!Things are gonna be changing around here.
I have fallen out of love with film. It has cause me nothing but stress and heartache, and for what? When I went to California I got a taste of what my contemporaries are like, and how the business operates, and I HATED it. Movies don’t get made unless there is a star in it. Plain and simple. We’ve been spinning our wheels for so long and I’m just done. I didn’t come into this industry to make shitty documentaries, or make promotional videos for companies. All I want to do is tell stories, and I can do that without the aid of a camera and some actors. Al I want to do is tell stories and NOT have to employ so many people, promising them we’ll find success, when nothing is set in stone. I have fallen out of love with film and I think it happened a long... long... time ago. All of the movie ideas I have... ALL of them... can be written down as a book. The only person I have to worry about while writing a book is myself. I’m a talented enough writer, and have enough ideas to catch the eye of an agent or a publisher. So why don’t I just do that? Why don’t I just do what I originally planned and just write Figments already??? That’s what I was going to do, but then Paul talked me into quitting my job and reeled me back into that world. I was at a moment of weakness. I had just hurt the one person I have ever truly loved and it was because of that stupid party store. I didn’t give up everything for her... I gave it all up for film. And I can’t fucking stand film anymore. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all bad. I love writing scripts and I love holding a camera on set, and I love editing (when there is an actual narrative to follow [that’s why I fucking HATE documentaries!!! I want to tell STORIESSSSSS]), but there’s so much surrounding it that I just can’t deal with anymore. I can’t do it. I just can’t. And who knows? Maybe I can transition my books into movies or TV shows! Like look at Perks of Being a Wallflower! The author became the director! And then there’s Game of Thrones and the new Mortal Instruments TV series... It’s so fucking possible. Film eats up your entire life. I want to be able to do so much more! And I can’t do that with film. Not where I am right now. I’m 23 years old! I want to travel the world! I want to get out of this country for the first time in my life! (Well actually my parents went to Jamaica when my mom was pregnant with me, but that doesn’t count) I want to see the mountains of New Zealand, I want to see the ancient ruins of Rome and Greece and the Mayans and the Egyptians! I want to see urban metropoli like Chicago (haven’t been since I was 7) or New York (haven’t been since I was 17) or London or Amsterdam or Tokyo! I have so much more I want out of my life! And all film has done is take and take and take and take. And well... I just don’t have any more to give. That’s why film... I’m breaking up with you. Maybe in another life...