing anything, princess."

"Don't call me that!" He pleads, desperation filling his eyes, as he tries to push past him, only to be stopped Jovan's arms on either side of his head.

"I'm just trying to talk to you, don't you miss us?" Jovan says smoothly, face leaning closer. "C'mon sweetheart, we were so happy together...I'll even play along with this stupid little pretend game, Anya."

Kallus wants to fight, knows he could take Jovan in a fight, but he's frozen. He manages to whisper, "That is not my name..."

Jovan chuckles, jeering as he says "Oops, I meant Alexsandr..."

"Please, please just go away...please..." Kallus whimpers.

"You need me, baby. Look how pathetic you are, you think anyone else will want you...stop being such a bitch." He pushes his words like venom across his teeth.

"That's...that's not true. I have people who love me...who care about." He tries to retort.

"You mean that purple thing and his friends?" Jovan scoffs.

"His name is Zeb, and he is a better person than you'll ever be, and...he's my friend." His voice is more forceful than it has been, his instinct to stand up for the Lasat, outweighs any fear of Jovan, at least momentarily.

A disgusting grin covers Jovan's face. "Oh." Realization tinting his voice. "You like him, you want him?"

Kallus looks away staying quiet. So Jovan continues. "Ahh, that's cute. But do you think he could ever want you back," he leans in closer, "especially when he sees those scars under where your tits should be. Does he even know that you're a faker, not a real man?"

"Zeb's not like that...he's not like you." Kallus bites back,meeting his eye again.

"Come off it, you know you should be with me, so stop fighting it. I'm the only one who understands what you need." Kallus can feel his hot breath against his lips, knows Jovan is leaning in, to kiss him.

"No, get away!" Kallus turns his head again but it's no use. Jovan grabs him by his face forcing his lips against his own.

He feels like his entire world is crumbling down as he tries to push the man away. He can't believe this is happening, here, now. He wants to die, or disappear or anything to make this stop. But suddenly, he feels Jovan be yanked back, pulled away from him as he gasps for air.

"He said, 'No'." The Lasat says, pulling Jovan to him before punching him in the face, sending him tumbling to the ground. Jovan grabs his noses, blood running to his mouth. He had been coming to find Kallus, having walked in on this.

"You made me bleed, you stupid creature!" Jovan shouts, Kallus too much in shock to do anything.

"Yea, and I'll kriffin do a lot worse if I see you around Alex again." Zeb flares his nostrils, staring bullets into the man on the ground. Jovan glares up at the Lasat, standing up. But when Zeb steps closer to him, baring his teeth, Jovan huffs before leaving like the coward he truly is.

Kallus looks down, unable to meet Zeb's eyes. He wants to thank him, hug him, tell him how appreciative he is that Zeb helped him, but his words won't come out. He is too ashamed, he feels disgusting, like Zeb shouldn't be anywhere near someone like him. Without realizing, he begins to shake, his large frame looking positively fragile. He feels a tear fall from his eye. This is all too much, Zeb knows how pathetic he is now, how dirty, how broken.

Zeb, though keeping a small distance, gently says, "Sasha, it's okay if you say no but can I come a little closer?"Zeb wants Kallus to feel in control, doesn't want to break any more boundaries that this man has had broken today.

Kallus knows he should say no, knows that Zeb should get away from this train wreck as fast as he can. But he's too weak, too pathetic. All he can do is nod his head, not wanting Zeb to leave him.

Zeb cautiously steps closer. He whispers "Alex, are you alright?"

That question is too much for him. He isn't alright, he thought he could handle this, but he couldn't, he can't. Jovan knew how to break him down. He whimpers, "No..."

Moments later, he starts hyper ventilating, sobbing, and Zeb is barely able to catch him before he collapses to the floor. The Lasat gently guides him down, where Kallus instinctively clings to his chest, the weight of everything coming out all at once.

Zeb is so tender with him in a way neither men are used to, as their interactions, though flirty, were often colored with playful banter, both men giving as well as they get. But right now, all Zeb wants to do is take all the pain Alex is feeling, and make it disappear. And he wants more so to hurt the man who caused this pain, but that is a priority for another time.

So instead he just holds Kallus, thankful they are off the main corridor. He whispers soft reassurances as he strokes Kallus' hair. "...'t's okay, Sasha, I'm here..."

Kallus feels like his whole body is going to give out on him, feeling drained as he sobbed for what felt like an eternity. But he feels safe for the first time in months, and he lets that feeling overwhelm him, letting himself soak in it.

After a while, Zeb notices the sound has stopped against his tear drenched dress, and Kallus' breathing has gone steady. He looks down to see the blonde had fallen asleep. He smiles gently, Kallus needed this.

He manages to scoop Kallus up. He contemplates taking him to the Ghost, to his bunk but figures Kallus would feel more comfortable in his own bed.

He brings him to his quarters, and carefully tucks him in, only removing his shoes and jacket to make him more comfortable but not crossing any line. He has never really dealt with this before but he wants to support Kallus as best he can.

He goes to leave, to let him get some privacy, but as he does a gentle hand grabs his wrist. Kallus sleepily asks, "Stay...please?" He moves the blanket, scooting over, offering space.

It's not a hard choice, Zeb thinks he would do anything for Kallus, anything to protect someone he considers family. He gets into bed, and lets Kallus lay against him, letting him take the lead.

Over the next year, they take it slow. Hera was right, he needs a friend right now, not a romance. Jovan keeps his distance, and Zeb has made it his personal mission to make sure it stays that way.

During that year though, both men fall deeper in love. Zeb doesn't bring up anything he heard that day in the hallway, he lets Kallus come to him, just offering a safe place. Kallus eventually opens up about Jovan, their past together, and even that he's trans. Zeb knew that last part, hearing that day but wanted Kallus to decide what he wanted to share.

And Kallus is there for Zeb too, he's there when Zeb loses Kanan...loses Ezra. And he, too, acts as a friend, knowing the importance of that act before any romance.

It isn't until the Battle of Yavin, that it happens. Everyone is celebrating, drinking, hugging on each other, that Kallus is brave enough.

The air is warm, and he and Zeb had found themselves alone, slightly off base, just enjoying the night, the energy, each other.

"Garazeb? Can I ask you something?" The blonde says softly, nursing only a half drunken beer, fidgeting more with the bottle than anything.

"Anything." Zeb smiles back.

"There won't be any hard feelings so don't worry about that, but um..." Kallus bites his lip contemplating his next move.

"Out with it freckles." Zeb playfully pushes Kallus' shoulder.

"Okay, if you insist." He smirks, loving the way they can talk to each other. "Do you want to maybe go out with me?"

"I thought you would never ask, sweetheart..." Zeb's voice stays flirty, no hesitation just pure happiness.

"Good." Kallus smiles back, the cockiness that Zeb loves fluttering in his voice. "Well I think then, maybe you should kiss me now."

Zeb wants to but first gets really serious, putting his hand on Kallus'. "Are you sure, Sasha?"

"Yea, I am." He looks at Zeb with love filled eyes.

Zeb leans forward, pressing his rough lips delicately against the other man's, tasting the beer on his breath. The kiss was short and Chase, but when they break apart, they don't go far, leaning their foreheads against each other.

"Zebby?" Kallus says gingerly.

Zeb's grin gets wider with the nickname, knowing Sabine will tease him for it later but not able to bring himself to care. "Yes, Sasha?"

"Thank you...for asking." Kallus' heart feels impossibly full as the Lasat gently strokes his cheek.

"It's what you deserve."

[lacyberpatate]

I was talking with @fulcrum-021 about some trans Kallus and I wrote a small thing :)

Please enjoy this small Drabble of ftm Kallus where the egg is not cracked yet but is making signs to open after she left the Empire.

What’s in a name?

« Could you please stop calling me that. » Kallus muttered for the hundredth time already since she had landed on Yavin and had started those useless therapy sessions.

« You know we work on a first name basis for everyone here, Alexsandra. » The therapist responded, her tone smooth as usual.

« I’ve never been called that in my life. »Kallus tried to insist again.

The name had always seemed weird to her, her brain never really making the link between this name and who she was.

« I don’t understand why I can’t just be called Kallus. »

« People simply want to make a difference between the you from the Empire and you now.» The Twi’lek said with a soft smile.

Kallus scoffed before she could even try to contain it.

One of the therapist’s lekku moved as she raised one of her neatly painted eyebrow. Clearly the woman was not convinced by Kallus reaction.

« There’s no difference, I’m still me. » She explained tiredly. « I changed opinions, not personality. » She added for good measures.

She tiredly sighed as she focused on her interlaced fingers on her knees. Of course she would be questioned again on Barhyn and her motivation to join tbe Rebelion.

Simply because of a stupid name everyone was insisting on using even if she was perfectly comfortable with being called Kallus.

Sure, she had been called by her last name ever since she had joined the Academy but even her own father had started to call her that once she had enlisted. He had been far too proud to finally have one of his child join the military.

The man had been disappointed when none of his sons had enlisted for the Clone Wars and had congratulated her on ‘having more balls than the boys’.

The name had nothing to do with the Empire, it was who she was.

Not the scared little girl Alexsandra had been.

« Why are you so against this name? » The other woman asked and Kallus finally looked up again, realising she had been silent for some time.

She nervously laughed in disbelief, it was not ideal but that was still better than insulting the woman. The therapist was simply doing her job, she reminded herself.

« I don’t understand what is wrong with being called Kallus? » She could feel her voice weaver as her throat painfully closed in frustration.

Kriff, she hated when her voice would do that. She sounded so weak. So different from the strong soldier she had worked so hard to become.

« I’m returning the question, why is it so wrong to be called by your name? » The therapist asked with a tired sigh.

« As I said before, » she felt her eyes roll, « I have never been called that. Imagine being called a random name that is not yours? » She snapped.

« What were you called before? » The therapist finally asked after some silence.

« Sasha. » She smiled softly, the name bringing back memories of her mother’s yell on their regular arguments. Ashlas knew they had fought a lot, the worst being when she had cut her hair short with the vibrio knife of her dad.

« Would you be okay being called Sasha? »

« I don’t know. » She answered honestly.

The therapist smiled back as she turned off her data pad.

« We’ll have to try during next session then, Sasha. » She added as they both stood up.

Somehow the name was not that strange to hear and she figured that might indeed be a path to try.

A more neutral one.

[martianbugsbunny]

Rainbow Mists In Which He Stands (A Kalluzeb Fic)

Had to do something short and sweet for these guys, I'm being consumed by them. I haven't decided yet if I might expand this into a three-part series, with this one, a Kanera one, and a Sabezra one (which, fair warning, would probably be platonic bc I have complicated feelings about them being a couple). The point is, this is a delightful little break for Kalluzeb and they're having a nice time together. IN case you were wondering, the title is another Wayne Visser reference; that part of the poem kinda melted and gooified together in my brain like crayons left in the sun with that art @kappamelone did of trans kallus a little while ago to create my favorite scene in here (which will be terribly obvious when you see it). Read on and enjoy!

The crew of the Ghost had been offered (ordered) shore leave for a few days after a stunning misadventure involving Chopper, a bag of explosives, and a remarkable inability to count. Kanan said it was because their nerves were all stripped after that; Hera muttered about being put in time-out and kicked a couple of crates.

Zeb, like Ezra and Sabine, didn’t really care why they had been sent away to a remote moon for a bit of quiet time. He joined them in making excited plans about how to make the most of it, especially after learning that Kallus had been commanded to go with them.

“They want me to keep an eye on you,” he said, then a little more irately, “I’m pretty sure Rebel Command is as sick of me as they are of you.” Having been recruited into the Rebellion by the Specters, he had picked up their annoying habits of rarely listening to orders in the way in which they were intended.

But once again, Zeb didn’t care why Kallus had been packed up and shipped off with the Ghost’s crew, and he convinced Kallus to stop caring at least until they got back from leave. Then he could be annoyed about it all he liked.

The minute they landed, Ezra and Sabine raced out of the Ghost, shoving each other to the side, to take in the view. The planet was warm, covered in tall trees with vines hanging from the branches and brightly colored spiky flowers. Zeb had never seen another planet quite like it; the kids probably hadn’t, either.

Kanan and Zeb sat down together on the ramp, while Hera went through her post-flight checks and powered down the ship. “I used to go camping with the other Honor Guards,” Zeb said. He was still a little bit surprised, himself, every time he mentioned his life on Lasan. It seemed to happen more frequently these days; he wondered if maybe letting go of his pain enough to make room in his life for Kallus had helped him be more at peace with it in general. “I could show the kids how to set up tents.”

Kanan smiled, his head tilted towards where Sabine was gushing over how good the spiky flowers would be as pigments for her paints. “They’d get a real kick out of that,” he said. “You’ll probably have to drag Hera off the Ghost by her ankles, though.”

“What about my ankles?” Hera sat down between them, leaning against Kanan’s arm. “I guess—to spare you boys the effort—I could be convinced to spend the night outside. Sleeping among the stars is one thing, but there’s something special about sleeping under them, too.”

Kanan’s grin grew wider, and he kissed the side of Hera’s head. “You old romantic,” he teased.

Zeb rolled his eyes, standing up to stretch. “I’ll get the tents,” he said. Let those two have their moment. He went back into the Ghost and hefted the top off of a storage crate that he’d stuffed a couple of tents into before leaving the base. He’d only been able to find three; he expected Sabine and Hera would probably share a tent and leave Ezra and Kanan to commune with the new planet’s nature in that Jedi way of theirs—and of course he and Kallus would bunk together.

Speaking of Kallus, where had he gotten off to? He was prone to sort of drifting off while everyone else was busy, and half the time he neglected to even mention to Zeb where he was going. It was hard for him, Zeb thought, when he was with the Spectres; they had been a family unit when he met them, and he hadn’t figured out how to integrate into it just yet.

Zeb stopped to set down the tents outside before following the path that Kallus’s boots had left in the soft grass. Ezra and Sabine had stopped their frenzied exploration to lay back on the ground for a minute, and he gently nudged Sabine’s shoulder with his foot as he passed. It was good for them to enjoy themselves. They didn’t get to be kids often enough.

He didn’t mind getting the time to relax himself. He didn’t really care how long it would take him to catch up to Kallus, with fresh, greenery-scented air to breathe and nothing to distract him from appreciating the scenery. There were certain bright orange flowers that reminded him of ones that grew on Lasan, and soft white ones that looked like the drifts of snow on Bahryn.

Zeb finally stopped when he saw the waterfall up ahead. It was one of the most stunning views he’d ever seen.

Standing at the very edge of the fall, feet submerged in the pool it created, was Kallus, shirt, jacket, and boots discarded on a nearby rock, his head tilted back ever-so-slightly and his damp hair clinging to his face and neck. Where the water spilled across his freckled shoulders, it shifted and shimmered in the light, the mist forming a rainbow in the air like a cape.

There was that feeling Zeb was still trying to get used to: looking at Kallus and being sure that his heart was going to beat against his lungs so hard he would pass out, like there wasn’t enough room for love and oxygen in him at the same time and his body would rather go without the oxygen. It was easy to say he had never been in love with anyone the way he had fallen for Kallus. He wondered sometimes at the designs of the Ashla, but he was certain it had guided them towards each other, softening each of them in turn to make what they had now possible.

Zeb released a sigh and walked across the clearing to stand at the edge of the pool. “Enjoying nature all by yourself, handsome?” he teased. Kallus’s face instantly broke into a wide, unguarded smile, such that Zeb only ever saw when they were alone together, his amber eyes lighting like sparks from a flint. There weren’t many lines by those eyes yet; like Zeb, Kallus had spent more of his life frowning or scowling than he had smiling, but he was making some progress. A few of the worry lines, at least, seemed to have become less pronounced, now that Kallus was a little bit less tense than he had been as an Imperial agent.

“I don’t have to be,” Kallus said. Zeb stepped into the shallow water and waded over to Kallus, ripples fanning out around his legs as he walked.

Zeb cupped his hands around Kallus’s upper ribcage, thumbs covering the beautiful twin scars beneath his pectorals. The lines were thick and pale, mostly even; only jagged at the edges. “Have I ever told you how much I like these?” he asked, leaning his forehead against Kallus’s.

“Every time you see me with my shirt off,” Kallus answered, resting his hands on Zeb’s forearms.

“Which isn’t often enough for my taste,” Zeb said. Kallus laughed (Ashla, did Zeb love that deep, hoarse laugh), fingers playing across a set of dark purple stripes that were a little bit darker still than the others on Zeb’s body.

“How long do you think we have before they miss us?” Kallus asked. His face was flushed from sun—it made the freckles on his face seem just a little bit more vivid by contrast.

“A half hour before the kids hunt me down to set up the tents.”

Kallus smiled at him, more softly than before, but with just as much earnestness. “Ever the family man, aren’t you, Garazeb.”

Then he put his arms around Zeb’s neck and kissed him, and there was nothing on the planet except the two of them and the stones beneath their feet and the mists spilling across their shoulders, and for just a moment nothing could ever be wrong again.

[kalluzeb4later]

Bahryn Fest 2023

Challenge Day 1: Comment on a fanwork you love! (fic, art, cosplay, etc.)

Literally anything by @gettiregretti or @nicki0kaye is a delight. I love the way gettiregretti draws Kallus and I love nicki0kaye for drawing any and all trans!kallus.

Getti Back from the Deadi

If you don't make a kalluzeb in the style a romance novel cover I will revolt Can’t be having a revolution now, can we? This is a real nov

Nicki Kaye's art tumblr

gotta put my faves in high fashion. can’t stop won’t stop

[acedilfdin]

trans kallus is a top and cis kallus is a bottom, no i will not be taking any questions at this time

[sunrae08]

trans Kallus is BACKK I wrote another chapter 😈 (warning: this chapter is a bit spicy)

Now You See Me: chapter 3

SEVERAL MONTHS LATER

Rebel Base was a buzz, people scrambling about in a frenzy. Some new intel had come in, giving them major insight into the Empire's plans. There was much to be done to get their own plans into action.

But Zeb was busy with his own plans. Today was a very important day for him because Kallus was being released from his medical leave. Shortly after he had discovered Kallus' trans identity, Zeb convinced him to get the medical care that he desperately needed. It had started with getting back on Testosterone and birth control. Then there was the consultation with a professional doctor across the galaxy, which Zeb had happily gone with Kallus to attend. Finally, the approval for the necessary surgery.

Kallus had stayed at the medical station for the last few months, recovering from the major surgery. It was necessary for his full recovery, but Zeb desperately missed him. He originally was going to stay with him, but Hera insisted that he return to base to help with the fight. The months had felt like years, and Zeb thought of his friend constantly- always worrying about how he was doing.

Thankfully it was all over now, and Kallus was scheduled to return to base at any moment. Zeb wanted everything to be perfect. He'd specifically asked for the day off, much to Hera's displeasure, to insure that he had all the time he needed.

Ever since that day, when he figured out Kallus' secret, he felt closer to the man than he had ever been. Their relationship was... complicated. But he truly believed that they were good friends now, and hopefully soon they would be something more. They'd kissed a few times, but nothing had been discussed. It was like they were dancing on the edge of friendship, barely reaching out to see what else they could be. Zeb wanted to be more. He wanted it desperately.

"Yo, Zeb!" Sabine called to him from across the corridor. "We just got a com, Kallus says he'll be landing shortly!"

Perfect. Zeb was done with his preparations. "Thanks 'bine!"

She gave him a thumbs up and headed back towards the Ghost to assist Hera. They'd be leaving shortly to deliver some supplies to a Rebel fleet. Zeb felt slightly bad that he wasn't helping, but he knew they understood. Hera and Sabine might not know exactly what Kallus was going through, but they knew he was important to Zeb. And that was good enough for them.

A small rebel ship entered the atmosphere, flying straight for the landing platform. Zeb recognized it immediately, and hurried over to the edge of the platform to wait. He held a giant bouquet in his hands, a random assortment of flowers and leaves that he had picked from around the base. This jungle planet sure had a variety of plant life to choose from, which made it easy to get a bouquet so massive. The flowers almost completely covered his face.

The bouquet wasn't the only surprise he had in store. Zeb was also freshly groomed and had worn his nicest outfit. He didn't exactly have anything fancy, it being the middle of war and all, but this was the best he had. Hopefully it was good enough.

Zeb stood firmly in his spot, the platform shaking slightly as the ship landed. The vehicle fooshed and whirred as it settled. The steam threatened to blow his flowers away, so Zeb took a few steps back.

Finally, the door slid open, and Kallus stood there- looking like a brand new man. His hair was longer and his beard scraggly. He also stood taller, more confident. There was also a bright smile plastered on his gorgeous face. Zeb could not help but stare- and attempt to ignore the sudden pounding of his heart.

"Garazeb Orrelios." Kallus spoke, crossing the platform to stand directly in front of him. "Are those flowers for me?"

Zeb nodded slowly, handing over the bouquet. "Picked 'em myself. Welcome back, Kal."

"Well that was awfully kind of you." the human smiled, taking a sniff of the luscious blossoms. "And look at you, you're dressed differently. That jumpsuit is shiny. I like it."

"You look different too. In a good way! Not that you didn't look good before- I'm not saying this correctly." Zeb fumbled over his words. He scratched at the back of his head, embarrassed. "I just meant- it's good to see you again. You look great."

Kallus laughed. "That's alright, Zeb. I knew what you meant. I feel great. It was a rough few months of recovery but I'm done now."

They walked away from the landing platform and into rebel base. Several people passed by and offered their congratulations to Kallus for his recovery. No one knew the true reason for his absence, everyone had just been told that he was on medical leave. Kallus wasn't ready to let everyone know about his identity yet. Zeb and a few doctors were the only ones to know.

Once they made it to Kallus' room, the flowers were placed onto his dresser. Kallus looked at them fondly.

"Thanks again for the flowers, Zeb. I love them."

"Ah, it was nothing really. You're welcome."

There was an awkward moment of silence, both men staring at each other but not saying anything. Zeb didn't know what to say, honestly. There were many things he wanted to say but didn't know if right now was the right time. Kallus probably needed some time to adjust to being back at base.

"I really fucking missed you, Zeb." the silence was finally broken, a hint of desperation laced Kallus' words.

"Yeah. Me too. Missed you, that is."

"We should do something about that."

Zeb didn't need to be told twice. He grabbed a hold of Kallus' waist and pulled the man into his arms, kissing his lips softly. The kiss deepened, with Kallus' hands coming up to snake around Zeb's neck.

"Mm that's better." the human groaned against the lasat's lips. "Much better."

"Kissing the doctors wasn't an option for ya?" Zeb teased as their lips parted. "Came all this way just to get a kiss?"

"Oh I intend to get more than just a kiss, Garazeb Orrelios." Kallus replied with a smirk. Zeb liked this confidence. A lot.

Kallus took a step back, tugging his shirt completely off his chest. "I went through all that surgery, surely you won't mind if I show it off?"

Zeb stared at the human's brand new chest- completely flat. There were no more bruises, no more injuries. Only beautiful scars where the breasts had once been. It was the most brilliant thing to behold. Kallus looked absolutely wonderful.

"You're amazing. I- I can't look away." he said breathlessly.

"I know, I have a hard time believing it. This is my body now. It finally feels right." Kallus beamed. "No more shame. This is me."

Zeb stepped closer and very carefully touched Kallus' skin on his chest, caressing the healed scars with a finger. "Is this the only thing they changed? You mentioned another surgery but you weren't sure if you wanted it or not."

"This was it. I decided not to change anything else. I'm happy with my body the way it is now."

"You better let me see the rest then, I want you to show me everything." Zeb muttered, his breath hot on Kallus' neck. "Please."

There was no hesitation. Kallus immediately began undressing himself the rest of the way, his clothes discarded onto the floor. Zeb's gaze slide down the newly exposed skin, following the happy trail of hair. It seemed that Kallus had freckles everywhere, and he wanted to kiss every single one. He started with the ones on the inside of Kallus' thigh, sliding down to kneel on the ground.

"Karabast, Zeb-"

"Shh, let me take care of you. I've been waiting months for this."

Kallus let out a soft moan as Zeb's mouth got further up his leg. He leaned back against the wall for support, his legs trembling. Zeb grabbed a hold of his waist to steady him.

"If you want me to stop, just say the word." Zeb said, his face mere inches away from the main dish.

"Don't you dare stop."

"Understood."

Zeb dived in, his tongue lapping across Kallus' wet cunt. The man gasped, his hips starting to wiggle.

"Oh fuck, I've needed this-- for so long." he moaned as Zeb's tongue swirled around his clit.

"Mm?"

"I've wanted you so badly but never- fuck -felt good enough in my body."

"Mmm-"

Zeb's tongue pushed up into Kallus' entrance, circling around and thrusting up into it. Every drip of that delicious liquid that poured into his mouth was like heaven.

"That's- fuck that's good. Please Zeb, I want you-"

The Lasat pulled back, wiping at his mouth. "My turn to get naked, is that what you're sayin?"

"Yes. Let me do it though-" Kallus slid down the wall, his hands shaking as his began undoing the zipper of the jumpsuit.

Clothes completely discarded, the pair made their way over to Kallus' bed. The human straddled the lasat, pushing him down onto the blanket.

"My turn." Kallus smirked.

His fingers wrapped around Zeb's cock, slowly stroking it. Kallus lined himself up and lowered himself onto the length, moving his hands to grasp at Zeb's shoulders for support. His body trembled as he began to ride the lasat.

"Karabast" Zeb moaned, bucking his hips up to meet the humans. "You feel so good."

"Fuck- I'm so glad I kept this part of me. It belongs to you now, though." Kallus groaned in pleasure. "This pussy is all yours."

Zeb growled, grabbed Kallus and flipped their positions. The human gawked up at him as he began pounding into him.

"Is that a promise?" he hissed, his thrusts becoming more and more sloppy.

"Yes- gods, Zeb- I'm completely yours."

A few more thrusts and Zeb was a goner, his cum spilling into Kallus' aching hole. He fell onto the bed, out of breath.

"You should have gotten that surgery sooner. We could have been doing this- instead of pretending like we're just friends." Zeb said in-between his heavy breaths.

Kallus turned to him. "We definitely have never been just friends. We were enemies. Then it was awkward coworkers. After that- I think we jumped straight into whatever you'd call this."

"Boyfriends?"

"Boyfriends. Yeah, I like the sound of that."

Zeb smiled at his lover, using a finger to brush away a stray hair in his face. Kallus slowly drifted into a sleep. It was funny to think that they used to be on opposite sides of the fight- mortal enemies. And now Zeb could not live without him. It was a miracle he made it all those months waiting for Kallus' return.

"I'm so glad you're back, and living as your true self. Sleep well, my dear." Zeb whispered as he placed a kiss to Kallus' forehead. "I love you."

[sunrae08]

AAAAAA

I love your trans Kallus fic. Both chapters are amazing. Just the vulnerabilty, the care. Omg. So well done.

OMG THANK YOU 😍🥺

your compliments are very appreciated, I really put my heart into that fic

so thank youuuu