#triggered thoughts

[thegirlwhoisbored]

Somedays I hate my life, other days I love my life.

I'm currently hating my life right now.

[smartbyrd01]

Truth is probably the most dangerous drug I have ever known, but also the most satisfying....

[xntrek]

About relationships

What have i learnt in my 40-something years on this rollercoaster of life? Not nearly enough!

Here’s what I do know though:

Relationships require all members to agree to follow (and abide) the same rules. 

A relationship is built on trust. It’s a fickle account, for while you provide deposits, the account grows - but even a small withdrawal depletes the entire account.

The seat of trust sits on the three legs of communication, compromise and common respect.

The rest is all ... trimmings. Two (or more) human beings sharing a time and a space requires effort. This is as true for colleagues as it is for friends and triply so for those wishing to be romantic. 

Soul mate or not, no relationship is “easy” .here will always be things that will need you to remember the three rules. There needs to be a willingness on behalf of each party to aim towards enhancing the combined interaction. It requires forgiveness, understanding, acceptance, and a million other elements to make it work. 

While “big things” can be instantaneous executioners of relationships, it’s usually the myriad of small things left unresolved that is the dripping poison of most relationships in due time.

[unabridgedthoughts]

With all the shit that's been happening lately I've started restricting and purging my food again. I thought I was recovered but shit there's just so much I can take right now and my food is the only I feel like i can control at this moment. I need to stop doing this. I need to see that I'm hurting myself

[these-battles-inside-my-hea-blog]

Kafka on the Shore, by Haruhi Murakami

was an amazing book. I cannot really think of very many other authors whose literature I have read, and enjoyed quite so internally. This book speaks to me at an anatomically level. It had been a long while since the last time I read about that spoke to me so personally and dearly. It touches upon my biggest fears as well as my nicer fantasies. This novel is dreams and nightmares, its breaking fate and following destiny, life and death; age and youth. It's a book you have to close every once in a while, just to allow yourself to reflect upon it. Process it and philosophize about it.  Personally, I did believe my thoughts were set prior to reading the novel, but now I understand that my thoughts are still building. Their skeleton is set, but upon the built skeleton, my thoughts can grow and build upon themselves. After reading the book I figured out how my mind works, there is a whole city in there. Buildings and buildings, slanted and straight. So tall are these buildings, that you can barely see the sky.  Each room is inhabiting a different thoughts, a separate idea, another entity that within each room, never stops working. Each building, a representation of each person I have been, each person I have become...the ones that are in constructions, just keep getting taller and taller....then, off to the side, where only I can see there is a field. The field is empty, aside form the blanket of green grass that covers it. But in that clearing there's 'just me'. No thoughts, ideas or philosophies adding on to it, and it's great. It's just 'me' to the core. Naked, bare and open inside and out, vulnerable to the nothingness that will affect it. An nothing is right, and nothing is wrong. Every just 'is', and it is.

[new--freedoms]

I'm hungry but I don't want to eat.  

I don't want to eat snack. 

I don't want to eat dinner. 

i don't want to eat breakfast tomorrow. 

I laid in bed last night and my head just kept running away telling me how I would look if I didn't eat, if I restricted, if I managed my calories. If I didn't eat this much, for this long, I would look like this or that. 

I could be thin my head kept telling me. You could look good in your clothing. You could have an attractive body. You could look disciplined and put together. 

Thinthinthinthinthinthinthincontrolledputtogetherdisciplinedpuredelicatethinthinthinthinthinthinthinthinthinthinthinthin 

Going over to do/help someone with dinner tonight. I don't want to pass it up just because I'm anxious because of food. But eating isn't a thing I feel good about right now. I just want to restrict so badly as;dfklj;