Discover Top Posts Tagged with #trying though

I don't want to go to therapy tomorrow

Apart from the fact that I was exhausted, today was a pretty decent day. Went to see a friend to do some creative stuff. Finally continued with my embroidery piece! We listened to a popular podcast in our country about some interesting crime thingy. (We only listened to the most recent episode cause someone from our voluntary job was in there according to the group chat. Turns out they are going to be in next weeks episode lmao.) Still it was really fun and sparked on some interesting convo's. Then I biked home through the rain and a little bit of thunder eek and just crashed in bed. Which was alright, didn't feel too shit about it. Got up around dinner time and made dinner, cleaned up, did a bit of journaling, fixed my eyebrows and bleached all the other facial hair I could live without lmao.

Too bad that my mood switched completely halfway through the evening. Just chaos. Despair. Sadness that takes over everything. Anxiety that tenses up my whole body. I hoped writing would help, then I hoped the other things would help. Ended up crying through most of what I did... Try to tell myself it is ok. It all feels so overwhelming. I reach out and then hate myself for reaching out. I hate myself for trying. It all feels so fucking useless. I know I'm doing the right things. It just sucks that nothing is a quick fix, you know? Reaching out to my friends and talking about things is good. There's just this dark cloud following me that just keeps going with the suicide bs. Driving me fucking nuts.

Going to therapy tomorrow feels like a waste of time. (I know it isn't.) It is just that I feel so tired of talking about the same shit on repeat without feeling like it's getting any better. We need to discuss that I probably need to change to another therapist and it's something I'm both looking forward to and absolutely hate. So not really excited to talk about that and I really really really do not want to go. Everything that happens just feels like too much. Seeing friends and getting through the day is as much as I can handle. Every difficult thing that I need to think about or triggers more emotions just overwhelms me again and just throws me off balance even more? I think. I don't know maybe I'm just tired.

#I'm tired #it is hard that I can't be more honest with my friends cause of 1. shame and 2. it's all too fucking dark #trying though #they're lovely #I'm pretty open with them but not with the details of worst stuff #anyway #not too much details on here either #gonna finish some homework for this workshop thingy I'm doing #workshop is not the right word but I'm TIRED lmao #I could've reached out to the assisted living people tonight but there's only 1 person working who I know a bit and he's YOUNG #like the same age as my little brother #and he's kind but I don't know him that well #there was someone else but they left at 9pm and I didn't know them at all #so I'm good by myself #not really but trying my best

did you guys know Adrien is important to DMOTN? cause if not i honestly don't blame you i don't draw him a lot and my favourite goofball who im working on this whole au with (everyone say hi to @shadesofnavy) doesnt post too much. aaaaaaaanyway

i maaaaaaaaaybe exaggerate the size diff between Adrien and Kitty juuuuuuuuuust a little bit..

#i also feel like these ones dont do adrien justice but these were my first shots at actually drawing him so #better things will come #hes important though for a few reasons #hoooooooooooooopefully if i can get it actually done there'll be a new adrien centered fic for DMOTN soon but ive been in a rough spot #trying though #anyways #miraculous ladybug #miraculous au #my art #traditional art #adrien agreste #felix graham de vanily #felix fathom #hello kitty felix #drag me out to nowhere au

So didja apologize yet???

Trying to work that out. Apparently, being sorry is kind of hard. Oh well.

#trying though #think i calculated enough ways this oculd go positively to change my view on potential outcomes #roleplay #dr robotnik #now i just have to. talk #easy right #...right

Curious boy

#Stargate #stargate sg1 #Daniel Jackson #baby boy baby #I still cant draw noses #trying though #comfort art

I am unlearning my desire for violence (except towards the oligarchy) but I have to admit sometimes I feel violence towards sheer amount of coverage that autism and adhd get over other disorders.

And it’s solely because I probably could’ve figured out I was bipolar a DECADE ago if I had known about how bipolar manifests beyond “happy sad yoyo”

#I admit I have an anger problem #so it's especially hard to not react to shit with violence #trying though #people don't deserve that #except people like bezos and musk

what it's like singing along to blasting folk-punk in the car when you're like 90% sure you have an auditory processing disorder:

*twangy gibberish*

"shitty stick... what? oh- hepatitis c..."

*mushy growls*

"GOOD BYE LULU 😀😀"

*twangy gibberish*

#I mean I was vibing lmao #auditory processing disorder #apd #not diagnosed #trying though #folk punk #goodbye lulu

Hello would you like to be sad

Crowley and Aziraphale have a fight, like, such a bad fight that Aziraphale goes all cold and cruel and calls Crowley “demon” in a tone they both know was learned at the knee of archangels, and Crowley yells at him, things meant specifically to hurt Aziraphale as much as possible.

And then Crowley goes home and sits in his closet, curled up, a bundle of pain and regret and fury, and Aziraphale closes the shop for a week and gets MONUMENTALLY drunk, hitting every bar in London and muttering savagely about how Crowley deserved it, but then he also cries and when he gets home he practices apologizing for a full day, but he can’t think of a right way to do it.

And so ten years go by where they avoid each other and try to think of ways to say sorry but everything seems so... so limp. It’s not enough to just say “I’m sorry, I’ll never do it again, I love you.” That’s not enough to even begin to help heal the wounds they gave each other.

Sometimes they pass in the street, but they never acknowledge each other.

And finally Crowley goes to the shop and when Aziraphale opens the door, Crowley sees the new lines on the angel’s face, sees the uncertainty, the fear, the anger, the longing, and he just says in a voice cracked with years of regret, “I’m sorry, angel.”

“I’m sorry too, Crowley.”

That doesn’t heal everything. But it starts.

#ineffable husbands #still sad today actually #trying though #text #angst