#transformers shitposts

[chefbeepo]

MTMTE LL: WHO WOULD SAY BITCH +scenarios

*inspired by: @Itsnotcurious (I think???)

Rodimus: often and is passing comments (usually about megs or mags when they disapprove of his idea)

Ultra Magnus: NEVER (would wash his mouth out with soap if he ever did)

Megatron: never (shockingly)

Drift: Yes, but in a positive way: "you the bitch, rodimus!" "Hell yeah, you show that bitch ass patient, Ratch"

Whirl: Constantly. Usually to describe inanimate objects that he can't grab (or any time cyclonus enters the room)

Cyclonus: never, but only because he has way more cruel things to say than a simple "bitch"

Tailgate: has never said a curse word and won't (as to not shock the crew)

Chromedome: says it in a string of other curse words, in this order: "fuck, shit, damn, hell, bitch" And always under his breath

Rewind: all the time. Especially to minimus ambus That One Time™

Brainstorm: when his equipment is acting wonky or when he saw Rung during his time travels

Rung: has only said it once but regretted it

Ten: ten.

Bonus:

Prowl: constantly, every other sentence at least

Starscream: a lot, mostly to people's faces

Jazz: only if a song he's singing has it written in

[wolpertinger-prince]

[headcanonsindisguise]

Knockout: Starscream I'm trying to sneak around. But I'm dummy thicc and the clap of my asscheeks keeps alerting the Autobots

Starscream:

[bumbleebutts-blog]

Lil story for ya’ll tonight cause i swear i feel like optimus prime himself just came in and slapped my titties so hard I was sent to mars

So I have chronic nerve-damage-back-pain which Ive had since my stupid body decided to plop DDD sized breasts onto me when I turned 16, I’ve been dealing with it for 5 long god damn years. So I started smoking indica marijuana to help me with the pain of the well, back pain lmao since I recently started using it cause my boyfriend is a huge pot head,,, So he told me about how some weed is good for back pain.

So anyways, my father is a older fashioned christian man, he’s very strict and super against anything “bad” like,,, alcohol, sex before marriage ( which is fine with me since I’m a asexual closeted bi bitch who perfers hugs and kisses over the dance with no pants game.) but yeah, that would mean he will lose his god damn mind, and my very existence would cease to exists. If he ever found me blazing it the fuck up lmfao

WELL OH BOY WILL I SAY, I WAS COMING BACK INSIDE FROM BEING OUTSIDE TO GET MY ASS TURNED INTO A ROASTED HOTDOG And look who it is getting himself a snack, the very man, whoms balls I escaped from 21 years ago; my father.

I sorta stand there in my coat internally all: “.....well its been swell but I’m boutta die a horrible death.” and he asks what I’m doing outside at this hour its late blah blah blah”

And im just:

My father over here is just lookin at me all:

But thats my story on how I died. The end

[goldrushrunning]

Bot: *is injured*

Ratchet: Do you need first aid?

First Aid: *seductively leaning against the doorframe* I heard someone . . . needed me~? 😘💦💦

Ratchet: oh my god

[fearlesshelicopter-blog]

I managed to elbow myself in the face while reaching for something. Kade’s been laughing at me for a solid hour. Please kill me

[wolpertinger-prince]

Saw this on the road today and tried to find a picture of the same thing because I'm not sure the picture I took properly shows off these awkward bulges having four back wheels gives this truck. But I was cackling as I was looking at it because can you imagine if this was Ironhide's alt. mode?

"Optimus, the clap of my ass cheeks are alerting the Decepticons."

[wolpertinger-prince]

Do you think Crosshairs and Drift ever hear “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” and are like “um. that’s our friend Hound. be nice.”