Could you please rate the Countess from Darkest Dungeon?
THE COUNTESS (Darkest Dungeon)
UMM???? WOW??? Yes, thank you for this suggestion she’s beautiful. I’ve never even heard of this game so I would have never even known.
INTRODUCTION: The Countess is one of the bosses fought in Darkest Dungeon, and rules over a court populated mostly by other, insectile servants.
PROS:♥ Like….. not only does she have fucking fashion on point, but her monster style is… it’s ALL UP ON THERE…. She may be some sort of slithering insectbeast but that doesn’t mean she’s not still gonna rock a nice dress. I really like the fact that her overskirt seems to now be some sort of carapace. Iconic.♥ I’m not sure if that’s just a bloated thorax or a tail coming off the back of her, but it’s covered in spikes, so I love it. The shiny black chitinous top and the bulbous BRIGHT RED underside…. both very good. This whole area is perfect.♥ Continuing to work our way back up to the head….. those legs…. I almost missed them the first time I looked. Now normally I say bigger is better…. but juxtaposed against this huge lower half…. this array of tiny, hairy bug legs? It’s very good. Just imagine her slowly scooting along, the skittery noise of her tiny bug legs doing their damn best… It’s something.♥ I just… I love how theres no clear place where her ball gown ends and her bug body begins. They are one being, because even in undeath, fashion is forever.♥ THE FUCKIGN….. WAIST FANGS??? HORRIBLE, BLOOD RED HIP MANDIBLES??? I DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE, THEY’RE FUNCTIONALLY USELESS THERE, BUT THAT JUST MAKES THEM MORE FUCKING MOOD♥ I can’t tell if she has claws or if it’s just the art style, but her hands seem to be permanently bloody and that’s almost as good. Her arm skin seems to have taken on an odd, rugged texture, just a soupcon of that, they thought I wouldn’t notice, but I DID and I APPROVE.♥ Her fan is clearly hiding a bloody mess back there, and sometimes the abomination you can’t see is the sexiest kind. This whole color scheme of grayscale really makes all the blood pop, which is nice.
♥ UM, i’m SORRY.,, VAMPIRES ARE MOSQITO THEMED IN THIS GAME? WHY IS THIS NOT MORE PREVALENT? I appreciate that they let a pretty lady have a second form that is just entirely monstruous. Also I choose to assume she always had that mouth. She’s full of sparkling blood and her tiny bug legs have become more powerful.
CONS:♥ I read the Countess’ wiki page and apparently she was turned into this immobile brood mother because some asshole with a god complex murdered and then [REDACTED] her, which, anti-mood. Bad Lore. Reverse mood. Not that dark themes are off limits, but the fact that she might have been turned into this by having something horrible done to her really makes me not want to be excited about it.♥ I’ll be honest, even though I’m proud of her powerful mosquito moster form, I feel like it loses most of the unique charm of the normal, victorial lady bug monster. That bulbous cluster of boils does nothing for me, she could easily have retained her bodice up there instead.♥ Those wings are just sad. She deserves better than those.♥ I don’t see why those like, side parts of her hair look weird and disheveled when she still has perfect sidelock curls. Literally thats the only issue I have with her first form.
RATINGS:MONSTRUOUSNESS: 10/10She may start out fairly humanoid but then she gets VERY NOT and it’s all incredibly excellent. I’m so grateful to have seen this lady.
FUCKABILITY: 2/10Between the fact that she would probably just eat you and the very unpleasant lore, I’m just gonna give a hard no on this one. But if you’re ready to be consumed, I can’t think of a better option.
PERSONAL RATING: 9/10For one I’d never seen before, this one is pretty fucking great. The whole game should be about trying to be this ladies friend. With the Plague Doctor character. Medieval doctors LOVE to use draining blood as a medical treatment, I bet she could just give that blood the countess. Perfect.