BREATHE DEEP AND DIVE

Jay. 19. Trans. Non binary. Queer. Recovery warrior. Deconstructing to reconstruct.

[new--freedoms]

I've been getting some really unnecessary self harm urges lately. i think it's harder to deal with because i haven't been engaging with kink in the same way because distance. 

but this is getting to be really unecessary really quickly. for heaven's sake, i wish my brain would just let it be. instead it keeps me up at night thinking about how it feels, how mild danger and rapid gratitude feels in my hands. i miss the way my hands feel against my pain. 

i'm just tired of it. hopefully it will subside with time. 

[new--freedoms]

there's been some really triggering shit today 

ugh yikes

[new--freedoms]

today i am thankful for my recovery. 

i am thankful for my ability to eat eggs, to cook them rich and wholesome in butter.

i am thankful for my ability to eat ice cream and sit in the hallway upstairs with my friends and loved ones gossiping and pretending we're a real life small town queer sex in the city set. 

i am thankful for my ability to drink juice, to make fun drinks and enjoy hot summer sunshine with cool sweetness running through my veins. 

i am thankful for my ability to wake up without feeling like i'm trying to leave a coffin. 

i am thankful for thinking clearly, for cuddling and dancing and walking around in short shorts and crop tops. 

i am thankful for progress, slow and unsteady but sweet and necessary. 

[varsityqueerleadercaptain-deact]

daily affirmations

· i deserve recovery · i am a good, caring person · i create my own reality · i’m trying my best · i don’t need approval or validation from anyone in regards to my appearance · i am able to take risks · i am not a prisoner to my own anxiety · i deserve good things · i will not surround myself with people who kill my spirit or make me feel bad about myself · i am love, i am able to love, i am deserving of love, i am light

[new--freedoms]

flashbacks are really fucking hard 

[edrecoveryprobs]

When disordered thoughts try to take over again

(hide-beside-me)

[wildehope-deactivated20201028]

[anna-learns-to-love-herself]

Screw skinny. Screw being obsessed with counting calories. Screw destroying your metabolism. Screw the scale. Screw negative self talk. This is not what life should be about. Please choose happiness, please choose health. I beg you - please choose life.

(via anna-learns-to-love-herself)

[new--freedoms]

The dissonance I feel in the suburbs is just overwhelming. I really don't like the sadness I feel in every bend, and the feeling of being juxtaposed against a backdrop I can't stand. 

This is going to be rough. Tonight was rough enough, and it was just the first of many more - this week is equiped with a melon baller I think. I can feel it targetting my ribcage already. 

[buy-cats-and-fucking-recover-huh]

So why do so many people say “I didn’t know that they had an eating disorder”? Probably because because they were never taught that anyone can develop an ED, and that they are actually rarely visible. When we learn about ED’s in middle school health...

[girlofgoldenwords-deactivated20]

What they don’t tell you in the success stories:

It fucking sucks.

There is no RIGHT way to do it.

I love you and I hate you are both a letters so is recovery because you will have a love / hate relationship with it.

Those little nuerotic moments you have where...

[animeandchill]

when looking up dessert recipes i’m always astounded by the number of recipes that say low-fat/cal/carb, oil-free, sugar-free, “clean,” and “healthy” because

dessert is dessert, not a sin you should feel guilty about. dessert should be appreciated and conquered (or it destroys you because it’s...

[prettygirlsfitness]

Please let this become the norm in prints & advertising.

[fitlolli]

she looks more gorgeous that photoshopped girls

[new--freedoms]

Seeing this kind of advertising would have meant the WORLD to me as a freshman or sophomore in high school. It actually could have changed my life. That girl's body looks way similar to mine in shape and size. Even her cup size. 

Aerie is doin' something really right. You can actually view higher cup sizes on models with higher cup sizes... And they're not photoshoped. You can see their stomachs, and their thighs touching... 

I wish so bad a high school freshman is seeing this shit right now and going, "she looks like me and oh my gosh she's a model on a national campaign and she looks so happy and nobody is telling her to lose weight or work out" and oh my goodness most lingerie retailers don't sell you bras with models who have chests that big. 

I am just 

I started tearing up when I saw this and went through it on their website.

[riotsnotdiets]

A few years ago I was getting a pap smear. The doctor—whom I had just met that morning—had me in those cold metal stirrups and was rooting around in my vagina when she asked, ever so casually, “so, do you know what the BMI is?”

I laughed.

As if a woman who has been fat all...

[thewetblankie]

Recovery Record is the smart companion for managing your journey to recovery from eating disorders including anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, obsessive eating disorder, binge eating disorder and compulsive eating disorder.

With Recovery Record you can: - Keep a record of meals, thoughts and feelings  - Access beautiful reflection images and affirmations - Customize log questions, meal plans, coping tactics and recovery goals - View charts that highlight insights, trends and progress - Collect jigsaw pieces to earn hidden rewards - Set personalized reminder schedules and alarm tones - Complete questionnaires to track your progress - Link with your treatment team  - Receive in-the-moment feedback and messages from your treatment team - Receive and send encouragement messages and virtual gifts to/from other users

Android

iTunes

[trans-form-ed-deactivated201403]

Too cool. I’m going to look this one up for sure.

[new--freedoms]

This program is actually way too cool. I've used it on and off for a while during relapses. It's really helpful.

[new--freedoms]

This is not called for.

[new--freedoms]

Feeling very isolated and scared. 

Things are happening and I'm struggling. 

I don't really know what to do. So I'm putting it here. 

Okay.