Here's that gay scene I was talking about:
She’d just come out of her Intro to Philosophy class when she bumped into her. Literally. Bumped into. Like they do in movies. Luckily nobody dropped any notebooks or glasses or anything.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Marilynn said as she put her hands up and stepped back.
Jocelyn looked up and pushed her headphones down to her neck. “No, my fault, I wasn’t looking.”
And then she looked. And she kept looking as her hands fumbled with her headphones. One hand slipped and accidentally hit Marilynn’s hand.
“Oh shit,” Jocelyn said as Marilynn laughed and put her hands in her hoodie’s front pocket. “Sorry,” Jocelyn said while corralling her hands under her backpack straps. “Again, sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Marilynn said as she took one hand out of her pocket to rudely point at Jocelyn. Her eyebrows scrunched together. “…Jocelyn, right?”
Jocelyn’s hands erupted from their restraints, nearly hitting Marilynn’s hand again before she pulled it back. “Yeah, and you’re Marilynn?! Novo High, right?” She meekly smiled while shoving her hands into her jeans pockets, now.
“Excuse me,” someone behind Marilynn huffed.
“Oh, sorry,” Marilynn said as she stepped aside. Jocelyn followed her. They both started walking down the hall.
“Yeah, yeah! Marilynn, that’s me!” Marilynn said as she looked to Jocelyn. She then put her right hand on her messenger bag, holding onto the strap.
“I thought so. I kinda met you at the end-of-school bash at Mikey Sellers’.”
Marilynn scrunched up her nose, “kinda?”
“Yeah. You were singing Rock Band and I was playing beer pong. One of the…”
“You wanna sit?” Marilynn asked as they were passing the student lounge.
“Sure, sure. I have time before my next class.” Jocelyn said with a smile.
Jocelyn and Marilynn sat down on a couch by the windows. Jocelyn played with the hem of her jacket sleeve while Marilynn held her bag in her lap.
“So, beer pong?” Marilynn asked.
Jocelyn snapped out of her stupor and said “oh yeah! So I was playing and I totally overshot the ball…”
Marilynn snapped her fingers and said “and it hit me in the head! I remember that! So I have you to blame for making me get a shitty score.”
Jocelyn smirked at Marilynn. “Yep. My bad. But, hey, at least I won.”
Marilynn shrugged, “Well at least one of us did.”
“So, you liking the school so far?” Jocelyn asked.
Marilynn looked up from focusing on her bag. “Uh, yeah. It’s not so bad. Different than high school but not really by much. How’re you liking it?”
“About the same. Really digging this lounge though. My high school never had anything like this.” She said, sweeping her hand across the room.
“Yeah. My school was really poor. We barely had enough space in our cafeteria for everyone.” Marilynn chuckled. “Lot of fights started in there. Too much ego for such a small place.”
Jocelyn smiled. “I’m really glad I don’t have to deal with all those little shits from my hometown. Much less homophobia here…” She went back to pulling on her sleeve.
Marilynn frowned and said “I’m sorry. People are terrible.”
“Yeah, this is true. But luckily,” she said while turning to smile at Marilynn, “there are some who are pretty great.”
“Pfft. I’m not great. Hell you don’t even know me. I could be a serial killer for all you know,” responded Marilynn with her best menacing look.
Jocelyn rolled her eyes. “Oh definitely. Marilynn is totally a serial killer name.”
Marilynn shoved Jocelyn’s shoulder. “Yeah, I think it’s almost as popular as Jocelyn. Us -lyn(n)s are all about the murder.”
“Hell yeah! Lyn(n)s unite! Glad I’ve met another one.”
Jocelyn grabbed Marilynn’s hand and lifted it up in front of them.
“By our powers combined…”
Marilynn giggled as Jocelyn finished, “we are Captain Lyn(n)et!”
Marilynn shook her head and said, “Wonder Lyn(n)s powers activate!”
Jocelyn, still holding Marilynn’s hand, smirked and said “I like yours better.”
Marilynn chuckled again, “thanks.” She noticed they were still holding hands and blushed. She took hers back and reached into her bag to pull out her notebook. She set it in the table in front of them and then stuck her hand back in the bag, digging for her pencil.
As Marilynn rummaged, Jocelyn picked up her notebook and flipped through it. Marilynn caught her out of the corner of her eye and internally screamed. She snatched the journal back from Jocelyn and held it close to her.
“Sorry,” Jocelyn said with a concerned look on her face. “I’m too nosy for my own good sometimes.”
Marilynn set the notebook down in front of her again and placed the pencil next to it.
“It’s okay… it’s just,” she said while placing her hand on the book, “private. You know? My journal and all.” Then she meekly turned away.
“No, no. I get it! I shouldn’t have gone through it. I was hoping to find some notes on class. You seem much better at this stuff than I am…”
Jocelyn tapped the book and added, “I noticed some drawings in there. The quick glance I got looked pretty sweet. Is it okay if you show me one?”
Marilynn hesitated, tapping her fingers on the table, shaking her leg. “Sure… but, I’m not very good…”
“Pssh, I’ll be the judge of that.”
Marilynn flipped through her journal looking for one of her favorite drawings. It was one of her newer ones: a portrait of her best friend Persephone, beaming smile and piercing eyes.
She turned the notebook toward Jocelyn and Jocelyn actually gasped. She pulled the book closer so she could get a better look. “This… is beautiful, Mari!”
Marilynn grinned. Then she cocked her head. “Mari? I don’t think anyone’s ever called me that before.”
Jocelyn’s view lingered on the drawing for another beat and then handed the book back.
“I hope that’s okay? It just sounded right.”
“No, no. It’s cool, Joss.” She rebutted with a smile.
“Ha, Mari and Joss. I like that.” Jocelyn said while blushing.
Marilynn had heard about Jocelyn a bit. Rumors mostly. Mostly negative ones at that. Like assholes saying she was a “dyke”. Marilynn usually told them to shut up, or to at least refrain from using awful slurs like that. Since she was trans and her best friend was gay, she knew all too well the bigotry and hurt of others.
Marilynn still wasn’t sure about her sexuality, though. She knew her bestie was, as she called herself, “gayer than a double rainbow over a pride parade on the island of Lesbos.” Marilynn always loved when she said stuff like that. It was okay for Persephone to talk that way. She’s a lesbian and only ever makes fun of herself.
Too bad Persephone had to go to Western U instead of here…
She’d considered joining the LGBTQ club at school, but hadn’t pulled the trigger yet. She knew most of the kids at her high school knew she was trans, but with puberty blockers she passed pretty well. She wasn’t sure if she wanted people at college to know just yet. She wanted to try being a “real” girl for a while. (Even if she hated herself for thinking that.)
And now she’d met a new friend who saw her as she’d already wanted to be seen! It filled her with joy and pride.
Marilynn ripped a page out of the journal and closed it, then started writing on the scrap.
Jocelyn twirled her dark straight hair with her finger while chewing her bottom lip. She looked quizzically at Marilynn, watching her write, her pencil gliding across the page.
Marilynn finished and passed the note to Jocelyn.
She looked it over and before really processing what it said she told Marilynn “I love your handwriting. It’s like a musician’s.” She smiled at Marilynn and Marilynn said “thanks” while trying to suppress a smile and look away.
Jocelyn actually paid attention to the note now. It was info on the LGBTQ club and Marilynn’s number.
She looked up to see Marilynn blushing. “Oh!” Jocelyn said. “You’re gay too? I mean, my gaydar has been on the fritz lately so I wasn’t sure.” She nervously laughed and added (not so) under her breath, “but I hoped…”
Flustered, Marilynn said, “uh… no… I…” and fiddled with the string on her hoodie, her leg shaking even harder now.
Jocelyn’s face softened. She scooted closer to Marilynn and put her hand on her leg. It stopped shaking immediately. But the other one took up the job.
“It’s okay sweetie. Nothing to be ashamed of. I promise not to tell anyone.” Jocelyn gave her a sympathetic smile.
It took all of her inner strength to remove Jocelyn’s hand from her leg and then moved a bit further away.
“No, I… was trying to say… I’m not gay. I’m…” her throat caught. Why was this so hard? She’s not ashamed of who she is.
Jocelyn tilted her head and asked, “what? Bi? Pan? Queer? Ace?”
Marilynn fidgeted with her hands in her lap. She muttered “…trans.”
Jocelyn leaned forward a bit and said “what?”
Marilynn repeated herself a little louder this time, “TRANS.”
A boy walking by looked up and over at them. Maybe it was a little too loud…
Marilynn clasped her hand over her mouth, her face beet red now.
Jocelyn’s mouth hung open. Marilynn looked over and was even more mortified. Something she didn’t think was possible.
“I-I’m sorry,” she said as she started gathering her things. She reached for the note but Jocelyn put her hand overtop of Marilynn’s.
“No, no. It’s okay. So you’re trans, so what?” She said in a low whisper. “It’s just I never would’ve guessed. You’re beautiful!”
Marilynn took the compliment with a grain of salt. She knew all about that type of compliment. “You’re pretty for a trans girl”, "You’re too pretty to be trans", all the little transphobic undertones. But… she wasn’t sure if she heard it in Jocelyn’s voice.
She looked up slowly and swallowed. “…thanks.”
“No problem.” Now it was Jocelyn’s turn to fidget and look away. “I was actually hoping you were queer…”
“Oh shit,” Jocelyn stated while hitting her forehead with her palm. “I’m sorry. I know some people still hate that word. I use it for myself a lot and constantly forget not to use it for others.”
“No, it’s okay. It’s just, like I said, I’m not gay. Not into girls… sorry.”
Marilynn could see the disappointment cross over Jocelyn’s face, quickly replaced with her normal congenial smile.
“Totes cool. No biggie. Sorry to assume.”
“No, I’m sorry too. I’ve only heard… rumors about you, but I thought you might wanna join the club with me. I’m not good with new people and all and it’s been easy talking to you.” Marilynn smiled.
“Oh, of course! I was already thinking of checking it out, but let’s totally do it together. …er, go the club together, that is!” She giggled and Marilynn followed suit. “Us -lyn(n)s have gotta stick together after all.”
