((remembered you guys were interested in mc trapped too ^^))
Okay so!!! Essentially I have a whole thing where he goes from Minecraft style to realistic, for Many Reasons And Purposes :)
It's mostly not come up in rp since it's ✨️hard to articulate✨️ without 1st person pov lol, but believe me I have t h o u g h t t h i s t h r o u gh-
So at the VERY beginning, he basically is just regular MCT canon. Can't see his legs, pretty much exactly what it looks like in the episodes. At the most, he can touch and see like. He has a tail, antennae, and Galaxy's face. But that's it, nobody's faces can move when talking, just basic mc roleplay at its core. There's a couple ways I've considered how exactly he gets to the realism version, but thats for another day.
Almost all of this is really an amalgamation of MC series/books/whateverthefuck I've seen over the years. Especially Minecraft:The Island, that's practically the origin of discovering Minecraft can be ✨️body horror✨️ hehe.
Fair warning, this gets l o n g lmao. Also, TW for body horror and probably dysphoria.
One of the first thoughts I had was mods :] I don't have an exact modpack (as the ones I have crash-) but I do know a few mods that would essentially be his varying forms in one way or another. Since MCT is already modded, I figured actual mods would help with all of this. Namely first person model and a few different health system mods like Tough As Nails.
Another thing is some of the quality of life (QoL) things VR often provides, like teleport and mining buttons. (Sadly I've yet to successfully get MC VR to work so I've not tested out stuff there myself-). But anywho! The first two variants are bedrock and animations (like, music videos and stuff, or Alux Rising).
Bedrock's character creator (though I loathe it for many reasons) allows for blinking eyes and more. That's probably the most basic non-canon version there is, with the various emotes, clothing, and other options. More or less the same basic square characters, just a little more lively. That and Vibrant Visuals.
Now, to be fair, n o n e of this really applies to anybody outside of him. They generally see everything either as fully Minecraft or as fully realistic, it's no different UNLESS they're in Sabre's vicinity. That's when things get weird. I'll take Francis and Trick Or Treat as examples for this (though ToT might have their own variant of this in being a Roblox OC, but whatever-). To Francis, Sabre just looks like a slightly oddball minecraft avatar, and ToT is just slightly weirder than that.
Since ToT meets them slightly later, Sabre sees everything as proper animated characters, being able to see who speaks, etc. He can see his full body, reflections in the water, that kinda stuff. But he ALSO sees everyone change into proper Roblox avatars as well, and he can see this transition fully. The others don't even know it's any different, because to them, this is just the same thing in another world. At most, they know they have abilities here they don't normally have (respawning, for chicken!Purple Steve having hands, etc).
But this dissonance doesn't happen with Trick Or Treat. Maybe they're a bit more Roblox-y than the others, but again, it's normal for them. Nothing is off when switching between games. The only clear difference is that Sabre acts differently, and generally is more cautious and odd.
In comparison, when C!Dracl meets them, Sabre can't even tell who's talking. It's sorta like a dream: unless he really thinks about it, she almost seems like just another player/npc in the world. Then he realizes she's not a Minecraft avatar. He still can't tell what, though. Something else. It's almost exactly like those images/shows/etc where there's cartoon characters in the real world, but in reverse, depending on his variant.
One other thing though, is how this impacts everyone (non-player) else's perception of the world. While with Zero and Asra, things are relatively steady, it can quickly turn dissonant and uncanny if Sabre is around. I'd probably say it's because the Sky People often are thinking about his creations, whereas he has forgotten many of them. It might as well be his curse :)
In the early stages, Sabre is pretty much the same as he usually is. It's not particularly frightening to be around him. Being trapped in a square body becomes wayyyy more uncanny now, almost like switching to a different artstyle....Even though he consciously knows this is the same, just normal Minecraft, the way that his skin turns on 90 degree angles, his hands don't function the same...its hard to even think sometimes. Very much not unlike a disability, incapable of doing so many things that you used to be able to do, but also unable to do as much as everyone around him.
In comparison to the other players, the most they probably feel of this is just not being able to carry everything and the basics of, yknow, being trapped. It's not universal at all. Which, of course, makes everything worse. C!IGC is also in VR, but her whole thing is somehow even more complicated than his. But the later versions are much more obvious and often concerning.
In his semi-realistic state, Sabre's mere presence makes it hard to not question one's reality. No matter who it is, he looks like a cartoon character with realistic eyes and similar vibes. Something INSIDE that is not supposed to be seen. Not supposed to be real. Like an analog horror creature, with proportions all wrong and a face that looks right yet so wrong. Going back to Francis, this would look like a regular minecraft avatar that has body parts not meant to be seen. Francis can see his fingernails, his individual teeth, the flecks of color in his pupils. Any attempts at hiding this just make it worse. A hood makes Sabre's eyes stick out even more. Any kind of coat or chestplate points out his floating limbs and misshapen, uncomfortably fleshy hands.
In this stage, Sabre either starts seeing people in a more realistic visual way or not. I'm not exactly sure where the melding of the two begins tbh. But it becomes clear that he's the odd one out, even as he starts to see that people around him are more than an empty husk. Is it a blessing or a curse if you can see everyone's pain but they can see yours tenfold, forever, with no way to hide it? At this point the "Minecraft" body becomes just a vessel for something else, hiding what the real Sabre actually is. Seeing him is like knowing the thing before you is a mask, and it's cracking open...
In his final form, Sabre looks incredibly uncanny no matter who you are. This is likely either when he merges with Labs!Rainbow or soon after, I don't know if it'll be because of the merge or not. To others like Francis, it's almost like looking at the insides of an alien corpse. They can see the sweat drip down his face, the twitch of an eyebrow, every hair follicle. And it's utterly overwhelming. His gaze alone is petrifying and yet also pitiful. He's not just some other thing from a normal, square human, he's a walking cognitive hazard.
His mere existence is visceral, in depth like a 10,000 page textbook with no index in an alien language. A language that even he himself does not completely understand. He is, after all, still just your average guy. He doesn't know why everything is the way it is. He doesn't have that textbook anymore, just the form that it alludes to.
This doesn't mean that villains are suddenly scared of him. Quite the opposite. He is even more of a target. His flesh is easy to cut and mold to their will. So many tiny things can go wrong so easily, and they'll gladly take that opportunity. What happens to the human body if it's taken over by a Steve? If it's dropped into the ocean a million blocks up? They don't need an instruction manual to do damage anymore.
Ivy is one of the few people that want to help despite all of this. One of the only people that can keep looking him in the eye and trust him. Maybe it's because she was programmed to do that, can't say for sure. That's one of the things that Sabre comes to realize and feel immense guilt for. If the only person that trusts him fully is one who was explicitly programmed to care about him, does she even get free will as long as he's around...? Even when she assures him, he can't help but see the programming behind her eyes and wish he were anyone else.
In a similar vein, Sabre also has a "machine' version, where the VR headset and controllers are literally attached to his body. This allows for some small QoL activities and abilities, buy for the most part it makes the glitch worse. The glitch given by Victor of MCT. In the early stages, it's a mostly visual thing followed with sharp shooting pains throughout and twitching/numbness I guess. In later stages, it's obvious for others, and can quickly turn into it's own horror show.
....andddd this last part is just the og notes I took lmao-
Original notes:
Variant 1: blocks turn into irl slowly
Variant 2: completely irl
Orrrr....
Variant 1.5: looks irl, feels square (environment is blocks)
Blocky form (Trapped 1):
Face- blank faces all around, standard mc body language (except for Sabre ofc)., blinking and smiling and talking but visually no change (like TSS but more uncomfy), likely no nose/ears physically (same as skin), hair doesn't move at all, injuries 50/50 on visual change (only fatal..?).
Hands- for Sabre, feels very...alien, having no elbows, and fists are like Mc island (unopenable), feels breeze where elbows would be, doesn't feel any weird arm things though (clipping etc). For others, perhaps they can "punch" to hold him etc etc, but can't do anything crazy.
Legs- Sabre still can't see em, but they still follow mc logic, despite that, he can sit lay down etc. Others can mostly just crouch to kneel lean etc, but can sit like mc logic. Animals and items cannot do most things.
Body- Sabre can't taste food, but can smell still, uh.."bodily waste" is not a thing, and he can mostly do weird arm things (arms in ground when laying down etc), cannot completely disregard mc logic, crying etc has zero visual effect (okay maybe crying..like machinima..), every item block etc has weight to it and every movement translates to irl effort pain etc no matter what (no weird stretch), physically he can lean etc but visually it doesn't work.
Other- sun hurts eyes, beds are normal, can technically pet creatures, has no "QoL" access (tp, button for mining, etc), body is technically no weaker than normal Francis/Ivy/Lucas etc but it's all personal struggle/irl relation instead of mc logic (anvil would hurt, lava wouldn't work, etc, like irl backpack sorta), can feel things like Rw pickaxe in inventory, Trapped Glitch™ shows up weirdly but mostly the same (misery, visual), bundles etc may work to take away weight idk (or maybe no QoL lol), life sucks and that's it (work hard for basic things, hah..).
Half-blocky form (Ver. 1.5):
Face- like bedrock, ability to express thru skin changes/particles and a lil emoting (within limits ofc), blinking sticking out tongue etc work fine (actually see it on both ends), everyone emotes (except to some degree animals/items, likely texture-based too), talking changes face, has nose and ears, hair can move in wind grow etc.
Hands- fingers are normal but square-ish, emoting again possible (like animation but very limited, mostly only Sabre), others can rub shoulders etc but still not fluid like Sabre (squid...), items are like semi-HD texture pack (not world..yet), only Sabre can somewhat uniquely manipulate food etc like IRL (chipped, dirty, etc), still can't pull arrow out rip, clipping is felt now (ft stretch heh).
Legs- can see them now! (Like mod), pockets are available (hotbar, but also hotbar arm too??), dance dance dance hehe (he can trip even easier now), others can kneel etc but still kinda stiff (they don't understand climb), dynamic animation mod (rlcraft AR sorta vibe), people look kinda irl. Animals and items can Do Things (faces, small movements, theoretical animations, etc).
Body- Sabre has unlocked full sensory (this will be a Problem for him), still not full IRL function but CAN remove clothes ;), weird arm and glitch functions feel weird (who'd guess?), he can Disregard Reality sometimes (body horror mood, its All Uncanny Now), irl effort AND weirdness yippee, everything translates visually (Evilness...), fangy Steves/horned/tailed/winged but still mc-like (look same lol).
Other- beds don't work every time rip, pet all da things, branches in trees/stones in walls can be climbed (but only like irl), QoL buttons accessed in Machine Mode™, hes just Built Different (no like fr tho), mc inventory logic is Weird but also still irl backpack (weight is always), can absolutely MacGyver things (if smart hah), sometimes mc logic sometimes not, Glitch™ is Fucking Strange (body horror fr), NPCs are Scary (true statue but also screens etc, vacant stare uncanny).
Trapped!Sabre, overall
The Standard Square: minimal canon deviation. No extra abilities. Hardest to write.
Insert Bedrock Emote: extra immersion properties, plus some body horror. Mostly for angst and general QoL purposes on my end. Feels and looks blocky, but deviates from mc logic as needed.
Behold A Fic: full, standard immersion. No significant relation to Trapped lore/Minecraft gameplay. No extra abilities.
Whatity The Fuckity: feels blocky/environment is blocky, but people etc are mostly irl, direct mc gameplay elements in daily routine. Difficult to explain, harder to explore artistically. Disconnect between physical and visual.
That's A Whole-ass Man: technically closer to Bedrock, but he is fully IRL (like, recent IRL maybe), many many new immersive abilities, but many new Horrors™. May or may not have full bodily function, and/or a phone, and/or ability to turn things IRL.
Dude Get Yo Cyborg Ass Outta Here: cool QoL things on his end, but also more glitches/dehumanizing, clicky clicky go the buttons. Scream goes the man. Galaxy is still there somehow.
Oh Fuck We Back: the old au's Steve fusion extravaganza, ft Shadow and Dark up first (with og 3-split), probably has Bad Implications for him (and plotholes for me). To what degree are Powers involved? Who knows. (Maybe items/menus..? Something weirder?)
Anyways. TW body horror and gore and scopophobia, again-
MORE MCRP AU LOOK OUTSIDE MUTATIONS!!
@dracl-dragon @chaoticcyprus @latileaf @zalpacka
TSS Light and Rainbow, SL Colle and Seer!
Light is yet another MLP mutation, his horse limbs are all melty and stuff. He's also vaguely toy-like, with patches where his arms jut in and out of his soft skin. He has to fly to get places. Rainbow is half-split, his main face being Blue Steve and the other colors taking up his neck/chest. The faces can speak as individuals or altogether, and are somewhat like...in a flowery shape idk.
Colle is somewhat based on his time as the 2nd hero and having Galaxy's energy and all that. The stars are embedded/stabbed into his skin, and his whole body is reminiscent of a meteorite or shooting star, with craters and flames all over. Seer was tricky, I wanted to do an "animal headed god" vibe, and eventually got it right. The snake and dog are both representative of the darkness and Dread Steve, squeezing him tighter and tighter. He's also stuck in his legless form.
SL Sharp/Sabre and TR M, RQ Light and TWA Sabre!
Frankly I just wanted at least ONE fusion, so I ended up with Sharp and Sabre. Sabre's half is like a fiery biblical angel, constantly on the move and incredibly bright and multicolored. Sharp's side is skeletal and dullish, with a book for a wing. He is much more comfortable going slower and taking his time, which leads to a lot of arguing. Sabre's torchflower fused them together.
M is simply Creature, what can I say? Okay really I looked thru some LO sprites and got inspired by this one froggy thing lmao. Originally he was more dog like but I scrapped it for this one. I think it's much more horrific than the other option. I love his floppy hand ears <3 Light is a big, armored beetle, mildly inspired by Horror Storycrafters!Mal :] He constantly glows, and like Sabre, is quite a speedy creature, but much much stronger and bigger. He'd probably be able to ram stuff down like a freaking elephant lol.
TWA Sabre!!! My boio!! He's the reason I did more of these! He has several disconnected, gory arms that glitch in and out (again, vaguely inspired by the Horror Storycrafters au) and same with his legs. All over his body and half of his face are glitches that show his innards and skull. These ones are brightly colored (almost like hyperpop style edits with eyestrain) and can move around (besides on his face) if he tries to bandage them. When he mutated, he ended up vomiting when he looked in the mirror. Both his vomit and blood (any bodily substance really) are extremely pixelated. Sometimes he glitches so bad that he gets stuck in walls or the floor, making a horrible glitch sound.
And Galaxy, alongside some sketches and doodles that were scrapped in some way-!
Galaxy is basically like a house, and under his fur is some combination of a black hole/pocket dimension/the center of the universe star thingy. He's relatively normalish, if you ignore like....everything. He can shrink though. There's a ton of small eyes embedded in his fur, and eyes on his antennae. He doesn't have legs but he can slide around just fine. Just....don't be under him. You will be assimilated into the star dimension thing.
Also, here's the og list of ideas hehehe!!!
TWA Sabre: many many floating arms, half-glitched rainbow/galaxy colors, glitches show innards/skull. RQ Light: armored bug thing, Sharp™ voice, painfully bright, mildly biblical angel vibe??? TSS Light: another pony, no limbs?, melt or freeze? Colle: entanglement, Painful Stars, shooting/dying star, meteor vibes. Sharp/Sabre: skeleton book fae entity/angry starlight angelic entity, Too Many Thoughts Head Full, merged together?, one too fast one too slow. TR M: weird hands, sideways eye, steals you, l o n g. Seer: bird/dog/snake vibes, squeeze, like split Seer au? TSS Rainbow: split, too many everything, lots of faces?, color features in wrong colors. Galaxy: massive fluffy, borderline eldritch?
Hiyo hiyo!! I have a quick question for Zero in TWA!!
What happened Zero did meet Sabre? Like one day the group was traveling into the universe and finds Sabre?
Just something I thought about! Have a good day!
EHEHEHE
So the thing is- she hasn't yet. >:] as of right now,Sabre has never met Zero,and Zero hasn't met him outside of being tethered to him with the other sky people as he explores these universes
But oh,she WILL. I don't think IGC has a picked out time frame for it yet,but they will meet someday. And it will NOT go well. Especially considering how personally close she is now with some of the people he's wronged the most
Dunno how it'll go yet,but I have been given permission to let her kill him. (I don't know if that'll happen,but we'll see how it goes!!)
I love yapping about here ehehe,if you have any other questions feel free to let me know!! ^^
I think it's really interesting how Sabre's role of creator plays now that his "creations" are doing whatever the fuck they want! Unpredictable and terrifying to him probably(yay) but also. Thinking about Sabre making "choices" in their stories. And how they would feel about that you know? Like Azrial getting ignored in the finale or Reality finding out Sabre had WAYYY too much unknown power, technically because Sabre wanted him to
I'm just saying,I don't think Hypno would take kindly to knowing Sabre scripted Rainbow's death.
Oh absolutely!!! That's the best part! : )
Because like, I remember that a big part of why Rainbow was killed off was because doing his voice hurt the VA graysha, so he had to quit playing as Rain. It was an attempt to conclude Rainbow's arc instead of leaving loose ends....But when Rainbow is REAL, what kind of moral implications does that bring in?
When you know that Elemental's VA (and I think SSO Purple's?) was a member of the old daycare series, what does that imply when TSS!El lost his voice? What does it mean when two very different people (looking at you, Victor and Guardian-) have the same voice? How does our real world define their realities?
When you know that the very first TSS episodes were privated alongside at least a dozen beloved series, what does that mean? Are they truly dead or living in our memories now? The herobrine series, the mother nature series, FNAF, the first Assassin's Creed series, where did they go? What do we have left? If they were real, what happens now...?
When you know that MC Trapped was twice canceled due to Sabre's motion sickness and overheating, what does that mean for the character Sabre? What does that mean for MCT!Ivy? For Francis? I think I remember TSS Elemental's skin was picked from a fan submission, so...what does that mean for him when there's no trace of it leftover?
When Rainbow had both Twitter and Instagram once upon a time, what does that mean? Will he ever get that back? Will any of them get to see the outside world or will they all corrupt like Reality Steve? Hundreds of people, none with an escape? Sabre knows well that his fate is his own fault. He wrote this story, and now he's reliving it again and again. How can he tell where the boundaries between real and fiction lie anymore? How can he both weak and their very creator?
Could he ever bring back those forgotten series again...?
And when you think of how there was even a poll for who should return in RQ, and WE chose who it'd be, what does that mean? Did we really have a choice, or were there already plans for some of them? Did THEY have a say in it at all? Or was there world modified at the last minute without them ever knowing?
TR and AR were both animated. We got to see them more alive than anyone before, but how does that define them, separate them, from the rest? Can anyone even tell it's different? Do they even have the words to say it? I don't think they do. There's only one man that does, and he certainly doesn't want to acknowledge it.
The only limit to Reality ACTUALLY escaping is the means and choice to explore the real world, to put in the effort to create, perhaps, his own body. To let him actually peek behind the curtain. But they didn't want to. Sabre made the choice. Sabre let him be scared. Reality Steve could've been SO, SO much more, if they chose to let him. If they wanted to pour in the effort to let him try. But they didn't want to, they didn't want it to last. They decided to shoo him away from the edge, frighten him like a wild beast that was rummaging in the trash cans behind the real world. Like they were afraid, no, that Sabre was afraid to let him bloom into something amazing. Something WE could've been utterly fascinated by, absolutely in love with.
But we got stuck with lost potential for so many people. What do we do, then? What do THEY do when they find out they're just fiction? Fiction, in a game made for kids, at that. Worlds meant for young people without the means to change the fate of the characters, many unable to even pretend to save them within their own games. We were told everything surface-level about these characters.
And now....if we both came face to face, uninterrupted by the creator himself, what would we see? What would they see..?
If they could free themselves, what would they come face to face with? How would they learn to survive after finding themselves abandoned and suddenly free? Could they even do it? Or would they let themselves stay on the surface, never to dive deeper into themselves? How many would seek proper justice for their sad fates? How many would just...give up?
"Hey, Sabre?" I looked up a little, pausing from chopping logs. "Hm?"
"Y'know, it's almost been a full year for you now..! I was wondering what you wanted to do, maybe I could do something."
I set my axe to the side, thinking. What *did* I want..? It was a big moment for me, it needed to be special. I thought about my most recent projects, but...those had nothing to do with *me.*
I was currently chopping logs to help build a little cabin like Ivy and I had back in the forest, as a little gesture of kindness. Sure, it's gonna take a good amount of effort, but not *that* bad. And I've been reading/listening to some of my friends' little stories that they've made, which has been fun! But...what do I *want?* No one can really...give me something that relates to those things, especially the people who don't have stories to share.
I blinked, trying to think of anything at all.
...
Almost all the recent things I've made and done, that were decently large or important to me, have been for other people.. Even the plans I've been making were at someone else's request. And, in a way, so is whatever this is. But this is supposed to be *for* me!
I sat in the shade of a half-cut tree, somewhat flabbergasted that nothing immediately came to mind. ...Usually, I have so many ideas I don't know where to start. Usually I'm so ambitious with events and have a dozen obscure gifts I want.
...but not this time..
"Sabre?"
"Uh, sorry Galaxy-! I wantttt...um."
I glanced down at my slightly sweaty hands, thinking back to all the struggles I've had, all the hopeful wishes for something to change..
"...To have a break..? Find my courage.. No, take better care of myself..no...explore that one library..? That's not...! Stop overthinking.." I picked up the axe, turning it over in my hands, "Cool weapons are pretty cool...Ugh, but where'd I even put it-! I wish everything wasn't so complicated.." I tugged at my shirt, thinking about all I've done in the past. Why can't I think of anything?! "Ehh..getting some cool clothes n' cloaks and all that..pretty cool (I don't even know what I'd use that for though..) ...Why can't I think of anything, goddammit-!"
For some reason, I found myself glancing around hesitantly, heart racing, my eyes tearing up. "Sabre, its alright! We don't have to do anything big!" Galaxy obviously wasn't mad, but I still felt...bad..
"But I want to! I- I know that since I'm not really gonna do anything expected, like those flying trips or taking down one of those dungeons or going to the nether or- I know that doesn't leave much for me to actually do. But I wanna do something that's on the same level..! I...I...I just...Can't think of anything." I rubbed my arm, a nervous tic of mine. Galaxy's tail gently wrapped around my hand.
"That's alright. No one has to have a big party or travel to hell and back to celebrate it. Even if whatever you do doesn't feel like enough, that's okay. You know that, right?"
I sighed. "In theory, yeah...But honestly? I...I think I've been doing so many things for other people I've somehow forgotten me. I don't mean I've not been taking care of myself, just that...I haven't been indulging in any of my own projects as of late. And...now I don't know what to do with myself. It's not been stressful, but it's just...I don't know man."
Galaxy hummed to himself, thinking. "I know you've been doing these things trying to find some sort of normalcy (I think that's the word?), right..?" "Yeah." "Maybe that's it? Maybe you just need more time so you can settle in and be you again?"
I pushed a lock of hair away. "I...Well, I don't know..It's in a month, right? You'd think I'd have come up with a plan sooner, hah..! I don't think I have enough time to figure myself out AND get that information to everyone else."
"...You really do put too much pressure on yourself, dude." I laughed. "Yup!"
I sighed, fiddling with the axe again. "Cause, like, I've kinda pushed a good two-thirds of my projects to the side, y'know? They've sat collecting dust so long I don't even remember what they were. And the ones I do remember, don't seem interesting, or don't have anything relevant for you guys to do..Or, I guess, feel still too out of reach. Which is, it's stupid, man! I know part of those plans I made before require my own, like, personality and interests to shine through-! So, like, I think even THAT'S been a struggle because of all this...eugh." I facepalmed, annoyed that this has to be a whole Thing.
I glanced up at the sky, listening to the birds sing as a breeze passed by. "Well," Galaxy began, "I know what it's like to feel sorta...like you've accidentally misplaced your identity, left it on the table and walking right past it. I know you don't particularly wanna spend too long trying to figure it out, but I think you gotta! Maybe, if old projects don't spark joy anymore, we can come up with new versions that might work!"
I laughed a little, mostly at the absurdity of trying to actually do ALL this in less than a month. "I mean...we can try, I guess. Its not like you've got much happening up there."
"Yeyyyyy!!" I could practically hear him dancing in my mind. "So!! I was thinking, maybe we start with some earlier ones that might re-spark something! Things you've maybe glanced at once or twice, but haven't thought about! And then maybe doing some tiny projects with that, so you start thinking about your own stories and ideas again!"
"Sure then, but what if that just makes me mourn for what I used to have?" "Ehh, think of it as an opportunity to rewrite it, relive, even!"
==================================
I stared up at the sunny day's sky, watching the clouds pass me by. I sat on the roof of the rebuilt cabin, a sense of melancholic nostalgia and anxious anticipation curling its way between my lungs and ribs.
"..."
"Yknow, I don't know what I was thinking. That I could plan it all out and not lose myself in it."
I shut my eyes for a moment, slouching against a temporary dirt block as a backrest.
"It's so stupid, the way things never change and always change. I think that's why this fills me with dread and determination at the same time. It's the roots, I'm so high above them now and I keep getting lost in the branches."
Galaxy didn't say anything.
"I hate the way it feels like my past life just...slipped away," I curled my fingers around nothing, "and I didn't even notice. I've lived it all, I saw it all. But the...the things I used to remember so easily aren't there anymore. Like they've been overwritten. And I'm....I'm scared."
"There's so much to me. So much of my story, the things I- I- I used to do.." I could feel tears coming on. "I didn't write down everything I knew back then, because it all came so naturally. I could recall the entire story with one image, one inspiration. But now I can't...I..miss it..."
I stared down at my arms and legs.
"I...I hate the way that so much can change so fast and not even realize it. I hate the way habits fade in and out. I hate that you can just...forget the people and things you loved. Forget not just people but parts of you, parts of your very heart and soul. But the same things tick you off. The same things that hurt the most still sting, even if you're stronger now.."
I rubbed my shoulders, trying to keep the quiet mourning of what used to be at bay. It had been about a week or two after our last talk. I'd lended my favorite iron sword to one of my friends, and trusted they'd keep it safe. But then, right before my eyes...it shattered.
It wasn't their fault, truthfully. It was in a precarious situation, and sure, I was worried. But I trusted them. And then...it broke. Again.
"..."
It'd broke once before, a few months ago. It was half-functional, so whenever I had to use it, it was just a reminder that it wasn't what it used to be. The first, what, three weeks? Of living with that were nearly unbearable. I'd been unfortunate enough to have the hilt wear out to where it was too fragile.
//Back then, I, and everyone else, didn't know what to do. We knew it could be fixed eventually, but none of us had the materials for both an anvil AND spare parts. It took ages to find a blacksmith, and the one we found was...sketchy, to say the least. Their process was slow and awkward and full of delays, to where I needed to use a stone sword when the time came.//
I shuddered a little when I remembered that first night.
//I'd been...devastated, to say the least. I had heard it sort of crackling as I used it, but I hadn't known what it'd meant until it was too late. Once one of my more knowledgeable friends came along, I'd confessed to everything that'd happened with tears in my eyes. When he'd admitted that it wasn't an easy fix, I...ran. I left for the nearest village. Spending my whole evening out and about, feeling the cool air...//
I paused, remembering how upset I'd been that I got an actual nosebleed. And lemme tell ya, that doesn't happen often. I opened my eyes, glancing up at the sun. I missed the colder months. If only I was less busy, like I was now, then I could've soaked it in..
//I'd gotten a few items for myself, some sweets too. The materials to make a shield as well. I spent most of my restless energy making that shield later on. And then..We'd talked. Ivy and the others, with what we could do and what I'd be okay with. I still needed that sword, and I didn't want my daily life to be upturned with its departure for a blacksmith. So, we agreed: after things settled down, we'd get it fixed.
But it wasn't that easy. I was already hesitant on the sword leaving my side, and the blacksmith was...not my favorite guy, that's for sure. And then all the delays set in, and holidays came and went, and then I had to find a spare to use. And using that spare was so awkward and annoying...//
I took a deep breath, trying to remind myself to stay in the now. But it wasn't that easy.
//That was when I'd went on one of my biggest adventures on my own. I'd set everything up for the rest of the month, and went exploring.//
And now...it's opened up a lot of pathways for me, because..I can just venture out now..
I sighed.
"It's...its like a jungle. A..there's a tree, and for awhile, it's small, it's manageable. You can sit in the branches and still see the roots. You can see the fruit-bearing branches from anywhere, because there's so few. And then you blink...no. No, you don't blink, you blink a million times over, and every moment it's growing. But you don't realize the branches have grown in number until..."
I stared down at the grass below me. The sun's heat gently but firmly pounding down on me. My lips were dry.
"Until you're so lost up in the higher branches that you can't keep track of the fruit. You know there's some that're bearing bad fruit, but you leap from one to the other to another and then you realize it's such a maze in here. And you..." I gulped, "...you look down and the vertigo is overwhelming. But there's still rotten fruit falling on your head, and there's people waiting at the bottom for the fresh ones. There's...there's people that want to see all the kinds of fruits you've got, and they're not impatient, but you stand there and realize...You don't know where those branches are anymore-"
Galaxy didn't say anything, just gently tapped his tail against my leg, listening. "-You have plenty of apples, but you can't find the oranges. And people are delighted by the apples, you have...you have SO many apples," I started gesturing with my hands, "and they love them! You love them too! But you look around and you can't find ANY oranges, but you swear you have so many of them. And you know you do! But these branches are so thick and the sun's setting, but you go to bed dreaming of oranges. And you...you wish you could find them, the oranges that they've requested. And they're not impatient, they don't mind at all, and you're so tired but...you can't help but look up at that tree's silhouette in the sunset, and worry...Have I forgotten THAT much of me...?"
I sighed, grinding my teeth a little. The tears never came, but the anticipation and nostalgia were still curled up tightly within me. I stared at my hands, which were now getting sweaty. I dried them off, pulling out that old stone sword I used last time. The sun still beat down casually, showing the scars I've gained. I rubbed my fingers down the rough blade.
"I've gotten so much stronger. I mean, look at me! My sword broke and I-I'm okay! I..I promised I'd rest well, and then I did..(Even though later on I didn't, but that wasn't MY fault, y'know..) And I went out and found the sun, something I- don't do, usually.." I looked up at the sky again, "And I've done a couple personal projects in between planning and helping others and...I'm doing alright, comparatively. But it..In a month, I'll be one year different, and then with being stuck with a different sword...I don't like how much it reminds me of what's changed. I don't like that it'll never be the same. I don't want to lose myself in the branches..."
I dropped the sword, covering my face with my hands. The tears started to yield, as I realized just how jarring it all is.
The sword and the event and the tree didn't matter, in the end. On their own, I can manage them. But they put together pieces of a bigger picture I don't wanna look at. I'd already gotten a peek at it before, with the big plan. But now, it all felt so real. I could see the tree standing so tall. I could feel the sun against my back. But I didn't break down still. I wasn't a sobbing mess. But somewhere deep within, I could feel the dread that I've always lived with. I didn't look away from its terrible face, but I was shaking.
How am I still me? Where did those old branches go? Where did those days go? And why do I miss it so bad but I'm still not crying? Is there a hole in my heart? When did it get there..? Have I forgotten what made my heart sing? Can it still sing the same old songs, or are they out of commission now? Without my sword, there's a good portion of me that I can't seem to remember. There's too much of me to forget just like that. When did I let it get this bad? Is this bad or just natural or-
"AAAAAUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"
I screamed to the heavens, the only time I'd really made any obvious noises of distress. I silently clawed at my arms for a minute, still not crying. I sighed, blinking dry eyes.
"Why does life have to be so complicated? And why is simple never easy...?"
Galaxy laughed. "I can agree with that!" He sighed too, "I..get that. The...tree part, especially. You know how mushrooms and many plants have like, underground systems? That's what it's like, being several generations old, heh...Sometimes, I wake up with an old song at the tip of my tongue. But the lyrics are so old they're in a language only like, three people speak..." his tail wrapped itself around my arm, "I've got a lot of giant, ancient trees, Sabre. I have, well, a LOT of fruits...I don't exactly know where I got them from. And you know me, you know my crazy memory problems and everything else. You know that. And I know it doesn't get any easier, especially when there's stumps of a version of you no longer alive..."
"But I hope you know that no one would blame you for not knowing how to prune your tree."
His words felt like a stab in the gut. One that wrenched and pulled and popped that sliver of dread, letting it ooze over me. I could almost feel his warm smile, matching my own.
"It's okay if you want to chop it down, even if you never do. I know I've got plenty of those...But it's okay if you want to keep your apples, or hunt down the oranges. You can't always plant separate trees for everything, and the smaller plants tend to wither away thanks to the giant branches. But you do have things from the past still, even if they're not whole. Even if your memory fails you and the greatest moment of your life 10 years ago is just collecting dust on a shelf somewhere. Trust me, it's...it's hard, not to mourn for yourself. I've done that aplenty, heh.."
I laughed sadly, picking up the sword again.
"But it's okay to wish the growth would stop, so you can stop climbing and start pruning. We both know it won't, and it's okay to still ask for a break anyway. I know we'd planned to renew the old projects, and that's still possible! Even now, when everything feels too fast. I know that just...savoring every day isn't easy. I've had many days, hell, months, pass me by. And God, it hurts, and I regret all of them. But it's still possible to turn back to chapter 1, if you just dig a little. You can choose to climb back down, even though so much of your life is up in the clouds now. And sometimes the oldest branches have rotted away, and sometimes the fruit tastes of change, but it's still there. And what's left of it can be revived, as long as you don't let the mourning get to you."
I could feel him practically winking at me in my mind. I laughed, a laugh that let the sorrows and anxieties unravel. I wiped away a tear, staring down at the sword.
"Th-thank you...I know we've...not really developed the old projects thing much, heh..but you're right. I..know it won't be easy, but...maybe this event is all about the tree, y'know? Indulge in the past, and eat heartily in the present!"
Galaxy laughed, the kind that's contagious and loud in all the right ways. "Now you're getting it! Let the feast begin!"
TWA Sabre, Purple, and Francis in Roblox!!! Also Trick Or Treat!!
I had to make Purple from scratch in the catalog game I'm using cuz what I have already makes. Him look SO goofy- The others I designed with my stuff before I added catalog items hehehe!!
Fun fact the pumpkin sweater is the only thing that wasn't free on Trick Or Treat (I think-)!
