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I wish I could write poetry again but I can’t think of anything to say anymore,,, which kind of, well, sucks. I used to write so much poetry. And I hate to say it, but there was Some element of truth to the ‘tortured artist’. I’m happy that I’m feeling better now, but that does mean I don’t have much material I want to write about. And positive things,,,, aren’t exactly my area of interest.
I hate it here I just got jumpscared by a bloody zombie tumblr ad :(((
Oh it’s getting bad again…
die
hey, you've been reblogging a lot of vent-y stuff lately. Are you okay?
Skdhskj I suppose it is concerning given that I usually rb good things,,, as a note, all this stuff should be tagged #vent rb / #TT.vents if you do need to block it.
Most of it is just feeling kind of alone these days. It eats at me sometimes when I see people with friends they truly mesh with, who get them, accept them, are physically affectionate with them, all that. I wish I could go to someone’s room and curl up in their bed and watch them play video games until I feel like playing myself. Wish someone would walk in and ask me to quiz them on some flashcards on an exam. Wish I could help someone pick out an outfit, wish I could go out with friends and not feel like I’m the piece that doesn’t fit, wish that when I meet someone I don’t already know this isn’t the friendship I want but have to maintain because socialising even with an acquaintance might just save me from sitting in my room all day and slipping into a negative spiral.
It’s a lot of other things too but I can’t really word it, so I’m impressed when someone does summarise part of what I’m feeling in a post. I need to keep that to understand myself a little better.
I tell myself I’ll try and make friends next year, real ones, lifelong ones. So crossed fingers they’re just waiting for me to find them. Thank you for checking in on me, anon 💓
PS feel free to send in pics of your pets if you wanna cheer me up but aren’t sure how ☀️ you can also tag me in cat or rat vids, spinner or shig fanart, or general self care and self love reminders - I’ll rb those not just for myself but anyone else who needs em
Fiiiiiiine I’ll go to the medical centre >:(
I just have to keep reminding myself that I can’t pour tea for anyone else if my own teapot is empty
Fuck off fuck off fuck off sometimes we start off fics writing when we’re inexperienced kids and then we keep writing that same fic as we get older and we recognise the mistakes we made and how little we understood and we fight with ourselves about what to do because we know so much more now and we’re better at gauging things but the first few chapters are not going to reflect that and it’s not like it’s the norm to go back and change massive parts of your fic, right? Esp if people, no matter how few, have already bonded with the content you’ve written. They say it shows how much you’ve grown and changed. I just wished more people would recognise that when they start fics that span over more than just a year and I’m grateful to anyone who’s persevered through old chapters of my fics just to get to the newer and hopefully better content.
