NOTE : just mentions of lesson 16 while they(belphie and mc watch stars)
THIS is just belphie angs, not really romantic but can see as. Just belphie angst
Ngl getting k*lied by belphie isn't really traumatizing like he went through more traumatizing stuff (from a belphie lover/ apologizer)
THE STARS were beautiful, twinkling in the sky. The twin stars shine brightly as he watches the stars, he can hear the person next to him breathing.
Their breathing is oddly comforting, their chest slowly moves up and down. He can see their smile. He can't speak he has feelings that he can't explain but it feels weird.
They smile and start asking questions about the stars he answers them, they hum at his answers. This is his favorite place to stay away from his brothers, aside from the
Attic...
The attic wasn't comforting that much, due to what happened.
Every time he looks at them, his throat tightens, and he can’t shallow. His throat is dry, it hurts to shallow he doesn't belong to be here. He belongs to be lock away again forever until he dies or manages to kil-
"Hey belphie you didn't answer my question." Their voice snaps him out of his thoughts his bad thoughts.
He doesn't remember the question so he asks them "what did you say? Again?" They chuckle and repeat the question.
He hums and answers his answer seems to please them, the attic for him wasn't a good one, being lock away from his own brother...
His twin brother believing that he was in the human world, it was his fault for everything. How selfish of him, Lilith would not be proud of him.
Her love for humans, it was his fault maybe if he told lucifer maybe kucifer could have saved her and them falling down into this nightmare hellish place.
He ruined all of his brothers relationships making them hate each other, his brothers had hard times getting along.
He wondered if he died, if Lilith survived would it be different? Or will he still haunt her down and kill her making his family go through traumatic stuff? Killing another family member.
Do they care about him? Is beel the only one who cares for him? Is Satan only using him to get revenge on lucifer? His he being too hars on lucifer?
Lucifer... he was so different as a angel he wasn't so stress. But it's cause of that stupid demon "lord" he's just a prince... why does lucifer spent all his time serving and doing his work for him?
Sometimes he wishes that everything will be back to normal... no deaths, no family issues, no killing you....
He's sorry but he knows the trauma he did for you, choking you.... killing a human, he hated humans he blamed them for Lilith death but he realized it wasn't the humans fault for her death.
It was his "father's" fault, he send all his brothers down here.... they aren't really brothers, diavolo said that they are brothers but they aren't really...
He wonders if beel feels the same? If beel died how different would it be?
They were all cursed with sins.... what would Lilith sin be if she survived? What if every one of his brothers died during the war?
He remembers his first day at devildom before getting lock away, Satan was mad remembering when they would lock him up.
He should stop thinking about bad memories and focus on good ones, he can redo himself from the murder and threats he made. He just hopes that everything will be okay.
His brothers will be okay..... and mc will be okay...
❥ warning : big age gap (reader is 18 and Jakurai is 35), mention of blood, drugs, suicidal thoughts and suicide attempts
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Jakurai Jinguji was a great doctor. He'd been taking care a lot of people from various backgrounds — young or old, poor or rich, male or female and in a war or not — Jakurai would do his best to make sure they felt better and forgot the pain of their suffers, including you.
(Y/n) (l/n) was your name. Your illness couldn't be diagnosed easily and your parents been spending a grand amount of money to make sure you could smile at them again. Yet, it had been so hard for both of them to see you crying from the insufferable, internal pain day by day — including Jakurai.
You were a normal high school student from a happy couple of a young politician and a socialite from good background. But since eight months ago, you were diagnosed with an unknown illness that made you had to leave school and locked yourself away from the society — including your own friends and beloved parents.
Jakurai was appointed to be your personal doctor and been doing his best to help you going through hard time. The first week you were charged into this hospital, Jakurai helped you out when you began to throw up blood violently, making your mother fainted on the spot as your father held her tightly, looking at you with teary eyes — couldn't imagine the great pain you would consider normal few days from now.
Despite her fear of blood, your mother kept visiting your room. Making sure the VIP hospital room was your taste and comfortable enough for you to rest easily — to help you completely forgetting the fact you were sick. As your father would change the flowers beside your bed daily, telling you about his day and also how the flowers he brought today remind him of you — bright and also charming.
Jakurai entered your room, a paper holder by his left hand as he noticed your figure on a wheelchair near the window — looking at couples of high school student running out from their school after spending hours in a stuffy, cramped room they knew as classroom.
"Doctor, do you know? Back then, father would give me some money to spend with my friends for shopping after school as I bought him a watch during it," you placed your frail hand against the glass, feeling its coolness seeping in through your skin.
"Is that so, (l/n)?" he asked, sitting down on one of cushy seats your parents bought while studying your features from up close before his gaze softened up, wiping away the silent tears on your cheeks. "What did I do 'til I have to go through this," you whispered lowly, gripping on the armchair tightly before he placed his hand onto yours, telling you to let it go before hurting yourself more than it was supposed to.
It had been tough for you — but even more for him. You tried to kill yourself by overdosed on a drug you happened to smuggle in silently as Jakurai noticed it and slapped it away from your hold, telling you it wouldn't grant you any peace nor happiness for yourself nor your parents. "What do you know," you muttered, tears dripping onto the white, simple dress you wore as your hand gripping his sleeve's tightly before raised your head, looking at him with bloodshot eyes before yelling at him out. "What do you know about the peace and happiness I wished!" you pulled his hairs forcefully, feeling anger seeping out from your tears and turned into strength to hurt him — who had been spending countless days without any proper sleep and meal to keep you alive.
Jakurai didn't flinch nor get angry at your behaviour. Instead he pulled you into a tight hug, letting you crying over the pain you had been holding on into his embrace as he smiled lightly behind your back — knowing how you had been a strong person to smile despite the circumstance you were put on.
'I wished I was dead instead of living like this,'
It was a thought which had been lingering around your head for almost every day. Whether it was day or night, summer or winter — your will to stay alive had been buried down after you entered this hospital and could only wish for it to not get worsened.
"Merry Christmas, (l/n)," he smiled, entering your room with a bright smile plastered on his face before he placed a small red box with green ribbon on your lap. Curious, you shook it gently and gasped when noticed a small sound of 'thump' inside.
Taking off the lid, you saw a small music box resting inside peacefully before Jakurai helped you to pick it up and placed it onto your hands. Smiling lightly at the noise it let out before you turned your head towards him with a smile — before stopping in the mid way and erased your smile after seeing his.
"Thank you, this looks beautiful," you murmured, placing it on your nightstand as the snows outside began to pile up. Jakurai who noticed your expression coughed up a bit to gain your attention, smiling lightly when his plan worked out. "Do you want to drink some hot cocoa? A friend of mine gave me a lot and I have marshmallow if you like it," he offered before you nodded and took his hand gratefully before getting off from your bed.
It had been almost a year since the first time you entered this hospital. Jakurai and his nurses been doing a great job so far as you were able to gain strength to stand and walk on your feet two months ago. Jakurai had been very patient and lenient to you — ignoring your blatant rude remarks and bratty behaviours before you opened up to him gradually.
Walking to the kitchenette in your room, Jakurai told you to sit down on a chair as he heated up some milk for the hot cocoa before pouring it down into a couple of mugs, placing couples of small kitten shaped marshmallow onto the top and gave you one, smiling slightly when you took a sip.
It was sweet — with a hint of bitterness from the cocoa. You could recognise a bit of spices such as cinnamon inside and took a bite from the marshmallow, letting out a soft gasp when you noticed a caramel nougat inside it.
"Merry Christmas, (y/n), I hope your wish for next year will be granted when you expect it the least," he smiled before you gnawed your lower lip, pouting at his words and tugging his sleeve.
"Jakurai, please close your eyes," he closed his eyes without any question and swore his heart skipped a beat when he noticed a sweet taste of cinnamon and cocoa on his lips not from his drink — but your lips. "Merry Christmas, please, stay by my side, even when I'm not sick anymore," you whispered gently and looking into his eyes through your long lashes, not preparing for the sudden kiss he gave as the snow fell harder — with each of the snowflake granting the hidden wishes both of you made.
