Imagine about the the 12th episode of season 10.
Summary: In between the end of Hilltop’s battle and Negan’s final step to fulfill his plan, the Reader and Negan finally get the chance to reunite, even if not for long.
Everything was burning.
Walkers, People who had come too close to them, Hilltop’s walls, the crops, the small houses and the mansion in the middle, everything was burning.
The heat of the blames burned into your skin, their nearly painful brightness and the red and orange colors that surrounded you made you feel like you had just arrived in hell itself.
Coughing you tried to not breathe in more smoke than you’d already been forced to as you gripped the machete you had been lucky to get your hands in time on tighter.
They were coming from all sides, walkers, whisperers, forcing you to kill them whenever they came too close and by now you were sure that it was only the adrenaline in your body that was keeping it from collapsing from exhaustion.
The smooth handle of the machete felt like sandpaper by now as you rose it again to dive it into the head of a walker and push it back out of the rotting skull before glancing around to make sure that there wasn’t another one behind you while you could feel the panic in you starting to challenge the adrenaline and your pure survival instinct.
No one was outside Hilltop anymore, the herd had pushed you inside through the burning walls and it was keeping pushing further, no matter how much each one of you fought back. It was just killing, looking around to check the situation before killing again while you had no idea what was gonna happen in the very next moment.
You had no idea how you or the others were supposed to get out of this burning hell, you had no idea how much longer you could keep going until the heard had pushed itself too far.
“Fuck”, you coughed again, trying to not let the bloody machete slip from your sweaty hands as you drove it into another rotting skull. In the moment you watched the rotting body crash to the ground you could see how Hilltop catapulted rocks over the walls once more while a couple Archers like Carol and Yumiko who still had enough arrows shot from perches into the growing herd, though it didn’t keep it from pushing further.
You glimpsed into the mass, moving a little further back to keep an eye on the dead while another explosion in one of the houses let you flinch up. Feeling another wave of tension wash over you you tried to stay focused, just in the very moment your eyes caught two walkers approaching you, split from the mass.
For a moment, your eyes scanned over them, checking for healthy hands and parts of their necks and eyes that would be revealed if they’d only be wearing a mask but there was nothing about them that was alive. Their arms reached towards you, the closer they got, their teeth snapping as you breathed deeply through and braced yourself as they got so close enough for you to take action.
Feeling your heartbeat pounding against your chest you rose your machete and dove it down into the first, smaller one, before ripping the blade back out of the skull, watching as the limp body fell to the ground just as the second, much taller dead, approached you. Its skin was so rotten that its face was nearly hanging off its skull, while it wasn’t only too tall but also close by now for you to pull the same strategy as on the first one. Gulping thickly you quickly moved your foot behind its leg, pulling it to the side to let it fall backwards to the ground, just before you crushed the blade into its mushy skull.
Panting you dragged it out, feeling how another swath of smoke slipped into your mouth as it forced you to cough on your own breath, shaking as the flames heated your skin even more up just as another loud explosion made you flinch and look up to the place that had once been the blacksmith’s stand while your eyes caught Daryl running towards you, followed by Jerry and a couple others while the heard was pushing further through, gaining more ground with each second.
“Gotta get out! It’s over”, you heard Daryl scream towards you through the loud cracking of the burning wood and the explosions that ripped through the air, pushing you to move away from the dead walkers and the new ones that were urging their way forward.
Nodding you sprinted towards them, as fast as possible as your exhausted body allowed and still holding onto your machete while more of the buildings started to fall to pieces as Daryl ran towards Hilltop’s back, past the burning stands towards walls that had fallen at parts, leaving spots that were a couple meters wide and free from walkers that hadn’t gotten to this point, for now.
“C’mon”, you heard him scream towards you and the others who were somewhere behind you, fueling your survival instinct as you pushed your tired legs to keep running while the heat burned further into your skin, pushing your body to meet its boundaries as more smoke surrounded you.
Cursing to yourself you followed him, trying to not stumble over burned pieces of the wall and objects the explosions had shot to the ground before you finally ran through the wall’s hole and feel how your face met the cool night air while the heat of the flames was pounding against your back.
The slight relieve that started to flow through your body only lasted for a moment so short it was almost gone before it had truly started as the loud growls of the dead echoed through the night, forcing you to look to your right where the part of the herd that couldn’t get into Hilltop pushed itself along the walls, only mere meters from you.
So you kept running, feeling how your breath started to grow shorter as you tried to keep an eye on Daryl in front of you and the other four who were running somewhere beside you as you rushed into the woods.
Chills washed down your back as the cold night air started to enclose you and met your heated skin, while the growls only got louder as another group of walkers started to make their way through the trees towards you, attracted by the explosions and the fire at Hilltop.
“They’re coming”, you only heard Jerry scream from a point behind you while your heartbeat and the tension that was laying all over you seemed to multiply within the seconds until you were forced to bury your machete into the rotting skulls again.
More were coming with each second, filling up your field of view with their dead bodies while you could only see from afar in the faint light how other small groups escaped Hilltop and fought their way into the woods as well.
You were panting, feeling how only the adrenaline kept your body on your feet while you just kept going while the dead started to split you up, they kept pushing and pushing, their rotting hands reaching out, trying to grab you as you shot your machete down into another walker that had gotten too close, only to feel the blade stopping to move the moment it buried into its head and the body fell limp to the forest ground.
“No, no”, you panted, starring with widened eyes down at the corpse as you tried to drag the blade out of its skulls as your sweaty hands tried to grasp the handle tighter with no success. The machete didn’t move an inch and your hands kept slipping as your heart beat pounded up into your throat and the growls grew louder.
“Just run, just run”, you heard Daryl’s voice call out into the dark, fueling your instinct to just get away from the horde instead of trying to fight back as your panicking glance captured the others starting to run off into all directions, just using the gaps in between the dead to escape, no matter where it was leading them while you did the same.
You tried to follow them, tried to at least not lose them out of your view but the walkers kept coming, kept forcing you to run as the only thing that could soothe the panic within you was the view of seeing them escaping from the dead, individually and into all possible directions. Still, you knew that there was no chance you could get to them without being forced to make your way through another bunch of walkers, now only armed with the hunting knife that had dangled in its holder on your hip until now.
And so you kept rushing alone into the dark, away from the walkers, away from the burning Hilltop and into the forest with no clue where you would end up.
Burned ground crunched beneath Negan’s feet as he walked over the battlefield. The fires had stopped burning a while ago, leaving the field before the destroyed Hilltop in ashes and plastered in piles of dead bodies, those of the ones who’d been still alive when the battle had started and those who’d already been rotten corpses when they’d arrived here.
Slowly, Negan moved over the field, dragging his bat along with him as he glimpsed through his mask, trying to check if any of the real dead assholes that were still wandering lonely over the field noticed him and most importantly seeing if he could recognize any of the dead.
He tried to make it look as unobtrusively as possible, walking past the piles, past the individual bodies that were sprawled over the field and for now, he gladly hadn’t recognized any of them but that didn’t let the tension that was laying all over him grow smaller.
He had yet to check some parts of the field and there was still a voice sitting in the back of his had that there was a possibility, no matter how small it was, that his wife had possibly been here, or anyone that mattered to her.
He was already mad at himself that he’d failed persuading Alpha, he would even feel more horrible if he’d have to see that his failing had caused deaths that would leave her distressed and fuck, the same counted if he had to find any children on here. He shivered just by thought of it as he gulped thickly and tried to keep himself focused, scan the faces of the one corpses that were fresh before he moved his eyes to one of the larger piles, rounding it before the sight in front of him suddenly glued him to the ground.
He choked on his own breath as he stared at one of the corpses that were laying on the ground, its face turned away from him and half of its body sticking out of the pile, while his body started to wrench in pain as his eyes were darting at the dead figure.
The stature, the hair color, the texture, the tone of the skin, it looked like-
No, no that wasn’t his wife, no, fuck no, that couldn’t be her.
“No, please no”, it left his trembling lips, a thick lump already starting to form in his throat as a horrible mix of boiling heat and icy coldness washed over him, putting a tension over his body that left it shaking and in a pain that resembled razorblades cutting his body up from the inside, tearing and wrenching him apart.
Tears were already starting to pool in his eyes as the panic took over his body as he stumbled towards the body, feeling the pain within him skyrocketing to the point he felt like vomiting while he told himself that it couldn’t be her before his trembling hand reached towards the shoulder of the corpse to turn it around with one swift move.
It wasn’t her.
Fuck, thank fucking god, it wasn’t her.
It wasn’t her.
”Shit”, he breathed out, feeling how the pain and the panic started to immediately beat retreat as he stared at the face of the woman who looked nothing like his wife.
There was no resemblance, nothing that made them just nearly look alike and now that he got a closer look, not even the hair or her stature resembled his wife’s as much as he’d first thought.
Fuck, this shit was driving him insane.
Regardless how much relief was washing through him in these moments, it left him frustrated nevertheless. Shit like that could make him blow his cover and fuck, exactly that could keep him from actually returning to her.
Cursing to himself he straightened his posture again and glanced around, gladly seeing that none of the skin freaks had noticed what had just happened before he started his way over the field again, trying to get the ugly feeling that was still laying over his body like a sheet off himself.
He gripped the handle of his bat a little tighter, still letting it hang beside him as he walked over the battlefield, constantly telling himself that he wouldn’t find her on here, that she hadn’t even been here, that no kids had been here.
Sighing he moved forwards just before he his eyes caught a body moving over the ground, shaking and nearly completely torn apart, the legs partly ripped off and the arms left torn up, only bloody stumps left.
The guy was wearing Hilltop armor, his body still trembling and damn this weren’t the movements of a walker nor the groans of one, there was too much pain and emotion still stuck in it. That poor fucker was still alive, or as alive as you can be in that kinda fucked up state.
“Ah fuck”, he growled quietly to himself, weighing the bat a little in his hands before he grasped it with both and lifted it up as the man turned and shifted in pain and let it quickly crush down on him, mercy-killing that poor fucker and putting him out of his misery.
“Through the heart”, he suddenly heard Alpha’s voice say ripping his glance away from the dead man and towards her.
“Ah shit”,he said, putting a grin on his lips to loosen up that fucking awkward situation and save him some trouble,”My bad.”
“Do not miss again”, she warned, her odd old timey accent sounding even harder through her voice as usual as she stepped slowly closer.
“Many guardians were sacrificed”,she said, glimpsing still warningly through her mask at him,”We need to gather, replenish.”
“I really need to show y’all how to savor a victory”, Negan chuckled, another try to loosen this fuckery a little up while the glance in her eyes stayed at cold as ever.
“It is not a victory”,she retorted, her eyes nearly flattening in a glare,”I don’t have everything I want.”
With another sigh Negan slowly walked towards her, already a hollow feeling starting to spread through his stomach as he suspected what the thing was that she was searching for.
“Lydia?”, he asked as he stepped towards her, still holding onto his bat as the weirdo giant pressed himself into his field of view as he stomped with big steps towards them, immediately trying to urge him to the side as he stepped towards Alpha’s side.
“Not your concern”, he growled, staring down at him as frustrated chuckle fell from Negan’s lips, fuck, how much that asshole annoyed him.
“And you have seen her?”, Alpha asked, growing all wide eyed as she looked up at the giant while he stared down at her, the same grumpy but weirdly devoted way as always.
“She is not among the dead”,he growled while Alpha’s eyes scanned just as wide eyed as before over him as he stepped closer to her,”I will not stop until I bring her home to you.”
She nodded, almost too lightly to notice before she turned around and started to move in true walker fashion away just as Beta’s goddamn grumpy glance landed back on him, trying to stare him down. But instead, Negan stepped closer, plastering an even wider grin on his face just to piss him up as he squared his tall figure up to look right at the sullen weirdo.
“I am at your service Frowny Mctwoknives”, he chuckled, flashing him a toothy grin while Beta just glared down on him.
“Gather”, he growled, just before he started to turn his giant body around and Negan first got what that fucker wanted him to do, hell he’d never done that shit, how was he supposed to do that?
“Wait, you want me to herd walkers?”, he asked, staring irritated at Beta as he turned around, just giving him another disapproving glance that was probably a “yes” before he turned around again.
“Such a dick”, it slipped out of Negan’s lips, still loud enough for that giant fucker to hear him as he turned around and made his way down the small hill, towards the woods.
Well shit, then he was gonna get new dead fuckers if that’s what that asshole wanted, and if he was lucky, maybe that would finally take his mind off this bullshit.
The bright morning sun dazzled you as you felt a dry cough rumbling up your throat, sending another wave of discomfort through your body as you shifted carefully over the thick branches beneath you, careful not to fall.
You hadn’t found the others, not even when the sun had started to rise again and had brought some light into the woods, and just when the first beams of light had bored themselves through the crowns of the trees, the adrenaline had started to leave your body, forcing you to feel the torture you had put your body through in the last night.
You had barely been able to keep yourself on your own feet, too exhausted to keep walking and too exhausted to fight a whisperer in case you would come across one. It hadn’t made sense to push yourself further, no matter how much a part of you wanted that, you had needed to give your body a rest, even if it was just for a short while and so you’d found your way up the tree and onto the branched limbs to catch your breath.
It wasn’t a high one, its branches thankfully low and thick enough to climb up even in your weakened state without too much risk to slip or have them break beneath you and you could feel your body already starting to thank you.
You weren’t sure for how long you were sitting, half laying there, maybe an hour at best and you knew that no matter how much your body was pleading you to stay longer on there, you had to get down and start searching again if you wanted to have a chance to find the others.
It was a slim line you would be walking on, with just enough rest gained on this tree to keep going and the time window big enough for you to find the rest, but you had to take that risk, maybe even hope that they had decided to take a break as well and were somewhere close.
And so you slowly started to peel yourself from your spot on the branching, groaning and cursing to yourself, while looking at the spot you’d been laying on as if it was the most luxurious bed you had in years. Fuck, it was damn tempting to stay there for a little while longer but the rational part of your brain urged you to keep climbing down, step for step and branch for branch until your feet finally met the dusty ground again.
Yawning quietly you started to move forwards, trying to gain a little orientation back as you moved through the woods, your hand always close to the halter of your hunting knife that had honestly done a better job since Hilltop than the machete had during the whole fight.
With a small sigh you glimpsed up and glanced around, trying reorientate before the sound of fast footsteps made you freeze to the spot and pushed you to shoot your hand to the halter of your knife in the matter of a second before the footsteps stopped in the very moment you saw their source through the wide gaps between the trees.
No more than twenty meters away from you stood a tall man, a skin mask covering his face, a large grin cut into the opening for the mouth, familiar eyes staring even through the distance directly at you, the leather jacket you had searched a felt eternity for clinging to his broad shoulders, some drawstring slung around across his shoulders and his body to give some halt to some wooden weapon on his back, while a light gray shirt, some dark pants and black boots covered the rest of his figure, while your eyes kept running over him as if he was a mirage.
Were you hallucinating this?
Were you still exhausted enough for your tired and worried mind to project things you connected with Negan onto this whisperer?
Negan was with them but that couldn’t be him, he never got the jacket back, you had never found it, you had to hallucinate this, you had let the exhaustion get the best of you.
And just then, just as you felt like you were going insane you heard him say your name, cutting through your thoughts with the deep, rough bass of his familiar voice and mixing with the warmth and disbelief that filled it up.
It was him.
This was real.
“Sweetheart?”, you heard him add as your lips fell open, your eyes still staring at him as you tried to process what was happening while your body responded before your mind could catch on, shooting tears into your eyes as you couldn’t tear your glance off him.
“Negan”, you could only mumble, the lump in your throat not allowing you to say anything more as you watched him pull the mask off his head while your instincts urged you to move in the moment he started to walk towards you, watching as his footsteps grew faster with every step moment while emotions took over the disbelief that had been laying over his features as well.
And then, from one moment to another his arms wrapped around you and he pulled you against his chest, cradling your in shock trembling body against his while you melted into him. A cocktail of emotions seemed to explode in you in the moment you felt his touch, filling you up to the rim as you hugged him back and felt the few tears of relief that had pooled in your eyes falling down your cheeks while you were still trying to realize that Negan was there with you and that he was holding you right in these moments.
“You were there. Fuck. You were there”, you heard him say as he grasped you tighter, his voice thick with emotions to the point that you could tell he had a lump in his throat too, while you hugged him tighter back, as if you had to made sure that no one would rip him away from you in the very next moment, ”I’m so sorry, I’m so fucking sorry, I didn’t have another choice. I tried to stop it, I did, but I-”
He cut himself off as he backed away just enough to look at you, his eyes glistening too as you looked at him and let your eyes sway over all his features, his eyes, his messy dark hair, his beard and his dimples to convince yourself that this was actually real.
“It’s okay, It’s okay”, you quickly said, loosening your hold on him to let your hands cup his face, allow your thumbs to stroke over the salt and pepper stubble and feel his warm skin underneath your fingertips, while only those small sensations brought a whole new wave of emotions to wash over you.
Shit, this was real, this was really Negan and hell, you had missed this.
“Are you okay?”, he asked in the next moment, only allowing his arms to loosen enough for him to take a good look at your body before you quickly nodded.
“Yes, yes I’m fine. Just tired”, you said, while you were so pumped up with emotions that you barely felt the exhaustion that had pushed merciless down on you just moments ago.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you more…I-”, he quickly went on before you could ask him back, guilt mixing into his eyes as you moved to let your arms wrap back around him and hug him, shaking your head softly.
“It’s okay, I get it. I already expected something like this”,you said, just as a chuckle left your lips as you glimpsed at him, feeling how more and more warmth started to conquer your body, exactly that warmth you had missed so much,”I know you.”
“Yeah, hell yeah you do”, he mumbled back, a throaty laugh falling from his lips before the emotions conquered his face again, softening it as he leaned in to finally meet your lips with a kiss. He groaned softly against you as you melted into his touch, feeling how his lips caressed desperately and hungrily over yours, almost as if he was trying to catch up on the kisses he couldn’t have during this last time. You just melted more into him, feeling how he let go of your body to cup your jaw, and hold you closer as he deepened the kiss until you grew out of breath, though only feeling how he reluctantly let your lips part.
“Fuck”, you heard him chuckle happily, his large hands still holding your face as he moved in to press some sloppy kissed to your cheeks and the corners of your lips all excitedly before leaning in to caress his lips over yours one more time before another small laugh left his lips.
“Sorry, I probably stink to fucking high heaven”, he chuckled against you, eliciting a small laugh to fall from your lips as well as you leaned up to peck his lips once more.
“Well, we both don’t smell like flowerfields”,you said with another chuckle, just before you moved in to hold him tighter,”but I really don’t care right now. I got you back.”
A big heartfelt smile mixed with the signature grin on his lips, plastering over his whole face as he backed just enough away to get a good look at your face.
“I love you, I love you so fucking much”, he mumbled, caressing his rough thumb over your jaw before he let out a small sigh ,”I’ll end this. I’ll pass the right moment any time now and end this shit. I’ll kill her. If I get the chance, already today.”
And just then it hit you again and brought you to dive out of your little bubble his kisses had put you in, he couldn’t stay with you here, of course he couldn’t. There was a reason he was out here and he still had to wrap it up.
“I love you too”,you said, feeling how a little tension found its way back into your body as you glimpsed up at him,”Please take care. I need you back in one piece.”
“Missing that dick, huh?”, he asked with a wide grin on his face, as he rose his brows teasingly, as if he tried to get some of that new tension right back out of you.
“Oh you idiot”, you chuckled, pinching his side slightly as you let out a sigh,”Yeah, I miss your dick but I really miss all of you...shit Negan, I can’t tell you how much I miss you.”
Some desperation had slipped back into those last words, forced up by all these emotions and worries of this last while, and though you had intended everything else, Negan grew a little more serious again and glimpsed at you, gulping thickly as one of his thumbs stroke softly over your cheek.
“Sorry, just hate seeing you so worried, just wanna get that grin on your face….and I’m so fucking tense and antsy as hell, I’m just trying to cope.”
“I know”,you said, nodding as you put the smile from before happily back on your face,”Don’t be sorry, I miss exactly that goofy stuff too, I’m just a emotional right now...I didn’t expect all this, I just...I’m just happy right now.”
The smile slipped back on Negan’s lips as he leaned in to press another kiss over your lips before he let out a little groan as he looked back at you.
“I miss you too, shit, so fucking much. And I’ll take care, I promise. You know your man, I can always pull my head outta the fucking sling”, he chuckled lightly, winking at you as he moved his hands to wrap his arms back around your body and pull you closer against his chest again, his hands wandering over your side and to your back as he furrowed his brows slightly in concern.
“You’re eating enough?”
“What?”
“It just feels like you lost some weight”, he said, glancing worriedly at you as he cleared his throat,”And I know your appetite is fucking with you’re not doing well, I just-“
“I’m okay, don’t worry”, you cut him off, stopping it before he could become even more concerned. He was right though, you hadn’t eaten much during this time, the contaminated water and even more your worries about him had just killed your appetite and shrunken it, but it was gonna get better now, you knew that and it was definitely the last thing you wanted him to think about now.
”Been a lot in Alexandria lately, I’ll tell you all about it when you’re back. But I’m fine now. And I know now that you’re okay. It’s all good. I promise”, you said with a big smile, overwhelmed with a new wave of happiness each time you looked at him as you reached up and kissed him again, feeling how a smile grew back on his lips.
“Okay”, he mumbled against your skin, leaning in to press some more kisses against your lips while you carefully moved your hands to his chest, yearning to feel more of his soothing warmth and get some more of his touches before you had to let him go again.
Sighing Negan slowly let go of your lips, clearly looking as if he had to force himself to before he grasped your hands from his chest and pressed a quick kiss to the back of your hand, just before his eyes landed on the slim wedding ring on your finger.
“Can’t fucking wait to get mine back on”, he mumbled with a chuckle, as you first noticed that he’d taken his off, probably to prevent anyone from suspecting anything. And just as you wanted to reply, his mine grew darker again as he gulped thickly before he glimpsed up at you and let out a deep sigh.
”I gotta go back now if I don’t wanna blow my cover”, he mumbled as he looked heavy heartedly at you, slowly starting to let reality conquer this moment again, allowing to tension to lay over your body again while you realized that you had to let him go again, even if it was hopefully not for long.
“Take care”, you choked out, gulping thickly as you glanced from your still intertwined hands to him.
“I will”,he nodded, sighing once more as he lowered his hands slowly, yet still holding onto yours,” Stay safe, baby, okay? Just get yourself somewhere safe...I’m gonna come home soon, I promise.”
“Alright, I will”, you said, slowly feeling how he forced himself to let go of you, a shivering breath rumbling through his chest as you could tell that he was trying to find a way to say goodbye just before his eyes landed on you, some worry plastering back on his face.
“Wait, you got a knife? Anything you need?”, he asked, looking like half of him actually wanted to know how well you were armed while the other was searching for a topic to talk about so he could make himself stay with you a little longer.
“Yeah, got my knife here”, you nodded, moving your head to nod towards the hunting knife in your holster that was by far smaller than the giant one that was dangling on his belt.
He halted for a moment, glimpsing at the knife, his brows furrowing slightly before he let out a small groan as he moved to lift up the drawstring from his shoulders and reveal the weapon you had only gotten a glimpse of from afar until now.
“Just take her”, he said, nodding to the barbed wire covered bat that laid in his hands now. It wasn’t Lucille, not the real one, rather a Lucille 2.0 that was thinner than the real one, a little shorter too and with not as much barbed wire adored at its top.
“That’s something I’ll tell you all about when I’m back, one hell of a story. How I got this baby back too”, he chuckled, nodding from the bat to his leather jacket as he held Lucille 2.0 towards you, while an uneasy feeling made its way into your body. What if they would ask him where his weapon was? How was he gonna explain this without giving something away?
“Wait, no, you need that more if you wanna make sure that she gets killed”, you said, nudging the bat softly back towards him,”I did fine with my knife till now and I just need to make it back. It’s gonna be alright, take it with you. I don’t want them to suspect anything.”
You gave him another smile as he still looked unsure at you, clenching his jaw uneasily as he glimpsed from you to the bat.
“It’s okay, really.”
“Alright”, he finally said, though reluctantly as he slung the drawstring back around his shoulder before you moved closer and leaned up, pressing your lips to his again just to get some more of him before he had to leave.
You could feel a grin growing on his lips as you kissed him, feeling how he wrapped his arms back around your body and groaned in relish against your lips as he pulled you closer.
“If I stay here longer I’ll never go again”, he chuckled, though some sadness was swinging in his voice before he leaned in to peck your lips once more, “I love you.”
You mumbled it back against his lips, just before he let go of you and forced himself to lean down to the mask he must have dropped the moment he’d embraced you first.
“Fucking stinker. Feels like I’m sticking my head in some fucker’s rotting asshole every time I put it on”, he chuckled, visibly trying to deal with leaving in his own way before he gave you a smile, though he couldn’t hide his sadness completely, “Won’t be for long anymore.”
“Yeah”, you nodded, smiling back at him before he leaned in one more time, cupped your jaw with one hand and pressed another kiss to your lips.
“See ya soon”,he rasped, slowly backing away and letting his hand fall from your face as he shot you another grin,”Fucking soon, I swear on my balls.”
“Now I know you mean it”,you chuckled jokingly, giving him another grin as you reached for his hand to give it a last squeeze ,”See you soon.”
He nodded slowly, gulping thickly as he squeezed your hand gently back before he let go, already turning his body to walk away as he glimpsed a last time at you before he forced himself to turn completely away and start walking.
You watched him, gulping as you could already feel some of the bubble bursting around you, just before you suddenly heard him cursing out loudly.
“Fuck”, he said, turning suddenly around, jogging back over to you and grabbing your face before pressing his lips once more to yours.
“Now that lasted long”, you chuckled softly against his lips as he let go again, your own try to cope with the situation before you could feel him chuckling back against you,
“Needed that”, he said, pecking your lips again and part of you knew that this right now had truly been the last kiss until you would have him completely back, “Your husband’s one fucking dumbass...but now for real, fuck.”
And this time, he meant it, he visibly forced himself to let go of you, glimpsing only one last time at you before he turned around for good and started to make his way into the undergrowth.
He wouldn’t turn around anymore, you knew that, he wouldn’t because if he would it would just get harder for him than it already was. And so you watched him walking away, watched him growing more tense as he pulled the mask back over his head and moved his hand to the large knife on his belt, before he disappeared once for all in the depths of the woods, leaving you to feel like you had just woken up from one of the best dreams you’ve ever had.
Gathering walkers didn’t work for Negan, he was just shit at it, no matter what he tried. Walking beside them, circling them, attracting their attention by walking the same fucking fucked up way as them, it didn’t work but hell, that really couldn’t ruin his mood. Not that shit.
His girl was okay, she was well and fuck, he still felt as if he was riding on a fucking high. He wasn’t sure when he’d felt as relieved as now in his life, but this shit definitely made it to join the top ranks of the list. And holy hell, how much that had motivated him now to keep going, to wrap this shit up and finally get back to her, fully, and not just for a couple minutes.
He still tried to get one of those dead assholes to join him right at the moment, just to have something to show to Frowny Mctwoknives when he’d come back and piss that fucker a little more off, but that walker in front of him didn’t seem all too charmed by his tried to make it follow him.
He’d walked past it three times by now, even acted his fucking heart out by stumbling like one of those decaying fuckers but it just kept walking past him, without any signs that it would join him, so well, this one wasn’t gonna be it either.
“Screw this”, he huffed with a chuckle, weighing his bat in his hands just as his voice made the walker turn around and groan at him, stumbling faster towards him now with the damn intention to turn him into a snack, but instead, he swung Lucille 2.0 up in true baseball fashion through the air, letting it crush down on that asshole, splitting up its skull and letting its limp body crush against the ground.
Sighing, he shook the bat to get some of the blood and skin off of it, just before he glanced up and caught someone moving through the woods, fast and with a black stick in their hand, dark long hair nearly entangling in the trees branches as she rushed slightly limping through the underwood, revealing who she was with just another glimpse at her.
“Shit”, Negan grumbled to himself as he watched Lydia rushing deeper into the woods, astonishing fast for her state even though that didn’t make it easier for him, and shit, he had to get her before she ran into the arms of Alpha or Beta. He really didn’t want to imagine what they’d do to her if they’d get their hands on her and after all, if he was doing this the smart way, he could protect her and make sure her as last puzzle to his plan all at once.
Looking out for other walkers he started to move forwards, fast enough to have a chance to catch up on Lydia, slow enough to not have all of them trying to eat his ass at once as he made his way past them, putting some distance between him and the dead. Just then, just when he got to some small ruin of a house that separated them from him he started running along its walls, keeping the bat ready in case some dead asshole would pop up out of nowhere but instead, he suddenly caught something else from the corners of his eyes as he passed the house.
He stopped immediately, slowing his steps down and looking straight into Aaron’s eyes that stared with fury at him, that fucker only a couple meters away from him while he stood there in his whole whisperer outfit, and holy hell he knew what that made him look like to the guy who hated his guts even before this.
And just as he tried to make up something he could tell him to keep him from jumping at his throat, Aaron pushed the rope he’d used to pull some other Alexandrian with him on some makeshift stretcher from his shoulders and reached towards the machete on his belt.
“Alright, hold on, hold on a second”, Negan tried to soothe him, raising his hand as if that would stop the fury that was plastered all over Aaron’s face but instead it only fueled it as that asshole started to step further towards him, dragging out the machete as Negan’s voice grew louder and sterner while he raised his bat on hip level, ready to defend himself if he was forced to, “I said hold on a second! Don’t go and do something stupid”
“The only stupid thing would be not to kill you”, he panted, looking as if he was almost possessed with an obsession to get the deed done.
“No, look I can explain-”, Negan tried it the calm way again, really trying to not let this whole shit here escalate while slowly, the groans of the walkers got closer again and Aaron’s face turned blood red.
“Shut up!”
“Aaron, I am not-”
“Enough! Enough of your bullshit!”, he screamed, pushing the walkers to stumble faster out of the woods onto the small clearing by the house while Aaron’s face started to turn from red to pale as he caught what his dumb fury had caused. Negan could feel the first dead pushing past him and towards Aaron, and as much as part of him knew that it was the right thing to help his ass now, he couldn’t.
That man was so caught up in his rage that he’d try to kill him even if he’d help, during fighting the dead or even afterwards and he couldn’t have that, he had to get Lydia, he had to put the last step of his plan in motion, he couldn’t risk dying, especially not at the fucking hand of goddamn Aaron.
That fucker was gonna handle this, that fury asshole had enough adrenaline pumped in him to end those dead and he had a job to do, and so he glanced at him as he started to slay the dead, his face growing red with anger again as Negan sighed and moved backwards, before making his way back into the woods, back into the direction he’d seen Lydia run.
There was a small smile constantly plastered on your lips as you moved through the woods, exactly some of those smiles you couldn’t get off your face no matter how hard you tried. Hell, there were still worries stuck within you, about finding Daryl and the others, about what was gonna happen now that Hilltop was destroyed, about Negan and the danger he was likely putting himself right now in, but nevertheless, these few minutes with him had seemed to fill your emotional tank back up again.
You were still exhausted, fuck of course you were but a giant weight had been lifted from your shoulders that had been pressing down on you for the last while, nearly big enough to tear you up.
He wasn’t dead, he wasn’t hurt, he was okay and he was going to be okay.
He’d managed to get to their core, that ballsy fox, and he’d end this now too and get safe and sound out of it. He would make it.
You breathed deeply through as you climbed through the underwood, moving onto a small trail that seemed to be trampled down by deers and other larger wood animals while you still tried to comprehend what had happened, from the Hilltop fire to seeing Negan.
It still seemed like some surreal dream you were gonna wake up from any moment and would have to realize that hearing his voice and feeling him touch you had just been an illusion again, but you fought back against it, forcing yourself to stay as focused as your tired self could.
You had a job to do, and that job was finding some others to start assembling this puzzle of groups with them and bring some clarity into this mess and from then on, you could allow yourself to prepare for the moment Negan would come back once for all.
He’d gotten her, he’d gotten Lydia even after that whole Aaron shit. it had taken longer than he’d liked, and he’d almost been worried that it would harm his plan but in the end, he’d captured her just where he needed her.
He didn’t like how he had to do it, fuck, he really didn’t but there hadn’t been another way to ensure that she was safe and wouldn’t run through the woods and right into the arms of the people who wanted her dead. So now, he had her tied up in a cabin in the woods his saviors had used to stay in over night during longer runs outside of the Sanctuary, far enough away from the whisperer camp that she wouldn’t get there quickly even if she got herself untied, close enough for him to come back to the camp on time.
He’d used the way to make up the last step of his plan, a step he hadn’t thought would come so abruptly as it had now.
He’d known he had to do it some time today or tomorrow, but the shit thing with the whisperers and Alpha was that everything could change from one hour to another, circumstances could shift and had often killed his plans before, leaving him to realize that the final step had to be rather spontaneous than planned from the long hand and now, finally everything was falling into place.
Alpha wanted Lydia, and while he sure as shit wasn’t gonna give her that, he’d use it to lure her right to the place he wanted to have her, get her to lower her guards and then, put an end to this all.
He had to do it, and he had to do it now.
“Alpha”,he asked as he walked up to her, slowly watching as she turned around to him, looking at him with a spark of confusion before the next sentence that slipped out of his lips put a whole different look on her face from one second to the other,”The thing you’ve been looking for, I found it.”
“It is beautiful. Pure”, he heard her say as he walked beside her through the forest, in the direction of the shed he’d found during one of the nights outside and that let the awful walking with the dead pay off for once. That was where he was gonna do it, that was where he’d finish his plan.
He glanced down at the shorter woman beside him, watching as she looked at a walker on a clearing beside them as if it was some damn shiny unicorn.
“Ugh, all i see is some bag of bones with some gnarly ass teeth”, he chuckled, looking at the walker that was stumbling disoriented around, groaning to himself and part of him just waited for the moment it would trip over one of the thick tree roots and knock itself on its ass.
“You will see. Maybe soon. And I will meet you here”, he heard Alpha say, putting a whole lot of confusion at once into him, unsure what exactly she wanted to tell him with this.
“Well, i’m not really ready to meet my maker if that’s what you’re saying”, he chuckled a little nervously, just before he could feel her grabbing his arm to make him stop walking.
“You proved yourself again by finding her”,she said, the eerie smile slipping back on her lips as she inched closer ,”Like the young lion cub who must leave his pride it is time to roam the earth to build a new pride.”
“You want me up there preaching your gospel?”, he asked, furrowing his brows slightly as his eyes slipped to the knife in her holster for a moment, only soothing his mind that he wouldn’t have its blade rimmed into his stomach by the fact that she still needed him to take her to the shed.
“I want you to become a lion”, she said instead, rushing a wave of confusion over him as he stared at her for a moment, she wanted someone else to become the Alpha, was that it? Him or Frowny Mctwoknives or some other fucker? What was going on now? Did she plan this to be some murder-suicide involving her and her daughter? And just as he tried to make something else up to respond, she let go of him again and nodded to move forwards.
He did, walking back beside her as he cleared his throat and let out a small sigh.
“Y’know I may not be hip on the whole greek alphabet but Beta is no Alpha”, he said, watching her closely before something pushed him to make another comment, about something he just couldn’t wrap his mind around,”And if we’re gonna stick with the whole lion thing, then isn’t it the young lion who takes her mother’s place?”
“Walk”, she insisted instead, a cool tone suddenly sounding through his voice as he sighed slightly but kept walking, knowing too well that he had to work some more until he would get to the shed.
He needed her to lower her guards more, he needed her to be comfortable enough to walk in front of him instead of behind him or beside him like, he needed her to open the shed herself instead of making him do it, so he would have an advantage.
He needed her to lower those guards more and no matter how uncomfortable only the thought of it made him, he had to make his own sacrifice to get her to that point.
“A long time ago, before meat lover like him started showing up, I lost somebody close to me”, he started, feeling his throat already starting to tighten as he slowly stopped walking and leaned his back against a tree, catching her attention,”Pancreatic cancer.”
He sighed, feeling how tension and uncomfortableness was clawing at him as he pushed himself to keep going.
“if the disease wasn’t eating her up from the inside then the chemo was kicking the ever-loving shit out of her”,he said, gulping thickly as he watched the woman in front of him shifting from foot to foot as she started to listen wide eyed to him,”And yet, i don’t know...maybe the cancer just put things into perspective.”
He stopped for a moment, trying to keep himself collected, he hadn’t talked to someone about it in this much detail yet except for (Y/N), she was the only person who knew everything about this chapter of his life, every detail and he felt uncomfortable knowing that he had to open up more to someone else than her but still, he kept himself pushing, trying to think of where this would get him in the end.
“She was uh...she was never more beautiful”,he said, fumbling on his hands as he could feel the lump starting to grow in his throat and could feel some first tears trying to force themselves into his eyes ,”Didn’t matter how frail she got, even when she lost her hair.”
It was the very only thing that sometimes caught Negan off guard about Alpha when he saw her from behind, the bald head that he hadn’t seen on a woman other than Lucille in all those years. She didn’t remind her of him, fuck no, those women couldn’t be more different, they were polar opposites, on their in and outside, but just the glimpse of the bald head from behind was sometimes something that forced him to think back and it got him uncomfortable.
But still, it was then when Negan caught the tears that had started to glisten in Alpha’s eyes as well, her face twitching slightly while it was odd to see her just like that, but that was what he needed to see to know that she was growing comfortable around him.
“Be grateful”,she breathed, stepping closer to him while a smile grew on her face,”Death, it set her free.”
A shudder ran down Negan’s back as he heard those words, feeling himself tightening up as he gulped thickly and cleared his throat, trying to keep himself going.
“The thing is, when she was gone. I just didn’t feel much...anything”, he said, sighing lightly as he glanced at her,”I didn’t feel scared, I didn’t feel happy, I didn’t feel anything...I was just here.”
“And that, was my strength”, he mumbled honestly before a small smile started to press in on his lips, involuntary but it made its way through the sadness that had whirled through his body,”But there was something that...there was something that changed that.”
Someone, it had been someone, but he couldn’t say that. This was all he would give away, all he could give away to not let her suspect that there was still someone in his life that he loved.
”Made me feel again, the whole goddamn gamut”,he said, feeling how a small chuckle forced itself to fall from his lis as he gulped thickly,”And I...made me realize that this kinda stuff gives you a whole other-...shit...I think a much stronger strength.”
His voice hushed before he looked at her, watching the tears that were still glistened in her eyes and the saddened expression that was still sticking onto her features while he could feel some more discomfort starting to wash back up in him as Lydia slipped back into his mind.
“Now me, I realized that, but you, see you are pretending. You think that it makes you strong to say that emotions aren’t real...that we are animals, that is bullshit, and you know it”, he said, his voice trembling as emotions started to fill it up, fueling the lump in his throat while the image that was growing in his head was starting to torture him. How could someone want their own child dead? How could someone want to kill their own child? How could someone turn into the murderer of their kid when all they were meant to do was being their protector?
“And now you claim that you have to kill your own daughter, your own flesh and blood”, he choked up, feeling how the bare thought of it pushed more tears into his eyes as he stared down at her, watching as she inched closer.
“It is her destiny”, she breathed, tears still glistening in her eyes but she meant it, she meant it all.
And just then, she wasn’t half as scary as she pretended to be, she wasn’t as strong as she pretended to be. All the killing, all the cruelty, all the ruthlessness, she meant it all and still did nothing of this seem authentic, nor the actions of a strong leader. She was weak, so fucking weak, if you looked close and behind that mask, she wasn’t only weak but also completely and utterly out of her mind for believing in this insanity and there was a part of him that started to pity her for having come this far.
“That disease, took your wife because that is what made her intended”, she started to whisper as she got closer, weighing her head a little from side to side as he stared through the tears that were still bedewing his eyes at her ,”She could not take you with her, but you live everyday wishing she could.”
“No, no, not anymore”,he shook his head, the words almost slipping on their own out of his lips as he gulped thickly. He didn’t wish that, not since had met (Y/N), not since then.
“Maybe”, she said, still looking wide eyed at him before the eerie smile creeped back on her lips,“But Lydia, was made for this, to be free, with me.”
When he reached the clearing on which the shed stood minutes later, he still felt shaken and deeply uncomfortable, still unable to wrap his head around what was motivating her to do such monstrosity while the good thing that had come out of this was the feeling that she was lowering her walls.
She slowly walked with him onto the clearing, stopping suddenly in its middle as she caught another walker stumbling along its side, its long dark hair nearly making it look like Lydia from afar. She stared at it, visibly caught up by it for a moment as he gulped thickly as he moved in next to her.
“You still love her”, he said, gulping thickly as he stared down at her, trying to grasp why this was keeping him so rattled even though he knew that Lydia wasn’t even in that shed. But maybe, maybe there was a part of him that just didn’t want to believe that a parent could want to do that to their child, no matter who they were or what they had done, maybe he just didn’t want something like that to be real.
“I have to do this because I love her”, she said, washing another chilling shudder down his spine as she twitched her head and glimpsed at him as he purred nearly breathed the next sentence out,”She will always be my baby.”
Slowly, she moved closer to him, the look on her face vulnerable as she started to lean up and as much as he had wanted to prevent and avoid a situation like this again, he knew that he couldn’t reject her now.
He almost had her where he wanted to have her, he had to take that last step to make sure that her guards were fully down and she would step into the trap, if he would move away now, he would ruin everything, he wouldn’t only ruin his plan, he would ruin coming back to his wife, he’d ruin everything.
And so he leaned in, trying to just think of something else as she kissed him, trying to think of finally coming home, trying to think of that this all would be over in just a few more moments.
And then finally she let go and started to walk towards the shed, as he followed her closely and watched her stopping right in front of the door.
Tension started to grow all over him, pressing in on him as he watched her reaching towards the handle and starting to pull the door open while his hand moved carefully to grasp the handle of his hunting knife, pulling it out in the moment the door creaked and a surprised sound was leaving her lips.
It almost felt like a human countdown, first the surprised sound, then the closer look into the empty shed before her body tensed up, just before she finally turned around and looked at him all shocked, the betrayal nearly written onto her face just before the moment he rushed his knife up and slit the blade along her throat, cutting it open with one swift and fast move.
Thick, dark blood started to flow down her wound immediately as she choked on it, ripping her eyes wider open as it started to flow out of her lips and the shock was still plastered all over her face even though life started to flow out of it.
She stumbled, grasping onto his arms as if she tried to keep herself upright and the bit of pity he had started to feel for her let him grasp her back as she started to sink to the ground, her eyes starting to stare into emptiness as her back met the ground and the dark red blood pooled around her body, leaving her even paler than before as then, from one moment to another all life had completely vanished out of her face.
It was done.
It was done.
And now, all he had to do to finish this was get her to the very person who had let him out of his cell to begin with.
An old potato sack hung over his shoulders, its bottom soaked up in dark red blood, as he stared at the gray haired woman in front of him who watched him warily in the faint sunlight that got through the crowns of the trees into the woods.
Slowly, he let the sack down his shoulder, moving it forward to grasp its bottom, careful not to grab the wrong spot, already feeling how the blood was daubing his fingers and his wedding ring before he opened it just enough to toss its inside onto the ground, watch as Alpha’s reanimated head rolled over the dusty forest ground and landed in front of Carol’s feet.
She glanced down at it, looking at her mouth that snapped into the emptiness before a small, nearly unrecognizable smile formed on her lips as she glimpsed back up at him and rose her voice.
“Took you long enough.”
Yeah, fuck yeah it, had but hell, he didn’t care, he had done it, he had fulfilled their plan and now it was time for him to come home.
Now it was finally time for him to come back to his wife.
(If you would like to be tagged, just let me know! The gif isn’t mine/ it was originally posted by dancing-at-the-funeralparty)
Yeah.....still not over Carol endangering the lives of our people just so she could take down Alpha......all while knowing Negan was already going to take down Alpha
"Took you long enough" ....See this scene right here would've made me so much more excited if I wasn't annoyed and frustrated with Carol
So you mean to tell me Carol released Negan and knew all along he was joining the whisperers to kill Alpha (her confident look at the end says as much) ......and yet ever since Negan got out, she still recklessly put the group in danger and got them all trapped in the cave FOR NO GOOD FUCKIN REASON?!!
Carol used to be one of my faves but I'm so done with her right now. Yumiko should've punched her harder
