Jun 18, 2019
Holy shit...
I want to die.
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Holy shit...
I want to die.
Everyday...
Is a battle to ensure I don’t run my car into a wall/building because I want to die that badly at this point.
You ever look through your contacts list and then just stop scrolling because everyone you want to call, you don’t even wanna bother you anymore wasting their time anymore.
I’ve honestly given up on so much of my life that I’m not even motivated enough to kms so please someone else just pull the trigger for me, I’ll even create a legal document saying I asked you.
If I were to die today, what would you have told me yesterday?
Honestly, I am so distraught right now, and I only have myself to blame for this feeling. My biggest fear is that I let something go that may have been the greatest thing in my life thus far, or even for the rest of my life, but I have to live with the what ifs now.
It’s not my fault shit is popping up last minute. I really don’t think it is. I’m doing the best that I can. I really am. Abraham doesn’t see that. All he sees is me killing myself over this production. I‘d rather drive myself crazy over this production than drive myself crazy on the people who make it worse and worse every second. Sometimes, I feel like he really doesn’t see that this is the type of stuff I want to do for the rest of my life. Spreading culture, spreading awareness, making a positive impact on young adults. He doesn’t see the late hours I put in, the sleepless nights. All he sees is this apparent zombie I have grown into. Maybe it is true, I have put my relationship on the back burner, but dude, we’ re young, still in school, our lives aren’t even close to being established, it feels like I’m leaving you behind more and more every step that I try to take, and to be honest, I hate this feeling. I don’t want to be the one to put myself on hold just for you to catch up, at least not right now.
How dare you. Of all days, international womyn’s day, you’re going to go and say shit like that? You got to be fucking kidding me...