#trans zag

[nicki0kaye]

A princeling off to a party

[mollymauk-teafleak]

falling feels like flying

Guess whose back into writing! This is a gift for @minky-for-short who has just been an invaluable friend while I’ve been having a bad mental health time lately and this is her AU- a betrothal AU! 

Please reblog and comment over on Ao3!

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The papers are signed, the agreement has been made, the ball has been thrown. Prince Zagreus and Prince Thanatos are officially engaged after a long betrothal and now everyone in their kingdoms can breathe a sigh of relief.

Everyone but the princes themselves.

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There had been a pause. There had definitely been a pause.

Zagreus leaned back against the door he’d just closed and worried his lip as he thought, a very unprincely habit he’d had since he was a child and would never have done if he wasn’t alone. But he was alone, his chambers empty and silent apart from the humming, flickering candle beside the bed that some servant had helpfully lit for him and the whistling night air beyond the window. He couldn’t really still hear the dregs of the ball going on downstairs, his apartments were too far away, but the music and laughter and pouring wine still echoed in Zag’s head enough that it felt as though he could, lingering like the taste of alcohol on his tongue.

Though none of that concerned Zagreus. He was fixated on the pause, the slight, two second hesitation he’d definitely heard in Thanatos’ voice before he’d bid him goodnight, the way his golden eyes had flickered slightly and a different set of words had seemed to build on his tongue. It had only been for a moment but Zagreus was certain he wasn’t imagining things or thinking wishfully. Not this time.  

Of course they’d left the ball together, it was only right, seeing as it was thrown to celebrate their official engagement, their step from betrothal into full, willing commitment of this marriage contract their parents had devised. They’d been sitting together all night, side by side, sharing their usual, comfortable conversation, even taking the first dance. More than once Zag had marvelled to himself at how far they’d come from gazing distrustfully at each other from opposite ends of a long table while Nyx and Hades dickered over dowries, from trying and failing to find a future in each other's faces. Now they laughed easily, now Zag teased Than for the stiff way he danced, made him chuckle and fire back with a dry comment about how his footwork wasn’t too stiff to knock him on his ass in the training yard. Now Zag rested easily against Than as they chatted amongst their friends when the ball wound down into a loose, easy knot of godlings happy to go long into the evening. Now everything felt so easy.

But as soon as they’d walked into the hall, heard the now slightly listing music and lilting laughter muffled, a kind of tension had settled between them. Like a held breath. Like Than was worrying something between his teeth, not one of his usual puzzles he did as a hobby or thought experiments to improve the running of his mother’s kingdom. He’d had a little too much wine and dancing to be really thinking about any of that, he’d been relaxed and smiling through the whole party, armour discarded and guard down. The way he only got sometimes but Zag looked forward to immensely.

It was a different kind of tension, a strange kind of waiting. Zag had let it lie, certain his new fiance would confide in him when he was ready, simply humming the last song Orpheus had been playing coherently before the wine really got to him, as they walked through the palace’s grand corridors up to the royal apartments. But it had never happened, his fellow prince had stayed closed mouthed and brooding up until the hallway split, Zag needing to go one way towards the crown prince’s suite and Than the other, to the rooms he and the rest of his entourage had been occupying for months.

Zag had turned. He’d waited. He’d fidgeted, hiking the shoulder of his robe up higher where it was starting to slip. He’d scuffed his heel into the thick red carpet.

And then Thanatos had simply inclined his head, wished him goodnight and turned away.

And that would have been it if not for that goddamn pause.

Zagreus sighed in frustration and began pulling away his finery, throwing aside the skull clasps and the gold bangles and cuffs, slipping off the silks, letting it all rattle into bowls and fall to the floor without thought. This was just like Thanatos, throwing goddamned spanners into the works when everything was going great. After they’d finally managed to become friends, grow closer, after he’d actually started to look forward to marrying him and maybe thinking it wouldn’t be so bad to see that face when he woke up every day, to maybe wondering about their wedding night...now he had to bloody pause.

Perhaps he’d had a little too much wine, though he only remembered a few cups. His heart was beating hard in his chest as if he’d just come from the practise yard, his face hot and his mouth dry. Zagreus knew what the sensible decision was, what his mother would gently counsel and his father would command. He knew he should slide between his silken sheets and go to sleep, forget all of this and make sure he didn’t look too hungover for their official engagement portraits in the morning. He should write it off as his own imagination, his brain making space for something it wanted to see.

Perhaps he’d wanted to see it for longer than he’d like to admit.

Zagreus dropped that thought like it was a metal sword that had been sitting in the sun too long. Frustration was easier. Annoyance even, a desire to take those surprisingly broad shoulders that could swing a scythe well enough to knock him on his ass in the training yard, glare into those eyes that had once seemed like cold, hard gold but had softened into honey over time, and demand to know what the fuck his problem was. Why in his father’s name, after everything they’d been through and how hard they’d worked to build something, whatever that something was, why he was pausing now.

Mouth now firmly set in the stubborn scowl he was practically famous for, Zag abandoned his passing acquaintance with good sense and crossed his chambers to yank on a red silk robe. He deserved an explanation and he was bloody well going to get one.

He had plans to storm out of the door with all the princely righteousness he could muster, march down the hallway and hammer on his betrothed’s door to wring some answers out of that statue of a man he would be calling husband in half a year.

Plans that fell apart completely when he threw back his chamber door to see Thanatos standing there, hand raised midway to knock, eyes wide and alarmed. Zag froze, all his frustration evaporating to be replaced by simple bewilderment. Than was still in his ball attire, all flowing black robes and gold jewellery, though rather more rumpled and flustered than he usually was. He had the look he got in his eyes when they’d be sparring together and Zag would surprise him with some move you only got to know from training with the great Achilles, in the split second before he went sprawling back in the dust.

But this time Zag was equally caught off guard.

“Good evening Zagreus,” Than eventually cleared his throat, his courtly politeness a little thin.

“Morning,” Zag corrected, rankling at the formality, Thanatos hadn’t talked to him like that in months, “It’s past midnight.”

A light blush dusted Than’s cheekbones, “Of course. A ridiculous time to come calling, I know but...I wanted to speak with you, if you didn’t mind. Or...were you going somewhere?”

Zag bit his lip then quickly stopped himself, stepping aside, “Nothing important. You can come in.”

Thanatos inclined his head and moved into the dark chambers and its flickering shadows, the candlelight catching on his finery. He moved with uncertainty, like he didn’t know where to put himself or how to exist inside of the one place in the castle that belonged to Zagreus alone. It made Zag’s stomach knot, hadn’t they spent hours here talking together? Hadn’t Thanatos fallen asleep on his bed just last week as they’d sat and read in companionable silence?

Why did Thanatos feel like a stranger to him all over again?

“You can sit,” he grunted, just to stop his betrothed’s awkward rocking on his heels.

Than seemed abashed at least, sinking down onto the expansive bed, making the ropes creak. He left room but Zag made no move to follow, standing and leaning against the black stone wall instead, folding his arms.

“Zagreus…”

Zag. You call me Zag. “What is it, Thanatos? Just say whatever it is you’re here to say.”

The perfectly carved face turned crestfallen, “I’ve upset you.” It wasn’t a question.

Zag just shrugged, wishing he could summon back his anger but it would be impossible. Not with Than sitting right here, looking at him like that.

“I need to apologise, Zagreus,” he sighed, pushing a hand through his white hair, ruining it’s usual perfect sweep, “I...I’ve never been good at talking about sensitive topics.”

“You’re the personification of death?” Zag couldn’t help the corners of his mouth twitching in amusement.

Than seemed relieved at the smile, relaxing a little, “Well, not that particular sensitive topic. But all the rest leave me feeling quite helpless and...and if I’ve seemed distant or closed off to you tonight, I’m very sorry.”

“Look, just tell me what sensitive topic you want to talk about,” Zag tilted his head, “Help me understand it. I mean, we’re officially about to be married now, we should probably start getting more comfortable with each other.”

Something in Than’s eyes flickered, “Well...that’s just it, Zag.”

Real fear settled with a heavy thunk in his stomach. Please don’t break the betrothal, please don’t go. Only later would he wonder why that had been his first thought and not ‘please don’t break the betrothal, my father will kill me’.

Than saw his expression and scrambled, panicked, “Not that I regret it. Not one bit, Zagreus, I promise. Oh gods, I’m making such a mess of this…”

Zag sighed and found himself twisting the ring Than had given him around on his finger, “Than, look it’s okay…”

“It’s not,” his betrothed shook his head, lips tight, “It’s not, I’m sorry. It’s just it made everything seem so real and it made me...it made me realise how big this all is.”

Now he was just surprised. The idea that anything, even marriage, could scare the unflappable Prince Thanatos really was a revelation. Feeling something of a fool, Zag quickly moved to sit beside him, taking one of the hands that was clutching miserably at his hair, holding it in his own.

“It is alright, Than,” he kept his voice steady, even if reversing their positions like this was disconcerting. Usually he was the one raving or panicking and Than would be calmly talking sense into him, “I understand exactly how you feel.”

Than have a long, ragged exhale, clutching his friend’s fingers tightly, “It was just them all looking at us tonight and it just made me realise that...that this is it. This is my home now and you’re my husband and...and it's all real. It's not just words on some agreement from years ago anymore and as happy as I am to spend the rest of my life with you, it's just...it's not how I would have wanted to do it.”

“Me neither,” Zag admitted, smiling a little sadly, “It feels all out of order, doesn’t it?”

“Yes,” the relief on Than’s face was plain, “And I mean, gods Zagreus, I’ve not even kissed you, we won’t be having sex until we’re already bound for life…”

He snapped his jaw shut, hard enough that it must have hurt his perfect teeth. A dark blush stained his skin like spilled wine and he looked as though he was fighting every urge to vanish himself to the next room over. Possibly the next country over.

Zag managed to keep it to a mild smile, though his heart was hammering, “You’ve...thought about that?”

“I...I don’t want to give the impression it’s been my only concern…” Than’s voice became very clipped and polished in his embarrassment, “But...it’s crossed my mind, yes.”

“Well then…” Zag shrugged, voice casual and easy, “If you were amenable to it, why don’t we get that out of the way?”

There was a long pause as what he’d said sank in for Thanatos. If he wasn’t waiting with so much tension roiling in his stomach, Zag would have found it comical, how his eyes widened and his jaw went slack in slow motion.

“It’s...it’s not exactly proper…” he said slowly, though there was clear interest in his expression, in the way he was leaning closer to Zag.

“No,” Zag admitted, “And if you’d rather wait, I’d respect that entirely. Gods, if you don’t even want to do it on our wedding night, I’d respect that too. Betrothed or married, Thanatos, I will never make any demands of you in that regard.”

“I never believed you would,” Than murmured gently but he did look reassured.

Zag smiled, “But if you were open to it, maybe this could be a way to make this very big thing a little smaller? Give ourselves one less thing to worry about when that day comes? And you’d certainly know the man you’re marrying a little better.”

Than laughed, the sound not as nervous as it might have been, “True...I rather think this could work, Zag. No pressure, no expectations, no matter if it was good or bad because...well, because we’d have time to try again?”

“As much time as you wanted,” Zag nodded, his smile growing, “On our own terms.”

“Our own terms,” Than repeated, looking like those words were the last anathema his anxiety needed.

Zag couldn’t blame him, the last few months had been a flurry of decisions about their lives, all ones other people had made. It was good to seize one for their own.

“And you’d hardly be dishonouring me,” Zag chuckled lightly, “I’m to be your husband, after all. I have no intentions of being anyone else’s.”

“Neither do I,” Than gave a soft laugh, “Though you may change your mind when you see how, ah...inexperienced I am at this.”

“Oh come off it,” Zag elbowed him lightly, “Everyone is at the start, you know it doesn’t bother me, just like how I am pretty experienced doesn’t bother you.”

Than nodded his confirmation, though his eyes wandered back into nervousness after, “So...um, where do we start?”

“You want to go now?” Zag couldn’t help a bemused little laugh though his body answered with it’s own eagerness.

“I do,” Than nodded, now barely an inch from Zag’s face, when had he moved so close? And when had Zag moved to match it?

“Then, if I may have this dance, my prince?” he grinned rakishly, throwing the last of his reservations out of the window.

They had kissed before, chaste pecks on the cheek at balls and for the cheers of the crowd then the light, playful kisses to the forehead Zag gave all his close friends. But immediately, as their lips met, they knew this was different. This was shifting ground underneath their feet, a definition that wouldn’t form until they asked it to. And Zag let Thanatos ask first.

He did, after a moment, tilting his head so their mouths fit together better, opening his lips slightly, inviting Zag to lick into his mouth. When he obliged, the stoic, self assured emissary of death actually whimpered, a shudder running through his body as he pressed closer. Suddenly he was kissing him with such abandon that Zag was forced to break it, just so Thanatos would realise how much he needed air.

It was impossible to not laugh at the flush on his cheeks or the shine in his eyes, like a man who’d been starving tasting his first bite of food. Judging him ready and willing, Zag let his robe fall from his shoulders, untying it at the waist and letting it drop away entirely. He let Than’s eyes travel over all of him, let him have far more than any glances as they’d changed after sparring.

“Oh…” was all Than could seem to say but the look in his eyes filled in the gaps, “Zagreus…”

Zag grinned, reaching out and teasingly flicking one of Than’s dangling earrings, “Now you?”

His betrothed undressed a little more awkwardly, more clasps and buttons and layers to be dealt with, to be tossed over the side of the bed to tangle with Zag’s. But gods was it worth it, every last inch of smooth, dark skin, every angle of his lean, wiry muscles, the dusting of pale hair leading down to the silky thicket around a cock that was everything Zag had imagined it might be.

“So?” Than asked, voice edged with nerves again, eyes more vulnerable than Zag had ever seen them.

Zag spoke plainly so Than’s own mind couldn’t help but believe it, leaning forward and putting his hand gently against one cheek, “You are an incredibly beautiful man, Thanatos. I did really get very lucky.”

From the bright eyed way he smiled, his words had struck home.

This time, as they kissed, Zag rolled them gently, guiding Than onto his back with his legs apart. Already his cock was responding with endearing enthusiasm, Zag’s fingers helped it the last few steps of the way, only needing a few light strokes until he was hard. From the way Than moaned and arched under those gentle brushes of his fingers, Zag was already deliriously excited to show him what more he could do.

“Listen,” he murmured, tapping his aquiline nose lightly, “Just lie back and let me take care of you. The second something you don't like happens, just say the word and it stops.”

“Yes Zag,” Thanatos breathed, eyes fixed on him with a kind of trust he was rarely gifted.

To see it shining there in those golden eyes, dancing with the firelight in them, Zag almost faltered. Almost. Barely a pause.

He bracketed Thanatos’ hips with his knees, guiding his cock into him slowly. Than’s head tipped back with each inch, his jaw slackening and breath coming in short gasps.

“Zag...fuck, Zagreus…”

“You sound so cute when you swear,” Zag laughed breathlessly, bracing himself for the last few inches, shuddering as his hips pressed against Than’s narrower ones.

Seemingly with a mind of their own, Than’s hands skated over every part of Zagreus they could reach, determined to explore. His thumbs traced the thin scars under his nipples, his fingers traced the hollows of his collarbone, he grabbed generous handfuls of his ass as he started to rock slowly. Zag would never have thought his betrothed would be so tactile, his distant, reserved Thanatos would be so eager with his hands.

It seemed Than wasn’t the only one learning things tonight.

He focused on the task at hand, working his hips, leaning back to take as much of his betrothed as he could. Gods but it had been a long time and perhaps even longer since it had felt this good with anyone. Something instinctive seemed to be working between them, something that reminded him of when they fought side by side, how Thanatos would always know exactly how to match him and fill the gaps he left, how they felt unstoppable.

Something that made Zagreus think this was going to work.

“Zag,” Than’s voice, strained and thin, snapped him back to the here and now, “Zag, I’m gonna…”

“Good,” he leaned down to press their foreheads together, brushing Than’s lips lightly with his own, “That’s alright, just let go. I’m there with you.”

Permission granted to him, Thanatos gave a strangled cry, hips lifting up enough that Zag found himself having to hold on. There was the snap of released tension, a sensation of heat flooding into him, sharp contrast to the rest of the cool skin pressed against him. It was enough to send Zag tumbling over the edge with him with a sigh of release.

In the moments after it broke, after the rushing waters had settled and all that was left was the ragged, panting breaths, Zagreus waited. He waited to see the realisation dawn on Thanatos’ face, to see the shame flood in to replace the hollow left behind, to watch him decide they had made a terrible mistake. He hadn’t realised that fear had still been lurking in a quiet corner of his mind or perhaps he simply hadn’t cared, it had stood in the shadow of his own desire and the need to help Thanatos.

Zagreus waited for the pause.

But all that happened was a smile. A smile that spread over Thanatos’ face like a sunrise, tired and shy and satisfied.

“Oh yes. I could do that for the rest of my life.”

Zag burst out laughing, the sound raw from his strained voice, he’d been louder than he’d realised.

“Glad to hear it, Than,” he chuckled, gently extracting Than from himself so he could roll onto his back, “I...I’m glad we did this. This was a good idea.”

“It was,” Thanatos hummed, closing his eyes and tipping his head back in satisfaction, “Now this is always going to be ours, whatever else happens.”

“Ours…” Zag repeated, finding his mismatched eyes lingering on Than’s face, watching the shadows find all its angles and hollows. He rather liked the sound of that.

He wouldn’t ask Thanatos to return to his own room. If anyone saw him leave in the morning, they’d just say the princes had drunk too much wine and collapsed into bed still fully clothed. The fact that Than would be creeping along the corridor still in his finery would help the illusion, after all. They could have this night together, the night that was only theirs.

And all the nights after that, well, they’d find excuses for those too.

Zag smiled as he pulled Than close, let him rest against him as he drifted into the kind of peaceful sleep you could only have after a great weight of worry had been lifted from you. The kind of sleep where you felt completely safe.

There had most definitely been a pause. And Zagreus was so glad of it.