There's other people in the room but I'm internally screaming at the notification I just got. Praise be this day here we go - 🏜
I JUST FINISHED AND AHHHHHHH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 - 🏜
Omg yay! Sorry to keep you waiting and I hope you liked it !! 💖
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There's other people in the room but I'm internally screaming at the notification I just got. Praise be this day here we go - 🏜
I JUST FINISHED AND AHHHHHHH 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 - 🏜
Omg yay! Sorry to keep you waiting and I hope you liked it !! 💖
i also think Ribs by Lorde could fit the vibes for part 6 after they get separated maybe more the motel but im just reading that now
Oh I absolutely love that I’m getting live updates as you go through the fic !!!
I just can’t help love hearing your picks too! Music and writing just pairs so well together :)
AAA PART 6 IS SO GOOD!-👁
Oh thank you !! 💜💜
I’m so glad you like it I was worried that i’d packed too much in that one lol
Time to settle in and read some stories in bed. It looks like I have a 6 part series to catch up on that I've never heard of until now too. 👀
Oh yay! I hope you enjoy uc sunnyhell if you decide to read it !! 💜
UC Sunnyhell: Part six
Highway from Hell!
Previous Part // Next part
Pairing: Spike x reader
Request: College AU. Set sort of more modern. Part six of eight. You go on a trip with your friends and find yourself realising just how you feel for Spike.
Warning: Alcohol consumption, swearing, sex reference
Original request by: @sunflower-stan
Other tags: @fictionalhoomanfromnowhere @harpersmariano @artsymaddie @shy-ginger-in-the-graveyard @cameo-greaves @llott1e
You and Spike were getting on so much better again. You were enjoying your friendship with him, you almost didn’t want to leave him. You knew you would really miss him.
You were packing for your trip. You and your friend group were going to the coast for a weekend trip with your friends. It also happened to coincide with spring break.
You were really excited, you had never done anything like this before and you were practically gushing. And packing way more than you needed for a long weekend. Spike was lying back on your bed, some of your discarded clothes surrounding him as you gushed about the trip.
He hadn’t been welcome to join your friends (which upset you a little) and he had insisted he wouldn’t be seen dead going on spring break. He maintained that it was expensive and stupid so he never went. He teased you about it, but you knew now that it was his way of showing his affection. A kind of endearment that only worked now you knew him.
You shrugged and continued packing. He eyed some of your swimwear and raised an eyebrow and you took it back from him with a warning look that he found sweet. He chuckled slightly, mock-surrendering. He wished he could see you with so little on. Wished you wanted him to. Wished to drink in your form.
You turned away and shook your head. He couldn’t help scanning his eyes along your body when you turned away though, imagining you wearing that. Wearing it because you knew he liked it. Wearing it because you enjoyed his eyes on you.
God, he had it so bad. He loved your mind. The way you smiled at him, the way it lit up your features. He wanted to kiss your lips. Hear your voice. That tone of yours, it comforted him to no end to hear it. He loved the way you smelled, that natural scent. Just sitting in your room even, becoming enveloped by it. By you.
“You gonna go wild then - on this trip?” He asked lazily, using his hand to gesture with his words.
“Wild? Do you think I’ve ever gone wild before Spike?” You couldn’t help scoff at his words. He frowned, he wasn’t so sure. You weren’t as innocent and boring as he thought upon his first impression. You would tease him, especially more so recently. You weren’t afraid of sex or intimacy. But he still continued his line of thought anyway.
“Spring break, ain’t it? Gets everyone all worked up right?” he said this, a hint of anxiety in his voice. He still didn’t enjoy the potential for people that weren’t him catching your eyes. Sharing your body. Bed.
In fact, it made him angry. Pulsating with jealousy. Throbbing with a fury he could barely keep at bay. Never at you, he wasn’t mad at you. Could never be. Not anymore.
He looked up at you, daring to see your reaction. In case he had shown his hand. In case you had caught the anxiety on his face. That he would lose your time. Your sweet mind. Words.
Couldn’t bare it if anything changed.
But you were still smiling. You always did when it was you and him. Rather than fuel his words, you instead tried to close your suitcase, but it wouldn’t shut properly.
He had been frowning slightly as you spoke about the trip. He was really going to miss having you around the house. Sharing your spare time together. Those nights in. He was fast becoming consumed by you and the thought of spending even this little time apart was starting to make him a little lacking. He liked to be by your side. In your company.
The amount of times he had chosen to stay in rather than leave the house was now becoming more apparent to you. You had noticed but never mentioned it. You just guessed he had been leaving so often before just so he didn’t have to spend time with you when you didn’t like each other.
He got up from his spot on the bed. Launching himself off the side as he usually would before he moved to you. Reaching for the case to help you close it. You smiled him and he almost leaned into you and expressed the raw emotions he had to push down when you were around.
Instead, he just looked down. At the case. You closed it together, pressing the case down and eventually managing to zip it up.
His hand brushed against yours and you shivered. Glancing at him sideways as he moved his hand away slightly too quickly. How he wished he could have kept his hands there. His skin against yours. That thought sounded so good to him.
You had figured it out. Finally. That you had feelings for him. That all that time you spent with him would never be enough. You had looked over from your side of the sofa one evening and caught him in a certain light. The glow from the tv managed to accentuate those beautiful features of his and suddenly you felt it. How deeply you cared for him. How easily you could see yourself in his arms, or better wrapped around each other in bed.
You had been thinking about these feelings, that moment you had realised, rather than focusing on what you had been doing. You were staring at him. Again.
You were snapped out of these thoughts though. He smiled, about to say something but you became distracted. His face dropped as he heard it too.
You heard a noise getting closer, loud music vibrating against the house from outside. Oz had pulled up in the van outside your shared house and you called your goodbye to Spike before running to join your friends.
You were squished into the window side of the van with Cordy and Xander making full use of the backseat despite you and Buffy sharing it with them. Willow was in the passenger seat sorting through Oz’s extensive cassettes trying to find something else to put on. They were good friends again despite their past.
It truly felt as if you were driving away from hell itself. You all felt lighter the further down the highway you went. The further towards your destination. It meant a break, it meant carefree fun with your friends. You were already having fun, giggling and joking together.
A classic rock song began to play. Loud and it instantly lit everyone’s faces up. Everyone began to sing along at the top of their lungs, including yourself. No matter how in tune any of you were, it was freeing to be able to scream along in this way. Even Cordy and Xander had come up for air. It was as if you were in a coming-of-age movie, the weekend was full of possibilities and you were ready to just relax and perhaps sift through the way you truly felt… if you had time between the parties Cordelia had told you that you were going to. She had planned out a way for you to hit all of the coolest parties with almost military precision.
You stopped off a few times, grabbing more snacks and trying to figure out the right direction. Xander challenged everyone to a game of how many snacks you could throw up and catch in your mouth which just made a mess of the back of Oz’s van. Buffy explained that Angel was already at a party and waiting for everyone to arrive. This then launched into a conversation about the battle plan you had all decided upon to finally get Buffy and Angel together.
You began to stare out of the van’s window after a while, no matter how happy you were your mind wasn’t far from him. Wondering what he might be doing. Who he might be with. God, sometimes it made you ache to think he’d rather have strangers in his bed than you.
You became lost in thought as you ate some of the last remaining snacks. You couldn’t help but think just how much you longed to be with him. How much you wished he would choose you over the rest of those vying for his attention. Your soul ached for him, you could feel it. You wished he had thought you were being serious when you invited him to come. But he had just scoffed at you in that way he does.
You had it bad. You even adored the way he scoffed at you. The way he teased. You loved the ugly parts of him just as much as the good. Wait… you loved him? Of course you loved him. It’s Spike.
This revelation, of how deeply you had fallen for him was spinning around your mind for the rest of the journey. A tornado, ripping everything you thought you knew apart. You wished he was here, beside you. You wished that he felt the same as you.
It was dusk by the time you got to the motel you were staying at. once you arrived you found out you had to wait for your room to be cleaned up before you could settle your stuff in. They let you leave your belongings behind reception for safety and you all went to hit the beach party that was already in full swing.
It was so alive, the party had a mind of it’s own. An entity of itself. Wild and unstoppable. You were marginally more comfortable here than at a frat party. You knew less people and you could just focus on having fun with your friends. However, you still felt as if there was something missing.
Something. Or perhaps, someone…
Just as your mind cast towards him, you thought you saw a glimpse of a familiar face.
Bleach blonde hair. Leather.
You moved through the sea of people looking for a better view. Spilling beer over people as you went in your haste. You so hoped your eyes hadn’t deceived you. But, when you got to the spot, there was nobody you recognised around. He couldn’t have moved that fast. You shrugged, walking back to your friends.
A smile on your face as you saw Buffy walk up to Angel and whisper something in his ear. She lead him away from the crowd and you laughed at Xander’s stupid comments about him.
You pulled your friends back over to dance. You began to really enjoy the evening, this band was playing just before Dingoes had managed to score their set.
You kept seeing flashes of his face no matter where you looked or how energetically you danced to try and shake the imprint of him that appeared to be stamped into your vision. As if you at stared at light too long and he would slowly fade at some point. Although, you so hoped he wouldn’t disappear from view. Even like this.
It made you miss him though. More than you even thought possible. You saw things you wish you could tell him about. In your head, you heard his voice commenting something snide that would make you laugh. He was in everything. He was everywhere you turned.
And it just made the fact he wasn’t really there with you more apparent. Not to mention, you didn’t think he could possibly feel as deeply as you did. Everything was bubbling to the surface, all these feelings you hadn’t acknowledged were all descending on you now.
He always made you feel more comfortable. More at ease. He made you want to share yourself in a way you never had before. It made you feel things you had only ever dreamed about. Written feverishly about without truly getting it until this very moment.
You wondered if Spike had ever felt this way. Love.
You looked up from the red cup you were drinking from and directly into his eyes. Everything was still happening around you, the party was still raging on. But it felt as if time had stopped, only briefly but you were sure of it. And unbeknownst to you, he felt it too. It was only the two of you.
You stepped towards him, this time you had no doubts. It truly was him. The face you thought you had been imagining. Because you couldn’t stop thinking about him so much. Spike. He was there. He was really there.
“Spike!” You exclaimed, the smile on your face widening which he couldn’t help but match at your reception, “What are you doing here?!”
You grinned about to launch yourself at him in a hug that he would have adored. But you hesitated and held yourself back, worrying he may figure out how you felt. You felt self conscious of your movements now you acknowledged your feelings. But even such innocent contact would have made him dizzy. God, he was a fool for love. For you.
“Thought I’d drop in. Prove myself right” He shrugged, swigging from a bottle of beer.
“Well… it’s really great you’re here! Why don’t you come and join us?” You smiled, your cheeks aching from how wide it was. You gestured towards your friends and his face dropped slightly.
“Not on your bloody life” he looked over to where Angel and Buffy were dancing together and to where some of your other friends were drinking and laughing. That wasn’t his life. He didn’t fit in with any of them. They didn’t trust him. Didn’t like him. Because he didn’t have the same interests as them. Same morals.
They thought they were so much better than him, which is why it always confused him so much how easily you got on with them. To him, you were more similar to him. A soul that spoke to his own. You belonged with him. By his side. Not theirs.
“Well, then... just one dance? Please? Nobody will know, everyone’s probably drunk already” You whispered, your hand reaching for his.
Your confidence had decidedly sprung from nowhere but if you hadn’t taken this chance, you would have regretted it. His eyes widened in panic as he watched your hand reach for him. But he didn’t move. His hand was hard, stuck in place as you took it. It almost made you let go again, until he relaxed slightly. You were so sweet to him - he just couldn’t resist you.
Couldn’t resist the idea that you wanted to dance with him. Only him. He had been watching you from afar, you hadn’t asked anyone else to dance with you. Just him. This filled him with a kind of pride, that you liked him in this way. That perhaps there was hope.
You took the hand that you had kept in his and pulled him into the crowd, away from your friends so you could have a sense of privacy amongst the writhing bodies of strangers.
You began to get a little bolder, pressing your body a bit closer which made him smirk. He opened his mouth, as if to say something. He closed his eyes slowly at the proximity, he swallowed thickly. He felt lucky to even be in your presence in this moment.
You pulled away a little, still dancing. Your hand never far from his. You wanted to weave your fingers between his but decided that gesture would be more intimate than you wished to reveal. The alcohol and the way he softened around you had made you a little braver, but not by all that much.
He whispered something jokingly in your ear that left you laughing, his face turned up into a smile. The widest you had ever seen from him. Especially in public. God, he wanted so badly so lean in and kiss you but he was concerned how you would react. Couldn’t lose you. Or this. It was starting to mean too much and it scared him.
Being this close and not being able to do anything about it was almost painful. He wanted you in every way. He ached for you, longed for you in every sense imaginable. He dipped and moved against you again, his own hands becoming bolder as he held you against him.
You were about to muster up the courage to say something to him. Hint at how much this meant. How this moment made you so happy you felt as if you could happily die by his side. Your last moments would have been the greatest. Because you had all of his attention. His touch. Even the whisper of more, if you ignored the doubts that usually plagued you.
However, you were quickly pulled apart from each other. You were about to shout at the offending party, never mind spike, but when you looked your eyes bulged. It was Cordelia. Seeking to protect you from Spike.
She took a deep breath as if she were about to launch into some kind of argument, but instead she stared him down, said “ew” in his face and then pulled you away. Spike opened his mouth to say something back but you got swallowed by the crowd. You had slipped through his fingers again.
You wished you had leaned in when you had the chance. You just didn’t know how he would react. You believed that he was so painfully honest and so real to himself that if he had an interest he would say something.
You wanted to kiss him. To let him in, completely. Which was dangerous. You knew about everything the others said. About everything he himself had said. But you couldn’t help it. Nobody knew him like you did, you were so sure of it. You were fast beginning to fall for him and you weren’t able to do anything to stop it.
You felt like an idiot. Of course he was too cool for you. He was the kind that broke hearts and smoked and kept a string of one-night stands. You were better off as friends… right?
You kept looking for him through the rest of the night but managed to just miss him each time. He saw you but didn’t guess for a second that you could be looking for him. Buffy had probably lost an earring and told you all to look for it, he presumed. She did seem to be bossy in that way, to him anyway.
You began to drink less, instead scouting the crowd between trying to keep up with your friends. You barely cracked a smile when you saw that Angel and Buffy were finally talking after dragging their feet for as long as possible. Eventually, knowing how invested you had been in getting them together, Willow noticed and pulled you aside. She worried when you had that look on your face. Sometimes you appeared lost - just staring into space. She didn’t realise you were usually trying to understand your feelings. Well, not until you blurted it out to her anyway.
“Will, I like Spike” You shouted into her ear, over the thumping of the music. It was so freeing to say it out loud and you continued, “I think I really like him!” You shouted louder and she almost stepped back at the force of your feelings. As if she could physically feel the shocking words. They slapped her in the face and she stayed silent for a moment. She was concerned.
“You should be careful, he looks at you as if he wants to eat you or something” Willow furrowed her brow. You held back the suggestive look you could have given her that could only have transferred to you since you had been spending so much time with the man himself.
She was staring beside you, to a spot on the periphery of the beach. She snapped her eyes away but not before you turned to look. There he was shrugging someone off him. You couldn’t tell if they were coming onto him or trying to start a fight with him and really it could have been either. His eyes instead boring into yours. Transfixed on you. You snapped away, feeling your cheeks heating up and you couldn’t blame it on the alcohol anymore.
You looked back to Willow who didn’t seem to want to let you go over there. It was as if she could read your mind, it was almost spooky. You had spotted him, much to your friend’s apparent distaste. You slowly walked over to him, leaving Willow watching you in concern.
“I found you again” You said quietly. You were sure he probably couldn’t hear you over the music but he had. And he had savoured every last syllable. The way you looked this evening, it knocked him breathless. The way you appeared under the moonlight. Your attention all his even if it was just for this brief moment.
“Just looking for one of those abandoned beach houses”
“Why?”
“Man’s gotta sleep some time.” he shrugged.
Spike didn’t have anywhere to crash. At the furrow in your brow, he mentioned something vague about finding a sofa or something instead as if he knew anybody in town. He hadn’t actually expected you to offer him somewhere to stay. Figured you had probably had enough of him seeing as you lived together all of the time.
But of course you offered for him to come back to your motel. You would have room, you were pretty sure that they gave you two single beds like the one you saw in Buffy and Willow’s room.
You were the only one with a motel room to yourself. Buffy and Willow were sharing – Tara hadn’t been able to come on the trip but insisted that Willow still should. Willow had been on her phone checking in with Tara the entire time. Oz was sleeping in his van and insisted he was fine there when you asked if he needed somewhere to stay. Cordy and Xander were sharing because it was more comfortable than the back of a car and Angel was staying with one of his frat buddies.
He lit up at your offer. Eyes dropping to the floor before looking back to your face. Head tilting slightly, scanning your face and finding only sincerity. Concern. How much you cared. He was really pleased you would offer. Want him to have somewhere to stay despite him dropping by unannounced and completely out of character.
You both decided to leave after a while, it wasn’t really Spike’s scene anyway and you were happy to spend more time with him. You walked back the way you kind of remembered and grabbed your stuff, ignoring the disapproving look you got from the woman behind the counter for bringing someone back with you. Spike muttered a few choice words about her that made you feel less embarrassed and he took your bag off you and carried it to the room.
You were both laughing as you stepped inside. It only subsided a little when you saw it. Spike’s face went white. Your laugh turned a little nervous. You would have never guessed it could be this. It was something that you had only ever heard about. Something you couldn’t have even fathomed would have happened to you.
There… there was only one bed.
You looked at each other for a moment. Both of you would have jumped at the chance of sharing in an ideal world. Where feelings didn’t choke you on every other word and the idea of having even such innocent intimacy made you dizzy.
“I-I can take the floor” You offered quickly. Which was the opposite of what you wanted to say. You wanted to slip into bed beside him. Press your body against his.
“Now, don’t start with that rot – I’ll take the floor. Slept on worse believe me” He insisted, already snatching up a pillow and arranging a thin sheet on the floor. It looked anything but comfortable but he wouldn’t hear your insistence.
You both got ready for bed in silence. You had only a little more to do than Spike, who’s nightly routine consisted of taking his t-shirt off and slinging it to the other side of the room. He would usually sleep naked but learned that would be inappropriate based on how your eyes had bulged upon your first meeting.
You didn’t really speak as easily as you had earlier, everything felt a little stilted. Awkward at even the whisper of the idea that you could have been sharing a bed. With you, that idea was a sacred one and so he didn’t lay on his usual charm to get himself to slide in beside you. He was uncharacteristically bashful about the arrangement but didn’t let it show.
You both instead opted to go straight to bed, turning the lights out and hoping that sleep would be quick. But, of course, that would never happen.
It had been a few hours now and you were both yet to fall asleep. Both of your courage had been growing as the night wore on. You felt bad being in the bed. You were moving around a lot, unable to relax in one position. You could also hear him shifting uncomfortably every so often. His back wasn’t taking to the floor.
“Spike… are you awake?” You asked through the darkness.
“No”
“Spike…”
“Can’t hear myself think with all that tossin’ and bloody turning you’ve been doing” He muttered. His voice was gruff but you could tell he was letting you off lightly.
“I was thinking… it’s not right you being on the floor-”
“Told you, I’ve had worse-”
“I was wondering if you wanted to, uh, share… the bed I mean” You said this so slowly. Barely above a whisper. You were scared he was going to tease you. Say the last thing he would ever want to do was be near you.
However, he was so surprised at your offer he forgot to make a suggestive comment. You weren’t offering anything, he knew that. But his heart began to soar.
He lifted himself up to look at you, squinting through the darkness - ensuring you were being sincere. This was all he had ever wanted recently. To be in bed beside you. To be that close, for you to want him there.
It filled him full of hope. Hope that he tried desperately to push down. He was used to disappointment. He so wished to wrap his arms around you and have you wish to embrace him in return. He didn’t want his face to betray him, show you just how much this meant to him. Not yet at least.
He was satisfied you meant it and slowly, as if moving too fast would make you change your mind, took his pillow and walked towards the bed. You hitched over to one side, bringing your pillow. Giving him space to settle. You couldn’t help but smile a little as he slid beside you. Although he kept a lot further away from you than you found yourself hoping he would.
There was a clear boundary line. One you were both nervous to cross. You both stayed on your respective sides of the bed as you lay awake dreaming for more. He wanted to reach for you, to whisper things that only this time of night emboldened him to. But he didn’t.
He stayed awake purposely now. He cursed himself for being such a lovesick fool but he wanted to savour every moment of laying here beside you. He heard you begin to breath deeper. Slipping into a contented sleep.
Knowing he was beside you, you felt almost protected. Safer. It allowed you to sleep peacefully, maybe deeper than you had in a while. You couldn’t describe it - you had never consciously noticed you had slept all that badly. But with how noticeably easier it was to have a restful sleep, it was now clear. It was as if you were… at peace.
As the morning sun began to wake and stretch its golden rays, you woke up. It was a pleasant feeling. A soft one. Especially when you shifted slightly and realised that you were being cradled by strong arms. You smiled, half asleep nestling further into their grip. The smell, it was familiar. It made you feel safe. Content. You moved back slightly. Pressing yourself flush to the body lying against you.
Your bodies had found each other in the night. Subconsciously moved towards each other. As if your sleepy states could share something that you hadn’t been able to when awake.
As you began to wake up properly, you tensed. Realising who had their arms around you. This sudden movement jolted you awake. You pulled you in tighter on instinct before completely pulling away and almost rolling from the bed in his shock at how you had spent the night.
He had sprung from you and so you mirrored his action. Your faces in shock. You were both, for once, speechless. Unsure what this meant. If the other was silent because they were horrified or possibly… pleased that this had happened?
God, you could only hope. Neither of you knew what to do or say. You just stared at the other from across the bed. The bed you had shared such soft intimacy.
You instead grabbed your stuff and went into the adjoining bathroom to get ready for the day. When you were finished, he had left. Your heart sunk. You didn’t know what to think.
You were scared he would go back to how he had been when you first met. Not wanting to even know you. Or tease you because of how you had shifted against him. Because he hated that he shared vulnerability with you. So he would distance himself again. You really couldn’t bear it if he did any of that. You wanted him close again. Your skin felt cold without his touch.
Since that evening neither of you could stop thinking about the other. More so than you ever had been. You were both consumed. Wholly.
Your mind was distracted, although you were having fun with your friends. You went to the beach a lot and plenty of parties but your mind couldn’t help moving to him every so often. The thought of sharing a bed with him. Having him by your side. It made you giddy.
You wanted him against you. His skin pressed against yours. His lips grazing yours. Hushed tones promising affection. Promising the world. You craved it. Craved him.
Both of you thought of the other. Longed for more through your respective days. Wished against everything that you could return to the other’s arms. But for Spike to let you in any further, he had to be sure. He so wanted to let you in but he didn’t want to get burned in the way that he was used to.
You crossed paths but managed to miss each other. Whether it was intentional or not on the other’s part you weren’t sure. But you sorely missed the other. It had only been a day or two and yet the space that the other held in your heart and mind was growing by the second.
He finally returned to the motel the night before you were set to return back to Sunnydale. You were worried he wouldn’t come back. You couldn’t help but smile when you saw him enter. He looked a little awkwardly around to begin with. You couldn’t look each other in the eyes straight away. You hadn’t spoken since you had been that close. It ached even now, to have him stood there and not be able to reach for him less he breaks your heart.
Spike had done some depraved things with a random swathe of the general public. He had tried it all but had never been rendered this speechless to face someone after spending the night in their bed. All you had done was cuddle up together and he could feel himself almost blushing at the idea of facing you.
You smiled slightly when you saw it was him. He had even knocked before he entered. You held yourself back from launching yourself at him and pulling him under your bedclothes. You instead spoke to fill the space. You asked if he wanted to travel back in Oz’s van with you and your friends but he muttered something about sticking something large and wooden through his chest instead.
You had been reading when he walked in, so instead he changed the subject. Not wanting you to hear his nasty comments – rather he wanted you to think of him and remember good things. He began to discuss the you the book with you. He had read it himself and was now managing to find his voice at last. You spoke animatedly and he smiled softly. Admired the way you had such enthusiasm.
He was watching your lips as you spoke. Even in the dim light of the room, to him you looked ethereal. As if you were glowing. He almost succumbed to his thoughts and spilled this aloud but something stopped him. An insecurity he had repressed perhaps.
Eventually you put your book away and began to move as if to turn off the lights. He took a pillow from the bed and began to move to a spot on the floor. You frowned and you spoke before you had a chance to stop yourself.
“Are you not taking the bed tonight?” You asked lightly, turning over to face away from him as you said it. Your heart was beating dangerously out of your chest. You didn’t realise but his would be too. Completely in time with yours.
You had hitched over to the same side as last time when you rolled over. Leaving him space to slide in beside you. You weren’t sure if he would take you up on your offer. Waiting was agony. He hadn’t replied and the silence was deafening. You started to become embarrassed at your offer. At the way he hadn’t replied.
Until you felt it. The bed dipped in beside you. He had slid into bed again. He lay facing you but left a notable space between you. You hadn’t realised but you had been holding your breath until he settled beside you. This meant so much.
After a moment, you turned to face him cautiously, gauging his expression. It was guarded but his arms began to move, snaking around you and when you smiled his actions became less tentative. It was a small smile that you shared but it meant so much. You pressed yourself closer, cradling him against you further.
It wasn’t an accident that night. It was confirmed to you. You cuddled on purpose. Shared something precious. Warmth and intimacy and hushed whispers filled your hearts. Neither of you wanted to succumb to sleep in case this wasn’t real in the morning.
You eventually fell asleep in the early hours, as the threat of light had began to intrude through the window. Wrapped around each other. It was the purest bliss. You never wanted to leave this moment. You just wanted to stay, arms draped around the other. As if you could take on the world. Protect each other. As if it was only the two of you that mattered in that moment.
You jumped awake, however, still tangled against him. You had overslept. You were late for the trip back. You were going to take the long way and stop off somewhere Cordy knew that was apparently insta-worthy. You rushed about to pack up and decided to leave him the key for when he woke up with a little note.
You turned to look at him, still sleeping before you left. But his eyes were open. That look in his eye, one you wouldn’t forget. He appeared almost forlorn that you were going to leave him that way. But you smiled, it was a warm smile. One that told him you didn’t regret a thing. That you had been right there with him.
He held onto that smile, the corners of his own mouth tugging slightly. He nodded his head and you turned and left. Hurrying to the others before they left without you.
You were doing dangerous things to him. Giving him hope. Hope that you could be more than friends…
UC Sunnyhell: Part five
Hello Jealousy!
Previous part // Next Part
Pairing: Spike x reader
Request: College AU. Part five of eight. Spike is the campus bad boy with a secret soft heart. Spike realises something as he faces more time without you.
Warning: I think only like a little sex reference on this one.
Original request by: @sunflower-stan
Other tags: @fictionalhoomanofnowhere @harpersmariano @artsymaddie @shy-ginger-in-the-graveyard @cameo-greaves
You began to get comfortable around Spike. More so than you ever believed could be possible. He let you in more and it made you want to allow him to know you even more.
You were getting on well. It was strange and you hadn’t really been able to express it to your other group of friends but you really found yourself enjoying his company. He was sweet in a kind of gruff way. He never really showed much emotion on his face other than a scowl before now. But now you were getting to know him more, you could sense subtle changes in his demeanour.
Like how he was much more comfortable when he was at home. When he was in your company now he could almost… relax. You could both be yourselves in a way you never truly felt with anyone else.
Today you were trying something new together. You were sat in his room. A place you had never been invited before. He even opened the windows so you didn’t asphyxiate from the smoke fumes that appeared to cling to every piece of furniture.
You looked around it, smiling at the way it just screamed ‘Spike’. It was pretty dark, even with the curtains open.
You and Spike had been writing. Together. It was strange and very new but you found yourself enjoying it so much. To have a friend that understood. A friend that wanted to explore life through writing. Through words that can describe complex emotions that you would otherwise never be able to capture properly. To discuss it with him, even if you were doing most of the talking, it was so pleasant.
You would pause every so often and share little lines or swap and read through the other’s work and both be desperately nervous for the other’s approval. Neither of you need worry though, you were so entranced by the others mind. You hoped this would become a regular thing, it was special.
However there were other things clouding your mind. It was getting closer and closer to the presentation and you and Angel were out together more frequently. You were making sure to drop some good words in for Buffy here and there. You found yourself getting on quite well with him, you often found him reading while he was waiting for you. Sometimes you spoke about the book if the both of you had read it. He was a lot more sensitive than you had guessed upon first meeting.
It was actually really nice getting to know this popular frat guy, much more so than you had expected to be. You knew what Buffy saw in him. He wasn’t necessarily your type though. Although what your type was, you were still yet to realise. It still hadn’t quite clicked yet to you.
The presentation was on your mind a lot, you were still working on your confidence despite you now being a frequent performer at the open-mic nights. Luckily, you had your friends to distract you. You were sat with your group at lunch. You had all been laughing really loud. You had been laughing so hard your tummy began to ache. None of you could stop it, your humours matched. It was infectious. As soon as it began to die down, suddenly one of you caught it again and sent a wave around the rest of them.
Eventually the laughter died down as different people had different places they needed to go. The others had to go but you and Cordelia didn’t have any more classes for the rest of the day. She was going to cheer practice in an hour and you would go to the library or something when she did so you didn’t look like a complete loner (although nobody would have really been bothered if you had just been sitting alone).
Talk, as it so often did when it was you and Cordy, turned to mindless gossip. You enjoyed it usually she knew pretty much everything about everyone. But today, her sole focus was on Xander. She was complaining about how she couldn’t help that she got a lot of attention from people because she was so pretty. She like being pretty, she did it on purpose but Xander didn’t enjoy the way people would stare.
“So, why shouldn’t people appreciate me if they like the way I look?” She complained with a pout.
“I get that” You offered, nodding along. You were a good listener and Cordy liked this about you.
“Well, Xander doesn’t! Someone even looks at me and it’s like, hello jealousy, y’know?” You nodded along as you usually did, not realising how pertinent this phrase was about to be to your own life. You usually switched off from the conversation when Cordy spoke about Xander. They were so hot and cold no matter what advice you gave her she tended to do the opposite anyway. They weren’t particularly bad for each other they just got hung up on stupid stuff.
Thankfully, Cordy gave you a reprieve. She stopped the conversation, looking up with the meanest expression she could muster. You frowned, looking behind you. Revealing none other than Spike standing behind you.
He had come over to say hello to you. Bracing the cruel eyes of the canteen to get to you. You couldn’t help smiling, it brightened up his day to see you react that way at seeing him.
“Go away, you’re looking at me!” She scowled at him, trying to shoo him from your table as if he were a stray dog asking for scraps.
“Don’t worry, young dumb and full of-” Spike had started and you mimed at him pleadingly not to finish that sentence. To both yours and his surprise, he did. He cut himself off and changed tac, “-stupid thoughts… isn’t my type”
“Oh, God, why is he even speaking to me?! Shut up Spike your type is, like, anything that moves”
“Listen here you stupid bint-”
“No, you listen here you punk reject! Nobody wants you around here, look at yourself! You’re so gross”
You cringed at what they both said. Not knowing what to say yourself. You stayed silent and this was suddenly noticed by them. They looked at you for support and you groaned. This wasn’t working out. One wrong move and the other would try to cut you out of their lives. They both had reputations for being mean but they were both nicer to you than most. You wanted it to stay that way. You valued both of their friendships.
“I, uh, have somewhere to be. Please don’t rip each other to shreds” You offered, suggesting that you weren’t picking a side as you slid everything from the table and into your bag and hurried off.
After this, Spike had decided the fact that you didn’t side with Cordelia was a good sign. He so wanted to see the obvious good in you. Have you as a friend he could rely on. Share his time and his thoughts with you. His mind. Having you in his room, to himself, speaking those words he had started to want to hear more and more of.
You had been lying on your bed when he knocked on the door. It had been less forceful than his usual knock and it made you frown. Almost as if he was nervous to enter. You sat up, calling for him to come in if he wanted. He entered, with something in his hands. He stumbled over his words as soon as he stepped into your room.
“I, uh, found these… they’re really stupid. But I, uh, though you might like ‘em” He said, thrusting the plastic bag into your hands and looking away immediately. You peered into the bag, gasping in excitement.
Old movie scores. Musical numbers. Soundtracks.
Your eyes watered at the thought. To have a friend that thought about you. Wanted to make you smile.
“They were cheap” He shrugged, as if you had stopped this way because of the quality and not as how special this gesture was. How much it meant to you.
You threw yourself at him, getting overexcited in the moment and tried to hug him. He stiffened, his body completely rigid as you did. He didn’t know what to do with him self. In one sense, he was beside himself. Couldn’t shake the elation that you had wanted to hug him. On the other, he was embarrassed. Wasn’t sure what to do with his hands.
He wanted to reciprocate the feeling, the warmth of the embrace, but he was still afraid that any show of vulnerability could open him to ridicule. Could make you jeer at him. His hands moved to hover over your body for a moment before they briefly contacted your skin.
You pulled away, his hands now lingering slightly now as you did. He almost felt as if he wanted to pull you back in for another hug. But… that would be absurd. Right?
“You wanna listen to them with me?!” You asked, an excited smile on your face. He couldn’t resist. He rolled his eyes but then nodded softly as you selected one to play.
Spike was sat in the shared living space. One that you both now truly shared. Spending your evenings laughing and making fun of something dumb on tv or just talking. He loved it when you leaned in to turn the set down so you and him could just talk. You had done this well into the night on several occasions.
He shouted for you from where he was sat on the sofa. He asked if you want to watch something on the box – that you can study or whatever later. He turned and saw that you were dressed up a little more than you usually would for lounging around the house. He subtly scanned his eyes along your form as he spoke.
“We goin’ to a party, love? Type with, say, free booze?” He tried his luck but you shook your head. He couldn’t help feel such acute disappointment that you had rejected it so quickly.
“No, just meeting a friend” you explain softly. You didn’t mention who it was, that you were going to have a drink with Angel and talk about your presentation. You knew how much Spike hated Angel. And you didn’t owe him an explanation about where you were going anyway. He never told you. So... why did you feel a little guilty to leave him this way?
You shrugged. Instead, you waved your goodbye with a little smile that he was beginning to find endearing.
He frowned at the idea of you leaving, something was bugging him and he couldn’t figure out what. He didn’t want you to go out and leave him lonely. He valued your friendship so much. He wanted you to come back and spend the evening with him. The way he usually pretty much always chose to stay in with you.
The feeling had been there for a while now, building up in his mind. He hadn’t even identified it until it had started to push itself to the forefront of his mind. He frowned but shrugged. Turning back to the tv for company.
It had been a few weeks since you went out for that evening and Spike had noticed you had been really busy lately. Instead of your time being his, spent in the house like you usually would, you had been out almost every day.
And, when you weren’t out, you were smiling at your phone. He caught you laughing out loud once. It made him tense his jaw. Mutter under his breath. You barely looked up to the tv anymore when you were sat together, let alone at him. Not that… he needed you to look at him, obviously. You hadn’t written together for over a week though either. You were busy messaging people he would insist he was too cool for.
It bugged him to no end though. That even in his company you would rather be talking to other people. He almost felt as if he wasn’t enough. As if you wanted to be away from him despite your insistence that he was someone you now considered a good friend.
On one rare occasion you deigned to stay in with him (an evening you had enjoyed more than any in that week because you could finally relax). It had gotten too much for him though. His annoyance that you had been using your phone so much rather than giving him attention he had started to crave. He ended up checking through your phone.
You had just left it lying there while you went into your bedroom to get something – what was he supposed to do?
He swiped it from the arm of the chair where it had been left. He opened it up and scrolled through your messages. Finding something that made his stomach drop. It left a sour taste in his mouth.
Angel. You were sat beside him but texting Angel. Sending him smiley faces and sweet replies. He tensed his jaw, a stone in the pit of his stomach. This feeling he couldn’t name weighing him down.
He had become suspicious. Of your intentions. There was a weird distance when you thought you had become friends. It made you a little upset. You didn’t know whether to broach it with him, you wanted to just enjoy your time with him.
Another evening and you were going out again. The library and then some dumb party after. Spike hadn’t caught where or he would have crashed. He knew how nervous you could get. Wanted to make sure you came back safe.
Came back to… him.
He frowned. That was a weird thought. Still, he shrugged it off and looked back towards you. He didn’t realise how much he had needed a friend. No, not just any friend. You. He couldn’t get over just how much he enjoyed having you around.
“Don’t go” He had whispered as you left, it was inaudible to you. He frowned at himself again. At the way he heard the pleading note in his voice. About how much that sentence really meant.
He refused to think about it. To delve deeper inside. To get why he had thought this. He just couldn’t. Not yet.
Instead, he lit up a cigarette and walked to the liquor store. He planned on taking the bottle to bed with him tonight rather than some cheap imitation of…
You frowned as you walked. Wishing you could spend time in and feel that bond you had started to become so sure of with Spike.
He drank to forget. His loneliness. The fact that he didn’t have you this evening. He found himself looking forward to every moment you would spend together. Just talking. Laughing.
Another afternoon rolled by where he had been staying in in the hopes of you being around the house too. The roles appeared to have switched since you began to get to know each other. Ever since he had found a real connection, a proper friendship, he had wanted to cling to it.
But you were now more popular than ever, having to split yourself between so many people. Because they all saw in you what he did, how kind you were. How nice it is to be in your company.
“Alright, pet?”
“Yeah, you know. Busy” You sighed. If you were honest, you would be pleased when the presentation was over. All this work you were doing, evenings and afternoons you were spending away from home. Not to say that you weren’t friends with Angel but being out so often when you were used to staying in was starting to exhaust you.
When he saw that you were going out again his face dropped. You were packing up your bag with all of the stationery you appeared to have a never-ending stock of. He was planning to ask if you were running a black-market, coloured-highlighter export on the side.
“Date?” He asked, the tone was light but his face was tense.
“Yeah like I would have time for that!” You smiled at him and he scoffed.
“Yeah, m’sure Angel would love seein’ your vast stationery collection”
“What? Is that a euphemism that my mind isn’t dirty enough to understand?” You aimed for a teasing joke but as soon as you said euphemism and assigned it to talking about Angel, he got even more tense. Launching into his petty review of Angel’s character.
“Yeah, well maybe he is popular and has somethin’ going for him but-but he has a massive forehead a-and stupid hair”
“Okay, childish. Do you want some crayons to keep yourself occupied while I’m out?”
“Don’t get smart, don’t suit you” He quipped which made you smile a little but his face was sullen. He wasn’t in a good mood with you again. And you didn’t properly understand why.
“Why don’t we write tomorrow?!” You said excitedly, “I have the entire afternoon free… maybe we can do what we did last time?” You smiled in his direction, your enthusiasm making the corners of his mouth tug into an almost-smile. But when he saw you begin to leave as you spoke, he said something else.
“Yeah if you got time in your oh so busy life”
“Offer’s there! I’ll see you later”
“Yeah, whatever” He said, slouching in his chair which made you sigh a little. You would be in a gloomy mood for the rest of the evening now that he was in a bad mood with you. You cared so much about what he thought and felt now, it was so strange.
He carried on this way for a while even though you mentioned several times you and Angel had been paired up together and were only ever working on the project. Hinting that you really wouldn’t be spending so much time out otherwise.
Angel was friendly and nice to you but the long silences were hard to navigate at times. There just wasn’t that effortlessness you had when you were with Spike. He had annoyed you a little because what with all of his commitments you had ended up doing more than your share of the workload because of his busy schedule.
Spike had began to withdraw himself from you a little. It made you sad, this man who you had been forming such a strong bond with. Exploring this supportive friendship you suddenly had. Was suddenly turning his back on you.
He wasn’t really sure why he was in such a bad mood with you. He knew you had a presentation. He had given you a bit of help when he saw how much of a workload you had on. He had also seen Angel’s name on the form next to yours so he knew the reason you were spending so much time with Angel.
However, what neither of you really understood at the time was that Spike’s insecurity was winning over. He was comparing himself to Angel because he had so much of your time. Made him feel less-than. It made him believe that you probably felt that way too.
He couldn’t help his insecurity. The way it festered in his chest. Why would you want to spend time with him when there was someone like that you got on with so well?
His snide comments and tense nature was worrying you still. He thought he had been slick but you had seen him put the phone back onto your chair as you returned to the room that evening. You weren’t so bothered, you weren’t hiding anything it just meant you put a lock on your phone when you realised.
He had asked about your day and you told him. You had mentioned Angel all of once and yet it was the only part of your day he was thinking about.
“Oh yeah, and did you and Angel have a bloody brilliant time? Did you have a right giggle and skip through the merry streets-”
“What is going on with you? Why are you being like this?” You finally confronted him, you just wanted your friend back.
“Not being anything. Just tellin’ you what’s what” He shrugged, avoiding your eye contact.
“You’ve been in a horrible mood ever since I started my project – I can’t help that I’ve got so much going on! I swear with Willow’s blood-drive and Xander’s basketball games as well as Buffy’s parties and all of my work I have no time to even think for myself!”
“Well, at least your priorities are set, right pet?” He said, this time the bite in his voice was evident. He hadn’t even made the list. He wasn’t even on your mind as someone you wanted to spend time with was all he had gotten from your sentence.
“What that I can’t be friends with you if I’m friendly with them? With Angel?” You said this pointedly, you could tell that was why he had been so weird now, “It doesn’t change the way I feel about you. Uh… about our friendship” You realised the way you had phrased it may have sounded a bit ambiguous and so you added the latter part. He just stared at you. Stopping dead.
But he hadn’t stopped because of the awkward way you covered your sentence. He stopped because those words made him want you to mean that. That you would want to be in a relationship with him.
It was like a switch turning on. Those words. He was finally understanding it.
“Yeah, well, whatever” he just shrugged, adjusting the leather duster back on his shoulders before storming away.
But the conversation you had was still swirling around his mind. He finally realises why he’s being like this.
It all made sense to him so suddenly. Hit him in the gut.
The way he had enjoyed the interactions with you, even if you had been arguing. How he had acted with you in mind, to get a reaction. Even if it was anger. The way he couldn’t take his eyes off you in the room. Positioned himself closer to you. Wanted to spend all of his time with you. Had begun waking up earlier to spend more time with you. The way your words, your writing appeared to fill up his soul. The dreams he had about you…
“Oh balls!” He muttered throwing himself down onto his bed, “I bloody love them!”
He was aching under this realisation. His heart near-beating for you. His mind always on you and what you were doing. The idea of you being with a man that wasn’t him made his skin crawl. Made his mind fog with red mist.
He wanted to hold you. To catch your lips with his. Show you exactly what you meant to him. Wanted to have you with him more, sharing your hearts and minds. God, he made himself dizzy just lying there in bed thinking about having you that way. In every way.
The day of your project suddenly came and he did say good luck for it beforehand despite all of his weird behaviour. He knew that it meant a lot to you. It went well and you and Angel were so relieved. Neither of you were the best at that sort of thing, but you were definitely getting better. Your project was finally over and you and angel remained fast friends. Also, he had a thing for Buffy too you had never been more sure of it.
Spike seemed to relax when your project was done and your friendship had continued. He hadn’t brought a one-night-stand home in almost a week and even before that there had only been one or two people you had seen recently.
You even asked if he needed medical attention for his wrist because you were sure it was being over-used. You were becoming much more comfortable talking to him about sex. You were becoming so comfortable with him in general.
He threw a cushion at you and muttered something under his breath but you could tell his heart wasn’t in it. He didn’t even try to make an excuse up he just turned back to the soap opera.
You glanced sideways at him, trying to figure him out. You caught glimpses but you wanted more. You wanted to ask and have him tell you about him. His past. His thoughts. But you knew better than to push him. It might make him completely close back up again.
He just gestured with his head towards the tv. To tell you to watch the soap again. You had been caught looking. You snapped your gaze away too quickly. Staring at the tv, feeling a heat rising in your cheeks. You felt something when you looked at him. You couldn’t even begin to understand.
He acted as if he was watching the tv but he wasn’t. He was sneaking glances at you when he thought you couldn’t see. Inching slightly closer in his chair so that he was nearer to you. Wishing he could reach between the space. Embrace you like you had that one time.
He was used to quick sex, one-night stands and getting them to leave straight after. But when it came to you… this was so new. This feeling – he was sure of it. He was intoxicated by you. You were in every thought. Every waking moment. And in his sleep too.
The dreams he would have. He wanted you. He really wanted you. Only you.
UC Sunnyhell: Part four
When Hell freezes over
Previous part // Next Part
Pairing: Spike x reader
Request: College AU. Part four of eight. Spike is the campus bad boy with a secret soft heart. The pair continue to navigate living together and try to focus on their similarities than their differences.
Originally requested by: @sunflower-stan
Other tags: @fictionalhoomanofnowhere @harpersmariano @artsymaddie @cameo-greaves @shy-ginger-in-the-graveyard
Warning: Alcohol consumption. Swearing. Sex reference.
For a long time since the open mic night, Spike had been thinking. Writing. Not able to stop himself running those words through his mind. That glimpse of you he was now becoming slowly obsessed with. He was getting ready to leave for the night, probably to drink himself into oblivion depending how this interaction went.
He shrugged on his leather duster and stalked into the living room where you were curled up with a book. You looked up, about to smile but he rushed his words out before you even had chance to change your facial expression.
“Your words”
“Yeah?” You braced yourself. Expecting him to belittle you. To tease.
“I liked ‘em” He shrugged. It was quiet but he had definitely said it. It almost knocked you down in shock. Your eyes widened, to have his approval had been all you had wanted. No matter how mad at him you had been, this weird need for him to like you or some part of you had been there. Even while you disliked him.
You opened your mouth to say something back, but he had already walked away. Leaving to go out for the evening and leaving you reeling at his admittance.
For him, that was massive. He didn’t say much except insulting quips. So, that sentence really started to mean something. You clutched it, tried to hold on to this glimpse of kindness. You had began to want to see the good in him.
He had to walk out quickly before he said something further and ruined it. He knew what you had done, the type of person that would write the words you had – speak them with such feeling, he couldn’t not tell you. Seeing as you had put yourself out there that way to tell him.
He was embarrassed though and didn’t want to have to stand and hear you gushing. It would make him uncomfortable.
Since that night you and Spike had managed to have a few conversations that weren’t entirely unpleasant for either of you. If you saw each other in your shared kitchenette or in the hall you would nod or even hold a little conversation.
It mostly consisted of exchanging ‘hellos’ and you would explain what you were doing and he would nod and not provide you with his intentions for the day. But it was something.
You were becoming more and more curious about the other. Neither of you could help it. You wanted to know more about that poet you had seen glimpses of.
Later that week, you had seen Spike cleaning up after his time in the kitchen. His way of making things up to you. I mean, he moved a plate from one end of the room to the other but the intention was there. You knew he had done it because you always asked him to.
You were beginning to warm up to him. To get used to him. You were confused with yourself for it, after everything but you supposed it had been petty. That you had acted on what others had told you rather than getting to know him properly yourself.
You were sat at lunch with your friends, you had been testing Willow on her history knowledge ahead of the text she had in her next class.
This was before, as it usually would, your group’s conversation turned to your usual living predicament. They did this to offer you support, but you weren’t so sure that you needed it anymore.
“He’s actually been almost nice recently… I don’t know” You mumbled, unsure of yourself.
“What happened to ‘I’ll never find a single good trait of Spike’s – Hell would have to freeze over’?” Your own words repeated back to you.
“Yeah, well Hell may have just frozen over” you mutter this inaudibly as you frown. But you just shrugged to your friends. They began to tease you about it, that you had a crush. It was because it was unthinkable, ridiculous even for this to ever happen.
You took it back, embarrassed about the way you longed to find this connection. Even if it was with someone you had been so sure you hated. You couldn’t dare tell them about the open-mic night. You knew they would only laugh more. And you didn’t want them to laugh… at either of you. Not that you thought they would be cruel to you - you were just wary of their views on the matter.
You then moved conversation onto something you knew would distract them. You had gossip about the time you had been spending with Angel for your presentation.
“He mentions you all of the time” You insisted to Buffy, which was definitely true. Angel always appeared to be thinking about her.
“You think? I was worried I was making it up, y’know? I miss him”
“He feels the same, from what he’s said. But he didn’t say all that much”
“Details! We need the exact words and tone. Now, y/n!” Cordy demanded which made you laugh as she narrowed her eyes.
“Yeah, we’ll send Will to the lab for analysis” Xander joked, his part in this kind of gossip was usually humour and suggesting he was ‘the voice of reason’ on the matter. Although, nobody really listened to his thoughts especially on Angel. They usually teased him because he didn’t get into the frat angel belonged to.
Buffy listened intently as you told them every detail you could remember. You explained how you had been dropping in good words about Buffy here and there. She grinned, hugging you in thanks. She was really excited. She had always loved Angel and she just wanted to be with him again.
Cordelia said that the next stage would be to get Buffy and Angel in the same room, perhaps at the frat party on Friday. You all nodded in agreement as Xander rolled his eyes. He would go, but he would be complaining about the fraternity and how stupid they were the entire time.
Later that week as the party neared, you had been humming softly as you cooked your evening meal. You made pasta but you soon realised you had made too much. So, you walked into the living room a little embarrassed and offered him a bowl. He looked at you with suspicion first. But quickly agreed. He nodded his thanks a little awkwardly as he took the second bowl from your hand.
You went and sat on the comfy chair on the far side of the room from him, still able to cast an eye to whatever it was that he was watching. He watched you from across the room for a moment and you smiled at him as he tucked in.
You were both thinking about the other. As you watched him, you found yourself wanting to know the man behind those sweet words. To take a chance on him despite the way he had acted.
He was fast becoming to realise that your pleasant nature was how you were genuinely. It was your natural setting. You had no ulterior motive other than the pasta would have wasted had he not agreed to have a bowl. You wanted to be friendly. You wanted to share connections with people.
And you were beginning to figure a few things out. You couldn’t confirm it, but you had guessed that the way he acted was a defence. He had built up this armour around himself to protect him from the way he was used to getting hurt. Spent his time drinking and having lot of sex to fill the void. The emptiness and loneliness he often felt. You knew taking Psych 101 wasn’t a complete waste of time.
You just stared at each other, eating your pasta in silence with the buzz of the tv in the background. It wasn’t uncomfortable, it was just silence. You were both thinking deeply. Completely lost in your own minds.
You emerged from your room on Friday evening. You had been getting ready for the frat party and you thought you better make some kind of effort. You were in a much lighter mood since you and Spike had begun bridging the gap between you. You were both seemingly even marginally more considerate than you had been yesterday. Which was progress. You had this weird flicker of hope inside. As if you and Spike could move forward this way. Be civil at least.
Spike caught sight of you and had to double take.
“Goin’ out, love?” He asked. You nodded, thinking over his use of pet name before he continued, “Makes a change. The annual loser parade?” He asked but this time you knew he wasn’t being cruel.
In fact, the insult had fallen a little flat compared to the biting comments he would usually use. This told you that he was softening. Or, at least, trying not to be as rude as he usually was.
“Just some frat party I promised the girls I’d go to” You shrugged and he nodded distractedly as if he wasn’t too bothered about where you were going. His eyes scanned your body subtly as you moved around the living space looking for things. You turned back to him and he snapped his eyes away, frowning at himself. His brow furrowing.
You were stood with your group of friends at the party, you had drinks and you were letting the music wash over you. The vibrations changing the rhythm of your heart it was so loud. You were laughing with Buffy and Willow. Cordy and Xander were kissing in the corner after Xander had defended her against some loser that had poured beer down her front. He was distracting her while the water they used to wipe her clothes off dried.
Buffy kept looking up at Angel every so often and you all tried to encourage her to walk over to him. While Willow continued talking her friend into walking up to him (which he so clearly looked like he wanted to do as well), you looked off into the distance.
Into the swarm of party-goers. You felt like you stood out. Like everyone else had this amazing time except you. These strong even deep connections that you longed for. You loved your friends but you still felt like you didn’t fit in here completely.
As you felt this, you looked across the room to find none other than your roommate. Spike was there. At a frat party. He stood out as obviously as you felt that you did. He was talking to someone. A woman you was using her arms animatedly as she spoke. She appeared annoyed and he was just calmly nodding along.
Cordy came back from their corner and Xander handed you a drink. Everyone followed your line of vision, thinking you were angry that Spike had crashed. They offered you words of support, some glares in his direction. Willow lowered her voice to explain that the one Spike was talking with was Anya. Nobody really got along with her, she was very blunt and hard to get along with.
“They had a thing”
“Ew, they deserve each other” Cordy scrunched her nose up in disgust at the pair of them.
“Who wouldn’t have a thing with her?” Xander had said at the same time as Cordy, referring to the fact he had always found Anya attractive. He was checking her out and Cordy gasped and hit him in the chest.
They began heatedly arguing and Cordy’s cup looked suspiciously like it was about to empty in Xander’s face.
You tried to help calm them down but Willow tugged you away, shaking her head. She explained there was a 90% probability at any moment they would begin kissing and making up again and nobody should get caught up in that.
You noticed that Anya had stormed away from Spike and he didn’t seem entirely all that bothered about it. For some reason he hadn’t been in the mood for her proposition. Not with Anya, anyway, he maintained. Maybe he was just keeping his options open…
His eye had wondered toward you every so often, he ended up positioning himself nearer to where you would be. He wasn’t sure why or even that he was doing it consciously. He had a taste of your mind. Of your authenticity. That fiery tension that surrounded you both had fuelled this strange feeling. Despite the fact he didn’t want to admit it. He was softening on you.
After a moment, you moved from where you stood by the drinks and made your way over to Spike. He had just been stood in the corner of the room, his face like thunder. He wasn’t well-liked and so he was alone. Again.
You felt bad, seeing him alone. So you walked straight over to him, offering him a beer, “Here” You offered. He raised an eyebrow in suspicion but took it eventually. You joined him, standing beside him with your back against the wall.
“Shouldn’t you be frolickin’ with the rest?”
“Uh, no. I’m taking a break…” You offered, “I don’t really feel like I, y’know, fit in properly here” you admitted, taking another large drink from your bottle. You were speaking more freely as you drank further.
He was interested to hear this. Shocked that you would feel that way and that he could identify with it. He scanned your face, finding your honesty there. A face he so wanted to trust. Especially after hearing more about your earnest thoughts. Writings.
“Yeah, well, it’s ‘cause they’re all bloody mindless automatons”
“Like me, you mean?” You said, not able to let that slide as you took another large drink.
“No, I-” He shook his head when he looked back at you. Seeing that you were actually smiling. You were only teasing him. The corners of his mouth quirked slightly as he looked down. You liked his smile. You weren’t sure if you had ever seen him properly smile before that moment.
You liked it. It softened his features, brightened them. Made him look so much more attractive than that deep-set scowl he usually had on his face. Like the whole world was against him. You were about to tell him you liked his smile, that you wished you could see it more often when you were interrupted. By Buffy.
She pulled you away, hurling a scathing review of his masculinity and telling him to leave you alone. That he had terrorised you enough at home. That he wasn’t even invited into any frats after the last time. You didn’t want to ask about the last time. You had been getting on and didn’t want a reason to change your mind about him.
The scowl returned to his face and you found your own features mirroring his. You felt bad for him. You really had only been talking. You tried to say something, perhaps in his defence but you couldn’t come up with anything. This tenuous understanding was new to you both and so you just kept silent. He hadn’t expected you to say anything and wasn’t particularly annoyed at you.
It just meant he kept an eye on you from the corner of the room again rather than speaking to you. He swigged the beer you had handed him, surprised at the way you had teased him. The way you had been so easy-going. Almost comfortable for him to be around.
As the evening came to an end, you had gotten yourself separated from your group of friends. You were stood in the fresh air of the night thinking about walking home and trying to remember the correct direction.
As you chose a path to follow, you stumbled over your own feet. You braced yourself, expecting to meet hard concrete. But instead some strong hands caught you. Looping around your waist and setting you back on your feet. You turned to look at the blurry bleach blonde figure with a smile.
“You wanna watch it, love. Can’t be stumbling all over the show in a town like this after dark” He muttered. Everyone called the place Sunnyhell because weird things happened with no explanation. He squinted around, “Where’s Blondie? Shouldn’t she be with you?”
“Told her… I’d be okay” You insisted, holding your stomach slightly. You were feeling a little queasy.
“Well, don’t matter what you said. You’re clearly hammered, pet”
“I’m not… you’re- you’re ‘ammered” You copied his accent and giggled slightly. He stepped a few paces in the real direction of your home and stopped looking at you as you just watched him go.
“Come on then, I’m not waitin’ around all night” He gestured with his head for you to walk with him. He was fairly drunk himself, but he could hold it a lot better than you. Too much practice.
“How are you not drunk? You had more th-than me…”
“Some of us can handle our liquor, pet” He said smugly, lighting up a cigarette as you walked beside him, staggering slightly to keep up with him. You were too drunk to notice but he made sure to exhale the smoke away from you as a courtesy.
“I was nervous, I-I feel like I stand out so much in places like that… a piece that doesn’t fit, I stand out so awkwardly” You sighed, pouring how you felt without filter. Spike frowned slightly, you appeared to blend in so easily. Everyone seemed to like you. From the nerds to the jock-types. But he could tell you meant it. He identified with it held onto the idea you were like him. Clung to it with both hands.
“I get that, love, I’m always in the shadows. When people aren’t laughin’ they’re cowering” He shrugged as if it didn’t bother him but even in the state you were in, you could tell he wasn’t as cool about it as he pretended.
“You get lonely too? But you always have friends a-and the music… and sex” you mumbled, despite you already having the suspicion he wasn’t as fulfilled by these as he made out.
“Thing is, pet, that’s all well and good but it doesn’t change that when all’s said, I’m on my own by the end of the night. In mind or body. A connection, that’s what matters. Something real…” He shook his head as he realised he had revealed too much of himself.
You stared at him for a really long time as he said this, he glanced at you twice as you both walked in silence. He didn’t understand why you were staring. That you felt this so deeply. That a deep connection was all you had ever dreamed about.
“You know… I think that we could be friends... you know? You’re all dark and scary but your heart is… it’s soft really. I think I saw it and I like it. I like you… I think. When you-you’re not being a complete-”
“Alright, watch what you’re sayin’ or you’re not getting any kind of friend out of this” He warned, although he was smiling at the way you spoke. He had been feeling similar about you.
“Friends?” You asked, having caught what he said and wanting to confirm it. He looked at you, squinting for a moment. As if he was trying to check if you were playing some kind of practical joke. No, he decided. You were drunk and just running your honest thoughts.
He just nodded, looking away from you. You almost cheered when he nodded but opted for a more subtle smile. But he caught it and it meant more to him than he thought it would.
You then tripped over your own feet and overbalanced because of the way your head was spinning. You really had drunk a lot. He had to grab you by your middle again before you tumbled to the floor and lead you back to your shared home by taking on your weight.
He made sure that you were safe and in your bed. He had to move the piles of paper you had left there. Your writings. Thoughts, poems. He scanned his eyes over them, but the pages were a little blurry.
You flopped into the bed fully clothed. He took your shoes off for you before looked around your room, soaking up just how much of you was in such a small space. He found himself liking it. The smell. The colour scheme. Those books you never went anywhere without.
He pulled your bedclothes over you and used his hand to balance himself against the wall and leave to his own room. He couldn’t help smiling softly as he walked though, at the way you had asked so innocently. You really had wanted to be his friend. His mind was reeling. His opinion of you was beginning to change. And he was starting to actually acknowledge it.
In the weeks after, he began to grow more and more fond of you. It grew and creeped up on him in a way he wasn’t accustomed to.
You slowly began to have slightly longer conversations when you crossed paths. Starting after you thanked him for leaving water by your bed for when you woke up that night you got drunk.
You became animated in conversation and he caught himself watching you, genuinely listening. How had he missed how nice you were? How genuine your enthusiasm was?
He now knew the plot to several musicals and books despite having never heard of them before. Just as you knew a lot more about the origin of punk and the bands he loved so much. It was strange sharing these parts of yourself.
It could still be awkward at times and it wasn’t as if Spike had entirely changed his personality. He still lived the way he usually would. He just tried to mind you a lot more. He started to realise he wanted to be considerate of you. Where he definitely hadn’t before.
He sometimes saw you writing and nodded. You shared a small smile. Understanding each other in that sense. He even acknowledged you in public now. Sidling up to you so long as your group of friends weren’t around. He found his chest lifting when you spoke.
He wasn’t used to friends he actually got along with. Actually enjoyed spending time with. He usually tolerated people that felt the same way as him – those on the peripheries of the others. Or people that liked the same music.
You and he truly began to become friends. You find yourself genuinely enjoying his company. His silences weren’t filled with anger or resentment for you anymore. Your company wasn’t his only to berate the way he lived his life or cast judgement you had learned from your friends.
You genuinely started to get on. The first time you began to laugh at something together it made you smile for the rest of the day. He had replayed your conversation over in his mind. Your home life was getting so much better.
You both even started making use of the shared living space together. You began silently watching some dumb soap in the late afternoon (aka Spike’s breakfast time). He was eating Weetabix and suddenly got excited at what you were watching, throwing himself down beside you and taking the remote from your hands. He turned the volume up and settled in.
You were bemused, laughed a little which made him frown and look at you.
“What?” He asked with a mouthful of Weetabix as he caught that smile of yours.
“Nothing” You stifled a giggle and turned back to the tv. You weren’t trying to tease him you just hadn’t expected him to be so into the show. You would almost find it endearing.
The proximity and the natural way he had sat down beside you made you smile slightly too. All it had taken was some careful coaxing and he was already showing you more of himself.
He was beginning to grow on you. Maybe you really could be proper friends after all…
UC sunnyhell pt 3!!! i was waiting for the next part and it was really good ty for writing 🥰
I’m so glad you enjoyed it babe !! 💖💖



