#tw:tears

[deanwanddamons]

I just burst into tears reading a headline on a news app about animal cruelty.

I couldn’t read the rest of the article.

How can people be so horrible?

I’m still sobbing now.

It’s one thing that truly breaks my heart and gets me so damn angry.

[epilogue-and-prologue]

Love Letter

Note: A love letter by Sirius Black. Warnings: FLUFF and ANGST. What’s new? Oh ! Swearing. Disclaimer: Harry Potter’s universe is a volatile thing I do not own. Pairing: Sirius Black x Reader

I never knew how to write but I know what I want to say to you, so I’ll start there. If I say that I have a mental breakdown who is going to believe me exept you? I don't cry out loud. I don't scream in public. My hands don't twitch or act nervously. I masquerade as a normal human being even when I lose every shit I can hold inside my hands.

But you see through it every time. You saw the day I left that I was never going to come back. Or not the man I was before. And that's why you didn't cry. You hugged me and told me to take care of myself. I did. I did so I could find you and love you again.

My love, I am sorry our story ended this way. I am now out of Azkaban but not yet in your arms. I don't know if I'll ever see you again. That's why I am asking you the same thing I've been asking myself for the past decade: Please, take care of yourself so I can be back to you and see you in all your glorious ways.

Take care of your memories of us. For the day I'll be back to you.

I promise I'll do my best to be back to you in any way I can, darling.

You always rolled your eyes when I called you that. I hope you still do.

With love,

Sirius.

As you let go of the crumbled piece of paper you held close to your heart, your quiet sobs filled in the room, the only sound echoing through the house the footsteps of a child with dark hair and dark eyes the spitting image of the father Sirius never had the chance to be.

He did promise to come back to you in any way he could. And if Sirius ever did one thing, he kept his promises.

Your grasp on the paper loosened and you put it back in the top drawer of your bedside table where it belonged.

The only love letter he ever wrote.

But not the only one that mattered.

The greatest love letter of all was now taking your hand, telling you about the sun and the birds and the wind and the stars and the shape of their eyes made you think of Sirius’ smile and you smiled too, despite the tears and the sorrow, you smiled too in the hopes that somewhere, Sirius was feeling it too.

[bleedskyblue]

Found the amazing mako-no-haru’s gem!au and when I was looking through the posts I really wanted to draw the frame when Nitori is answering about his jewel placement so I kind of went for it. Sorry if this bothers you, I can take it down if you’d like! 

Their blog: http://mako-no-haru.tumblr.com

Gem!AU blog (which is amazing like holy man, want to draw them all): http://ask-the-iwatobi-gems.tumblr.com

Design belongs to mako-no-haru~

[brainstorming-music]

Little sad rant, don’t read if you don’t want sads

Today is a very sad day, Idk if it’s the entertainment I get online or the friendship and fun I see in the youtube videos I watch, but a sudden empiness fills my heart. I have been so focused on studying and struggling to survive physically, emotionally and psychologically that it seems most of the friendships I’ve cultivated have been lost. We’ve been torn apart by a situation a lot bigger  than us, as we all try desperately to make it. A dark, dark tunnel that teases us with unnaturally dim lights. We look up at this lights, knowing they’re not the exit in our beaten hearts. But yet we hope, we keep walking forward to another light just as ethereal and unreasonable as the last.

An endless parade of nights dance in my head as I imagine what it would be to just spend them with the friends I’ve made over the internet. People that have proven over and over again to be diffrent from the animals we live amongst. Wether from an easier way of living or from a harsher kind of life, diamonds of kindness and sylphs of heart that are a few keys away. Yet so far away. Almost estranged by a distance no man can walk or swim and a distance created by a life that has no time for most of them anymore. As we work endlessly for a better future that seems more distant every time we stop and think about.

We’re tired of looking at the horizon, towads a land that drifts away from us. We numb ourselves to not feel the pain, give birth to inhuman laughs and smiles to bury our pain, trying to never let it out, desperate to “live” “happily” another day. When will our hearts give out? When will our minds finally stop walking and simply forget about our reality? Is this really all we can hope? Despair and insanity? or do we just fool ourselves, thinking that surviving another day will bring us closer to an inexistant promised land? When do we stop? When do we stand and fight? The thing is, does anyone have the energy anymore? or at least a bit of humanity to feel the pain of an entire generation being mangled and mutilated and say “no more”?

I miss you guys, even though I have never actually seen you face to face. Even though we talk less now. Even though I should have no right to miss you, I do. We do. I cry and mourn the days we haven’t spent together.

[brainstorming-music]

So I'v been absent from tumblr for a while now, mostly because I've been too busy with work, university and being a DM, but there is something else. A point came where I couldn't be much time in front of the computer, because I felt like life was slipping away, heck I still feel like that, but the reason for that is because I feel stuck. Prisoner in my own country, my homeland, my craddle, the place where I was born, raised, educated, loved and learned to love, fell in love, got engaged, lost my virginity *cough* among others. The fact is, I've been falling into depression while watching my country fall apart, be drained away by some corrupt pseudo-socialists motherfuckers who have destroyed everything.

So while I was confined to my own house as people fought with the national guard, protesting against insecurity and well everything else, I just couldn't help but cry, feel useless as the country I love burnt. My own mind is telling me to get the fuck out of here, to go and get a job or study somewhere else so I have a chance to live, to be independant, to get my own house/apartment, a car, travel, LIVE. But at the same time, my heart asks, screams, cries for me to stay, to fight for what's mine... I know that is something impossible, but I just can't help but wonder...

Now the other part is I can't get out of here, I feel small, powerless. Leaving to go to Canada and live with my fianceé seems every bit more impossible by the day, I can't even get into a community college, her family doesn't even want to make a phone call to help me get a job and move. I feel stuck, my soul screams in agony, in a void where no one can hear it, my heart bleeds in despair where only my loved one can help me patch it up. But it isn't enough, not even the poems I write, the music that flows through my hands can ease my mind or my soul.

There has come a point where I have to do something I didn't want to do because I know there are people who need it more than I do and I am a person who likes and has learned to do things by myself. I have to ask for help.

Help, please... I can't do this by myself no matter how hard I try, I can't. I feel broken as if fighting against a brick wall with my fists. I just can't... So please, help...