I was so caught up in loving you, that I forgot how to love myself.

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I was so caught up in loving you, that I forgot how to love myself.
I just seriously thought my parents were trying to kill me
I think I have serious ptsd from this mental hospital
“I’m always here if you need me.”
Except, I’m too stubborn to ask.
I have too much pride.
And in those moments, I’d rather be held by the shadows than be disappointed again.
I'm tired.
Of having to surround myself with people everyday just to stay distracted.
Of having to sleep on the couch so I don't have to worry about waking up with you inside me.
Of having to pretend I'm okay because I don't ever want to be treated the way you treated me.
You took away my love of solitude, of sleep but worst of all you took away my trust.
I'm tired of people, of late nights and faking the laughter.
I'm tired of saying I'm okay.
I'm just, tired.
It doesn't matter who holds me at night.
I'm always scared it'll be you I wake up next to.
What you did to me doesn't matter.
At least that's what it felt like when some of my best friends followed you back on your new Instagram despite knowing what you did.
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