Little sad rant, don’t read if you don’t want sads
Today is a very sad day, Idk if it’s the entertainment I get online or the friendship and fun I see in the youtube videos I watch, but a sudden empiness fills my heart. I have been so focused on studying and struggling to survive physically, emotionally and psychologically that it seems most of the friendships I’ve cultivated have been lost. We’ve been torn apart by a situation a lot bigger than us, as we all try desperately to make it. A dark, dark tunnel that teases us with unnaturally dim lights. We look up at this lights, knowing they’re not the exit in our beaten hearts. But yet we hope, we keep walking forward to another light just as ethereal and unreasonable as the last.
An endless parade of nights dance in my head as I imagine what it would be to just spend them with the friends I’ve made over the internet. People that have proven over and over again to be diffrent from the animals we live amongst. Wether from an easier way of living or from a harsher kind of life, diamonds of kindness and sylphs of heart that are a few keys away. Yet so far away. Almost estranged by a distance no man can walk or swim and a distance created by a life that has no time for most of them anymore. As we work endlessly for a better future that seems more distant every time we stop and think about.
We’re tired of looking at the horizon, towads a land that drifts away from us. We numb ourselves to not feel the pain, give birth to inhuman laughs and smiles to bury our pain, trying to never let it out, desperate to “live” “happily” another day. When will our hearts give out? When will our minds finally stop walking and simply forget about our reality? Is this really all we can hope? Despair and insanity? or do we just fool ourselves, thinking that surviving another day will bring us closer to an inexistant promised land? When do we stop? When do we stand and fight? The thing is, does anyone have the energy anymore? or at least a bit of humanity to feel the pain of an entire generation being mangled and mutilated and say “no more”?
I miss you guys, even though I have never actually seen you face to face. Even though we talk less now. Even though I should have no right to miss you, I do. We do. I cry and mourn the days we haven’t spent together.