× Notes: These are what the fan gestures Janus used mean:
Kiss Me - Press the half-closed fan over the lips
Talk to Me - Touch the lips with the tip of the closed fan
I Fancy You - Place the tip of the closed fan over the cheek
I Love You - Open the fan and place it over the heart
× AO3 link
× Summary: Janus tries to flirt and seduce Roman through the art of fan language. His mission fails successfully.
Janus has been throwing signs at Roman for the past few weeks on how he was utterly in love with the other side but the creative facet was too oblivious for his own good. And Janus was suffering because of it. Good lord, help him.
He let out an exasperated sigh as he fanned himself, the Florida heat getting to him and it made thinking way more difficult than it should have been. Janus pouts to himself, trying to formulate a plan to woo Roman and make him realize that the resident snake likes (more like love) him. He leaned back on the couch while he continued to fan himself... his eyes landing on the fan in his hands. Then the gears in his head began to turn, he was trying to figure something out. And an idea popped up! Janus smirked to himself at what he had thought of, thinking that this was the best idea he had created. Now time to execute his plan (and get himself some royal D).
---
Roman was in the kitchen preparing himself a nice, warm cup of tea to soothe his throat after belting out loud in his room as he practiced for an upcoming play Thomas would lead. He brings his mug to his lips and takes a small sip, the warm liquid is comforting before taking another sip. He hums in satisfaction, hopping onto one of the bar stools, and sipping at the delicious liquid again. He was so occupied by his tea and his own thoughts that he didn't notice a certain snake-like side enter the kitchen until the other coughed to get his attention.
He was snapped out of his thoughts and saw Janus glance at him before passing by, the resident snake heading towards the fridge. His and Janus's relationship was doing rather well, although it took them a long time to finally forgive each other. Their acquaintanceship was improving per se. But Roman does notice sometimes how weird Janus acts around him, making him wonder if it's a negative thing or a positive one. Hopefully the last one. Roman shrugs it off and continues to drink his tea while he now thinks of new ideas he can put into a script he is working on.
"What are you up to, Roman?"
Roman looks up and sees Janus approaching him, also noticing a fan and a glass of wine in both his hands. Roman blinks before shrugging and replying, "Nothing much, just drinking tea and thinking of more glorious ideas." he replies cheerily before finishing the cup and setting it down on the counter before turning his full attention towards the serpent-like side. "What's up?".
Janus presses his half-closed fan over his lips before he speaks up again. "Bored, went here to get me some refreshments," he answers simply, closing his fan and taking a sip from his wine. Roman watched carefully as he listened to Janus speak. "What's with the hand fan by the way?" he queries in curiosity, pointing at the fan Janus was holding. Janus perks up and looks at his fan, "Oh this? Just bringing it around with me, the Florida heat is insufferable." he says plainly, placing his wine glass down on the counter.
Roman nodded in understanding as he got up from his seat, walked towards the sink, and placed his mug there. "Anyway, gotta go back to work now. See ya." he chirps, shooting Janus a charming smile. The other merely nodded and looked away, opening his fan and fanning himself quickly. The creative facet watches him for a moment and shrugs before sinking out to his room.
---
He was done questing from the Imagination and he decided to go to the living room. Roman was thinking about having a movie marathon of his favorite Disney movies (which is all of them by the way), maybe he could invite the others with him. He suddenly popped out of nowhere in the middle of the room, surprising Virgil who let out a surprised scream and sprung up from his seat. Oh, and Janus was there too.
"Holy fuck, Roman! Can you not do that!?" Virgil exclaimed exasperatedly with a hand on his chest, sitting back down on the couch. Roman knew he held no malice behind his words. The princely facet plopped down beside the anxious one and ruffled the other's hair playfully, causing a hiss of annoyance from Virgil. "My bad, my bad." The creative aspect laughs sheepishly, his laughter growing louder as Virgil tries to shove him off the couch but he doesn't budge.
His eyes then landed on Janus who looked at him, the tip of his closed fan touching his lips. Roman smiles at him sweetly and waves at him, "Hey Jan—" but before he can even finish his words, he drops onto the floor face first as Virgil finally shoves him off the couch. He groaned into the carpeted floor while Janus looked amused. Janus giggled softly and shook his head, covering the lower half of his face with the fan as he suppressed his laughter.
Roman looked at him wide-eyed, surprised to hear a genuine laugh from Janus. A very rare occurrence indeed. He couldn't help but smile as well at the sight of Janus' amusement, and he felt his cheeks heat up. Roman spares Virgil's soft glare as the other laughed his ass off at Roman's current state, the creative one rolled his eyes and got up from the floor. He turns on the TV and grabs the remote before plopping back down on the couch, Now he is sitting on the empty spot near Janus.
"I'm gonna have a Disney movie marathon, Y'all interested?" Roman queries, glancing at Virgil. The anxious facet shook his head as he got up from the couch and stuffed his phone inside his hoodie pocket, "Nah. I'm gonna go take a nap.".
"What about the others? What are they doing?"
"I think Patton's taking a nap too, Lo is working with whatever he's working on, and Remus... I don't know what he's up to." Virgil states as he walks towards the stairs. "Enjoy your movie marathon by the way. I'll tell them if they're interested," he added before climbing up to his room. Roman frowns slightly. It seems that no one was interested, Sigh, poor him... Wait, Janus was there too, but he'd declined too—
"What're you going to watch?" Janus queries quietly as he continues to fan himself slowly, his eyes gazing intensely at Roman. The creative one raises his eyebrows at the other's words, before grinning happily. "Oh, I'm gonna watch Cinderella first. Are you... gonna stay and watch with me?" he smiles softly at Janus. Janus blinked and stared blankly at Roman as he processed the question. "... I guess," he muttered, shutting his fan closed.
Roman beamed happily before directing to Disney Plus where he immediately picked Cinderella to begin his movie marathon with. He places the remote down on the coffee table while excitedly flapping his hands against his lap, his eyes glued to the TV. Janus watched him closely, noticing how excited the other was. He got up from his seat and went to sit down beside the spot beside Roman. Roman turned to look at Janus, who was already looking at him, his reddish-brown eyes locked with the latter's dual-colored ones. Roman gives him a smile and Janus then places the tip of his fan over his cheeks before smiling back at the other then looks away to look at the television. The princely trait continued to watch the movie that played on the TV. He also can't help but wonder why Janus keeps doing those certain gestures using his fan.
---
Janus let out a frustrated groan as he sat up on his bed. It has been a week since he tried out his fan language technique on Roman and his clues still haven't gotten through the other trait's head yet. Why is it not working? He questioned as his arms fell limply onto his lap. (It's because barely anyone knows about fan language, Janus.). He glanced over to his side table where his fan was resting; He grabbed the handle and opened it, fanning himself with it in utter annoyance.
What does he have to do to get Roman's attention and for him to notice his dying love for him? (Fucking communicate with him). Janus huffs closes the fan and stands up, walking up to the door and heading down to look for Roman. There, in the kitchen, stood the creative facet. He was drinking his favorite tea as usual and staring into nothingness, probably lost in his thoughts again.
Janus coughed softly to get the other's attention, The other jolted before turning to look at him, his eyes widened at seeing Janus there. Janus touched the tip of his fan to his lips before batting his eyes at Roman, seemingly trying to act cute. Roman blinks in confusion and waves at him with a sheepish smile.
The deceitful trait rolled his eyes before opening his fan and placing it over his heart, hoping that Roman would get what he meant. Janus waited patiently as Roman seemed to try to understand what he meant. But alas, Roman still failed. "Janus, what are you even doing?" Roman asks curiously, tilting his head slightly.
Janus huffs before closing his fan (only in half) presses the half-closed over his lips, and does it again. All of this bullshit was fucking stupid, why can't Roman just loves him already so they can make out-- Surely this gesture would get through Roman's head, it's probably the most obvious one yet. Roman looked at him quizically and cocked his head to the side once more and blinked at the snake-like side, looking like a confused puppy.
An exasperated and annoyed noise ripped out of Janus, getting with all this guessing game they were playing. His plan was stupid and pointless, now he had to put his big boy pants on and do it himself. "Oh, you idiot—"
Janus marched towards Roman, which confused the other more, before pulling Roman by his collar and kissing him. Roman's eyes were blown wide in shock as he stared at Janus, his mind going blank. After a minute, he finally snapped out of his shocked state and everything was finally processing in his head. Roman then finally kissed Janus back, his hands tangling on the other's hair.
The both of them soon pulled away from the kiss, and both of their faces were flushed red.
"So... that's what you wanted?" Roman asked, letting out a soft chuckle. Janus looked away in embarrassment, he was still leaning close to Roman. "Yes..." he muttered softly, embarrassed by his own actions. "Well," Roman started, standing straight. "I guess you still got the message across using... what's it again?" the creative facet says, smiling lopsidedly at Janus.
"Fan language."
Roman giggles a bit at hearing Janus' answer. "You do know not everyone's going to understand that, right? And I thought I was the dramatic one," he said with an amused expression. "Hush and just kiss me." The deceptive trait murmured and unfurled his fan with a flourish, concealing both their faces from the supposed audience as their lips met once more.
--------
Writing Taglist: @cutebisexualmess @extraintrovertedalien (please tell me if you want to be added or removed in the tag list)
If you like my writing, please consider leaving a comment! And maybe, buy me a Ko-Fi?
First Chapter / Last Chapter / Next Chapter
Tag List: @poettheythem @iclaimedtobethebetterbard @justablah56 If you’d like to be added to the tag list, please send an ask!
---
The funny thing about memories is that they aren’t really you. Sometimes, your memories make you better. Often, they make you worse. Sometimes, they disappear. They get repressed into the deepest depths of your skull. And you don’t know who you were or who you hurt.
It all ceases to exist.
You’re never gonna love me. So that’s the use?
Only one more year and then Roman would have his Associates. Though, it didn’t feel like much of a feat to him. It just felt like something he had to do. He wasn’t even convinced he was doing a good job.
But Emile wanted to celebrate. He sorted through the pile of t-shirts: all white with Western State College’s logo printed on the front. He passed them throughout the group, trying to match everyone to the correct size shirt. Though Emile usually brimmed with color, he wore a black shirt that had been stained with bleach to show an illustration of some cartoon character’s face. Roman honestly couldn’t tell if it was a badly done boy or a very badly done cat. Above all, he just didn’t know where they were getting all this bleach.
“So, what are you going to do with yours, Re?” Virgil asked.
“Brown,” Remus answered very quickly.
Roman raised an eyebrow. “Just... brown?”
“I don’t even have brown dye,” Emile said.
“Don’t you guys even know color theory?” Remus asked with a disappointed sigh.
“Wrong color,” Remy piped in.
“Amalgamation,” Remus said. “Blending.”
Everyone looked at him with knitted brows.
He bunched the shirt into his hands and held it high in the air. “I’m going to Frankenstein this bitch!” he screeched.
“Ah,” they all said in unison.
“Why isn’t Janus here?” Patton asked.
Roman ignored the sting in his chest. Don’t think about last night. Don’t think about last night. Don’t think-
“Because he sucks?” Virgil asked. “No offense, Roman.”
Patton rolled his eyes. “He’s really not that bad. I’m sure he’s just waiting for you to apologize for whatever it was you did to offend him.”
Virgil glared at Patton. “And what makes you think I did something wrong?”
“Enough,” Remy said. “Be nice, boys.”
“Roman, why aren’t you sticking up for Janus?” Patton asked.
Roman was sure that being stabbed would have been a much nicer alternative. His head was dizzy. “I- I don’t- I- um-”
“Leave him out of this,” Remy said calmly. “Roman didn’t invite Janus because Virgil and I didn’t feel comfortable with him here.”
He frowned. “You guys could give him a chance.”
“Enough, Patton,” Roman said sharply. “Leave it alone.”
Patton sighed and began absentmindedly playing with a pile of rubber bands. Roman wished the tension could slide off his skin, but it had sharp claws that dug into his back and threatened to hold tight for the rest of the day.
Emile clapped his hands together and said, “Alright, well. If we order now, we can start tie-dying and have pizza by the time we’re all done.”
“That’s a great idea, Em,” Remy said gently.
Emile smiled and awkwardly pulled his phone out of his pocket. “To the backyard!” he announced proudly.
Everyone cheered- though the claws of Tension dug deeper and deeper. Roman pushed those feelings down- though much like an overstuffed laundry basket, he didn’t have room to push down anymore. He knew his feelings would soon overflow until he was strained and broken. But he pushed those thoughts down too. No use ruining a sunny day over them.
He grabbed his t-shirt and a bag of rubber bands and worked the fabric into a taut spiral. He lined up bottles of dye in rainbow order and counted out the sections he’d divided.
“Oh, you basic fucking bitch,” Remus said over his shoulder.
Roman glared at him and said, “Quit it.”
“Roman if each of those-“ He counted on his fingers. “six sections are each a monotonous color, I’m taking your title of Most Creative Sibling.”
“This is creative,” Roman argued, though he was less sure after he said it. “Not everything has to be messy to be good.”
“Well in my humble opinion-“
“Remus, lay off him, ‘eh?” Virgil interrupted. “I’m sure it’s going to look great, Roman. Your brother is just a dick.”
“Funny. I thought you liked my dick last night,” Remus teased.
Virgil rolled his eyes. “As if you would ever cheat on your crusty anime body pillows.”
“Cheat?!” Remus gave a dramatic gasp. He then winked and said, “Threesomes aren’t cheating.”
“Girlies, I will throw up back here,” Remy said.
“Please don’t,” Emile begged. “It’s bad for the lawn and we have a very fragile ecosystem back here.”
Patton pipped up, “How fragile is your lawn? How vile do you think his bile is?”
Emile sighed. “You don’t know what he puts in his stomach.”
Remy defended himself, “I will pour Mountain Dew on all your freshly cleaned laundry.”
“Please, not again.”
Roman rolled his eyes and shook a capped bottle of dye. He felt a buzz in his pocket and pulled out his phone to a single, terrible text. We need to talk. And all at once, the laughter and bickering of his friends went completely silent as his ears were drowned under the sound of his blood rushing ice cold and his heart pounding against the prison bars of bone that kept it from exploding.
Suddenly, Roman didn’t see much point in tie-dying.
What’s the point in playin’ a game you’re gonna lose?
Roman felt bad ditching Remus. He felt worse for making Patton drive his brother home. But most terrible of all was the feeling he had for himself. He took a deep breath as he put his car in park. This is what you wanted, he reminded himself. Ever since that night, he needed to talk to Janus. He just hoped he’d have some time to himself first.
He took a breath. He took his key out of the ignition, unbuckled his seatbelt, and just tried to breathe through every little movement. RSD was a bitch, but that was no excuse to be so pathetic about one coffee shop conversation. Just breathe slow, he reminded himself. In and out. Just breathe slowly. One, two, out, two. In, one, out, two...
He pushed open the door to the coffee shop. The ring of the bell announcing his entry might as well have been the bell tolling at his execution. It wasn’t hard to spot Janus, his hair tucked under a black beanie despite the summer heat. His black tank top showed his snake tattoo in full glory. Roman made his way over, ignoring the way each step added another weight to his ankles. You’re both adults. You can both talk and get over it. You can work this through.
Janus looked up and met Roman’s eyes.
Roman wanted to run into the bathroom and vomit.
“Roman,” Janus said coldly. “We need to talk.”
“Yes, we do,” Roman said, holding himself as well as he could. You’re pathetic. Last night’s argument echoed louder than any siren. You’re pathetic. He took a deep breath. We need to talk about the way you’ve been ‘helping’ me.
“Why don’t you get a drink?” A trap.
“I’m fine,” he said coldly. He pulled a chair and sat across from Janus. Though he was still mad, seeing Janus just ahead of him made him feel like a child. He wanted to cry and beg for forgiveness. Crying is pathetic, he told himself. “Janus, about last night,-”
“Let me go first, please?” Janus interrupted.
Roman dug his fingernails into his palm, trying anything not to cry. Or scream. Screaming would probably be worse.
“Roman, you’ve been different lately.” No thanks to your ‘help’. “And you don’t act like you want me anymore.”
“Janus, you never-”
“Don’t interrupt me,” Janus snapped.
Roman pulled his lips tight. His nails dug deeper into his palm.
“You don’t act like you want me anymore. Only like you need me.” Because you don’t let me want you. You tell me I need you. You don’t, you don’t, you don’t- “And honestly this isn’t working for me anymore.”
Roman was sure all the air left his lungs. He was sure his heart stopped and his blood had completely frozen over. Roman was sure he’d died. (He was disappointed when he realized he was entirely and unfortunately alive.)
Once again, Roman was ready to give up everything and beg.
Janus met his eyes and said for clarity, “I’m breaking up with you, Roman.” As if the fucking message wasn’t clear enough.
“Janus, I-”
“Roman, don’t cause a scene,” Janus snapped. And there it was. The true reason he’d invited Roman to a coffee shop to do this. “Please. This doesn’t have to be the end forever. Maybe we can get back together when things are better. We can still have a future together.” He took Roman’s hand, sending a jolt down his spine. Janus’s grip was tight. “We’ll still be friends, okay?”
Roman pulled his hand away. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he silently prayed Thank you because at least he hadn’t been completely abandoned by the forces that be. He grabbed his phone and quickly looked at his text.
Emile P.: Hey, you forgot your shirt here haha. I have it in the wash for you. :)
Roman thought that maybe he could survive the next three hours. If he spent 2 and a half alone in his car. “I gotta go,” he said abruptly. “My mom needs me home.”
“Is everything okay?” Janus asked.
Why do you care? “Just... give me some time, Janus. Okay? I need some time.”
“I’ll be here as soon as you’re ready.”
Roman started for the car. I’m sure you will be.
What’s the point in saying you love me like a friend?
What’s the point in saying it’s never gonna end?
Remus paced the floor. Not only had Roman left a kick-ass party so suddenly (weird), but he also wasn’t even back home (even weirder), and he wasn’t answering a single text (super extra mega ULTRA weird). Remus sent another string of incomprehensible emojis, only to be met for the tenth time with Roman’s “Do Not Disturb While Driving” message. He was getting bored, which was always rude of Roman to allow the superior twin to be bored, but he was also getting worried. And that was worse. Boredom was rude, but can easily be fixed with hot glue, glitter, and eggs. Worry, well, worry isn’t so easily deterred.
---
The worst part of leaving the Picani Party early and refusing to eat or drink anything with Janus meant that Roman was very very hungry. But he wasn’t ready to go home. Maybe if Remus kept his mouth shut, their parents wouldn’t have to know that he even left early. But that plan relied on Remus keeping his mouth shut- a feat which had never been accomplished.
He turned into the lot of a fast-food joint. He just wanted to swing through the Drive-Thru. Maybe if he ate in the parking lot, he’d have time to actually cry. But crying was pathetic. He parked and made his way into the restaurant. Too many words echoed through his head, but the sound of employees yelling orders back and forth at each other was the first step he needed to drown everything out.
His phone buzzed with a text. And then another. He pulled it out of his pocket, reading the two newest messages in a pile that was quickly flooding his lock screen. (Though, the earliest texts proved to already be two hours old. He didn’t realize how much time had passed in his loneliness.)
Patton: r u ok?
Patton: Janus told me what happened.
Roman rolled his eyes. Why does Janus deserve proper spelling? He put his phone back in his pocket and tried not to cry. Of course, when his voice broke halfway through ordering his meal, he felt bad for the cashier who looked absolutely horrified. But he managed to hold it in. Just a bit longer. That’s all he had to do- just get through just a bit longer until he’d successfully lied his way through two years of bullshit. Then he could cry.
Roman took a shaky breath as he pulled his credit card out from his wallet. He paid for his meal, found a little table in the corner, and kept to himself. Then he could cry.
—-
When he got home, his only goal was to get to sleep. The house was mostly dark, except for the white light coming from the television screen. “Did you have a good time?” his mom asked, without so much as a glance his way.
Absolutely not. “Oh, um, the party was good. Virgil was showing me some pictures of his pet lizard.”
“Oh, a lizard is... interesting,” his mom said.
“Yeah, it’s cool.” He could feel the heat of tears threatening him behind his eyes. “It’s been a long day, so, uh. I gotta get ready for bed.”
“Have a good night, sweetie,” his mom said.
“Good night,” his dad echoed.
Roman let out a heavy sigh. “Good night.” He trudged up the stairs into his room and pulled off his clothes. A shower would do him some good. Or at least some privacy. Roman grabbed a towel and loosely wrapped it around himself. He took some pajamas and tucked them under his arm.
He was thankful not to run into anyone on the way to the bathroom. He turned the water on hot and locked the door. As he undressed, his eyes locked on his reflection and he immediately wished they hadn’t.
His neck was still covered in hickeys. “Love bites” some people call them.
To him, they just felt like some sort of calling card.
Roman stepped into the shower desperate to get away from his reflection but the image burned into his mind faster than the water could melt the tension out of his skin. He poured too much shampoo into his hands and tried to rub it all into his hair. And that was when he let the waterworks break loose. And that was when Roman fell apart. Gone was the gentle touch he usually reserved for showering pleasantries, instead he tightened his fists around clumps of hair as he tried to resist screaming. He released his hair and let his hands fall to his side. Diluted shampoo rinsed down the sides of his face and his chest, following the same trails that his fingers- Roman’s fingers were curled into a fist instantaneously and he slammed the side of his fist against the wall, letting out a loud cry as he did so.
Over. And Over. And Over.
Just as Janus had kissed him. Just as Janus had torn him apart. Just as he had ignored Remy and Virgil’s warnings and just as much as he’d hated himself for listening all the same.
He was exhausted before he’d even gotten to wash his face. He held onto the shelf, barely even able to stand and wholly incapable of even thinking. His hand started to hurt. His heart hadn’t stopped.
As soon as he turned off the water, he felt exposed. He quickly grabbed a towel and wrapped himself up without even bothering to properly dry off first. When he stepped out into the hallway, he met eyes with Remus.
Remus opened his mouth to speak.
Roman rushed away before he got the chance.
—-
Octo-Nuts: It’s been three days.
Garbage Rat: He hasn’t said anything?
Black Parade Reject: What the fuck happened?
Octo-Nuts: That’s what I’m trying to figure out, dipshit
Black Parade Reject: Whatever asshole
Black Parade Reject: Good luck.
—-
Remus was going to kill Roman. Or destroy his speaker. But murder seemed like the more practical option. At least he could take the speaker for himself after getting rid of the body.
He paced back and forth, counting the ringing on his phone like his life depended on it. He didn’t know where his mind would go if he had to continue wondering. (Though, he had somewhat of a realistic idea. It was the more creative traumas his mind created that he didn’t want to dwell on.) He instead switched his phone over to his left hand and flipped the light switch to his closet while he waited. A solid thirteen times. The light was on and Emile answered at the 13th flick. Good things will happen , he told himself. It’s okay now.
“Remus, hey,” Emile said. “Is everything okay?”
Remus cleared his throat. Things were decidedly not okay, but Emile already knew that. No use focusing on the obvious. “I would never disrespect the iconic female artists of the current pop music scene. Especially not with Roman present and close enough to kill me.”
“Mhm?”
“But if I hear Olivia Rodrigo or Taylor Swift or- God forbid- Marina and the Diamonds one more fucking time-“
“What’s on now?”
“Some Taylor Swift song. All Too Well or whatever.”
Emile gave a nervous squeak. “How long is it?”
“I don’t know. A fucking hour or something? Longer than any song should ever fucking be.”
“Oh, God. I’m on my way.”
Shit. “Emile?!” The call ended. Remus was definitely going to kill Roman. Or Emile.
Or Janus.
—-
Virgil Thompson was never the best at cheering up friends. Or anyone. And as he fell like a rag doll into his desk chair, spinning slowly, he realized he wasn’t too good at cheering himself up either. Roman had gone off the radar, Remus was too on the radar, and it felt like everyone else was falling apart at the seams.
Everyone except Patton.
Somehow that made Virgil feel worse.
It wasn’t that he wanted to ignore Patton’s texts. Really, he wanted to feel normal. He would have loved to just go to Patton’s place and play video games or anything just to be bored, apathetic Virgil again. But apathy and boredom were too much work. And Patton kept saying “You should be nicer to people” and other bullshit like that. The problem with Patton was that he had yet to grow up enough to learn the difference between niceness and sincerity.
So Virgil Thompson knew today would not be the day he’d suddenly be capable of helping either twin. Or himself.
—-
You only ever touch me in the dark
After what seemed like an endless supply of people who just wanted to ask questions, Roman was lucky to have a friend who just wanted to talk. He invited Patton over (leaving the house felt like too much work), brushed his teeth (how many days had it been since he’d done that?), and threw on the best “I look good but I don’t have to work for it” outfit he could. And then he took it off. And tried again. And again. He came to realize that sweatpants and a largely oversized, very old t-shirt were the only clothes he could stand to see himself in.
Only if we're drinkin' can you see my spark
Roman sat across the table from Patton. Cups of coffee sat between them. Everywhere else in the house was silent.
Patton reached out, laying his hand on Roman’s arm. Roman flinched at the touch and silently cursed himself when he saw Patton frown.
“Everyone has been really worried about you,” Patton said.
Roman sighed. “Trust me. I’m well aware.”
“And?”
“And,” he said with poison on the tip of his tongue, “I wish everyone would respect my need for space without bombarding me with a ton of questions.” He let out a deep breath and relaxed his fists. He didn’t remember clenching them.
Patton took a quick inhale and let it out slowly. “Janus was asking about you,” he said so quickly Roman wasn’t even sure he’s heard him correctly.
“What?”
“Janus is worried about you too. He still wants you guys to be friends, you know.” Patton’s eyes went to the wall. And the floor. And any direction that wasn’t Roman. Pathetic. “He’s really sad, you know, that you haven’t spoken to him.”
“So he’s completely ignoring my need for space?” Roman snapped. “I told him I needed time. Or do my feelings not matter?”
“Of course they matter,” Patton protested. “But maybe you should consider how Janus feels.”
Roman’s fists tightened again- no longer from fear but boiling red anger. “I have spent four months,” he spat, “considering Janus’s feelings and he can’t even last a week to spare mine?”
“Roman, I think-
“I think you should leave.”
Patton’s head snapped to attention. His brown eyes went wide and Roman could almost see his anger in the watery reflection. “Roman-“
“Get out before one of us says something the other will regret,” he snapped. Though truth be told, he was already regretting when Patton had said “Hello.”
“Fine,” Patton said with a hitch in his voice. “But you’re making a very selfish mistake, Roman.”
Roman made a very selfish gesture. And when Patton slammed the front door shut, he sobbed.
And only in the evening can you give yourself to me
Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic.
Roman found no escape from the word.
Pathetic.
Who got so strung up by a single word anyway? It wasn’t a slur of any kind and Roman had certainly faced worse insults before that had failed to stick as badly. Pathetic. That’s what the hold on him was. It was pathetic to be so afraid of it. It was pathetic to cry every time he heard it on TV- aimed nowhere near him.
Roman picked up his phone with shaking hands. He scrolled until he found the app he needed- it opened straight to the server Virgil had invited him into. Remus and all his friends were there. As were the hundreds of notifications he had muted. 283 were from the server. 10 were texts from Remy. 7 were from Virgil. 6 were from Emile.
Roman didn’t bother clicking on any of them. Instead, he went to the channel that was least used. He wrote a single word.
Pathetic.
—-
Remus hated the songs that were getting stuck in his head. All-day, he tried to tune them out only to have an endless radio in his head. It wasn’t that he disliked the music, he just… hated why he had to hear it. And the lyrics echoing in his head just felt like an echo of guilt from not knowing what to do or say.
Roman’s breakup with Alex hadn’t been that bad. …or had it? And had he just failed to realize?
“Holy fuck,” Remy gasped quietly. He started frantically typing.
“What ha-“
“Server,” Remy said quickly.
And there it was. A single text from Roman in the “banned words” channel.
Seeing anything in that channel was a shock. No one had updated it in well over a year- after that brief fight Virgil and Remy had. (And a long hour of them being locked in a room together. Though, at least 50 minutes of that was a patched friendship and them screaming to get out.)
But still. This was Roman. Roman who had all but refused to show a crack of vulnerability. Roman who had insisted that everything was fine.
Roman. Perfect, golden child Roman.
Remus couldn’t wrap his head around it.
He felt pathetic.
—-
‘Cause the night is your woman
Lilly blew a wad of bubblegum and it smack! ed disgustingly right in front of Roman’s face.
“You make me even more sympathetic towards the Cell Block Tango,” he told her.
She popped her gum again with a smirk and scrunched up her nose, the light making the stud she wore sparkle. Roman could still remember how jealous he was when she got her nose pierced and how badly he wanted his pierced too. Now, it all felt so trivial. He had bigger problems.
“What’s the tea?” she asked, lounging back into her chair with one leg crossed over the other. She looked so calm. Roman wished he could have just half her contentedness.
“God… so much. How much have I told you about Janus?”
She raised an eyebrow. “You? Nothing.”
“Ah, well, we-“
“That’s not to say I don’t know,” she interrupted. “You’ve just been complete shit at keeping me in the loop lately.”
His face burned in embarrassment. “I’ve been a shitty friend, huh?”
“Just a shitty gossip.” She offered him a small smile and pushed his glass of water closer to him. “Tell me everything.”
Like a river behind a cracked dam, Roman’s feelings came rushing out faster than he could compartmentalize them. Every detail, every secret in seemingly no order until a new type of waterworks were filling his eyes and grasping the words from inside his throat. He took a shaky breath. “They even, you know, warned me. Not just about Janus but about myself.”
Lilly raised an eyebrow. “Yourself? Roman, you’ve done nothing wrong. Who gave you this ‘warning’ ?”
“Well, Remy and Virgil, mostly-“
She scoffed. “Virgil, of course. I hate that self-deprecating prick.”
“Virgil Thompson?” Roman asked.
“Yeah, fuck that guy,” she said.
He frowned. “What’s wrong with Virgil?”
She gave a heavy sigh, the kind that says “Don’t even get me started” , but as she opened her mouth to speak, she glanced up at Roman and- “…Nothing. He’s fine, just… I won’t tell you who to be friends with.”
That answer only made Roman feel worse, but he didn’t want to risk pushing Lilly.
He couldn’t afford anyone else’s rage.
And she’ll set you free
Perhaps it was cliché. Maybe he did seem like a middle school girl or the winner of a traumatizing set of children’s games. But the goo was thick and started to itch just as soon as the coldness disappeared from it. And Roman was convinced it was going to change his life.
One of Roman's friends was throwing a fancy ball-like party for her birthday and as soon as he received the invitation, he was over the moon. Of course, he can't pass up an opportunity like this. He had to go! And he spent the day before the party going around the mall looking for a gift to give to his friend and for something extravagant to wear, he's got to slay at that party. After hours of searching, Roman finally found the perfect gift and outfit for the party. He bought a beautiful necklace with a matching set of earrings for her friend and him, he bought a glamorous and slick white and red suit and a few accessories.
When the big day arrived, Roman is practically bouncing off the walls with happiness. The whole time on the way there the thought keeps floating through his head and it is how excited he is to attend such a party. And now here he was;
"Wow!" Roman exclaimed as he stepped inside the party venue. The place was stunning, with twinkling lights, lush flower arrangements, and a grand chandelier hanging from the ceiling. Even though the party wasn’t very crowded yet, everyone seemed extremely busy doing their own thing, talking among themselves or mingling together. Once he spotted his friend, who was wearing a stunning ball gown and made his way over to her.
"Happy Birthday, !" he said, presenting her with the gift. She unwrapped it eagerly and let out a gasp of delight when she saw the necklace and earrings. "Oh my gosh, Roman, these are beautiful! Thank you so much!"
Roman grinned, "You're welcome," he said.
He then added, "Wow, this place is wonderful, Diane. And you look stunning in that gown, it's giving Cinderella vibes!" Roman giggles.
Diane laughed, "Thanks, Roman! I'm so glad you could make it. And you look amazing too, that suit is so unique and eye-catching!". Roman grinned at her complimenting words.
" Anyway, I can't stay long, Ro. I have to maintain the other guests and stuff. Enjoy yourself!" Diane told him and pressed a kiss on his cheek. Roman nodded, "Alright, good luck birthday girl." He watched his friend disappear into the crowd with a soft smile before walking towards the buffet table. As he was browsing through all those snacks, when he suddenly heard, “My my, fancy seeing you here, Roman~”.
Roman whipped around to find his one and only rival, Janus. He was Diane's older brother and Roman's long-term archnemesis. Roman's smile immediately faded at the sight of him. Janus was leaning against the table, arms crossed and a smug smirk on his face. "Janus," Roman greeted him coolly. "Nice to see you here as well." He says with a hint of sarcasm.
"I loooove your suit by the way, you look like a walking candy cane," Janus remarked, his smirk widening. Roman resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He knew Janus was just trying to get under his skin. "Thanks, I guess," he replied, trying to keep his tone neutral. He then looked up and down at Janus, "Thank you, look like a proper villain in that suit." he retorted, not able to resist the opportunity for a comeback. Janus raised an eyebrow and smirked even wider. "Touche, Roman," he said.
Roman and Janus resumed their small-talk conversation, competing with one another's witty remarks. Roman made an effort to ignore Janus' remarks and concentrate on having fun at the party, but Janus' presence just served to irritate him more.
Roman found himself roaming about the party area as it continued, taking in the décor and watching people dance. He even began conversing with some of Diane's friends and enjoying himself. But every so often, he would catch a glimpse of Janus, who was always lurking in the shadows and sporting the same smug grin. God, he really was some villain wannabe. Roman couldn't help but feel like Janus was purposely trying to ruin his night. But he wasn't going to let him succeed. He was going to enjoy himself no matter what.
As the night wore on, Roman found himself dancing with some lovely stranger along with other people on the dance floor. He was having a great time and completely forgot about Janus' presence.
"Mind if I cut in?"
Speak of the devil.
Roman excused himself from his dance partner and turned around to face Janus. Roman narrowed his eyes at the other male, "What do you want?" he asked. Janus raised his hands in a placating gesture. "Just wanted to dance with you, Roman. Don't be so hostile," he said with a smirk. Roman wasn't buying it. He knew Janus too well to trust him. "I'll pass," he replied curtly.
"What? You're too afraid to have a lil dance with me or you just don't know how to dance?" Janus taunted. Roman glared at him, "For your information, I KNOW how to dance.". Janus chuckled, "Prove it then." He held out his hand, gesturing for Roman to take it. Roman hesitated for a moment, considering the offer. He was going to show Janus how amazing he is at dancing. Finally, Roman took Janus' hand and pulled him closer as they began to dance.
Janus places a hand on Roman's shoulder while the other one holds Roman's hand. Roman placed his free hand on Janus' hip as they both danced to the music. Roman tried his best to ignore Janus' smug grin and focus on the dance. He moved gracefully, twirling Janus around and dipping him. For a moment, Roman almost forgot that he was dancing with his arch-nemesis.
Roman couldn't help but feel a strange mixture of anger and attraction towards Janus as they moved to the music. Janus' hand on his shoulder felt firm, and his other hand holding onto Roman's was warm and steady. Roman had to admit, Janus was a good dancer, but he refused to let him know that. Instead, he tried to outdo him with his moves. Despite their rivalry and dislike for each other, he couldn't deny that there was something alluring about Janus. His scent, the way his body moved against Roman's, the heat that radiated from him; it was all so intoxicating. Roman's heart was beating faster and he could feel his body responding to Janus' touch.
Janus leaned in close to Roman's ear, his breath hot against his skin. "You're a good dancer," he murmured, his voice low and husky. Roman shuddered at the sensation, his eyes fluttering closed. He couldn't believe he was feeling this way about his rival.
"Thanks," Roman replied, trying to sound nonchalant. "You're not so bad yourself."
After dancing for a while longer, the song changed. They stopped their movements and Roman reluctantly released Janus' hold on him. Janus smiled playfully, causing Roman to blush slightly. Roman cleared his throat.
"Well, looks like we're done here," he said as he averted his eyes from Janus.
Janus raised an eyebrow. "Is that so?" he said, stepping closer to Roman. "Don't you want to dance again?". Roman took a step back, trying to maintain some distance between them. "I think I've had enough dancing for tonight," he said, his voice a little shaky. Janus chuckled. "I'm quite disappointed, Roman," he said. "But if that's what you want, I won't force you to dance anymore."
Roman nodded, feeling relieved. He turned to leave but felt Janus grab his arm. He turned back to face him, his heart racing. Janus leaned in close, his lips hovering just inches away from Roman's. "You know, Roman," Janus whispered, his eyes locking onto Roman's. "I think there's more between us than just a rivalry."
Roman's breath caught in his throat. He felt a surge of conflicting emotions, unsure of what to do or say. Janus' lips brushed against his own, sending a jolt of electricity through his body. "I'll see you around, Roman," Janus said, pulling away and giving him a sly smile before walking away.
Roman stood there, rooted to the spot, watching Janus disappear into the crowd. He was left with a million thoughts swirling through his head. He didn't know what to make of what had just happened, but he knew one thing for sure; things between him and Janus were far from over
