i'm actually so privileged it's ridiculous and good things always just fall into my lap. i never have to try hard never never never. no no. i feel so ungrateful for all the privilege i have i feel like shit. why do things easily come to me? like, there are much more deserving people out there who work their asses off for shit payout.
i honestly feel like that person who made that post saying they're terrified of living a normal life. living a normal life would honestly be the least i could do. i know i'm privileged shit i know i am i know.
honestly, this is so dumb i hate it i hate it. let's talk about how privileged i am because i'm so ungrateful and i need to remind myself that not everybody has what i do.
i'm half mexican on my mom's side, but my hair is reddish brown and my skin is white and my name is one hundred percent white meaning on all applications and stuff, i have the privilege of putting that i am mexican which stands out bc some companies/schools still aim for quotas. meanwhile, outside of meeting quotas i don't have any gross stereotypes of mexicans following me around. i don't have to worry about white people who racist against mexicans or anyone of color. i get the benefit but i don't get the consequences.
my parents aren't exactly rich, but they could be if they didn't spent money all the time. i get to attend a private college and my brother gets to attend a school out of state. i don't have to worry about the debt or the loans. my parents will take care of that and i will owe them half of the loans but i doubt they will charge me interest and i also doubt they will punish me for late fees.
i'm fairly quick at learning things and even though i am not skinny, i am not fat either. i have no piercings or tattoos and i can present myself well. i'm not as scared of using the phone as i like to pretend to be. i also have a car. i've never been turned down a job that i've applied for. i have three jobs and i'm not in danger of being fired from any of them.
as part of the last point, my resume is ridiculous for a 19yr old. i just kind of do what i want and then it ends up being stuff that looks good on a resume. i'm bilingual in french, i know how to use photoshop/illustrator, i have previous employment, i have community service, i have credible references out the wazoo, i've received a few "prestigious" awards from high school, i've received training in graphic design, and i feel like i've earned none of that it sort of just happened because i do what i like.
speaking of school, i don't really try in school. i don't pore over my textbooks and strive for perfection, which i very well know i could do. i'm lazy smart. i get as without really expending all the effort i should. like i said earlier, i learn quickly, i memorize easily. i don't deserve that.
and let's talk about how privileged i am as far as health. i have no serious medical problems. i've never broken a bone, don't have any sort of psychological issues or learning disabilities, i have ability in all my limbs, no food allergies, not even dysphoria despite identifying as agender. i'm so lazy, and i'm not skinny, but if i adjust my diet, it's easy for me to lose the weight. i'm just too lazy to monitor my food the way i should, and not even in an unhealthy way.
my family may be distant from me, and i may not feel like i can really talk to them, but they're not abusive. they don't try to manipulate me, they're not passive-aggressive, they try to respect my privacy and my space. meanwhile, we can insult each other all day long and use all kinds of sarcasm and it's fine. we're not super close, but we don't really have any huge issues.
okay i think i'm done for now. i just don't know how i can be upset when i have so much going for me. i should be more thankful for the things i have. i should be more thankful for the things i have., i should be more thankful for the things i have i should be more thankful for the things i have i should be more thankful for the things i have. how can i not be as grateful as i should i'm fucking trash. i'm a child i'm so selfish.
