Thoughts on jack his first year at samwell
Jack is coming into college after rehab and COACHING CHILDREN. like. small ones. so i think he actually comes in more relaxed than most people headcanon him. i think the combo of therapy and coaching the peewees does him a lot of good. both for his relationship with himself and his relationship with his parents.
enter: b shitty knight. who is just. unapologetically himself and ready to throw hands at anyone who is mean to his friends, but esp jack.
and like, he's still quiet and kinda shy and the seniors/upperclassmen are assholes.
but he in general thinks he's made the right decision
and then hazeapalooza is happening.
and they tell him to be elsewhere. just don't show up. 'you're so much older than the other freshman' and 'we're trying to win championships on merit and not on nepotism' and 'we're surprised you passed a drug test' and jack just
takes a giant step back. from the team. from shitty. from the progress that he made.
and focuses on hockey. too much.
because he's got to prove them wrong. he's got to prove to them that he's worth it. and prove to his parents (even tho before hazing he would have been sure that they are proud of him no matter what) and prove to himself and its just too much.
and sometime around november, after pulling away from shitty (who doesn't know what happened at hazing and was just sad jack wasn't there), after pulling away from the team, after telling hall and murray 'no im fine, still going to therapy, everything's fine' --
sometime around november. it becomes too much. and he just - is breaking down on the loading dock at faber. where shitty comes to smoke (which jack registered subconsiously). and he's having a panic attack and he can't breathe and what if they ask him to leave the team to leave samwell to leave hockey -- and suddenly - shitty is there.
babbling about one of his classes and how his professor is the best thing since tie-dye and how that cloud over there looks like a keg don't you think jack.
and it pulls him out of his panic attack. he can breathe again. and even though its been like 2 months since he's talked to shitty properly, jack relaxes, and shitty's relieved and they go to the party at the haus that night and write down the bylaws and sit on the reading room and its good. and nice even.
and the team does okay that season. they win more than they lose. hall and murray are happy. jack is close with shitty and johnson is weird but likeable. shitty tells him that there's a couple d-men that were on the taddy tour that seem like they'll be a good fit next year.
but jack doesn't forget that the upperclassmen told him he wasn't welcome, and no vaguely uplifting and cryptic comment from johnson can change the fact that he wasn't a part of the team
but somehow the team votes him captain
and he thinks - okay. maybe this will be fine. perhaps it was just the seniors.
next year will be better.
