A tiny rant About my gender
When I reached puberty, I was so confused about who I was. When I had to buy my first bra, it was a sports bra that didn't emphasize my cleavage. I kept it for at least 5 years because I didn't want to get another bra... it made me uncomfortable and I didn't feel right having breasts. I didn't know what I was feeling until high school... And I thought i was a freak. I went to a Catholic High school where being different wasn't encouraged and the dress code was strictly enforced. I wanted to wear what the boys wore, beige shorts and a polo. Or a white button down with a tie and khaki pants. I wanted really short hair instead of hair down to my shoulders..... I felt WRONG.
Then I made my friends.... friends i could actually talk to. I told them how I felt and they told me i wasn't a freak. I was transgender. A gay man trapped in a female body. I finally had words to describe how I felt. I finally told my mom how I felt my first year of college.... she told me I was wrong, that I need to see a therapist.... I should have taken her advice right away. Maybe I'd be further along in my transition if I had.
But I walked away from her, still a female, still uncomfortable in my own skin, still hiding my secret.... I felt like if I told any guy I was interested in, they would never talk to me again because they wanted a girl, not a guy... so I played my part as the female.
3 years have passed since that first year of college. I finally got the courage to pull the trigger after Ohayocon 2013, after seeing so many trans people who were HAPPY... and not afraid to be themselves. So I started making changes. I cut off all my hair, started buying guy clothes, speaking lower, buying more male products. I went to a psychiatrist and she helped me come out to my dad. I came out to all my friends and family soon after my choice. My boyfriend is fully supportive and I feel lucky to have such a wonderful man by my side.
It really makes me smile when I see more and more kids coming out and expressing their gender identity at younger ages, and how progress is very slowly being made for transitioning becoming easier.
I'm looking for a therapist now who will be willing to write a letter for HRT soon. I'm really ready to begin this part of my life.
