#tw breakdown

[cosmicwhoreo]

I don't think I explore Vezzpa being... i guess being amything other than annoyed or smug enough?

Cuz, girl has more going on trust. She just doesn't let other people know it if she can help it.

Yeahhh... see, Vezzpa has a hard time expressing a lot of emotion that's not annoyance or anger.

Her childhood never gave her the room for tears or stress when work was always THE priority. Busy bees or something or other.

So, she usually just swallows it down until it chokes her.

[complete-clownery]

Lol (still not done but I wanna post it so bad cuz im a bit proud of this)

[canine-entertainment]

I was having a breakdown the other day and my mom started giving me scritches on the head. It literally deactivated tears and made my muscles relax. I started crying again when she stopped lol

Honestly, even in such an emotional moment, I felt a tiny bit of species euphoria. I'm such a puppy :3

[ask-general-tullius]

Keep it together. Keep it together. Keep it together keep it together keep it together. Keep.. it.. together.. keep it together.. keep it together..

Keep it together.. pull yourself together..

..you've done this before.

[ask-us-sanses-anything]

To Dust how is nightmare treating you? And does killer and horror bother you? Or does having them around helps you cope like with possible shared traumas. (Also sorry it's late at night I have trouble sleeping too)

Flashback:

Present time:

[dandylion240]

“You shouldn’t blame your son for your bad decisions,” Eli said “it wasn’t his fault for being born a boy. You’re the one who had him.”

Rae stared at him open mouthed. Snapping her mouth shut she glared at Jonah “are you going to let him speak to me like that?”

“Like what?” he asked bemused “what he said was the truth.”.

“Does he know what bad decisions his daddy made?” she whirled around on him and almost crazed look in her eyes. “Tell me, does he know how you sold yourself so he could eat?”

“I never did that,” Jonah clutched at his chest where his heart was hammering away like a sledgehammer. His eyes sought out Eli’s “but if I had, my son would have been worth it.”

“You’re disgusting. No wonder Ethan didn’t want you after you came home. Who would? I mean you’re nothing more than a _”

“Rae you better not finish that sentence,” Riley advised.

“What, it’s the truth isn’t it? He was the favorite plaything for some sick rich guy. If I were Ethan I’d sue for custody of the kids. There’s no way I’d want something like that raising my kids…”

“Take that back,” Eli demanded sparks of energy licking the air from the tips of his fingers.

“The truth hurts doesn’t it?” she laughed heedless of the danger she was in. “I bet you didn’t know your daddy danced naked for lots of horny men.” She swayed her hips to music only she could hear “I bet he enjoyed it. Having all those men watching him. Touching him.”

Eli made a strangled cry “he didn’t.” A burst of energy shot from his fingers shattering a nearby vase.

“Oh but he did,” her voice had taken on a purr like quality “just imagine. While you were worried about him he was living in the lap of luxury without a care in the world. I bet he didn’t want to come home. I bet he wanted to stay there…”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about Rae,” Jonah moved as if on wooden legs to stand in front of his son. “It wasn’t some kind of island retreat. I was a prisoner. Kept there against my will.” His breaths were coming out in painful gasps, his chest was tight. A ringing in his ears warning him he needed to calm down.

“That’s just what you want us to believe,” she stuck her face close to his “I saw the pictures of that place. I read the papers. It was paradise. Everything you could ever want.” Laughing she looked down at Eli who was leaning into Jonah “your daddy got to enjoy the good life and all he had to do was pleasure some old man and his guests.

Eli felt the tremors in his dad’s legs, he could hear his ragged, harsh breaths as he fought to drag air into his lungs. He could see the anguish in his dad’s eyes “Auntie Rae you sound like you’d have liked to have switched places with him. If my daddy did those things it was because he had to. If he had to then it was so he could come back to us.”

“That’s right,” Jonah nodded between labored breaths. His vision darkened around the edges, the ringing in his ears growing louder. “I need to sit down,” he felt small arms slide around him as Eli and Jolen helped him to the floor. 

“Oh come on” Rae scoffed as everyone’s eyes were watching Jonah “he’s fine. We all know he is just putting on an act.” She gasped when her eyes met Cecil’s “get away from me you ugly monster. You’re as disgusting as he is. You were there. Used as a party favor. I know. I read the papers.”

“You should leave now,” Cecil said in a low, menacing voice “you have tried to manipulate your way into this family. They do not want you here. You should leave before you get hurt.”

Taking a step back “are you threatening me? I’m the one who belongs here. Not you” She backed into the wall as a third eye appeared in Cecil’s forehead. “What kind of monster are you?”

“He’s not a monster. He’s our guardian dragon,” Eli announced proudly, coming to stand beside Cecil “now get out. We don’t want you here.”

“Come on Rae,” Riley grabbed her arm, dragging her towards the door “it’s time you leave,”

Almost meekly she let Riley guide her from the house. By the time they were outside she was shivering. “You need to call animal control or something to take that thing away.”

“We’ll do no such thing,” RIley shook his head at her. Taking his phone out he made a couple of calls. “I’ll wait out here with you until the taxi comes then they’ll take you to a hotel.”

Dragging her eyes from the house “but I don’t have any money.”

“I’ll take care of it but after this you’re on your own. It’s time you figure out how to live your life.”

“How could my father book me a hotel without a bellhop?” She mumbled none too quietly as she stacked her suitcases on the cart the receptionist had pointed her to when she asked for a bellhop. She wiped her brow frowning when her hand came away moist with sweat. “I’m not made for manual labor,” she whimpered, pushing the cart towards the elevator. 

She pushed the cart on the elevator turning to push her floor button when a little girl and her mother entered behind her. Rae glared at the little girl. The little girl whimpered, hiding behind her mother’s legs. Rae heard the mother soothing her daughter reassuring her that nothing was wrong. That’s a laugh. There were plenty of things wrong. The elevator slowed and stopped and Rae was grateful when the mother and daughter got off. The little girl was getting on her nerves,  acting as if she were scared of her which irritated her even more than the mother saying there was nothing wrong. 

By the time she got to her room Rae was in no mood to appreciate the accommodation. Although she had no problem seeing all the rooms’ flaws. “Even in this I’m cheated out of my due. I should have a suite with a jacuzzi at the very least.” She threw herself on the king sized bed burying her face in the downy soft pillows wailing at how hard it was to be her. She didn’t understand why everyone disliked her. What had she said that was so very bad? 

Several hours later she peeled her face from the pillow. Her new dress was sticking to her, gross and wrinkled. Sitting up, scowling at the world in general before crossing the room to turn the air on.  She stood where the air blew over her superheated skin. “Stupid hotel,” she muttered as if it were the hotel’s fault that she had forgotten to turn the A/C on.  

Cooling down in body if not in temperament she unpacked her suitcases as if she were planning on living there for several months instead of the couple of weeks Riley had arranged for. Catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror she grimaced. “This is all that monster’s fault. What was it Eli called it? Guardian Dragon. I could use one right now. I bet Jonah’s monster wouldn’t bother me then.”

The next week and a half Raelyn could be seen swimming in the hotel’s pool or in the exercise room. It wasn’t until halfway through the following week she began to worry about where she would go next. “I know,” announced to her image as she brushed her hair before going to bed one night “i’ll stay with Jayden. He’ll let me stay with him, after all he let Ethan stay with him when Jonah kicked him out. I’m his sister. He has to let me stay.”

Early the next morning she dressed in another new outfit. She was sure Jayden would appreciate it. He always had something nice to say about her outfits when they were growing up. Maybe he’d even let her stay if she offered to take Josie shopping.  It’s not like two guys would know how to dress a girl and if anyone needed her help it was that little girl. She was such a tomboy.  With her blonde hair and brown eyes she could be so pretty if she could be made to look like a girl should.  Raelyn started a mental checklist of all the things Josie would need to achieve this transformation. Frilly little dresses in pink and purple. She’d empty her closet of anything yellow or boyish. Then make an appointment with a hairdresser.  With these thoughts in her head she left her room to wait for her taxi in the lobby.

Stepping out of the taxi she inhaled deeply, a smile graced her lips. This time everything would work out the way it was meant to. This time she’d find a safe haven from all her worries and troubles. Humming a little she rapped on the door, tapping her toes as she waited for someone to come to the door. 

She was about to knock again when a dark haired young boy opened it enough to peer up at her, sunlight reflecting off his eyeglasses. “Can I hep you?” he asked politely.

“Yes you can let me in,” she snapped, finding nothing pleasing in either the tone or the appearance of the little boy gaping up at her.

“Who are you?” he asked with a slight tremor in his voice as he began to close the door on her.

“I want to see my brother now,,” she stuck her foot in the door, afraid the ragamuffin would close it in her face.

“Step back please,” he requested. “I don’t know you so I’ll have to check with my daddy before letting you inside..”

“I will not step back,” she shouted, offended by his insinuating she was a stranger in her brother’s home. “Who are you to presume to keep me from seeing my brother?”

Ryan struggled to close the door but his strength was no match for the adult woman intent on breaking into his home. “Daddy,” he cried, stumbling backwards into the table.

Hearing his son’s frightened cries and what sounded like a struggle Jayden jumped from the bed where he’d been resting, the throbbing pain in his back forgotten as adrenaline coursed through him. Throwing open his bedroom door he ran to his son, Shadow yapping at his heels.

“Daddy,” Ryan cried, disentangling himself from the kitchen table and ran to meet Jayden. “I tried to stop her but she wouldn’t stop.”

Hugging his son’s trembling body to himself Jayden glared at the intruder. “What do you want?” he demanded before he registered who the woman was. “Rae? What the hell do you think you’re doing busting into my house and scaring us half to death?”

“”That’s a fine way to welcome your sister,” she said,”I’ve been gone for a couple of years and this is how you greet me!”

As the adrenalin dissipated he gritted his teeth to keep from moaning as stabs of pain knifed through his lower back, radiating out to his fingers and toes. Shadow whined at his side, rubbing his head on the side of his leg, attempting to get his attention. “It’s alright boy,” he laid a hand on top of the dog’s head. That small movement had him swaying on his feet. He leaned forward, reaching for the counter before he fell over.

“Have you been drinking?” Rae wrinkled her nose at him “and everyone thinks I’m a bad mother.” Setting her purse on the table “it’s a good thing I’ll be staying here.”

“What?” Jayden demanded, glaring at her “No one asked you to stay here.”

“Can you make that mutt shut up?” she shouted to be heard over the urgent sharp barks Shadow was making as he turned in circles beside Jayden. “He has got to go. I won’t be sharing a house with a yapping badly trained mutt.”

“You can’t get rid of Shadow,” Ryan cried “he’s part of the family.”

“He’s no more a part of this family than you are,” she sniffed, giving him a withering look.

Jayden put a hand on Ryan’s shoulder, squeezing hard. “Will you go get my chair,” he requested, hating that the run into the living room had sapped all his energy and he’d be doing good if he didn’t faceplant in the next few minutes, something he didn’t not intend to do in front of his sister.

Ryan hesitated, looking up at him with a worried frown on his brow “what about her?”

Taking his free hand he mussed up Ryan’s hair “don’t worry, I’ll take care of her.” Turning his attention to his sister he said “you’re not staying here Rae.”

She gave him a blank look “what do you mean I’m not staying here? Of course I am. You need me while …” She paused for a moment trying to recall her brother-in-law’s name. “Evan is gone.”

“Daddy I’ve got your chair,” Ryan said, joining them.

Rae’s eyes went wide”what do you need that thing for?”

Ryan glanced up from where he was holding the chair steady for Jayden. “Daddy needs it when his back is bad.” He couldn’t help himself from asking “if you’re such a good sister why don’t you know that?” There was something about this woman he didn’t like. He wished that Josie was there so that she could see the woman’s aura. He was sure it was bad. She felt wrong.

An eyebrow rose giving Raelyn a thunderous look, “nothings wrong with his back that the right kind of care couldn’t cure.” She stepped forward, reaching for Jayden’s hands “let me demonstrate.”

“Rae don’t even think about it,” Jayden let out an involuntary gasp of pain when he found himself being pulled to his feet. Pain radiated from his spine making his toes and fingers tingle as if poked with a live wire. His vision dimmed to pin pricks as his ears filled with a roar like the ocean crashing against the shore. He tried to pull free but found his energy and strength sapped from the agony Rae had unintentionally caused. At least he hoped she didn’t realize what she was doing to him. The look in her eyes told him he was being a bit too generous in his hopes and assumptions.

A low rumbling filled the room a moment before shadow leaped between Jayden and Raelyn. Yelping Raelyn flung her hands up, releasing her hold on Jayden.

Jayden’s arms pinwheeled in a frantic attempt to keep from falling. He landed on his back on the hard kitchen floor. Pinpricks of light danced before his eyes. Ryan’s urgent screams kept him from slipping into darkness. Swallowing he closed his eyes hoping he lightheadedness would pass and the cold sweat that slicked his body would stop. Groaning he forced his eyes open, Ryan’s frightened eyes peered down at him. Licking his lips he tried to smile. To reassure his son. “Help…me…up,” he tried to brace his hand beneath him to help push himself up.

“Get this mutt away from me,” Raelyn shouted “don’t just lie there. Do something.”

“Shadow come,” Jayden commanded even though he really didn’t care what happened to Rae. His only concern was calming Shadow down so that Rae wouldn’t report him as a menace pet.

“Good boy,” Jayden gave Shadow’s head a couple of pats when he retreated from Rae and came to his side.

“Good boy,” Rae shouted, “he could have killed me.”

“But he didn’t,” Jayden didn’t look at her as he pulled himself into his wheelchair with a little too much help from Ryan that he cared to admit. “You should leave now,” he tried to sound confident and commanding but the lack of energy and nausea left him sounding weak and out of breath.

Shadow whined beside him, licking his hand that rested on the arm of the wheelchair. His eyes watched Rae warily, growling in warning if she ventured close enough to touch them.

“You can’t be serious,” she shook her head at him. “I can’t leave you alone with that thing? That thing could rip you in half. It’s dangerous.”

“Shadow is a support dog, his training is to help me and to warn me of danger,” Jayden explained wearily. All he wanted to do was lie down or throw up or maybe die. He couldn’t decide which would be preferable.

“So,” Rae crossed her arms in front of her “you’re telling me it attacked me because he thought I was a danger to you? That you’re sitting there like a rag doll is somehow my fault! I’ve never heard of anything so stupid.”

“It is your fault,” Ryan shouted, coming to stand in front of Jayden as if he could protect him from any more harm, “you’re a horrible sister for what you did.”

“What I did?” she scoffed “what did I do that was so bad? I was merely showing him he didn’t need that silly old chair.” She waved a dismissive hand towards Jayden “he’s been relying on it for too long. It’s time he learned how to stand on his own two feet…”

“He can too stand,” Ryan shouted, hands bunching at his sides.

“Hah,” Rae took a step forward only to retreat when Shadow jumped to his feet growling at her.. “Evan’s babied him and now he’s not even a man. He needs a mutt and an orphan to defend him.” Her words dripped with disdain and contempt.

“Raelyn I told you to leave,” Jayden forced every bit of his remaining strength into those words. “You’re not wanted here and never come back.”

She flinched as if his words had slapped her in the face. “You’re only saying that because you’ve been speaking with them. They’ve poisoned you against me. Telling you lies.”

“The only lies being told are the ones you’re telling yourself,” Jayden said, wishing he knew how to make her disappear. If only he had a more active magical ability he’d show her the door.

“Let me tell you,” she jabbed the air with her finger. “No one knows the things I’ve been through. The things I’ve suffered.

“And we don’t want to,” Ryan interrupted her “you’re just a mean old woman…”

“Old,” she cried laughing “I’m younger than that decrepit thing over there. But maybe you couldn’t get anyone better to want you.”

“Stop,” Ryan cried, energy bursting from his hands “he’s not decrepit.” He wasn’t sure what that meant but he knew it wasn’t good, not if it was coming from her. It was only afterwards that he realized the energy he’d been building up inside him had been released. Rae lay crumpled by the door moaning softly. Guilt lay like a heavy, wet blanket on his small shoulders “I’m sorry,” he cried turning to face Jayden “I didn’t mean to hurt her.” Turning he ran to his room, door slamming shut behind him.

Everything inside Jayden was screaming at him to go to Ryan but there was the little problem of a raving idiot lying on his dining room floor. He couldn’t leave her there to wake up and go to the police to report either Shadow or Ryan as dangerous. He couldn’t run the risk of losing either one of them and he didn’t doubt Rae was capable of doing just that. 

With fingers that trembled from stress and fatigue he pulled his phone from his pocket. He found a number all the family knew by heart. “Hey Caiden, this is Jayden can you come over? I need a little help with Rae…” He gave Caiden a condensed version of what happened.

“I’ll be right there,” Caiden promised, hoping he’d arrive before Rae was able to do any more damage than she’d already made.

Previous/Next

[fantasticalbelugas]

Finished and posted the fanfic! I already have written in the notes but while reading this please be respectful towards the creators especially if you ship the characters. Please read tags as well to avoid any potential triggers. Contains spoilers so please keep that in mind.

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

[ajolteonnamedsparky]

Panic and crasout over nothing why am I breaking down how do I calm down

how do I breathe normally?

-vlevte

(I’m shaking too muc hto fnmd the emoji for my siognpff)

Inhale for 4 seconds, hold it for 4 seconds, exhale for 4 seconds, hold again 4 seconds, repeat

Try and do the grounding technique too- list 5 things you can see around you. List 4 things you can touch. Then, 3 things you can hear. 2 things you can smell. One thing you can taste. List it slowly and take ur time to really sense these things