#turtle news

[brooklynislandgirl]

Guess what they decided to do with Turtle?

Until 1 October instead of being the librarian I will be teaching 8th grade history/health. That is when our actual teacher returns from his reservist duty.

[enviousjam]

someone brought in a tortoise? it was on his front lawn and he didn't know what to do with it. either somebody abandoned their pet, or this guy just kidnapped a random wild turtle

[zephiraz]

Some of the turtles have moved into the hills. One is delving into the Wheat Mines. I lured about two thirds of them into the ocean, but there was no discernible difference. My boats are full of turtles.

Send help.

[judgmentalturtle-blog]

Turtle picks Spain over Oranje; Animal party angered

Sports - A turtle named Luis, of the Dutch embassy in Brasilia, Brazil, has chosen Spain to win the first World Cup match against The Netherlands on Friday the 13th. The Dutch Animal party, PvdD, is outraged and demands the immediate release of the animal. 

Better luck next time, Dutchies! And get a life, Dutch Animal Party. I'm sure Luis has access to unlimited Stroopwaffels like the rest of the Embassy employees.

[judgmentalturtle-blog]

Newton 'man with a turtle' no threat, police say

Newton Police said parents in Nonantum no longer need to be on the lookout for a suspicious man with a turtle.

What about a man with a suspicious turtle?

[judgmentalturtle-blog]

By comparing global patterns in the migrations of all satellite tracked sea turtles with global hatchling drift patterns, they showed that adult sea turtle migrations and foraging habitat selections were based on their past experiences drifting.

Alternative headline: Turtles learn from past experiences, will humans ever develop this valuable skill?

[judgmentalturtle-blog]

The turtle is extremely strong, Truex said. It has huge claws and looks somewhat prehistoric. He identified the turtle as a 40-pound snapping turtle.

[tort-time]

Update on sunday's breaking #turtle news! 

While it was originally thought that Tommy the Turtle received more appropriate praise for his dive into the lake this year, it seems those rumors were false. As you can see, PGA commentators were less than kind when  scoring this fine neck extension dive, clearly choreographed for the camera this year (see 2011s footage and comments about grace for context).  It's clear that poor tommy the turtle's skills, and species as he is not a snapping turtle, are lost on these commentators. Alas, it will only serve as fodder for what will likely be an even grander gesture at next years competition.  You go tommy! We here at tort time give you a 10 out of 10 on the #turtpocalypse scale of world domination!