takethewatchĀ replied to yourĀ postĀ :š: A headcanon about one of my rarepairs š: A...
ooh can u talk more about trans adam parrish? this is really intruiging and i would love to hear how you imagine everything unfolding for him!
Yes! I donāt have the books with me to write a really long analysis, and the 'elementsā that gave me that interpretation are 95% in Adamās own POV, but thereās this thread throughout the books of him being incredibly worried about how other percieve him - of course, itās related to his home and upbringing and economic status, but I always felt it could very much relate to his gender as well. How worried he is that everyone can āseeā that his clothes donāt fit him the way they do the other boys at Aglionby, how scared he is about other people will think heās lying to them and doesnāt really belong, etc. Heās hopefuly and ambitious but he knows too well how people can be cruel when you think you can start trusting them, how they can use what they know about you against you, how they will dismiss you if they learn youāre different.
(obviously, he struggles a lot about his own self-worth issues and the transphobia his parents would have drilled into him from the start, the same way he struggles coping with his feelings about his abuse)
Extending on my reading of canon to go into pure headcanon territory, I feel like itās also something he felt he could have talked about more openly with Blue than with the others? He always feels heās so different from them - maybe that would be too much, maybe not, but he canāt stop his brain from going with the worst scenario because thatās what his experience has been and he doesnāt have a proof yet that theyāll still accept him.
Except they do. Noah always knew, and he never told but Adam was always worried he would - Noahās not always himself and that makes Adam nervous - but he doesnāt until Adamās ready to tell. And Ganseyās exactly how youād expect him to be about it, clumsy and careful but he so wants to be helpful and heāll learn anything he can to help; and Ronan is the last to know, because heās the one who pushed Adam in shopping carts and punched him on the shoulder and called himĀ ābroā and āmanā without any hesitation and Adam is so, so scared to lose any of that, itās the first friendship like that Adam ever had. So itās such a relief when Ronan is almost dismissive of it and doesnāt change how he treats Adam in any way at all and. yeah.