Travis Shorts: Seven Minutes In Hell
*Travis had been silently laying on his bed during the middle of the day*
Tomster: *poofs into the room* What are you doing just lying on your bed?
Travis: I don’t know…
Tomster: How can you not know? You’re the one doing it!
Travis: Tomster, life is just so boring…
Tomster: Yes, you’re a fourteen year old secret agent living with a wish-granting rabbit and an artifically created human child. Seems incredibly tedious.
Travis: Ugh, yes! Finally someone understands!
Tomster: *deadpan* I was being sarcastic.
Travis: What’s that?
Tomster: You know, sometimes I get the impression that you just act stupid.
Travis: *chuckles, smirking* Now what makes you think that?
Tomster: Well, first of all you seem to get dumber throughout the times. Most people get smarter. I mean, how does one become actually become less intelligent over time? That makes no sense!
Travis: Tell that to this year’s presidential candidates. You know what, I think I’m gonna call Spencer.
Tomster: Why?
Travis: I dunno, I just feel like it.
Tomster: Whatever. *poofs away*
Travis: He just leaves me. How rude. *reaches into pocket and gets out phone, dialing up Spencer*
Spencer: *hears his phone ringing, quickly answering* Hello?
Travis: Spencer, my favorite agent! How ya doin’, man?
Spencer: I thought I was your least favorite agent.
Travis: Pft, what? Why would you ever think that?
Spencer: Because that’s what you said yesterday.
*flashback*
Travis: Spencer, you are no doubt my least favorite agent of the whole team. Seriously. I like every single member better than you. Even that annoying suck-up, Delilah.
Spencer: I thought Delilah was your girlfriend.
Travis: Please don’t remind me.
*present*
Travis: Pft, come on, Spencer! That was in the past! We’re talking about the present here!
Spencer: Well, technically, you calling me your favorite agent was also in the past.
Travis: *his expression soon turns deadpan* You see, this is why you’re my least favorite agent.
Spencer: See, look. You said it again. I’m your least favorite agent.
Travis: But that was in the past!
Spencer: You just said it!
Travis: I said it ten seconds ago, which is in the past!
*time skip*
*Travis and Spencer had been talking in Travis’ room*
Travis: So…what now?
Spencer: Wanna play seven minutes in heaven?
Travis: Uh, sure. I guess so.
Spencer: Good! You and Hayley! *grins, teleporting up Hayley and shoving them both into the closet*
Hayley: Hey, good lookin’, what’s cookin’?
Travis: OH GOD THAT PICK-UP LINE IS TERRIBLE! This isn’t seven minutes in heaven, this is seven minutes in hell!
Hayley: You know I come from Hell.
Travis: ...That explains a lot.
Hayley: Sure does! Anyway, I have the perfect idea of what we can do in here for our seven minutes!
Travis: Commit suicide?
Hayley: Pft, no! We should fuck!
Travis: No, I think I like my idea better. *he quickly took out his gun, aiming it at his head* Welp, here goes nothing.
Mr. Anusworth: Hold on just one second, young man! *appears out of the shadows of the closet, grabbing the gun away from Travis*
Travis: Hey! What the heck was that for?! You just took my gun! No fair!
Mr. Anusworth: It’s a safety hazard.
Travis: Safety hazard?! Having you as principal is a safety hazard!
Tomster: *from outside the closet* You know what’s really a safety hazard? Having you as a secret agent!
Travis: Shut up, you stupid rabbit! I’m sending you back to the pound after this!
Mr. Anusworth: That’s it, young man! Detention!
Travis: D-Detention?! What are you talking about?!
Mr. Anusworth: I’m talking about your bad behavior. You very well know you shouldn’t be saying things like “shut up”.
Travis: You just said it right now!
Mr. Anusworth: Shut up. I told you it’s time for detention.
Travis: YOU JUST SAID IT AGAIN! Ugh! People in positions of power are so hypocritical and corrupt! We need to take all these hypocrites out and replace them with honest people! Honest people like me!
*flashback*
Travis: Look, kid. Lying is bad. It really is. It’s a bad thing to do. In fact, lie one more time and you will die a horrible death. A very horrible death. How do I know this? Because I’m gonna be the one killing you.
Tyson: There’s nothing inherently wrong with lying.
Travis: Yes there is. It’s a well known fact proved by scientists.
Tyson: No it’s not.
Travis: DON’T QUESTION MY AUTHORITY!
*present*
Travis: See what I a genius I am? In order to make people stop lying, I lie!
Hayley: Hey Travis, you want to make people stop having sex right?
Travis: Indeed I do. Sexuality is a detriment to our society.
Hayley: I completely agree. So in order to stop it, we’re gonna have to have sex.
Travis: WHAT?!
Hayley: Hey, I’m just using your logic.
Travis: You’re using my logic?! Pft, that just proves how insane of an idea that is! Anyone who’s taking advice from me must have some serious issues!
Dylan: I dunno, man. You may have a terrible personality, but you do have a rockin’ hot bod. Maybe that’s why they stick with me.
Travis: ...Who are you?
Dylan: The name’s Dylan. Member of the Bothersome Bunch. *grins, sticking his hand out to Travis*
Travis: *steps back* ...I’m not touching you. And what are you doing in my closet?
Dylan: I’m not exactly ready to come out of the closet just yet.
Travis: What do you mean you’re not ready to come out of the closet?! You just flirted with me!
Dylan: Sure, but that was just a joke. I’m not really gay.
Travis: Then what are you?
Dylan: That’s none of your concern.
Travis: You tell me right now!
Dylan: No.
Travis: Ugh! I’d point my gun at you right now if stupid Mr. Anusworth didn’t take it from me!
Mr. Anusworth: 14 year olds shouldn’t have guns in the first place!
Dylan: Now, I’m gonna have to disagree with you there, teach. That’s like saying 12 year olds shouldn’t have sex.
Mr. Anusworth: That’s because they shouldn’t be having sex!
Dylan: Woah man, that’s some seriously backwards thinking.
Hayley: *turns towards Dylan* Wow. You have a hot body and a smart mind. That’s pretty rare these days.
Dylan: You’re right, it is pretty rare. You’re a good example. You don’t have either!
Hayley: What?! How dare you! You’re a bitch!
Dylan: You’re right. I am a bitch. I’m Tim’s bitch.
Hayley: Gr, I hate you!
Dylan: Most people do.
Hayley: You know, this seems like the perfect opportunity to have angry sex!
Dylan: Really? To me it seems like the perfect time to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks! *takes out the DVD of it* I’ve got the DVD right here! Let me just put it in this TV you for some reason have placed in your closet.
*suddenly the closet door opens, Spencer pulling Travis out and quickly locking the closet back shut*
Spencer: Hey, man. I heard they were gonna make you watch Alvin and the Chipmunks. I had to take you out of there. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I had allowed you to watch that piece of junk. Sorry. I hope you accept my apology.
Travis: How dare you trap me in a closet with Hayley with her terrible pick-up lines! You have some nerve! Apology not accepted! *growls, throwing a grenade at the other, causing the entire house to explode*
Travis (now a ghost): That was not a good idea.