#tyler joseph x reader angst

[ohprettyweeper-moved]

Happier

Summary: Going on tour with Tyler is a true test of your relationship.  Pairing: Tyler x Reader Word Count:  Warnings: Angst.  Song Inspo: Happier -- Marshmello ft Bastille

It started in London. For the first time ever, Y/N had decided to stay in their hotel room instead of going to the show. When Tyler asked her what was wrong, she promised him that everything was fine. 

“I just need a night off, you know?”

He took her hand. “But I need you.”

Withdrawing her hand, Y/N let out a deep breath. “You don’t need me, Tyler. You say that, but then you get on that stage, and the fans are enough. They’re more than enough.”

“What do you think it is that gets me on that stage?” he countered. 

“You were getting on stages long before I came around.” She dropped onto the bed, picking up the remote to turn on the television and find something to watch. Tears were brimming in her eyes, but she wouldn’t look at him. 

Tyler left then, to meet up with Josh and head to the venue. He pondered Y/N’s behavior the whole time, trying to figure out where all of this was coming from. Her attitude had changed so suddenly, it seemed, and he didn’t know how to handle it. 

“Maybe you need to just ride with it. She’s probably homesick or something,” Josh suggested. 

That was something Tyler could understand. Playing shows worldwide was an amazing experience, but being back in Columbus — that was where he was safe. Where he was grounded. 

After the show was over and he could go back to the hotel room, he quietly entered, afraid to wake Y/N if she had been sleeping. As it was, she was still awake, curled around a pillow, watching TV. A room service tray was set on his side of the bed. Tyler moved it to the small table in the room, and sat beside her on the bed. He brushed her hair back with his fingers and sighed. 

“I’m sorry that I put that burden on you.”

Y/N swallowed hard and sat up. “You’re not a burden, Ty. I love you, with my whole heart. I’m in a funk, I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

“Are you homesick?” Maybe Josh was right. 

“Maybe,” she sighed, falling back against the pillows. 

Tyler nodded and made a hard decision. “Okay. Then let me send you home. I’ll see you there in a couple weeks, and we can be home together again before the South American leg starts.”

Y/N blinked, pushing tears down her cheeks. “Like you think we need a break?”

“No, not at all, I swear,” Tyler promised. “But maybe you need a break from the tour. Not from me, and I don’t need one from you. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“I know.” He kissed her sweetly, then reached up to wipe her tears away. “This is the first time you’ve been on tour with me, and I know it’s overwhelming. It’s okay to need a break.”

Y/N sniffled and wiped her tears. “Okay. If you promise you and me are okay, then I’ll take the break and go home.”

“Okay,” Tyler agreed, giving her a small smile. “For now, how about I take a shower, then you’ve got my attention for the rest of the night?”

She sniffled again and nodded. “Do you want me to order you some room service? I didn’t mean to eat without you …”

“Food would be good, and don’t worry about it. Maybe you can get a snack.”

Y/N was already on the phone with room service by the time Tyler turned on the shower. As he stripped down and stepped into the hot water, he found himself already feeling better about their interaction earlier that evening. 

Saying goodbye to her at the Brussels airport was difficult; more difficult than Tyler had expected. Not even a week would pass before they would see each other again, and they both had agreed it wasn’t a break from each other. Still, Tyler feared what would be waiting for him when he returned home after the next few shows. 

“You’ll call everyday? And text me in between?” Y/N made him promise. 

Tyler hooked his pinky with hers. “I promise. Even with the time change. And if you don’t answer, it’s okay.”

“I’ll answer,” she promised before she kissed him. 

“You have everything? Ticket, passport, phone?”

She triple-checked. “I’ve got everything. I’ll call you when I land back in Columbus.”

Tyler kissed her again, harder this time. “I love you, so much.”

“I love you more,” she said, hugging him tight. “See you at home.”

“See you at home,” he returned. 

The next time Tyler talked to her, her voice was noticeably lighter. The tinge of sadness wasn’t there anymore, and she laughed at a joke he made. 

She laughed. 

Tyler hadn’t realized it until then, but months had passed since he had last heard her truly laugh. A chuckle here and there, maybe a small laugh as a courtesy, but not that genuine, from-the-heart laugh that he so loved hearing. And when was the last time she had smiled? The real kind of smile, the kind where her dimples showed. There had been smirks, polite smiles, even smiles that showed her teeth, but didn’t reach her eyes. 

These thoughts plagued Tyler over the next few days. Maybe the problem had been only the tour, but Y/N was so much happier away from the tour. He didn’t take it personally, but he knew exactly what he needed to do. 

When she came to pick him up at the airport, Tyler hugged her tight. He breathed in her smell, kissed her, and fell in love all over again. For just a moment, he considered changing his mind. He considered toughing it out, figuring a way to make tour life easier for her. 

But only for a moment. 

He asked her to stop at the park near his parents’ house after they left the airport. It was a nice day out, though a little chilly, so Y/N didn’t seem to think much of his request. She pulled into a spot and went round to the front of the car, holding her hand out to him, waiting anxiously for him to lace his fingers through hers. 

“I missed you,” she told him, leaning against his shoulder when they found a bench near the playground. “How were the last few shows?”

“They were good. I missed you.” He looked down at her; even her skin seemed brighter. Her hair seemed shinier, more full. “How was it being home?”

Y/N filled her lungs, and a smile tugged at her mouth. “It was great. Just the break I needed. I think South America is going to be easier, you know? I don’t know why, but I think I’m ready for it.”

Tyler sighed and nudged her a little with his elbow so that she would sit up and he could look her in the eye. “I don’t know, Y/N. Think about how miserable you were before you came home. And it wasn’t just that night, was it? That was only things coming to a head. Everything you love is here. You’ve got strong roots in your home.”

“So do you,” she frowned, already suspicious of what he was saying. “And I love you. I want to be where you are.”

“I know that you love me. That’s probably one of the few things I’ve never doubted in my life. But I’m not sure you’re ready for a life with me, Y/N. Touring, traveling — that’s my life. It’s not going to change, not for a long time. We’re either looking at you being miserable for a year or more every few years, or spending a year apart every few years. Either way, I don’t think you would be happy. And I want you to be happy, Y/N. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, where you’re concerned.”

Her chin quivered and her eyes glazed over. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that I think we both know, and have known for a while, that we love each other and we’re happy when we’re together, but if we stay together, one or both of us isn’t going to be happy.” Tyler swallowed down the lump in his own throat. “I’m saying that I think, in order for you to be happy, I need to walk away from this.”

Some strange sound between a squeak and a sob escaped her throat, and she leaned into him. She didn’t protest, which told Tyler he had made the right choice. He let some tears fall, too, while he held her there on that park bench. 

“Did you ask me to come here so you could be close to your parents’ and walk home after?” she asked once the crying was under control, for the time being. 

Tyler shrugged. “I didn’t want to ask you to take me home, but I didn’t want the bad memory for either of us at our place. I want you to just have happy memories there. I’ll crash with my parents or Josh till I can find a place.”

Y/N nodded and stood. “Okay. Will you — I don’t want to be selfish, but will you let me leave first? I’m not saying you’re wrong, and maybe we’ll figure this out at another time. But I don’t think I can watch you leave me.”

“Fair enough,” Tyler whispered, stealing one more chaste kiss before following her to the car to get his bags. He shut the trunk and turned to her. “I really do love you, Y/N.”

“I know,” she said, starting to cry again. “Me too. I love you, too.”

Tyler held out his arm to her, and she fell against his chest for the last time. He hugged her tight, kissed her forehead, then stood out of the way so she could back out of the parking stall and head towards home. 

[bimbandboozled]

The Forest Fic

Tyler: [surrounded by fire] I THOUGHT YOU WERE NEVER EVER EVER COMING HOME EVER. SO I PANICKED.

Josh: [internally screaming]

[ohprettyweeper-moved]

After You’re Gone

Summary: Moving on is never as easy as they say it is.  Pairing: Tyler x Reader Word Count: 1240 Warnings: Angst. The sad kind. I’ll put other ones in the tags because I don’t wanna spoil the fic.  Song Inspo: You Were Meant for Me - Jewel; I was singing this song in the shower and boom fic idea. Doesn’t go exactly with the song -- anyway. Enjoy the sadness. 

At six o’ clock on the dot, your alarm buzzed on the nightstand. You slapped it off, but didn’t bother with the snooze button. You had been awake off and on for the last few hours trying to get comfortable anyway, and the doctor had recommended a regular routine to get you out of the depths to which you had sunk over the last few months. That meant getting up at the same time, having the same thing for breakfast, taking the same route to and from work — all of it. Your routine would change soon enough, but while you had control over your agenda, you would manage as best you could. 

The dishes from your usual pancakes and eggs rinsed off easily enough. From there it was on to brushing your teeth, wiping down the mirror and the sink, then making the short walk to work. The weather was dreary but warm, so you didn’t mind. With your keys safely in your purse and the door to your new place locked behind you, you took the steps one at a time and took a left on the sidewalk. 

“Hey, Y/N. How’s it today?” your mother asked when you called her. 

“Same as every day since Tyler’s been gone,” you replied flatly, nodding a thank-you to the lady at the coffee cart. “You sound out of breath, what are you doing?”

“Taking a walk. Figure I should get out more. You should too, you know. I know you went out with your brother the other day. It’s not the end, sweetheart. It’s an ending, and a new beginning.”

You licked your lips; she was going to go on one of her positive lifestyle rants soon and you weren’t in the mood. “Hey, work’s calling on the other line. I’ll check in with you tonight.”

She didn’t like it, you could tell her tone when she said goodbye. You shook your head and stuffed your phone in your bag. It had been three months, and that wasn’t really that long. Not after something like you and Tyler had came to an end the way it did. 

A few blocks from the office, rain started to pour from the cloudy sky. 

“Perfect,” you muttered out loud. With a groan of frustration, you pulled your hood up over your head and dropped the coffee into the nearest bin. You shouldn’t be drinking it anyway, and it would only spill during your jog to work. 

“You’re soaking!” Ashley exclaimed as soon as you arrived at your cubicle. She helped you out of your jacket, though you assured her you were fine. “You should have hailed a cab.”

“It was a few blocks. What’s the point?” you shrugged. “Is the new issue out?”

Ashley nodded. “They’re already loving your article, Y/N.”

You swallowed hard. “Good. That’s good. It’s good for the magazine.”

“Editor picked some great photos from the ones you picked out. You should check it out, when you get home.”

The newest issue of Rolling Stone slapped onto your desk. You quickly shoved it into your bag; you didn’t want to see it. Didn’t want to see his picture and read the words you had written about him and Josh and being part of their lives. That wasn’t reality anymore. 

“Are you getting out at all?” Ashley asked quietly. 

“Saw a movie the other night, with my brother. It was a comedy, but it just wasn’t — nothing’s funny right now. I’m sure it will be at some point but right now, it’s just not. I’m too sad. Almost made me miss him more. We laughed together all the time.” A smile snuck to your lips as you thought back to all the jokes and pranks and laughs for stupid reasons you had shared with Tyler. As stealthy as the memories were, the smile wasn’t strong enough to exercise facial muscles you had only forced your body to use since he had been gone. 

Ashley went back to her work then, for which you were honestly grateful. Nothing anyone could say was enough or helpful anymore. You just had to work through this on your own. 

You stayed through the whole work day, forcing those fake smiles and making small talk with co-workers who didn’t know you as well as Ashley and would still try to give you small tidbits of quasi-wisdom. It all sounded like bullshit that should be embroidered on a pillow or printed on t-shirts; you hated every bit of it. It wasn’t in you, however, to be rude, so you simply thanked them for their kindness and moved on. 

After a light supper, you decided you would just spend the rest of the evening in bed. You brushed your teeth, put the toothpaste and toothbrush away, then decided to leave the bathroom light on, cracking the door slightly so that light still illuminated the bedroom. That with the television on in the background should help you sleep. 

Since getting through the day took most of your energy and you needed a good release anyway, you pulled the new Rolling Stone issue from your bag. You settled under the comforter and against the pillows, pulling an extra one behind your back for more support. 

Inside: Y/N Joseph Pays Tribute to Twenty One Pilots

You already knew the page number, so you flipped there quickly. There it was, your article recounting how you had met Tyler and Josh at a party for the magazine, quickly connected with Tyler and been married just under two years later, all the while forming a friendship with Josh that was just as strong as the one he had with Tyler. Just ahead of your article, in italics, was a foreword from the magazine. As if anyone needed a reminder or explanation for the event that had prompted your article. 

In January of 2019, Tyler Joseph and Josh Dun were returning from the European leg of their tour when the plane carrying the two-man band and crew crashed in the mid-Atlantic. There were no survivors. 

Instead of wiping your tears — because what was the point — you let them fall freely as you read over the final version of your article. In the interest of your own mental health and progress through the first stages of the grieving process, you had allowed your editor and Ashley to handle the final layout. They only needed a few pictures, but you couldn’t narrow it down, so they did — and they had chosen perfectly. 

After you finished reading the article, you dropped the magazine on what should have been Tyler’s side of the bed. You let your head fall back so that you were staring at the ceiling, and rubbed your belly. In a couple more months, the bittersweet arrival of your first and only child with Tyler would no doubt bring you equal amounts of happiness and sadness, experiencing it all without him. Remembering that you would always have this child to remind you of the love you and Tyler had shared in those few, short years, was the one thing that kept you going anymore. 

With that thought in mind, you closed your eyes and silently thanked your husband for leaving you with a small piece of him to get you through the darkest days on you would spend alone, then closed your eyes and attempted a much needed sleep. 

[ohprettyweeper-moved]

The Only Way Left

Summary: You and Tyler have had a whirlwind romance, until it crashed down one rainy day.  Pairing: Tyler x Reader Word Count: 650 Recommended Listening: Speakers - Days Difference

Another gif courtesy of Google Image Search. 

I think I need some space. Some distance. From you. 

In a dramatic and ironic moment, the second the words left Tyler’s mouth, the raging storm shut down the electricity in the house. You stood, rooted to the spot, trying to process what he meant by that. Sure, things had happened quickly between the two of you — you had met, started dating, and gotten engaged in the last six months — but you thought you were lucky enough to find the whirlwind, fairytale romance so many people dreamed of having. The thought had never occurred to you that Tyler might feel stifled and suffocated at all. 

“I’ll get some candles,” he said, using the flashlight on his phone to find his way around. “We’ll talk more in a minute.”

“Don’t bother,” you snapped, slamming out of the house and walking out into the rain. 

Tyler let out a deep sigh and ran his hand over his face. That was not how that was supposed to go. Everything had been happening so fast, and it wasn’t that he was getting cold feet or wasn’t sure about marrying you, but he was getting overwhelmed. Recent rumors of both his infidelity and yours — neither of which were true — only put more pressure on the two of you, and strained your relationship. He needed a slowdown for a couple of days. He realized now that his anxiety over the whole situation had gotten the best of him, and everything had come out completely wrong. Though he had intended to be honest, he may have lost you in the process. 

An angry grunt emerged from his chest as he chucked his phone at the wall. Anxiety gave way to anger and frustration. Shaking his head, Tyler felt his way in the dark for the candles, lit one so that he could see where he was going, then carefully navigated the steps down to his basement studio. 

He lit the rest of the candles and sat at his piano. None of his thoughts were making sense right now, but perhaps he could muddle through them if he could turn them into a song. 

Tyler played for an hour. Not every song came to him this quickly, but even stumbling through his emotions and words that wouldn’t come out right, this one was done. With it all written down, he leaned back in his chair, staring at the ceiling as the circles from the candlelight danced across the tiles. While he was staring, the power came back on. 

“Guess I’ll lay down this track,” he sighed to himself, turning everything on. He hummed the song to himself while he waited for the equipment to power up. 

And the words comin’ outta the speakers, are the only way I’ve got left to reach ya. 

How was he going to reach Y/N? He had said some pretty hurtful things, things that hadn’t at all been what he intended to say. He didn’t want to be apart from her, he only wanted them to take a moment to breathe. To enjoy being together. 

When she didn’t answer her phone, Tyler used the Find Friends app to see where her phone was at. They had traded locations at the beginning of their relationship, so that she could keep up with him while he was touring, and it could feel more like they were together. This was the first time, though, he had used it to try and find her. 

The little blue dot blinked on the screen, indicating she was just down the road from his house. Tyler’s brow knitted into a frown as he ran up the stairs. Her car was still in the driveway — surely she hadn’t been out walking in the rain all this time? 

Tyler reached for his favorite zip up hoodie, put an extra hoodie on over it, then rushed out of the house after her. 

[ohprettyweeper-moved]

Don’t Think You See

Sequel to The Only Way Left

Summary: After you storm out of Tyler’s house, things just keep going wrong.  Pairing: Tyler x Reader Word Count: 645 Recommended Listening: Roadside - Rise Against

You had realized too late that your keys were still in Tyler’s house after you stormed out, and you were too embarrassed to go back and search for them in the dark. You were hurt and heartbroken at his words; at a time when the two of you should have needed each other the most, Tyler wanted to push you away. You felt as though he was giving in to the rumors that you had cheated, even though nothing even resembling proof existed. 

You were halfway home when you realized that your house key was on the same ring with your car keys, and you had given him your spare key after the two of you were engaged. Crying harder now, you trudged back towards his house in the rain. You were confused, sad, frustrated, and now irritated was thrown into the mix. 

Though it seemed like you would never make it back, Tyler’s house finally came into view. You were soaked from head to toe, hugging your arms over your chest in an effort to warm yourself up against the spring rain. 

“Y/N! Y/N!” 

You looked up at the yelling of your name to see Tyler running your direction. He was soaked, too, but he took off his hoodie, revealing another jacket underneath. That one was mostly just damp, so he wrapped it around your shoulders and zipped it up once you had pushed your arms through. 

“What are you doing out here?” Tyler asked. 

You sniffled. “I was walking home because I left my keys in the house and didn’t want to go back for them, but then I realized my house key is on that ring, so I was going back for them. How’d you know where I was?” 

“Find Friends,” he replied, sheepishly. “Y/N, I didn’t say any of that right.”

You shook your head. “It’s okay, Tyler. Really. All of this happened so fast, and we just assumed that we knew so early on how this relationship was supposed to go. How could we know that soon? I’ve had some time to think while I’ve been walking, and maybe some distance would be better for us.”

You were crying again, but Tyler only took your face in his hands, wiping away some of the water with his thumbs. The rain replaced the moisture immediately, but he leaned down to kiss you just the same. New tears were falling now, from the sheer relief of having Tyler’s lips against yours so soon after that fight. 

“I know there’s a lot of lies happening, and I know I said some things,” he started, “but I don’t think you realize how much a part of me you are — how much a part of me you’ve always been. You can come back to the house and get your keys, but don’t — don’t go, okay? Please? I don’t know how we backtrack and fix all this, but I wanna move forward and figure it out with you.”

You set your forehead against his chin and nodded. Relieved himself, Tyler threw his arms around your shoulders. He kissed your wet hair, held you for a few seconds, then guided you back to his house. You took turns there taking warm showers, and Tyler offered you some sweats and one of his old t-shirts while your clothes tumbled in his dryer. Once your hair was combed and out of the way, Tyler pulled you under the bedcovers with him, holding you close in an effort to warm both of you up. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered in your ear. 

You turned to face him. “Yeah. Me too.”

Tyler ran his knuckles over your cheek before leaning to kiss you. “Think we’ll get past this?”

You nodded. “I think so. We had to fight sometime. I still love you, though.”

“And I still love you.”

[ohprettyweeper-moved]

Make It Better

Summary: Tyler loses control, so you and Josh do your best to help him.  Pairing: Tyler x Reader Word Count: 825 Warnings: Drinking, OOC behavior, implications of depression and anxiety, angst/flangst. Vomiting.  A/N: Prompt is bolded in the text. Sorry this is late in the day; I’m in the middle of prepping for finals next week, but still trying to keep up a fic a day! This isn’t really a request from @razor-tothe-rosary, but I had a list of prompts I couldn’t decide on, and she picked for me! 

Wanna request a fic?

It was after three in the morning when your phone vibrated on the nightstand. The sound of it woke you from your usual light sleep; with a groan, you reached to answer it. 

“Better have a good reason for calling, Josh Dun.”

A whoosh of air gave away the sigh on the other end, and Josh apologized for waking you up. “Hey. It’s Tyler again. Can we come there?”

You rubbed your eyes with your free hand, propping yourself up on your elbow. “Yeah. Yeah, of course. I’ll unlock the front door.”

“Thanks.”

You closed your eyes for just a second, holding on to the last bit of sleep before you switched on the lamp next to your bed. You found a hair tie and piled your hair back away from your face, not really caring how it looked. You were already in a tank and sweats, but you threw a hoodie on, just for good measure. 

Coffee was going, you had clean towels and a couple of warm washcloths in the bathroom, along with a glass of room temperature water. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the first time in the last few weeks that Josh had called in the wee hours and asked to bring Tyler to your place. He couldn’t very well take him home, anyway. 

“Why are you covered in neon body paint?” you asked, opening the front door so Josh could help Tyler inside the house. 

Josh shot you a look. “Best not ask.”

With a nod, you followed him into the bathroom where Tyler collapsed to his knees in front of the toilet. Josh ran a hand through his hair; you put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Go try to rest,” you encouraged. “I’ve got this.”

Josh didn’t argue. “You’ll wake me if you need anything?”

“Of course.” Before he was too far gone, you asked, “What brought it on tonight?”

“I don’t even know anymore, Y/N. He’s just … I don’t know.” 

You nodded. “Okay. Thanks.”

Josh made to leave, but turned again at the door, picking at a place where the wood had splintered on the doorframe. “You know, I know when he’s had enough. He always tells me he needs to see you. That he’s ready to come here. I think you’re a safe place for him.”

At the stool, Tyler began retching into the bowl. You put out of your mind what Josh had said for the time being, and laid one of the washcloths over the back of Tyler’s neck. When there was a pause, you made him drink some water. He sipped at the contents of the glass, then leaned back against the tub. 

“I’m sorry I keep doing this to you,” he said, his voice scratchy from the burn of the liquor coming back up on him. 

You took a seat against the wall, not far from him. “I don’t care that you’re doing it to me, Ty. But, I wish I knew why you’re doing this to yourself.”

His head leaned back against the ceramic ledge of the tub. “You ever felt like the world’s just going to swallow you up, Y/N/N? The world and the things it wants from you and the things you feel and the demons you can’t chase away. Felt like I needed to float away.”

“Yeah, I know the feeling,” you answered quietly, afraid that if you spoke any louder, the lump in your throat would turn to tears. “But you can’t float away from all of that in a sea of alcohol. You just … tell me what to do to make this better for you.”

Tyler’s head lifted from the edge of the tub, and his tired, bloodshot eyes looked at you. He stared at you for a moment, licked his lips, and set his elbows on his knees. 

“You do make this better for me.” He rubbed a hand over his face and reached for the glass of water, chugging it down. 

“Not so fast. You’ll make yourself sick again.”

Tyler shook his head. “No. I think I’m done being sick for tonight. I’m tired.”

“Okay,” you said, standing to dust off the seat of your pants. “C’mon. Bed.”

He took your hand, holding tight to it even after he was standing and steady. Though you had done it before, using the other washcloth to wipe his face down before letting him sleep seemed a much more intimate thing tonight. 

He kicked his shoes off, and you rid yourself of your hoodie. Tyler crawled under the covers, curled around a pillow, and reached out for you. You sat on the edge of the mattress, trying to decide how things had changed so quickly — and maybe they wouldn’t even be the same in the morning. 

Despite all of that, you scooted back on the mattress, molded yourself into the little spoon with Tyler’s arm draped comfortably over your hip, and fell into a comfortable, deep sleep.