#trauma wizard

[defilerwyrm]

🧡🧡🧡 Beloved 🧡🧡🧡

[defilerwyrm]

if our favourite gay wizards were reptiles, what would they be?

this is one of the best asks I've ever gotten in the 13 years I've been here. I just got done talking snakes with my trainee at work for a solid hour so I am READY for this one

Caleb Widogast: Water monitor (wild-caught rescue)

(image source)

Caleb would be an Asian water monitor (Varanus salvator), specifically a wild-caught adult surrendered to a rescue. Water monitors are beautiful, charming, very large, and exceptionally intelligent. They like (and need) to spend large amounts of time basking, which for the purposes of this exercise is a stand-in for Caleb's navelgazing. With patience, dedication, and expert handling, they can become very docile and even affectionate, eagerly interacting with their owners.

However, wild-caught animals know the fear of life in the field where mortal danger is everywhere, food is only won by force, fresh water can be scarce, everyone has parasites, injury or illness often means a slow, horrible death, and almost no one gets to die of old age. They are flighty and bitey and slow to trust. They can be highly defensive and it takes a long time for them to learn that their keepers are not going to hurt them. Mortal fear makes any animal dangerous. An eight-foot-long, 70 lb predator with strong jaws full of sharp teeth made for ripping prey apart and long claws made for digging and climbing filled with mortal fear is extremely dangerous—not unlike a traumatized wizard.

They can be tamed, but they'll always have an edge to them. It might be easy to forget, when he's laying across your lap like a giant housecat pushing his chin into your hand for scritches, that he is still a dangerous wild animal at heart. But doesn't it make it all the more meaningful, all the more moving, when he trusts you—a fellow predator—with the soft flesh of his throat?

Essek Thelyss: Vietnamese blue beauty rat snake

(image source) (she's up for sale! wish I could afford her & had room)

Essek would be a Vietnamese blue beauty rat snake (Orthriophis taeniura callicyanous), a slender, stunningly gorgeous, and highly-sought-after animal. They too are very intelligent for reptiles. However, they're best-known for their propensity for being defensive, nervous, and secretive, and really not liking to be touched. They are accomplished climbers who spend their active hours up in the trees (much like Essek's floating trick), then retreat into caves to rest (the boltholes we tend to assume Essek's had while he's been on the run).

Untamed, they can be bite-happy and will warn you about this with a threat display. A blue beauty will absolutely hurt you as much as it can if they feel like they have to (granted, not nearly as dangerous as a level 16-20 dunamancer, but still). The important thing to remember is that a blue beauty isn't trying to hurt you because he hates you personally, he's trying to hurt you because he's scared.

But as with water monitors, if you start early, show patience, and are gentle with them, even blue beauties can learn to calm down and trust you enough to be held. Hell, if you do a good enough job at showing them that you're safe, they might even let you introduce them to new people, too.

That was fun! What do YOU think they would be?

[defilerwyrm]

Sometimes I doodle on envelopes