Fault.
Summary: you’re an incredible writer!!! could you write conrad x reader where she is belly’s best friend and goes with them to cousins for the summers, and she tries really hard to not like conrad because belly does but he likes her back and they start secretly hooking up/dating? hell maybe even throw in that jeremiah likes her too 😂 and everyone finds out somehow, i live for the messy drama 😝
Warnings: Sexual references and innuendos, 18+ DNI
Cousins had been a part of your childhood like it had been for Belly. You’d met her in kindergarten and been inseparable ever since, so you were practically the third sibling to her and Steven. You spent countless summer days with them, then came home with Belly and spent the rest of the year counting down until next summer would come around.
When you were young, it was just fun and sun and summer and Belly’s undying crush on the older brother. Not too much of that had changed as you’d grown up now - but perhaps you’d changed.
You weren’t sure when it had changed. But, one summer, it was like you looked at that older brother and saw what Belly was on about this whole time. You didn’t see him in the same infatuating way that she did, but you couldn’t deny any longer that he was attractive. There was just something in those eyes, the sort of half smile he gave you, the way his words just rolled off his tongue so smoothly. You couldn’t help it.
Once you’d came to that realisation, perhaps two summers ago, you’d done your best to completely suppress it. You ignored it. You ignored him. You avoided being alone with him, brought up Belly whenever you felt like the conversation might be shifting. You did everything in your power to stop yourself from ever feeling that way about Conrad. It wasn’t that you didn’t want something to happen - but breaking your own heart would be better than breaking your best friend’s.
But those damn eyes…
———
“It feels weird doing this drive myself,” You point out, indicating into the last street that would lead you into Cousins, “I’m used to your Mom complaining that we’re too loud.”
Belly laughs in the passenger seat, “Now you’ve just got Steven complaining.”
You glance in your rear view mirror to where Steven was resting against the window with his eyes closed, “Shut up.”
“Come on Stevie, we’re almost there,” You taunt, turning once again into the final road to the Fisher-Beck household.
Laurel hadn’t driven you this year, she had some fancy author thing to attend so she’d be meeting you next week. Belly couldn’t wait to come to Cousins, however, so you’d offered to drive the three of you.
When you pull up into the driveway, it’s like every bit of summer ignites - the start of a million memories.
Almost instantly, the door opens and Jeremiah comes hurrying out.
“Thank god you’re here!”
He opens the driver’s side door of your car and sticks his head in, grinning widely at the three of you.
“Good to see you too, Jere,” You laugh, stepping out of your seat to hug him.
He smells like mint and limes.
“We’ve got so much to catch up on,” Jeremiah comments, hurrying around to hug Belly too as Steven drags himself out of the car.
You laugh and ruffle his hair, much to his disgust, at the same moment that the front door swings open again and the other brother steps out, squinting a little at the sun. He’s wearing a navy t-shirt and grey shorts, dragging a hand through his messy hair. He jogs down the few steps from the front door and makes his way over.
“Hey!” You clear your throat, swinging your keys in your hand.
Conrad looks at you and smiles lightly, the sort that meets his eyes in a brief moment, “How was the drive?”
You shrug, “Mostly okay, I still hate all these country roads though.”
He laughs, looking down at his feet, “Yeah, I know you do. You’ll get used to it.”
You nod and both of you fall silent for a moment.
“So do you-“
“Did you-“
You both look at each other and laugh.
“You first,” He gestures towards you, stuffing his hands into his pockets soon after.
“No, um,” You shake your head, “I was just going to ask if you have plans tonight. Someone at the gas station told us there’s a drive in movie. We were thinking we could all go.”
Conrad nods, “If it’s a musical I’m not going.”
“Deal.”
You turn back to the rest of the group as Steven and Belly are grabbing bags from the trunk.
“Oh it’s so good to see you all!” Beams Susannah as you all trail inside.
She wraps Steven in a hug, does the same to Belly and then comes over to you, squeezing you tightly.
The house is no different but it always feels brighter at the start of summer, like it’s welcoming you back. You breathe it in for a second, a sigh of relief at your return.
“Alright, get settled into your rooms and everything and I’ll make us up some lunch,” Susannah encourages.
You follow behind Belly towards the room that the two of you shared, walking past the ajar door to Conrad’s room. You ignore the fluttering in your chest.
“God it’s good to be back,” Belly grins, dropping down onto the mattress and spreading out her arms.
“Yeah, it feels like forever since we’ve been here,” You nod, setting your suitcase down onto the floor and sitting yourself on the edge of the bed beside her.
She reaches over and grabs Junior Mint, setting him down on the mattress.
“I still remember when Conrad got me this,” She mumbles, brushing her thumb over the white fur.
“At the boardwalk right?” You comment, “It was that day I was sick.”
She hums in response.
You remembered that day too. Conrad had come home with a toy giraffe stuffed in his bag and told you it was meant to make you feel better. He hadn’t won it, but he paid someone else for it. You’d kept it in your suitcase until you got home - knowing it wasn’t worth upsetting Belly over. And, to this day, on the same mattress sat the same toy you’d had for all those years.
“I don’t get him these days,” Belly shakes her head, “Sometimes I’m so sure he feels the same way about me and then other times… it’s like his heart is somewhere else.”
You swallow the lump in your throat and nod, “That’s all guys for you.”
“Not Jeremiah,” Belly laughs, “He’s been in love with you since I first brought you here.”
You laugh too, “I don’t know where you get that impression from.”
She scoffs, “You’re just blind, (Y/n).”
Belly looks up at you from where she lay and smiles, hugging the polar bear close to her chest. You smile back and ignore the slight tightness in your chest at being back here this summer - being back with the boy that your heart just seemed to pull to.
———
That night, you all start heading out to the drive in.
“Okay I’m just saying we’re not all sitting in one car to watch this movie,” Steven points out, “We won’t be able to see anything in the back.”
“You’re so dramatic, you’ll fall asleep halfway through anyway,” You roll your eyes, tugging your shoes on at the door, “I can just take my car too if it’s that big of a deal.”
Jeremiah, Belly and Steven all make their way outside, fighting over who will get shotgun in Jere’s car.
You glance back and see Conrad eventually coming down the stairs.
“Where are the others?” He frowns, grabbing his shoes and pulling them on.
“Um,” You clear your throat, “They’ve gone already, they’re going in Jere’s car, we’re taking mine.”
He nods, “I’ll drive.”
With that, he stretches out a hand to take your keys and you oblige, following behind him to where your car sat in the driveway.
Every so often, you could convince yourself that Conrad might ever feel the same way about you. It was in the little things. The glances, the comments, the smile. You could convince that small part of yourself that he was waiting for you as much as you were waiting for him. But it disappeared quickly.
But, now, seeing him behind the wheel of your car, humming along to the song playing through the radio, it felt like this could be something. You weren’t sure why. It was just a feeling.
———
By the time you get to the drive-in, it’s packed out. Conrad drives around the back and pulls into a space, nowhere near to Jere and the others.
“We can go and find them if you want,” You offer, glancing out of the window.
Conrad shrugs, “I like the peace and quiet without them.”
You laugh, “Just us then.”
The film starts and both of you sit in relative silence. You shift in your seat and cross your legs beneath you, leaning back against the chair. There’s a couple in the car beside you and your eyes drift over to them - how he sits with her head against his shoulder, his arm around her, looking down like she’s the only person in the world. You’d never had that with someone. Not that you hadn’t wanted to, or options hadn’t been there, but it just was never right for you.
And then your eyes turn back to Conrad. The light of the film catches against his skin, glowing his eyes just a little. It shadows down his jaw, darkening his jawline and brushing over the muscles. You take a deep breath. Ignore it. It wasn’t worth it.
He turns his head to look at you and you quickly look away.
“(Y/n)…”
“I’m going to grab a drink,” You say quickly, rushing to open the passenger door and scrambling out.
As soon as you’re outside, you gasp at the air like you hadn’t taken a single breath beside him. Like he’d taken them all away.
Ignore it. It wasn’t worth it.
———
“Oh my god this storm is awful,” You hiss into the air between you and Belly, snuggling under the covers of the double bed that you shared.
It was the following day and a storm had started to sweep over Cousins. There was a chill in the air all day and it had now turned into a full blown storm in the middle of the night. The rain was hammering down, wind sweeping over the houses, and thunder claps every few minutes.
“Belly,” You hiss again, “You awake?”
You’re met with the balanced, shallow breaths beside you that tell you she’s not hearing you. You sigh and shift in the bed until you’re sat on the mattress, debating your options. Sleep wouldn’t welcome you when the weather was like this. It wasn’t that you were scared of storms, they just unnerved you. Okay, you hated them.
With another clap of thunder, you step out of the bed and pull a hoodie over the crop top and shorts you’d been wearing, padding through the silent house and down the creaking steps. You wince with the creak on each one until you’re finally downstairs, stepping through into the kitchen.
“(Y/n)?” A voice speaks softly into the dark voice and you flinch instantly, spinning on your heel.
It’s Conrad.
“Con?” You frown, “Why are you awake?”
“I couldn’t sleep,” He returns.
He’s wearing a pair of grey sweatpants and a forest green t-shirt. He looks cosy and innocent.
“Yeah, I just… uh-“
“You hate storms.”
You feel your cheeks heat at his words, looking down at your feet as if he’s just embarrassed you in front of no company at all.
“Come on,” He gestures with his head, his hands stuffed into his pockets, “I’m going to start the fire.”
You follow him through into the lounge and sit down on the floor beside him as he starts fixing up the fire. You hand over logs and he sets them in place, you hand over the matches and he scratches them against the box to set it alight, holding it against the paper until it ignites. The heat hits you almost instantly in the too-cold house, wrapping you in an embrace of crackling warmth.
At the same moment, another rumble of thunder sounds from outside and you visibly flinch, glancing quickly out of the window at the hammering rain. Conrad chuckles from beside you, only quietly.
“Don’t worry, we’ve had worse storms here,” He assures you.
“That doesn’t help,” You roll your eyes, drawing your knees up to your chest.
“Oh, come on, I promise it’s okay,” He nudges your shoulder, “Nothing’s going to happen.”
“Conrad Fisher are you going soft on me?” You narrow your eyes at him, “You’re normally so blunt.”
He looks away with a smile on his lips, “For everyone else, maybe.”
You feel your breath catch in your throat, the words escaping you. There was just something about the way he looked at you, the way his eyes just melt into you.
“You know I-“ He stops himself, taking a deep breath, “I kind of felt like things were different with us this summer.”
“D- different?”
“Don’t you?” He says, “I just feel like you’ve been… distant?”
You stop yourself from speaking again.
“And, tell me to stop, but I’m-“ He half-laughs as if it’s a way of escaping the nerves, “I’m… I just thought I was so sure that there was something between us.”
“Con-“
“And you can tell me that I’m wrong but I don’t think I am.”
“Conrad I-“ You pause, biting your lip, “I can’t.”
“Just…” He shuffles in closer to you, his hand slowly rising to your cheek, thumb brushing the skin, “Tell me to stop.”
With that, he leans in and you find yourself pulled to him too, every bone in your body finally giving in to what you wanted. Your hands move to grip his shoulder, his breath fanning over your lips as he presses his against yours, slow at first and cautious.
You practically gasp at the contact, pulling him into you as if you don’t want him to slip away. His hand moves lower from your jaw and down to your neck, fingers wrapping around the back to keep you drawn to him, his other hand moving down to your waist. His fingers slip further back to the base of your spine, guiding you back against the floor as his other hand lowers your head down softly. You pull him back to your lips, fingers tangling into his hair. Both of you tangled between each other as his legs settle next to and between yours.
Once both of you are breathless, he pulls away, resting his forehead against yours.
“You have no idea how long I’ve been waiting to do that,” He mumbles, laughing gently against you.
“I think I have some idea,” You respond, gripping his shoulders once again to pull him back into you.
———
It’s much later than normal the next morning when you eventually wake up. You and Conrad had split off into your separate rooms just as the fire was dying out and, with the sun blaring through the windows now, it just felt like it hadn’t happened. Like last night was a dream.
“Hey! You’re finally awake!” Belly announces as she walks back into the bedroom, “What happened to you last night?”
“Oh, um,” You lean up onto your elbows, “You know what I’m like, I hate storms.”
She nods, sitting on the edge of the bed, “We were thinking of what to do today.”
“Yeah? What’s the plan?” You drag a hand through your hair, feeling the flashbacks of Conrad’s fingers tangled amongst the strands.
“I don’t know yet, maybe we could go out tonight? There’s a party I think, one of Jere’s friends,” Belly suggests, picking Junior Mint up from the floor and setting him back onto the bed.
You feel your heart drop. The realisation seemingly hitting you like a ton of bricks. This was awful. What had you done?
It would break her heart if she knew what had happened last night.
But, god, you wanted to see Conrad again.
She disappears again to let you somewhat wake up fully and you push yourself enough out of the bed that your legs dangle over the side, dragging your hair away from your face and rubbing your hands over your eyes.
You don’t hear anyone coming into the room until he’s already dropping down onto the mattress behind you. The weight shifts and an all too familiar figure sits behind you, leaning forward to press a kiss to the exposed slither of skin on your shoulders.
“Good morning,” Conrad mumbles softly, his voice thick with sleep like your own.
You let yourself lean into his touch for a moment, every sensation from the night before seemingly reignited. It was real. He leans forward and perches his chin on your shoulder, tilting his head to look at you from the awkward angle.
“You know when we said last night that we’d be careful this isn’t what I meant,” You point out as he turns to kiss your neck, “This definitely isn’t careful.”
Conrad pulls back and you turn around on the bed so that you’re facing him, he reaches up a hand to brush the hair away from your face, “We’ll be careful. If that’s what it takes, we’ll do it.”
“I just…” You shake your head, “I can’t hurt Belly like that, not like this.”
Conrad nods and reaches a hand down to squeeze yours, “You won’t, I promise.”
You smile, taking a deep breath.
“But,” Conrad stands up, still holding your hand like he can’t bring himself to lose contact yet, “I would like to at least see you today. So if you could figure out a way for me to get you alone, that would be great.”
“God, you’re so needy Fisher.”
He rolls his eyes at you and disappears back out of the room, leaving you with a smile on your lips that it was impossible to get rid of.
———
Later that day, you’re outside with Belly, Jere and Steven by the pool, deciding on your plans for the evening.
“I’m just saying we should go, if it’s shit we can leave,” Jeremiah shrugs, “But like everyone’s going to be there.”
“Looking for someone to hook up with Jere?” Steven raises his eyebrows, splashing him with water from the pool.
Jeremiah scoffs, “Obviously not,” His eyes glance over to you, a small smile on his lips, “I just think it could be fun.”
“Alright but if we’re going we need drinks,” You point out, the idea crossing your mind as soon as you say the words, “I can go to the store.”
“There’s no way you’re getting anything,” Belly laughs, “You don’t have a fake.”
“No, but they know me less than they know you guys - so I’ll be more likely to get away with it, no?” You mention, pushing yourself up to stand, “Need anything else if I’m going?”
They all look at you slightly suspiciously but you ignore it, hurrying inside.
“Hey! I was just looking for yo-“ Conrad starts, just stepping down from the stairs as you rush through the house.
“Come on Fisher!” You grin, grabbing his hand on your way past, “We’re going out.”
He laughs breathlessly to catch up with you, following close behind as you grab your keys and run with him to your car.
“Can you tell me what’s going on?” He raises his brows, pausing at the passenger side of the car.
You smile, “Didn’t you say you wanted to see me today?”
Conrad grins, “I won’t ask any more questions.”
Both of you pile into the car and you drive off, feeling like a new level of weightlessness when it was just the two of you together. You feel his eyes on you as you drive, like he’s infatuated by every part of you, and when you look back to him he doesn’t look away - the smile on his face only brightening at the connection. Part of you still couldn’t believe it.
You drive the two of you through the country lanes, through the rolling hills until you reach any level of seclusion, pulling up on a bank just over by the beach, overlooking an area that seemed completely untouched.
“Have you brought me here to kill me?” He looks at you slightly dumbfounded, “Should I be worried?”
“Well, there’s nobody here, I figured it was perfect,” You shrug, reaching into the back of your car to grab a couple of blankets.
“It is,” Conrad says, following your moves as you both get out of the car and walk down the short bank towards the sand.
The clearing of the beach is completely empty, and you stretch one of the blankets down onto the white sand, dropping down onto the soft surface and tossing the other blanket to your side. Conrad stands above you, his head blocking the sun as he grins down at you, his hair falling around his forehead.
“Hi,” You squint up at him, reaching out your arms until you can pull him into you.
He falls down beside you, leaning up onto his elbow.
“I still can’t believe this,” You comment, reaching up a hand to brush through the locks of hair around his eyes.
“Can’t believe what?”
“This. Us.” You say, feeling your stomach flip at the words, “I never thought it would happen.”
He frowns a little when you speak, “Why did you think that?”
You take a deep breath, “I’ve always been Bells’ friend, I thought that’s all you saw me as. God, they’re probably wondering where we are an-“
He leans down and silences your worries with a soft kiss, his lips lingering over yours without any pressure.
“They’re not thinking about us,” He assures you, “I’m thinking about us.”
You feel the smile tugging at your lips and he captures it into another kiss, as if sealing it between you.
You grip at his t-shirt and the back of his neck, pulling him into you as he shifts so that he’s over the top of your frame, deepening his connection against you. You’re breathless against his lips, desperate for more of him. His hand moves down to your waist, slipping below the hem of your top to hold your skin. You hiss at the contact, the cold touch of his fingertips.
He pulls back and smiles at you, glancing back around at the empty scene around you, “You know, there’s nobody around.”
You grin, looking to the side and pulling over the other blanket, shaking it out. He grabs it from you and stretches it over his back, burying both of you under your own seclusion.
His hands and lips find you again, his hips increasing their friction against you. And, in those moments, you’re sure that you two are the only two people in the world. Nobody else.
———
You get back a couple of hours later, carrying in a brown paper bag of liquor as Conrad walks behind you with two crates of beer.
“Listen I’m just saying that-“
You stop in your tracks as the door closes behind you and Jeremiah is stood in the hallway by the front door, at the base of the stairs.
“Where did you guys go?” He asks, glancing between the two of you.
“To the store,” Conrad says, nodding down to the items in your arms, “Getting the goods for you kids tonight.”
Jeremiah nods, “I could’ve gone with you (Y/n), if you needed help.”
“Oh, that’s okay, Con was just in the house when I came through so I asked if he wanted to come.”
Conrad smiles down at his feet and you fight the urge to nudge him in his side.
“Here, let me take that,” Jeremiah offers, taking the bag from your arms.
You thank him and he walks into the kitchen, Conrad following behind him, wiggling his brows at you before he disappears. You roll your eyes, fighting back a smile he always seemed to evoke.
“Hey!” Belly comes jogging down the stairs, “I thought I heard you, did you get everything at the store?”
“Yeah, yeah, got everything,” You nod, “Conrad got beer, and we got a bottle of tequila and vodka.”
“That’s where he was,” Belly returns, “I wasn’t sure where he’d disappeared to.”
You drag a hand through your hair, “Yeah sorry it was just a last minute thing, I figured I could do with the extra hands.”
She agrees, “I don’t think he’ll come tonight, he’s been distant recently.”
“Oh, I don’t know, I’m sure we can convince him,” You glance over to where him and Jere are stood in the kitchen and he laughs at something his brother has said, his eyes creasing as he does so.
You’re sure this is the brightest he’s seemed in a long time and you feel your heart swell a little at the sight.
And then Belly moves beside you and you’re flicked back to reality momentarily, a reality where your stomach sank at the thought of lying to your best friend.
———
All of you arrive at the party an hour after it had started, having made your way through at least half of the drinks you’d brought with you. You were wearing a pink floral fitted mini skirt and a white corset top that hugged your figure. You’d felt Conrad’s eyes on you almost as soon as you’d come downstairs.
The boys follow behind you as you all disperse amongst the party, you holding onto Belly’s hand as the two of you make your way to the kitchen.
“I’m already a bit buzzed,” Belly says into your ear, wearing a romper that she’d stolen from you, “I don’t think I should drink any more.”
You smile at her, “Here,” You pour lemonade into a red solo cup and push it into her hand, “They don’t need to know.”
You take your own bottle of beer and crack it open, holding your thumb over the top as you move back through the mass of bodies in search for the three boys’ heads that would pop up over the crowd.
“Wait,” Belly stops you, grabbing your arm, “I need to ask you something.”
You frown at her, shifting to face her against the moving bodies around you, “What is it?”
She leans in closer to you as she speaks, “I think I’m going to tell Conrad how I feel.”
You feel your heart drop, a lump forming in your throat.
“I just… I’ve been waiting for too long. And if I don’t say it now I never will,” She explains, “I can’t do that any more.”
You still can’t find the words, certain that you’ll stop breathing if the lump in your throat gets any larger. Your hands start to feel a little numb and you grip tighter onto the neck of the beer bottle to feel like you could be grounded at least a little.
“I have to say something,” She persists, “And hopefully he’ll tell me he feels the same way.”
Without realising, you stumble a little in the crowd and she reaches out to catch you.
“Are you okay?” Your best friend frowns at you.
“I just- I need some air,” You return, trying to force your words to be loud enough over the pounding music.
You push your way through the remaining people until you get to enough of a clearing, where you can get outside into the garden. Instantly, it’s like you’re gasping for a breath it was impossible to find.
“What’s going on? Are you okay?” Belly asks you, holding your arm as if holding you up.
“Um,” You drag a hand through your curled hair and look back at her, “Yeah, yeah, sorry, I just felt a bit dizzy in there.”
“God you terrified me,” She half-laughs, “Come on, the boys are over there.”
Belly guides you over to the beer pong table set up at one side of the terrace in the garden, Steven and Jeremiah are stood on one side and Conrad on the other.
“Hey! Bells, (Y/n)!” Jeremiah waves, “Come join us, we’re just starting.”
“Okay but I’m not drinking,” Belly grimaces at the sight of the half-filled cups.
“You can join our team then, (Y/n) can go with Conrad,” Steven shrugs, “Let’s go rookies.”
You walk over to Conrad’s side of the table and watch his eyes drag up and down the sight of your body, cocking your brow at him when his eyes finally meet yours. He blushes, fighting back a smile.
Jeremiah throws the first ball and it bounces from one of your cups, Conrad catching it as he throws it back, sinking it into one of the cups at the edge of their triangle.
“Nice shot,” You comment quietly, sipping from the beer in your hand.
He reaches an arm around your shoulders and takes the bottle from your hand, bringing it to his own lips to take a sip.
“Come on, drink up,” Steven breaks the moment, gesturing towards the ball now landed in one of the cups on your side.
You roll your eyes and pick up the cup, tipping back the drink and grimacing at the overwhelming taste.
“Alright, my turn,” You say, picking up the ball and lining up to throw it towards them.
Conrad’s hand falls to the small of your back, the bare skin between your top and skirt. You glance back with slightly widened eyes but quickly try to ignore it. He was buzzed, that’s what it was. All of his inhibitions were lowered, and his widened pupils couldn’t help but focus on you. You throw the ball from your hand and it bounces to land in their front cup. In one movement, you shift to stand directly in front of Conrad, trying your best to shield his desperation for you. The other three seem too distracted anyway, bickering over which one of them has to drink as Conrad holds your waist, pulling you back against him.
“Con,” You say under your breath, tightening your grip on the edge of the table, “Not here.”
He listens almost instantly, his hands loosening on you as he steps to the side, eyes not leaving you.
“We’ll leave early,” You mention quietly and he smirks, pursing his lips together.
“Come on losers, one of you has got to drink,” Conrad encourages, clasping his hands together, a new lease of life seemingly coursing through him.
You go about the rest of the game and you and Conrad both grimace through another two cups each before you eventually win the game, pushing your remaining cups to the other side for the rest to drink.
“Alright, I need to find the bathroom,” You mention, checking your reflection in the black mirror of your phone screen, “I’ll be back in a minute.”
You squeeze Conrad’s forearm before stepping past him to walk towards the house, trailing through the bodies and eventually making your way upstairs to the nearest available bathroom, shooting him a text of ‘second door on the left’.
You sit yourself on the closed lid of the toilet until, only a minute later, there’s a tap at the door. Without so much as a second thought, you stand up and unlock the door quickly, grinning at the sight of Conrad on the other side. He glances once over his shoulder to check for any prying eyes in the empty corridor before stepping in, hands gripping your waist instantly and turning you around, pressing you against the door as it closes behind you. You gasp at the contact and your mouth falls open, Conrad dipping his head to kiss at your neck.
“I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you in this,” He grumbles, pressing against you, “You’re killing me (Y/l/n).”
“Yeah? I couldn’t tell,” You smirk, your hands moving down to unbutton his trousers, pushing him back until his back hits the opposite wall.
———
You adjust your skirt once, twice more, before stepping outside, running a hand through your hair once again, dragging a finger under either of your eyes. Conrad had left a couple of minutes ago so it was likely safe for you to do so too.
“There you are!” Belly exclaims, hurrying over to you as soon as you step onto the staircase, “Conrad said you were being sick.”
“Um,” You swallow to compose yourself, “Yeah, yeah, just too much beer I think.”
“Okay, yeah, Steven’s been sick in the garden too, I think we’re going to head home,” She nods, “Are you okay? Do you need some water or something?”
There’s that feeling again, the sinking in your chest. The sick in your stomach, not the kind of sick from Conrad’s lie. This was real. It was real because your best friend was stood in front of you and she cared about you, so openly and blatantly she cared about you, and you were lying to her. Over something that would break her heart. You were lying to her.
“Come on, let’s go,” She puts an arm out for you to take her hand and leads you down the staircase to where the three boys are waiting at the bottom.
Conrad looks up at you as you come down, a smile on his lips before he looks back down at his feet. His hair was messier than normal and you wondered whether anyone had questioned it.
“You feeling okay (Y/n)?” Jeremiah frowns, “Here, take this.”
He tugs the flannel from around his shoulders and hands it to you, waiting for your arms to slip into the sleeves.
“Oh, yeah, thanks Jere,” You nod, adjusting the material around you.
Conrad clenches his jaw, opening the door and stepping out without another word. You all follow behind, taking the shortcut that lead you back towards Susannah’s house, eventually reaching the familiar setting. Steven stumbles and clings onto Jeremiah, telling him that they should carry on drinking, and Belly looks at you every two seconds as if you’re about to break beside her, Conrad doesn’t look back at you.
Everything just feels… off. Jeremiah’s shirt seemed to itch around your arms and it didn’t sit right around your shoulders, and Belly’s arm was linked in yours but it just didn’t seem to rest there properly and it made your arm ache when you focused on it for too long, and why wouldn’t Conrad look at you?!
You eventually get back into the house and Jeremiah carries Steven’s weight through the corridor as quietly as he can, making sure he takes one stumbling step at a time. Belly tells you she’s going to get in the bathroom before anyone else does and you and Conrad are left stood in the doorway.
He glances back at you.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” You offer, pulling Jeremiah’s shirt from around you.
“You could’ve used mine,” He mumbles softly.
“Your what?” You frown, blinking at him in the low light.
“My jacket, you could’ve borrowed it,” He shrugs, stuffing his hands into his pockets.
“Conrad Fisher are you jealous?” You scoff, and for a moment in your laughter you forget about everything that had been worrying you on the way home. It’s just you and him again.
He rolls his eyes, “No, I just mean-“
You step forward until you’re directly below him, waiting until his eyes will meet yours.
“Admit it,” You state simply, “Admit you were jealous.”
“Im not jealous it’s just-“ He stops, “I don’t- I didn’t-“
You raise your brows, fighting to stop yourself from laughing at him.
“Good night,” He grumbles turning away from you.
You grab his hand and stop him, turning him around so that you can press the quickest peck to his lips. Conrad looks at you with a smile on his lips, drawing you back in to kiss him again, a second longer.
It’s only when you pull away that you both think to glance to the top of the stairs - to the figure stood at the top of them.
“What the fuck?” Steven mumbles, stumbling a little and catching himself on the wall.
Conrad looks at you almost instantly and you watch the worry cast over his face, him watching the exact same expression pass over yours.
“Come on, man, let’s get you to bed,” Jeremiah encourages, hurrying back over to Steven and wrapping an arm around his shoulders.
He pauses when he sees the two of you at the bottom of the stairs, both looking up like you’ve seen a ghost.
“Good night guys,” He frowns, hooking his arm below Steven’s armpits and dragging him towards his bedroom.
Conrad looks at you again and his mouth opens as if to say something, stopping before he speaks, closing his mouth again, waiting, and then saying, “I’m so sorry (Y/n).”
You look at him and frown, hearing the way the words catch in his throat as if assuring you they’re honest. You can practically feel the way his chest would have been tightening against the words, the way he’d struggle against them.
“Hey,” You reach out a hand and take his, squeezing it, “Not your fault.”
He looks down at you and swallows the lump in his throat.
“Come on, not here,” You encourage, pulling his hand with you as the two of you walk through the empty bottom floor.
You lead him into the lounge where the two of you sit down in front of the fireplace. You cross your legs and face him and he stretches his out towards the fireplace, leaning back against the couch behind you.
“Okay, chances are Steven’s not going to keep his mouth shut,” You begin, “Even drunk, he’ll probably remember what he saw.”
Conrad just nods.
“Look, I get it. It’s only been a couple of days, and this ruins things and I totally understand if you don’t want this to carry-“
“Woah, woah, woah,” Conrad bolts upright, “What gave you that impression?”
“Well,” You look down at your hands in your lap, “I know we’ve been hooking up but everyone knowing is going to make this into something and I don’t know if you’re ready for that or if you want that or… I don’t know.”
“(Y/n),” He takes one of your hands and interlocks his fingers with yours, his large grip folding over your knuckles, “I want this. Not just sneaking off and hooking up, I want this. I want you.”
You feel your heart skip a beat, your whole body feeling like it could ignite under his touch.
“If they find out now, then we deal with it, okay?” He waits until your eyes find his, “We’re in this for the long haul, right?”
You nod and watch the corners of his lips curl up into a smile. You turn so that your back is against the couch beside him and he wraps an arm around your back, your head resting on his shoulder and his resting atop yours. You’re sure you could stay like that forever. And, somewhere along the line, both of you drift off to sleep.
———
When you blink your eyes open, for a second you hope you’re dreaming… or perhaps this is more like being in a nightmare. Stood directly in front of the pair of you, are the looming figures of Jeremiah, Steven and… Belly. You nudge Conrad and he blinks awake too, groaning at the stiff pain in his neck.
“God I thought I was dreaming last night but I wasn’t, was I?” Steven gestures between the two of you, “I mean, you guys are…”
You glance at Conrad and back to the others, scrambling to your feet, “I can explain-“
You reach out for Belly but she pulls away, storming out of the room as quickly as she can. You feel the tears bubble in your eyes, the lump in your throat.
“I mean, seriously (Y/n)?” Steven scoffs, “You knew how she felt about him. She’s meant to be your best friend.”
“I didn’t mean for-“
“Conrad?!” Jeremiah exclaims, “Seriously, of all the people you could’ve been with you went for Conrad? The one person you knew would break Belly’s heart.”
“It wasn’t like that,” You shake your head quickly, “It just happened and-“
“Well maybe if you weren’t so busy thinking about fucking-“
“Hey!” Conrad stands up beside you, stepping ahead so that he shields you from them, directing his anger onto his brother, “Don’t talk to her like that.”
“You’re fucking unbelievable, do you know that?” Jeremiah laughs, “I tell you I like a girl and you take that as a sign to get her for yourself?”
“Jere, stop,” Conrad warns, “You’re going to say something you regret.”
“Don’t tell me what to do!” Jeremiah raises his voice, “You knew that I liked her, you knew I fucking liked her and you just cared about yourself.”
“It wasn’t like that, (Y/n) decided who she wanted to be with, I did too. It’s not always about you Jere,” Conrad shakes his head, “When are you going to grow up and realise that?”
“When am I going to grow up? How about you growing up and realising you’re going to break her fucking heart?” Jere shrugs, “I mean, seriously, emotionally unavailable Conrad? In a relationship that’ll last? You’ll break her heart and she’ll come crying to-“
“Stop!” You raise your voice, pushing to step aside from behind Conrad, “Both of you stop fucking talking about me like I’m not even here. I can’t deal with this right now, I need to find Belly.”
“(Y/n)…”
You hear the faint tone of Conrad’s voice behind you but it’s overshadowed by the blood pounding in your ears as you hurry through the house to find her, catching sight of her just by the pool.
“Belly!” You call, pushing open the door, “Belly please just talk to me!”
“You knew, (Y/n),” She spins on her heel to face you, her eyes puffy with tears, “You knew I liked him. From the minute we were in middle school I told you I liked him. I told you every summer since, and you listened to me every single fucking time. And then, what? You just wanted him for yourself this whole time.”
“It wasn’t like that…” You shake your head, “I never meant for it to happen, especially not like this.”
“Then what was it like, (Y/n)?”
You pause, seemingly incapable of finding any words in the moment, “I- I just…”
She crosses her arms over her chest and looks at you as if you’re a person she doesn’t recognise.
“It was a couple of summers ago, I don’t know what changed. He just seemed… different. And then I noticed it more last summer, just the little things in how he was acting with me, I couldn’t explain it. I never told you because I knew how much it would hurt you to think that I liked him too. But the other night things just happened and he told me how he felt about me and… I never meant for you to find out like this, and I never meant to lie to you.”
“Well, which one is it? Did you not want me to find out or did you not want to lie to me? You can’t have both.”
“I-“ You fight back the tears stinging at your eyes, “I didn’t want to break your heart, Bells. But I could feel myself falling in love with him and him falling in love wi-“
“In love?” She steps forward, eyebrows raised against the redness of her cheeks, “It’s not love, (Y/n). Conrad doesn’t love you. You’re just there and he knows he can have you. You’ll realise that eventually.”
Her words are void of any emotion other than hatred, spitting from her mouth like she’s desperate for them to escape her. She storms past you and down the side of the house, each one of her steps carrying more anger than the last.
You feel your chest tighten, the way it seems to contort and twist when you’re on the verge of tears.
The garden door opens again and it’s Conrad this time. At the second your eyes meet his, you release every emotion in side of you, letting out a sob. He reacts almost instantly, hurrying down to scoop you into his arms, letting you bury your head on his chest, soaking through his t-shirt. One of his hands grips around your back and the other holds your head against him, running through your hair.
“It’s okay, (Y/n),” His voice is soft, like he is terrified of breaking you further.
You pull away from him and look up to his face, shaking your head through the tears still spilling from your eyes, “How is it going to be okay, Con? They hate us. All of them hate us.”
“Hey,” His hands move up to either of your cheeks, thumbs brushing under your eyes to swipe away the tears before they can even fall, “It’s you and me, okay? We’ll figure it out.”
You let yourself sink into the feeling of his arms around you, his heartbeat sounding less certain than his words did.
“You’ve got me.”
And in that moment, you know it’s true.
