My medication came as injections
Today I took my first of what will be an unending (hopefully) number of estradiol shots, and it led me down a path that lead me to reflection
There was a time when I was young, where I was terrified of shots, of needles, of the idea of a small foreign object like that in me was terrifying to me.
But then I was diagnosed with a heart condition, one that required me to be poked an proded with needles fairly regularly. Getting blood drawn, IVs, all sorts of needles that I was forced to be faced with. There are a few memories I have of nearly having to reschedule the appointment, or be held down, because of how much I was panicking. The idea was terrible and sickening to me.
I of course had to learn to well, stop, doing that. I learned techniques to keep myself calm, music to play in my head, things to think about, ways to breathe. It became something manageable, something I could handle.
But today, as I found myself sitting there, preparing and then, well, taking, my medicine, I found myself excited, happy even. I realized how, in spite of the percievable horror of it, the discomfort, the instinctual hate of the idea, I knew how good it was for me, how much of a prospect this gave me.
And, to get to my point here, this made me realize how similar of a journey I've taken as a system. Because I was similarly terrified of my existence as one, between exes and a general discomfort and fear with the idea that people were in my head, it was something that was not a fun topic.
But overtime I've come to love it, to recognize how without my headspace and the little freaks within, I'd be in so much more of a worse space. If I hadn't faced them, hadn't learned to live with them, I'd probably be in a much worse position.
I cannot stress how important that is, to face it, to learn to love them as part of a whole you, to find peace there.
Sorry for the long ass ramble I just thought I'd share the thought, take care of yourself and have some more nice forest pictures I've taken this week <33
