#transjournal

[samuelamartin-blog1]

Journal:The queer agenda

He says I haven't changed the way I am acting, to act more like a man. He says it in an attempt to prove I am not as serious about transition. I ask him what behaviors he has in mind. He says none of my behaviors are masculine, that I only dress that way. I inquire further, asking what he makes of the Stand To Pee device I use, doing vocal exercises, having more drive to do manual work, and other things. He says he doesn't have an answer. I bring up some of the handyman work I have been doing, he says, "yes, but Sarah would have done that too, you are not doing anything besides clothes that Sarah wouldn't have done. ...I guess you have always done masculine things." I said, "thats what I mean, I am just being myself, this is me."

[samuelamartin-blog1]

Journal:The queer agenda

When I'm alone it the tub I feel comfortable. Seeing my body that I've looked down on for years doesn't bother me, thats what we're working with. But then thoughts of work come in an I have to make the choice of leaving the sanctuary of my tub to go and work or stay home because I am not strong enough for working today. When I am out I want my binder, so people I don't know yet will never see my boobs (the tells of estrogen), but most so the people I do know can see that they are gone, that Sarah is gone, she left on child like dreams that promissed we could be what ever we wanted when we grew up. Sarah is gone, but I am still here.

[samuelamartin-blog1]

Youtube

Like and follow me on youtube for queer agenda updates.

https://www.youtube.com/user/lovencolor13

[samuelamartin-blog1]

Journal:The queer agenda

Making a GYN appointment like, "Hi, my name is 'girls name' but I like to go by Sam and I'm actually transguy but I need a gyno appointment. Also, can the doc prescribe hrt? Because I have a letter of approval to start testosterone from my therapist."

[samuelamartin-blog1]

Journal:The queer agenda

"One life is all we have and we live it as we believe in living it. But to sacrifice what you are and to live without belief, that is a fate more terrible than dying."

-Jeanne d'Arc

[samuelamartin-blog1]

Journal:The queer agenda

I walked up to that urinal like I owned the thing.

[samuelamartin-blog1]

Journal:The queer agenda

"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST DRESS NORMAL?!"

Wtf is normal and why are you yelling about clothes?

[samuelamartin-blog1]

Journal:The queer agenda, coming out to my dad

*I like our relationship.

*I am fine. There is nothing wrong with me or Jarod.

*I am trans and have been for a while although I didn't not understand that as a child and teen. (Cite my teenage trans behavior)

*Science has updated it's understanding of what gender means (insert definition) and that it is different than sex (what gonads you have), and sexuality. Who you are, what parts you have, who you would lime to have sex with, respectively.

*Some people grow up not feeling comfortable with the expectation that their gender will line up with their sex. Obviously not everyone experiences these feelings. And much like it is difficult explaining what an anxiety attack is like to a person who has not experienced one, explaining knowing you are transgender can be difficult.

*None of this is your fault.

*It is ok for you to need some time to think about this. It is ok if you are not comfortable with this right now. I am not asking for your permission and I do not need your approval, but I would like to be able to share this part of my life with you.

*What does this mean? (Insert words about the concept of transitioning) Going by Sam and he/him. Presenting more masculine.

*What this does not mean: My personality will not be changing. I am still me. This is a better and more accurate way to express who I am. I will still be the Sissy that you know and love.

*Requests on how to be helpful: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP KISSING ME FULL ON THE MOUTH! I might have need of your expertise of being a man. Please come to the trans support group with me some time.