Resting
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Character(s): Fellow Honest
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Reader is gender neutral - No pronouns are used
Referred to as you & (Y/N)
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Summary: After overthinking in the middle of the night, a certain fox beastman laying in your bed is there to get you out of your head.
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Word Count: 1,893 words
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Warnings: MC is heavily implied to have anxiety, overthinking occurs, does biting the skin around your nails count as self harm?, that's there, you got a vice house warden, Fellow being soft/domestic kinda, sex mentioned but nothing happens
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A/N: Goddamn it's almost been 3 years since I wrote here 😭
Can't believe it's Fellow Honest that got me out of writers block.
I have some things planned but I gotta take my time otherwise my ass is gonna burn out again ;-;
Anyway enjoy the fic :D 👍
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You wake up sometime in the middle of the night, your eyes somewhat adjusting to the room illuminated by nightlights. Confusion arising when you feel a weight against your back and draped over your stomach. That same confusion lifting when you remember what that weight is from.
That was Fellow's body pressed against your own and holding you. A weight you haven't gotten used to yet as he snored behind you. The only one you ever had gotten used to is Grim’s, having held him at night against your chest in your early days at Ramshackle. Mostly for warmth as you figured out how to clean the chimneys in the dorm to safely have fires going to warm the old building. But it probably kept you grounded for the almost two months that it was just you and him. Being able to suppress the lonely feeling you had until the others eventually arrived. Grim wasn't present in your arms tonight, having chosen to sleep in your vice’s room in order to ‘have space from the fox’. Your bed was a queen while your vice’s was a full. Rolling your eyes once again at Grim's ‘logical’ conclusion.
Slowly taking Fellow's arm off your chest, getting up to use the bathroom while in your thoughts. It didn't bother you being alone, you knew that. Especially now having friends that cared about you and actually spent time with. That was in your world though, so that really only applied to your vice. Sure, you liked the friendships that you made and had at NRC. But it wasn't the same as you got to the bathroom, guided safely there by the nightlights glowing around your room.
It wasn't the same in the fact that you would never be able to relate to them. Pop culture references you'd always have to explain, the constant ‘Oh how don't you know this (Y/N)? Everyone knows that!’ Wow, it's almost like I'm not FROM Twisted Wonderland??
Or when you bring up similarities between your world and this one essentially no one gets it besides the people with more than one brain cell? With some even being insulted by the comparison or disturbed? It's almost as if there's cultural differences between different places and you shouldn't just assume everyone's knowledge on a topic is the same?
Taking a breath as you wash your hands after using the bathroom and flushing the toilet, trying not to anger yourself at one in the morning. Cause if you keep thinking about it you won't get any sleep and would have to write everything down to get it out of your head. And you don't exactly have the energy at the moment to explain to Fellow why you're typing several hundred words on your phone in the middle of the night. Drying your hands with a towel, you walk back to the bed.
Getting closer to the large bed it became as clear as it could be in a dimly lit room that Fellow had woken up. Most likely after you had gotten up telling from the slight pout he had on his face while his tail swayed under the covers.
Fellow: “...Why'd you leave…?”
(Y/N): “Fellow I just got up to pee.”
Fellow: “..You still left me all alone in bed..”
(Y/N): “Yeah, all alone in the same room. You must be suffering.”
Fellow: “..It gets so cold without you here..”
You look at him as he's bundled up in the several blankets on your bed, clearly not cold at all. Seeing how his tail is still swaying under the covers slowly and not shivering like the rest of his body isn't. Breathing slowly as he adjusts his head against the pillow. Causing some of his bed head to fall in front of his face. You move it out of the way before he can. Sitting on the bed while combing through the orange locks.
Fellow doesn't stop you, getting more comfortable under the covers as he closes his eyes for a minute before opening them again. Looking at you with the same groggy and relaxed expression as before.
Fellow: “...Lay down with me…”
(Y/N): “I’ll lay down in a minute. Go back to sleep hun.”
He pouts slightly less and instead has a small frown. Not even hesitating to sit up and push you down under him. Now resting his body against your chest. Adjusting the covers around the both of you.
Fellow: “You think too much.”
(Y/N): “Me?”
Fellow: “No the clock on the wall yes I mean you. It's always clear as glass when you're in your head. You're in there far too much for my liking.”
(Y/N): “Uh huh, right. I'm overthinking at this time of night.”
Playing it off in a nonchalant voice, though based on Fellow's huff he could tell you weren't being sincere.
Fellow: “I wonder how many times it'll take you to realize I always know when you're lying.”
(Y/N): “Why cause you do it all the time?”
Fellow: “No because you're bad at it. At least try to act tired when you say you're going to sleep in a bit.”
You don't respond, not really thinking of any comebacks besides lying again and brushing it off. So you opt to tell the truth begrudgingly while twirling a strand of Fellow's hair.
(Y/N): “.....No one here seems to get I'm not like them. And whether they know it or not make me feel stupid for not knowing ‘basic’ things about this world or having the same things or experiences they had growing up. Like how can't they get because of shit out of my control, I had to uproot my entire life and restart from scratch? I don't think anyone but my vice could-”
You stop yourself before finishing that sentence, realizing what you were going to say. Pausing your movements with his strand of hair.
‘I don't think anyone but my vice could ever understand that.’
Having almost forgotten that Fellow could understand that. He's had to deal with uprooting his life more times than you could count on your fingers. All so he and Gidel could survive another day on the streets. The lack of stability he and his brother had been the very reason he took the job at Playful Land. Not caring who he hurt along the way if it ensured he could keep Gidel just a little bit safer and his stomach full.
You try to backtrack your previous words while apologizing to Fellow.
(Y/N): “I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have almost said that. I know you also get it, I didn't mean to say that - to almost say that you didn't. I was just thinking about just my vice cause they're also from my world. I think I was just-”
Fellow: “Thinking too much?”
He asks as he folds his arms on your stomach, knowing he's right. His face was more neutral given your anxious ramblings, his eyes lacking that cocky confidence you've acquainted with him.
But you don't answer him, you don't want to. Your anxiety overriding any logical thought you could possibly have this early in the morning with the many what ifs to any reply you think up of. The many fuck ups you're not risking.
Fellow: “....You and your little anxious brain…..what am I going to do with you….?”
Fellow huffs after whispering, poking your forehead with a pointer finger.
It's something he's getting used to, as he’s gotten closer to you. That the headstrong and gallant front you had during Playful Land was very little of your actual personality. Beneath all that you were anxious and paranoid that day, just like you are most other days. Worried about renovating Ramshackle, Grim’s development and support needs at school, problems thrown your way left and right by those who either look up to you for guidance or those who seek out to drain you of all the patience you have left.
Both pissed Fellow off, but the ladder he could agree was worse. He could easily shoo your classmates off for someone else to deal with. The headmage though was a trickier target. Sure he could use ‘Life is Fun' on the bastard, but eventually he'd come back to ask you to deal with whatever it is he chose to neglect that day and pass off. Fellow was shocked you kept your sanity long enough for your vice and him to arrive and finally give you some breathing room.
He looks at you after finishing his last thought, seeing you bite the skin around your nails, a habit of yours he picked up on when he started living in Ramshackle. Giving him the indication that he should probably say something. Something decent enough to make you feel better, a decent he knew you deserved better than. But you had him right now. So he’d have to make that work.
Fellow: “I’m not bothered by what you said, I know you didn’t mean it. But if it helps I forgive you.”
You don’t reply, swallowing back the knot in your throat. Stopping the biting around your nails. You don’t know why simple things like that affected you so much. Maybe because it’s something you’ve needed for a while now, just basic acknowledgement of emotions other than the cheery facade you keep up. The one Fellow seems so much better at keeping up and in the same breath calling you out for doing the exact same thing.
Fellow could tell that what he said was the right thing to say, internally taking a breath of relief. Adjusting himself once more, getting off your stomach and going back next to you. Watching as you turn towards him as he speaks again softly.
Fellow: “You think you’ll go back to sleep anytime soon..?”
(Y/N): “Probably not…sorry. You can go back to sleep though, I won’t keep you up.”
Fellow: “Acting like you’re holding my sleep schedule hostage if I don’t pass out right this second. I think I’ll live staying awake with you, however long that may be.”
(Y/N): “You sure?”
Fellow’s eyes become half lidded as he replies with an answer he found quite obvious.
Fellow: “Yes, I am sure. So what do you want to do until you get tired?”
(Y/N): “Not what you’re thinking of.”
Fellows eyes widen a bit in surprise, getting the implication.
Fellow: “Relax I wasn’t thinking of that. Well, unless you were~”
(Y/N): “No.”
Fellow: “Damn. Alright, suppose we do then?”
You think for a moment before just saying one word.
(Y/N): “Talk?”
Fellow: “Yeah we can do that.”
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You didn’t really know how long you talked for, or really remember specific tangents, but it was enough to make you tired enough to fall asleep. Seeing as you woke up with sunlight streaming on your face from the window with the curtains drawn back. Your eyes adjusting to the sudden light, well attempting to before giving up and putting a pillow on your head to block it all out. Closing them again before hearing someone chuckle beside you due to your actions. A lighthearted chuckle that was starting to worm its way into your heart. A chuckle you hoped to hear again as you threw your pillow into his face.