HEAR ME OUT. Sebek/Malleus/Silver bring the girl home/dormitory. Lilia: *draws out a huge photo album with the most embarrassing pictures* so when he was 3 he accidentally knocked over his potty.... *long paternal recounting of the boy's childhood*.
DIASOMNIA X READER
Where Lilia shows you embarrasing photos of the boys as children
Where Silver, Malleus and Sebek invite you to Lilia's house to formally introduce you as his partner… but Lilia is faster at taking out the photo album
You’re honored (and slightly terrified) to be invited to Malleus’s castle. It’s all cal until a familiar giggle echoes down the corridor.
“Oh~ what’s this? Malleus brought someone special~?”
Malleus doesn’t even flinch. He smiles, polite as ever. “Yes. I hoped you would meet her, Lilia.”
“Excellent!” Lilia spins into the lounge, dragging a wheeled cart stacked with five albums. “Let me share the legend of Briar Valley's Heir: Baby Dragon Malleus.”
Malleus sighs softly. “Do we need to—”
“Oh hush. This is important heritage. Now, look here, lady—this was Malleus when he got curious about human inventions. He once tried to sit in a refrigerator because he thought it was a portal to a cold realm. He was twenty. Just a toddler in fae's age. And his little horns were growing and he was getting stuck in a lot of places, so…”
You stare at the photo. Malleus is curled up inside a fridge like an overgrown cat, the door unable to shut.
“I was… investigating dimensional storage,” he explains calmly.
"He once asked some frogs if they would crown him. Some frogs! He told me "If I am the future king of these lands, all the animals will be under my rule." SOME FROGS!! In the end, we gave him a coronation with toy frogs. He got so angry that the real frogs were struck by lightning-"
You cover your mouth, snorting.
Malleus looks at you, utterly unbothered. “I have always embraced whimsy.”
Lilia beams. “Best boy.”
You barely make it through the front door before you hear it.
“Oh~ Sebek, my boy! You brought someone home~?”
Sebek instantly stiffens beside you. “Master Lilia!”
Lilia floats into view with the speed of someone who’s been waiting for this moment since forever. He claps gleefully, disappearing into a side room and returning with a massive album covered in glittery frog stickers.
“Oh, you’re gonna love this,” he says sweetly, flipping it open.
“This one’s Sebek when he was five. He was trying to prove how brave he was—stood on the edge of the pond in the backyard and shouted, ‘I fear NOTHING!’ and then fell straight in. Cried for twenty minutes because his favorite boots got soggy.”
Sebek looks like he’s going to combust. “L-lilia, PLEASE!”
“Oh, and here’s one where he’s yelling at a squirrel for ‘mocking the young heir Lord Malleus’!”
You try not to laugh, really, you do.
But Sebek’s bright red face and Lilia’s absolute joy at recounting every high-volume disaster of his childhood?
Impossible.
“I think it’s sweet,” you say, smiling at Sebek.
Sebek hides behind his hands. “Please… don’t listen to any more of his lies…”
Lilia smirked searching for another photo “I never lie. I only... embellish lovingly.”
Silver brings you with that serene air of a man who thinks everything will go peacefully.
He is wrong.
The moment the door opens, Lilia peeks around the corner, eyes gleaming.
“Oh my~ you brought a guest, Silver~?”
Silver nods. “I wanted you to meet her.”
“WONDERFUL!” Lilia yells. “SIT DOWN. I HAVE STORIES.”
Silver gives you a look that says, you can still run.
But you sit.
He sighs and accepts his fate.
Lilia slams a pink binder onto the table.
“This boy—this sweet baby—once slept through his own birthday party. We made a lovely picnic in the woods. He woke up the next morning and asked why there were balloons.”
Silver groans quietly. “You said you wouldn’t tell people that…”
“And here’s a photo of him as a toddler hugging a tree because he thought it was a ‘very patient person’.”
You gasp. “That’s… kind of adorable.”
Silver: 🧍🏻♂️“…”
“And this one—he was ten, and he fell asleep mid-sentence. He said, ‘Father, I wish to go out and explore the wooorrr—’” Lilia pantomimes a faceplant. “Straight into the soup bowl.”
You’re cackling by this point, while Silver tries not to die of secondhand embarrassment.
“He still does that sometimes,” Lilia says fondly.
Silver mumbles, “I can hear you.”
