This is my submission for @tsukina 's 3K collab event!
COLLAB MASTERLIST
THINGS TO KNOW:
⋰⋱ This is part of a much much longer fic I’ve been writing for months.
⋰⋱ You’re a squad leader in the Survey Corps, a couple of years behind Erwin.
⋰⋱ You spend a lot of time with the newest recruits, the 104th training group, despite them being so much younger.
⋰⋱ You and Levi have a long and complicated history that started when he joined the survey corps a few years after you.
⋰⋱ Long story short, your older brother died as a result of Levi’s actions on his, Isabel, and Furlan’s first expedition beyond the wall. Your brother went after Levi to try and save him and got eaten by a titan.
⋰⋱ Therefore, even though you came to terms with it and forgave him years ago, you still hold anger for Levi, and he holds a tremendous amount of guilt for the death of not only his friends but your brother as well.
WORD COUNT: 2.6k
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“I don’t know, my money is on y/n,” said Conny. It was dinner time, and for some reason, everyone was betting on who would win in a fight, you or Commander Erwin.
“Oh come on, Conny; don’t be an idiot,” you laughed. “Erwin has way more skill than me. He would easily kick my ass.”
“She’s not wrong,” Jean agreed. You shot him a comical glare, which he then returned.
“Okay okay, fine. What about…” Conny thought for a moment. “What about Captain Levi?” You instinctively scoffed.
“Easy. I win,” you stated, flickering your eyes over to where Levi was sitting. You hoped he heard you.
“I don’t know y/n,” Sasha began, “Captain Levi is really good at hand-to-hand combat. I’m sorry, but I don’t think you’d stand a chance.” She grinned confidently, but you weren’t about to be shot down that easily.
“That little shit–and I do mean little–has nothing on me. I’d pin him to the ground before he took his first swing.”
“Y/n, keep your voice down; I think he heard you.” Sasha motioned toward Levi’s table. Sure enough, he was staring you down with his cold grey eyes. You stared back, unimpressed.
“Why don’t we settle it then,” Levi called, his voice flat and unamused, as if this whole conversation was beneath him. “Right here, right now. Who’s the better fighter?”
“You’re on.” You abruptly stood up and marched to the center of the room where there was some open space. Levi stood up and joined you.
“This is bad,” Jean muttered behind you. “She’s going to get hurt.”
“Nah, I’m betting on y/n,” Conny beamed. Jean rolled his eyes. Everyone else in the room was fixated on the two of you.
“Hand-to-hand combat only,” Levi instructed. “First one to beg for mercy loses.”
“Fine by me.” Adrenaline was pumping through your body. You had never felt more angry and unstable. All of your pent-up frustration toward Levi was about to be unleashed, and you weren’t going to hold back.
You readied yourselves, getting into a fighting position. No one was telling you to go, so you decided to make the first move. You clenched your fist and punched outward, hoping to connect with his nose. Instead, he grabbed your fist and twisted your arm around. You let out a small cry but quickly reacted by punching his side with your other fist. He recoiled enough for you to escape his grip. You went back and forth like this for a few minutes; you honestly couldn’t tell how long you had been going for. You didn’t feel tired, but you definitely felt the bruises forming on your body.
Suddenly, you slipped up. When he lunged for you, you lost your balance. He pushed you to the ground, straddling you and pinning your arms above your head. He dug his nails into your wrists, squeezing so hard you thought they might pop right off. You felt a trickle of blood snake down your hand.
“Give up,” he said through gritted teeth.
“Never,” you growled. You had to find a way out of this, and fast. Otherwise, he would cut off the circulation to your hands. Think, y/n, THINK. Then, you saw it, your opening.
“Sorry about this,” you muttered. You thrust your knee upward and collided with his crotch. His eyes widened, and he quietly yelped in pain. You took this opportunity to turn the tables. Flipping him onto his back, you pinned one of his arms above his head, pressed your knee into his legs, and wrapped your other hand around his throat.
He used his free hand to swat at yours, desperately gasping for air. But his eyes weren’t afraid; they were angry, furious. You gripped his throat even harder, and he choked a bit.
“GIVE UP!” you screamed. He was still trying and failing to take a breath.
“Y/n! Stop! You’re killing him!” someone cried from somewhere behind you. But you couldn’t stop, not until you heard him say it.
“It’s over, Levi,” you hissed. “Give up.” Slowly, his eyes changed from anger to blankness. His face was turning purple. If he didn’t cry for mercy soon, he was going to die. You were going to kill him. You wanted to kill him. Your anger had overtaken you.
“You…win,” he breathed, his eyes daring to flicker closed. You held him there for a second longer, and then pulled your hand away from his throat and collapsed next to him. He keeled over onto his side, desperately trying to make up for the lack of air in his lungs. You both sat there for a minute, catching your breath. Every time you tried to move, every inch of your body ached. You glanced down at your wrists, which were covered in trickles of dried blood and dark purple rings from Levi’s grip. Your face stung from where his fists had collided, and your side was on fire from his kick. Adrenaline was amazing. A few minutes ago, you felt none of this pain, and now, everything was rushing at you all at once.
Levi was lying on his back next to you; his breathing had slowed back to a normal pace. A quick glance showed you that you had done equal damage to him.
“Happy?” he spat, sitting up with a groan and glaring into your eyes. You said nothing as you felt a pair of arms lift you from behind.
“Come on, idiot.” You recognized the voice as Jean’s. “Let’s get you cleaned up.” You stood next to Jean with an arm wrapped around his shoulder, his arm around your waist. Every part of your body was screaming, trying to tell you to stop moving. But you forced yourself to walk with Jean to the infirmary. Jean gently set you down on the edge of a bed. He went to a chest and grabbed some bandages and a cloth, which he wet at the sink.
“Well that was ridiculous,” he said as he sat in front of you and cleaned the dried blood off your wrists. You winced a few times but tried to stay still. “You almost killed him. The Captain!” Jean shook his head and began to wrap your wrists in white gauze.
“I’m a squad leader too, remember? Besides, I wasn’t going to kill him,” you stated.
“You could’ve fooled me,” he protested. “What were you trying to prove, anyway? Everyone already knows you’re strong. You both are. Why did you have to go and destroy your body just to prove it?”
“It’s complicated, Jean,” you sighed.
“Whatever. None of my business.” He finished wrapping you up and reached up to touch a cut on your face. You flinched at his touch, even though it was gentle, friendly.
“Thanks,” you muttered, hanging your head, eyes fixed on your boots, which also had drops of blood on them. A wave of exhaustion washed over you, and you suddenly found it impossible to keep your eyes open or to support your own body. You slumped over and nearly fell to the floor, but Jean caught you.
“Okay, time to get you to bed.” He swung your legs over the bed and placed your head on the pillow. Your eyes were barely slits now, but you felt a blanket cover you. Before he left, Jean had one more thing to say.
“If you’re in love with him, beating the shit out of him isn’t the way to tell him,” he said under his breath. As he walked out the door, you closed your eyes and slept for a long time.
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[a few weeks later]
“Look, I know you don’t like me or whatever, but we’re supposed to work together as leaders. You at least have to try to tolerate me, okay?” You crossed your arms across your chest and narrowed your eyes at Captain Levi. The scouts had just finished going over the plan for the upcoming expedition outside the wall. Levi kept giving you dirty looks throughout the entire meeting which certainly hadn’t boosted your mood.
“Sure, whatever.” He rolled his eyes in discontent.
“You know what, I have something to say to you,” you scoffed.
“Well go on, don’t keep me waiting,” he spat.
“You’re such a hypocrite, out here with your stone-cold eyes and jaded expression like you don’t give a shit about anything. Well, I don’t buy it.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” He jerked his head to move some hair from his eye.
“You’re human, just like everyone else. You have emotions, too. Somewhere in that cold, dead heart of yours is a real human being with real feelings. I don’t buy this bullshit front you put on.”
“You shouldn’t speak of things you know nothing about,” he declared, taking a few steps closer to you. “Besides, what are you gonna do about it? Pry the feelings out of me in a therapy session?” He was trying to intimidate you, but you weren’t about to back down.
“Why do you have to be so difficult?!” you cried. “Why can’t you just admit that you’re a little fucked up?” He took a few more steps toward you, closing the distance so that you were only about a foot away from each other, your back against the wall.
“Unlike some people, I don’t feel the need to put my personal life on display,” he criticized.
“Can’t you just care about something for once?!” You uncrossed your arms and clutched your hands into fists at your side, shaking with anger and frustration.
“I do care about something!” he cried.
“Oh yeah, what is it then?” you challenged.
“You!” he blurted out, slamming his fists into the wall on either side of your head. His face was inches from yours. Your eyes widened and your heart raced.
In a split second, he leaned in and pressed his lips against yours. It didn’t last long, but in those few seconds, you felt something that was even more intense than your anger. When he pulled away, you grabbed his shirt and yanked him back in. This time, his lips were warm and softer. There was an unexpected gentleness to him. He cupped his hands around your face and pulled you in closer, bodies pressed together and lips not daring to separate for fear of losing this moment. He radiated heat, and you felt your face turning a deep shade of red.
Finally, you unlocked lips, but neither of you backed away.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I shouldn’t have done that.” You furrowed your brow.
“Why?” you asked, hand still resting on his chest, his hands still holding your head. He was an inch or two shorter than you, so you were just about eye-to-eye.
“I shouldn’t…I’m not supposed to—”
“To what?” you interrupted. “Feel something?” He lowered his hands and backed away from you, but you stepped forward. “I’ll tell you something, then.” His eyes met yours again.
“I think you have this innate ability to shut out any good feeling that creeps into your mind. Any positive emotion, you push it aside and only allow for cold, calculated decisions. But right here, right now, I see you. I see exactly who you are. You can’t hide anymore. You can’t run away from your feelings forever, Levi.”
“And what if you’re wrong?” he replied. “What if I can just keep running?”
You sighed. “Then you’re never going to understand what it means to give your heart for something, like Erwin says.”
“But the more you give, the more you have to lose.”
“But having something to lose is what drives us, what keeps us fighting.”
His eyes were soft and sad, and his usual straight-line mouth was slightly downturned. You could tell he didn’t have anything to say in response, so you reached out and pulled him into a hug. He seemed surprised at first, but after a few seconds, he wrapped his arms around you and sunk his head onto your shoulder.
It was strange to see him in this state. Levi was always someone you saw as indestructible, even in the peak of your hatred toward him. No matter how desperate a situation became, he always found a way out of it. He was unstoppable on the battlefield. But as it turns out, off the battlefield, he was just as lost and broken as everyone else.
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[bonus Levi pov monologue!]
What the hell was I thinking? A kiss? Why had I done that?
Of course, I knew exactly why I had kissed her.
She infuriated me. So much so that I found it difficult to be around her most of the time. But that wasn’t the only reason I avoided her presence.
Y/n was magnetic. The way she walked with such dignity; the way she spoke with such gentle confidence; the way she trained harder, longer, more intensely than anyone else, not because she wanted to be the best, but because she wanted to be able to protect everyone; her bright green eyes, soft skin, silky dark brown hair: all of these things made it nearly impossible to stay away from her. She was a red-hot fire, and even though I knew I would get burned if I got too close, I couldn’t help myself.
I wasn’t myself when I was around her. No, maybe I was more myself than ever, but I was so used to putting on a front that I felt uncomfortable in my own skin. She made my stomach turn, my head spin, and my heart beat faster. Her smile made me weak in the knees, especially when it was directed at me. Any bit of attention she gave me, I clung to like a moth to a flame.
I wanted to trust her, but I didn’t want to. It’s so hard to trust anyone anymore. I had lost too many because I had gotten too close to them; I trusted them, and they let me down. They always die, in the end. Then it’s just me, alone.
When she forced me to reveal my feelings, it was like my body had overtaken my brain. I reacted without even thinking. But she reacted in a way I hadn’t expected. The second kiss was…intoxicating. It was equal parts exhilarating and terrifying. I wanted more, but I didn’t want the pain that always accompanied closeness.
So, now what? Where did we go from here? She was right; I couldn’t run away from this. The way I felt around her wasn’t likely to disappear. But if I let her in, if I let her see all of me, she would be in danger. Well, more than usual, anyway.
No, I had to keep my distance, at least for a little while. There were too many other important things to focus on at the moment, like the upcoming expedition beyond the walls. Out there, I’d have to do everything in my power to keep her safe, even if it meant disobeying orders. The real question was if it came down to it, would I sacrifice the lives of my comrades to keep her safe?
so i started reading this manga called “I Was Summoned to Another World as a Savior, but Because I’m a Woman in My Thirties That’s Impossible, so I Quietly Started a Book Café” lol and i’m loving it so much so far
Ren-ai no Saki ni Kekkon Keikaku | LINE Webtoon Tsukina's father stole money from her as a child to use on gambling, and as well as her older brother for being cold to her. She developed an huge annoyance for men,begging her mother to let her go into an girls school.Now her father had sold their house which forces Tsukina and family to end up living with her mom's rich friend,and her FOUR SONS. The two mothers have some plans in store for Tsukina and the four sons!Let the Marriage Operation before romance commence! UPDATE:EVERY OTHER WEEKEND
