#trauma kid

[shitty-conspiracies-i-invented]

I always related in one capacity or another to fictional heroes like Eragon or Harry Potter raised by their not-quite relatives because I had my grandmother, my stepmother with the lesser non entity of my father, and my aunt and uncle. I just felt like I didn’t belong to anyone from a very young age

[lary-the-lizard]

No matter what you or anyone else does you will always be a person. No matter how small you feel, no matter how angry, you will still be just a person. When you feel like a monster lives inside you, or you’ve been eaten alive. You’re still just a person.

Your pain won’t make you supernatural or extra dangerous. You can’t become the thing they accused you of being; your actions aren’t the consequences of their abuse. You are still a person. Maybe an angry person, bitter, sad, scared, vengeful, ashamed, anxious, erratic, and confused, but still just a person.

You may be transformed because of what you suffered and now you’re distrustful and full of syllogisms but everything in you is still person shaped. Your pain can have lasting effects that make you different from the general population. And you are still just a person. Your victimhood will not make your existence extraordinary and vengeance won’t make you a villain. You are just as complex and simple as the rest of us. Even as you dissociate yourself into the most hurt and misunderstood mindset, you are ever more like us.

You are not special because you are in pain. You are not important because you were abused. You are special and important because you are and the more you let yourself be with us, the more you connect with us, the more you will feel like something special and important and wanted.

The only thing you become when you try to make yourself into the other, is alone and obsessed with yourself.

Your perpetrators will suffer from the loss of you. And when you connect with us, you can make justice.

“No one loves a trauma kid,” “Everyone thinks I’m a freak,” because you are. But I don’t stop existing because you haven’t found me. And neither do the rest of your future friends and loved ones. You have to get over your own mountain of self hatred and fear to let us love you. You are a trauma kid and a freak, pathetic and lonely, and just a person. You think yourself so giant and disturbing you can’t be loved? What else did your own shadow tell you? You have to let yourself exist enough that we can show you just how normal you are.

It is normal for your mind to continue to play the tricks your abusers did after you are free but you can change that. When you let your mind turn your reality into a world obsessed with you you are the extra knife that stabs you and the one pushing it in and also too blind to let anyone unarm you. Crying out in pain and hating anyone for hearing you and refusing to see anyone as anything but a threat. You are not heroic or stoic or long suffering for loudly and silently bleeding out. You are foolish and egotistical. Please let someone help you pull your head out of your own ass

[godsandcrows]

It's so hard to be nice when you're choking on resentment.