Welp, fam, I'm cooked

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Welp, fam, I'm cooked
Something difficult about being a tall, fat, and still self conscious trans woman is realizing that just because I like seeing others in a particular fashion style or wearing some particular outfit or piece of clothing does not necessarily make it something that I'd like on myself, either due to being taller, being fatter, being too self conscious to wear it, or it not being "my style" which I still don't know what it even is, or even a mix of all fucking four of them
NOTE: Wow, I wrote this piece anonymously and privately and did not intend for anyone else to actually read it. It was a way for me to vent…
im posting this again because its important.
leaning over in your seat with a low cut bra & coming face to face with boobs that did not used to be quite that big oh my god
Absolutely buried myself in my wife's cunt, suffocated on them... Covered them in spit and sweat while they stroked themselves and writhed underneath me until they came and then licked it up and spooned it into their mouth... I'm so fucking blissed rn
Man i keep seeing cis women with beautiful bodies. Hell, trans women too. It’s so hard to. I’m so afraid I’ll never be this or have that. I’m afraid my boobs will never grow big enough & i won’t feel like enough of a woman. No disrespect to those with A cups, i love all boobs of all sizes they’re all awesome…it’s just for myself. i need to be perfect. I need to be perfectly fuckable or there is no point to my existence. I’m not saying those with small tits aren’t fuckable though. To be clear, when I call a woman perfect I mean she has no physical flaws. Any woman with any size tits or any shape or size body can be perfect in my eyes. It’s driving me nuts. I saw a girl on tik tok who is so perfect like has the most perfect body. Literally one of two of the most perfect women I’ve ever seen in my life. Every part of her was perfect, head to toe. She has such a female body that I don’t even think it’s quite possible for someone like me to look like that someday. I’m pretty skinny & have been my whole life because it’s just extremely hard for me to gain weight. I don’t have much body fat & that makes me worry that I’ll never be curvy & AFAB-looking. I just wish so badly I was AFAB. It feels so unfair. I’ve already got so many other problems with life & my mental health why did I have to be trans too? Why couldn’t I just be born a mentally ill manic pixie dream girl. What am i even saying i forgot the point of this. The point is this feels like the same worries I had at the start of puberty. Which I’m pissed i had to go through. I didn’t know it was possible to change your body when I was that age. I thought being trans was just about dressing the way you want and changing your name and pronouns. God I wish I knew but idk if it would have helped anyway. But i was afraid that, as someone trying hard to be a man the correct manly way, my dick wasn’t going to get big enough for people to like it & want me. Of course later in high school I stopped giving a damn because i can’t change my dick size & I found out I don’t have a small one either. Not huge though. Frankly, in the Goldilocks Zone of cocks, if you will. Uhhhhhhh that’s all I guess. Afraid I’ll never feel like enough of a woman because possibility of small tits. But I’ll probably feel that way no matter what cause no AFAB. Which i realize is wayyyy transphobic of me toward myself but it’s toward mysekfnmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
I’m sure i’m not the first/only one who’s felt this, but I went to see IFD in concert a few months ago. I hadn’t heard this song because I missed a few of their albums. I love IFD but I‘ve always felt that they’re pretty heteronormative (Save Girl, Get World for example). I was stunned at the number of queer people especially transfems in the audience (although admittedly it seemed like several of them were there to see Schaffer the Darklord or MC Lars instead). I don’t know if Brian and the guys did this on purpose but jesus this song hit me (a perpetually uncracked egg) so fucking hard. This feels like a transfem anthem crying out loud. Am I wrong? Weigh in.